studentofthegame

@Commodent thanks for explaining things a bit more. I can see the potential benefits in the different styles of journalling and i think i’ll give it a go. There is stuff that i can’t bring myself to express in therapy, usually very angry stuff, so to write it out on paper might be the better option. Reframing with the left brain sounds like a source of self-care.

Would this be using a different method to the left-brain, right-brain dialogue you talked about in another thread? That style of journaling appeals to me, to write the most brutal and raw thoughts and feelings down on paper, and then to reframe them as i go along. But this idea of writing down experiences and feelings in a journal sounds interesting as well. Can you say a bit more about it?

@Commodent thanks for the heads up. Yeah, i have found that useful. Some situations have arisen that have lead me to think it’s time i gave journalling a proper go. I like the idea of using left and right brain too.

@Gladius I read you are off on holiday. Safe travels mate.

I am a few months into a relationship, a month out from finishing my degree and my daily disciplines have fallen by the wayside. Even the smallest, most manageable habit of drinking water on waking up has gone out the window. I'm stressed and losing weight. A reboot is needed. It's all part of the process. Fall down and get back up again.

My therapy is ongoing, and i’m working through several books to support the work, all of which we have discussed. things have slowed down because i’m in a new relationship and have put the books down, while my daily disciplines have also temporarily gone out the window. I will be looking to resume everything soon. Journaling and speaking with the child state seems a very good idea and something i need to incorporate into my system. How do you journal, is it stream of consciousness or something more applied, and do you review old entries or do they get thrown away?

This is something we've discussed and something I will dip into. It works alongside the attachment theory that my therapy is based on. I do think it's an area of therapy / personal development that gets overlooked. You say it has helped you a lot over the past year or so. Are you still doing some work on this area?

@Gladius I think people are commonly walking around in a state of mild dehydration, and that applied to me too. I think ensuring proper hydration is the most basic form of self-care you can implement. dehydration affects both physically and mentally and if we are in the game of bettering ourselves then we can't do it when the brain is running sub-optimally because we don't drink enough water. also, I am trying to build healthy habits, and after years of trying and failing I decided to strip it back and make small, manageable habits stick and build some momentum. filling my water bottle every day and sipping water is the first habit I made stick.

@Nivsch apologies. I meant for that post to be challenging, but not as aggressive as it comes across.

it's these little questions and insinuations that drive me nuts on this board. on one hand you are asking 'why aren't they interested in spiral dynamics?' and judging them for not being interested in spiral dynamics. on the other you are asking 'who is 'their'?' as if you are one and all. which is it? it can't be both.

Interesting that you have taken up smoking, good that you recognise it's chasing a rebelliousness that you might feel you missed out on. Be watchful of the process. I stopped smoking in 2010 and then started vaping in 2017. Ridiculous, I never missed smoking, so to take on another nictotine addiction 7 years later is wreckless. I think I was also looking for the rebellious buzz. I aim to stop vaping this year.

@Gladius Thanks mate. Nothing is locked in yet, I'm currently trying to build some momentum with those areas of focus. The one habit that has really stuck is drinking water frequently.

Challenge them

Read ‘fear: the friend of exceptional people’ by geoff thompson. He talks about drawing up a fear pyramid. List your fears from the least to the biggest as you climb the pyramid. Starting from the bottom, confront them systematically. Also look at the video ‘fear setting’ by tim ferriss

Focus on working on yourself, get into self development. Become the person you want to be, be busy in the world and you’ll meet like minded girls.

Areas of focus for the next 2-3 months >morning routine >diet >exercise >days work >evening routine >relationships Morning Routine -- eat small on waking -- drink water -- 5-10 mins breathing app -- push ups while boiling kettle -- journal -- quick read Diet Eat small and often. Complex carbs, protein, healthy fats, fruit, veg, nuts, seeds. Meal prep on Sunday and Wednesday Exercise Football, kickboxing, gym Days work Whether this is a paid days work, a day studying, or a day of some other purposeful activity (in other words not sat around being idle) Evening routine Looking at what needs to be done tomorrow and any prep, some reading, winding down and preparing to prioritise sleep Relationships Being fully present whether it's with friends, family or with the girl i'm dating

@Truth Addict you have just perceived whatever 'it' it is you are trying to describe. that you are unable to fathom it doesn't mean you haven't made a perception. and this is my point. everything that is received by the senses or otherwise intuited is perceived. what you perceive isn't necessarily what someone else perceives. so the enlightened crowd have perceived what they consider is reality and truth. but it's not my truth, or anyone elses, only yours. edit: to be clear, i'm fully aware that what I just wrote is my own perception of the situation. it is no more or less valid than what someone else perceives. I can't assume that what I wrote is universal truth.

@Truth Addict Also a perception.

you have a different perception to someone else. someone's perception becomes their truth. their truth isn't necessarily yours. there is some of what I perceive as mythology among this community that there is an absolute, universal truth that is available just behind a barrier. actually all that is available is your own, deepening or changing perception, and it might not be the same as the next persons.

interesting, will have a look. cheers for sharing

After 4 years with Amanda and this connection you describe, it might be time to commit. that means you make the conscious decision to commit to moving in with her and being unavailable to other women. of course, you'll find other women attractive, but you observe that feeling and don't feed it. commitment doesn't come without sacrifice. then again, you are 19. pretty young. maybe you're not ready for a big commitment. good luck mate.

Try shifting your focus away from the negative of the porn and masturbation habit and the ‘should’ and ‘should nots’ and instead focus on other areas of your personal development. start getting busy in all areas of your life. You’ll meet a girl, you’ll want to have sex and you’ll find that the demands of the relationship give you a powerful incentive to give up the porn and the fap. why? Because, as i have found over the last month, if my brain is still wired to porn and fap, then sex with my girl is compromised. It takes me a long time to finish, and she is aware of it. I went two weeks without any fap (the longest i have been without it for 20 years) and i could feel my brain re-wiring to sex with her. It was great. Then i relapsed for a few days and i’m back to square one. Lesson learned. Point is, focus on other areas, get a girl, and this will place a demand on you to cut out porn and fap and you’ll meet the demand.

I buy and read a lot of books. I am starting to accumulate a bit of a backlog though. Here is a couple of lists of books i'm aiming to prioritise and check off. 1. --the alchemist (Paulo Coelho) -- the secret (Rhonda byrne) -- way of the superior man (david deida) -- feel the fear guide to lasting love (susan Jeffers) --the chimp paradox (prof. steve peters) --the silent guides (prof. steve peters) --emotional intelligence (Daniel Goleman) -- ultimate introduction to NLP (Richard bandler) -- digital minimalism (cal Newport) -- how to stop worrying and start living (dale Carnegie) -- awaken the giant within (tony robbins) -- tools of titans (tim ferriss) 2. -- homecoming (john bradshaw) -- the tao of fully feeling (pete walker) -- complex ptsd (pete walker) -- recovery - freedom from our addictions (Russell brand) this second list is the more important of the two and I am reading these concurrently with anything from the first list.

What sort of therapy are you looking to do? I try to limit how much I 'interrupt' your journaling, but I think we might be on similar paths, so I tend to have these questions!

Morning routine >eat small on waking >drink water >5-10 minutes breathing app >push-ups while boiling the kettle to make tea >journal >quick read will see how I get on with this for a few days and make revisions if necessary