studentofthegame

@Commodent Thanks for these recommendations. I will be looking at everything that has been suggested to me in the thread and will post an update as and when. Norwegian! I am a Man Utd supporter, so we have one of your finest imports close to our hearts. Scandinavia is one of the places I would like to travel around at some point. Italy the other. 21, pretty young. I didn't start training in psychology at university until I was 31. You have plenty of time to plan and try different things.

I would say my therapist has a fair idea what I have gone through / am going through because I am honest and we talk about it for hours and hours on end. Some modes of therapy deal with the 'here and now' such as CBT and don't need to have as full a picture of your past or what you have gone through. It deals with your faulty thinking and thought processes. Overall I wouldn't necessarily champion therapy above all else, but it's a useful tool to have in the toolbox. If you don't click with one therapist, try another one. There are good and bad, like everything else in life.

Hi mate. No, I haven't heard of that. I will be sure to head over to the site and have a look. I am always intrigued by the idea of PTSD - clinically, there is a strict and rigid diagnostic formula, but for the purposes of self-help it could be useful. Cheers.

@Commodent I haven't heard of psychomotor physiotherapy. Sounds interesting. I am committed to inner child work but after 2 and a half years of doing it, I feel I am only scratching the surface. Unfortunately my therapist is scaling back on her private therapy to focus on her clinical day job so I have a feeling i'll be looking for another therapist soon. I also have an issue with one component of the work - forming an attachment with the therapist. I am able to feel feelings and process old traumas but from what I understand there should be some attachment as part of the therapeutic relationship and i'm not sure that's the case. I like her and respect her but I wonder if she's a bit too close to me in terms of age. I've always pictured therapy going better with a slightly older woman - a mother figure - which tells a story in itself doesn't it, considering the nature of the therapy. Good luck with the computer science. You certainly could write on the evidence I've seen on here, whatever form that takes. Could also see someone with your understanding of these matters working in the field in some form or other. How old are you now? Twenties? I'm also learning guitar. I've been 'learning' guitar for 15 years now. As in half-arsed learning. One of my goals is to get serious with that.

@Gladius Thanks mate. I'm looking forwards to making new habits and breaking some old ones, which I'll also talk about. Keep up the good work at your end too.

no you weren't complaining, just something I noticed you mentioned. i'm 35 (36 next month) and don't feel i'm aging as such. i'm looking forward to getting fitter and healthier than I've ever been over the next 12 months. I admire your work these last few months. focusing on a few key things and not trying to do too much too soon. getting the foundations in place.

@Commodent Thanks for those words and thoughts. This is exactly the type of conversation/content I signed up to this board for. Processing the past / inner child work is currently one of the key things I am doing. I can fully identify with regarding events in your past as traumatic, while to others it may not sound like trauma at all. I have been in attachment/psychodynamic therapy for around 2.5 years, and I am also engaging with the book 'Homecoming' by John Bradshaw. The aim of the work of course is to process past traumas and 'reclaim' and re-parent the wounded inner child. I think I have a lot of work to do, and I am going to take a look at the resources you have suggested. I think it's a lifetime's work, but at the same time I believe there comes a point when you have to ease off picking at the scab where possible. I am interested in pursuing other forms of therapy in the future, likely some CBT and/or variations. I am also studying for a career in mental health so I will be exposed to this stuff on a daily basis. It has to become a way of life with me. At the same time I believe in balance in all things, and equally as important is my leisure time and pursuit of other goals. As I have stated elsewhere, I have spent many years drawing up routines and schedules for my days/weeks and even months and years which I have not been able to stick to. What I started doing last month was breaking things down into the smallest components and starting from there with the aim of building healthy habits. I wanted to incorporate a healthy diet into my life. After failing at this many times, last month my task was simply to fill up a bottle of water in the morning. That was all. No expectation of anything else. No guilt trips, as long as I achieved this goal. I refill it 2-3 times a day depending on activity level. So my focus has been on proper hydration. I would say that is the very first step in a healthy diet. I am also looking at the areas in life where I am fearful and challenging those fears (see Geoff Thompson's 'fear pyramid' or Tim Ferriss's 'fear-setting' for more on this) and areas of addiction/darkness within my character. You have a very intelligent and grounded take on health and self-development. Do you have any intentions of working professionally in a related field?

@Commodent it's been an eye opening conversation in here and very inspirational. was there a tipping point in your life when you decided to make these changes? I know you noted you always had avoidant tendencies and some social anxiety. how far into your self development would you say you are?

@bejapuskas well done on figuring out the sleep schedule that works for you. I think it's one of the most important things you can do at the beginning of any self-development, and throughout. It's one of the fundamentals isn't it

@Commodent Thanks for that book recommendation. I'm going to take a look at that. 'High-Quality Solitude'. I like that term. I have started making moves to cut back on tech. I am prone to hitting certain apps on my phone mindlessly and automatically. So the first task was to move these particular apps to the last page of the home screen. I will build up to spending time outside without the phone, eventually. I haven't yet incorporated any mindfulness/meditation into my routine but I think I need periods of quality, tech-free solitude under my belt before I start a practice.

Hi man. You’ve mentioned aging a few times. How old are you? Were you using a mantra in your meditation sessions prior to switching to audio? Keep up the good work.

@Commodent Good to hear you have found a balance. I think it was jocko willink who said ‘discipline is freedom’. Incorporating this into my week, having routine and structure throughout mon-fri and partially on weekends will let me enjoy ‘free time’ because it feels earned and i know i will be returning to business as usual afterwards. You make a good point about solitude. I need that in abundance too. It is a slight concern. I have not yet moved in with a partner and after many years sleeping alone i know there will have to be adaptation and compromise if and when the time comes. Walking the dog several times a day as you do sounds like a simple thing but i bet it’s one of the most satisfying things you do with your day. You are out, getting exercise, alone with your thoughts but still in company.

@zambize thanks for dropping by. Meal prep is a good idea and that is something I am going to start doing. The toughest challenge is actually going to be eating on waking up, but to start with i’ll be using meal replacement bars for convenience.

Eating something at 7am. Next habit i'm going to make. I have tried writing out diet sheets for the week but have found them difficult to stick to. Aim is to regulate blood sugar levels and to eat enough to support physical activity, going to the gym etc. Instead of setting out a weekly planner i'm looking at timings of eating. And since i'm starting small this month, my only goal is eating something at 7am. The long-term goal is eating small and often, every 2-3 hours after that. But for now, the small victory I need is eating at 7am.

@LoveandPurpose Thanks and good luck with your exams. Going back to the original question, make sure to take breaks and consolidate what you have covered.

I have a heavy statistics exam in 5-6 weeks. I have read about eating bananas to boost memory, using certain smells as memory prompts (as long as you can reproduce when sitting the exam) but really my only plan going forward is just to make sure I do a bit everyday and keep it in the forefront of my mind, as well as making sure I am getting enough sleep, exercise and nutrition to keep my mind sharp. I find advanced statistics a challenge, to say the least.

how did you deal with this? is it still an issue now?

Thanks for the recommendation. He's an author I am intending to explore at some point.

@Commodent I think for myself, challenging structure and routines is a careful balancing act. At some point there is a line between a healthy structure and an excessively rigid structure driven by fear, and this is the aspect I want to challenge. There needs to be an anchor, a constant, and sleep is definitely one of them. As you say, sleep will enhance my ability to manage. What about yourself Commodent, is structure and routine (and anxiety) significant for you?

@mandyjw white noise is a good idea, thank you. Yeah I agree starting small initially is the way to go. I'm currently working on making good habits and meditation is one of them... for me it has to start as small and manageable as possible until the habit sticks @Gadasaa that sounds an interesting technique. it doesn't sound a million miles away from mindfulness and meditation, observing the mind wander back to anxious thoughts then exercising the muscle and refocusing on something else. Other than this technique have you considered therapy to deal with the underlying issues?

@Commodent Yeah, for sure. It’s a good point, age is a factor. I can’t get away now with what i did in my 20’s or early 30’s physiologically. That explains sleep dependence. Routine and structure is slightly different. As you say, some people need it as they get older, but many don’t to the same extent. I’m wary of where to settle for a rigid structure to my day and week and where to challenge it. I read Ralf Potts book ‘vagabonding’. What an incredible experience to be able to have. What a challenge, too.

I haven’t, but i’ll take a look right now. Thank you

You have to be referred to a qualified and registered clinical psychologist. You can’t self-diagnose. Good luck going forwards

Hi Sahil. well. I am interested in taking up some meditation practice into my routine. I have read up on it, watched yt vids and done some research, but i’m still not sure what to do. I think a mantra might be a good idea. I don’t like the idea of focusing on breathing and following my breath. What are you experiences with it? Thanks for the reply

Personally i have only just started taking notes from books. That has largely been from books i am re-reading for the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time. And generally after time has passed between reads and i have new experiences and a new persepctive, in which case one line in a book has a whole new meaning. I’m finding that’s the time when i make a note somewhere. I’m also experimenting with writing or underlining in the actual books themselves. I don’t really believe in speed reading or worrying about how long a book takes. There are several books where i’ve stopped at a certain point and decided that’s enough for now. Maybe I need to digest what i’ve read, act on it. Perhaps the next section is a section too far at that point. I used to buzz off of reading motivational books one after the other without taking action and doing the work. Now i am focusing on doing the work before i move onto the next book. Overall i’d say don’t pressure yourself too much over how long it takes to finish reading a book. I think it’s more important to have one or two takehome messages and start working on them rather than taking large quantities of notes. But then again, everyone is different and you’ll find what works for you.