studentofthegame

Alright everyone. I want to start a private nightly journalling practise to work alongside the attachment therapy / inner child work i do with the aim of healing childhood wounds. Some tips on how would be appreciated. Specifically i am looking to come to terms with the feelings i had during childhood and beyond towards a parent. There was always lots of sadness for them, as well as frustration and resentment, and guilt on top of that for feeling this way. I want to draw a line under that and create happier memories with this parent. @Commodent we have talked a bit about journaling already. Does the left-brain, right-brain dialogue work here?

Alright everyone. I'm considering attending 12-step for Co-dependents anonymous. I'm working towards untangling relationship issues from the past and improving my relationships going forwards and this is an area I am willing to look at. The core approach I have been using for the last 3 years is psychodynamic attachment therapy. I know @Bill W has spoken about 12-step and I would like to hear more from anyone with some experience.

Big week ahead for me. I have around 7 days to finish my dissertation and complete my masters degree. I am taking the week off work for the most part and my GF is away on holiday with her family. So I am largely going to be distraction-free. I also need this time to reset, and set a bit of a foundation for myself going forwards. I think a sustainable approach is to focus on the daily self-care habits I have outlined a few posts back, and not to get overwhelmed in the minutiae of all that is involved. However, for this week I'm going to take advantage of being distraction-free and experiment with using a daily tick-list which is a bit more specific. Morning 7-9 sip water, eat small 5-10 minutes breathing app push-ups while boiling the kettle '5-minute journal' morning entry read have a walk outside Day 9-5 work on dissertation pick up guitar during breaks instead of using the phone and the internet any other business Evening journaling (finish with 5-minute journal evening entry) cold shower read fiction

@Gladius do you read widely? Would be good to hear which are some of your most highly-rated books.

For many of us (me included, and i went through this a year ago this month) the loss of a pet is so devastating because they are a family member, not just a ‘pet’. On top of that, we find our animals so pure and loving and that adds a layer of grief because the bond we have with them is very unique. The good news is that you recognise you need to grieve and are doing so. I tried smothering my pain with prescribed medication, and it took a very slight edge off my pain, but once i ceased the medication the pain i swerved hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t escape it. Time and allowing yourself to have a cry when you need to is the only way to feel better. You have my sympathies, because it is so upsetting.

@Nahm what do you mean by my life’s dream, and what is the dry erase board method you mention?

@Nahm thank you for that recommendation. It looks interesting. I will do some of that work. Have you done it yourself?

@Nahm the letter writing is a good idea. My needing her to understand me is something i can imagine would be difficult to let go. We’ll see. And on that, it’s a good point you have made. Thank-you.

Hi @Nahm. Thanks for the reply. There has been co-dependency in the past, and I think there continues to be today, although I am in a stronger position of being aware of it and willing to take action. The core issue and deepest fear I have is of losing my mother, and not being able to cope with the grief. We had a difficult past and I feel tremendous empathy and sadness for her, and guilt about what a difficult and angry child I was for her to raise. There was co-dependancy and neuroses there. I love her and she loves me a great deal, but we are not emotionally or intellectually attuned, which i find frustrating and she finds confusing. What do I hope to achieve? I’m willing to try anything and everything to heal old wounds and improve my relationships with both my mother and my intimate relationships where i experience insecurity and jealousy.

Book backlog update: Finished the alchemist. Can see the value in the book, but much of the message is stuff that I have already heard elsewhere. It could be one that you need to re-read every 5-10 years with a new life perspective for the book to make a deeper sense. --the alchemist (Paulo Coelho) -- the secret (Rhonda byrne) -- way of the superior man (david deida) -- feel the fear guide to lasting love (susan Jeffers) --the chimp paradox (prof. steve peters) --the silent guides (prof. steve peters) --emotional intelligence (Daniel Goleman) -- ultimate introduction to NLP (Richard bandler) -- digital minimalism (cal Newport) -- how to stop worrying and start living (dale Carnegie) -- awaken the giant within (tony robbins) -- tools of titans (tim ferriss)

Daily self-care habits that need work: my big 5 prioritising sleep eating well and staying hydrated exercise meditation, journalling practising presence this is the core of what i am attempting to implement that i haven’t already got locked in. Much of it may be rooted in maslow stage 1.

Focus on yourself and get into personal development. In time you will be with the right girl and you will not regret that your old relationship ended. It’s painful now but you are in the arena. See it like going to the gym. Allow yourself to feel the feelings when they come up and then move on with your day. Fill your head with positivity through the actions you take and the books you read. Good luck

I think we are thinking along the same lines my friend. I will post something later today.

It’s interesting to take these tests but not necessarily scientifically robust. My results were INFJ (advocate) which reportedly is the rarest of the 16 with less than 3% of the population. Much of the write-up rings true, admittedly.

@PenguinPablo yes, the first four years or so are pivotal and that’s the age where i experienced heavy losses. Thanks for your insights. @Commodent i think everyones situation is different. I know for yourself, you had a lot of forgiveness work to do if my understanding is correct. My experience is of a kind of enmeshment with my mother, possibly a co-dependence. I am considering exploring 12-step for co-dependence.

@Commodent there’s a lad on this board who has been playing around with halluciogenic drugs and he hasn’t been able to sleep for 3 weeks and can feel his body rattling. He might have neurological damage but refuses to seek medical attention because he ‘doesn’t trust doctors’. Instead he trusts the advice of people on a message board, indentities and credentials of whom he can’t possibly verify. That, for me, sums up the folly of much of the approach to this ‘enlightenment’ stuff. It strikes me as people trying to run before they can walk, accessing 200 watts of power when they are a 60 watt bulb.

@Commodent thank-you. Very insightful as always. my situation is complex. For the most part, i was aware at a very young age that my parent was ‘wrong’. She was neurotic and did not attune to me very well. She did not model healthy ways of dealing with loss and fear and various emotions to me. So far from idealising her, i resented her and had anger with her, whilst at the same time loving her very much and feeling incredibly sad for her that she had these troubles in her life. Should that change my approach to my journalling?

Apologies for typo in the title

Have you sought medical advice? after 3 weeks and 2 days of the symptoms you have described, i’d be having a very honest conversation with a doctor and asking for a referral to a relevant expert.

Everyone finds their own balance. If 4 days on and 3 days off works for you then great. Trial and error, find your own path. By the way, if you feel that you need to do something everyday, have a read of ‘miracle morning’.

Proper hydration, adequate sleep, moderate eating and good exercise could all be the answer for you. If you get that under control and still feel fatigue in the morning you could try allergy testing. as for the subtle addiction, find moderation and stick with that would be my advice. Whether that’s one coffee in the morning or one at the weekend, that’s up to you.

@Gladius thanks bud. i think my approach going forwards is to have a small list of daily disciplines with an aim of completing as many as possible per day without the all-or-nothing mentality i have that holds me back. If there are 6 items on the list and i complete 4 or 5, that is a good day. Will post more here soon.

Welcome back. I can relate to slipping back into bad habits. I think it’s a case of falling down and getting back up again, as long as there is a lesson from the fall: i have afforded myself ‘slips’ in the past and indulged in bad habits for a bit, imagining i am in full control, then got myself back on track and assuming i had got away with the slip... and initially It did appear that i had got away with it... but it caught up with me later. Good luck in september. I am also ‘rebooting’ in september with some good habit making and eliminating addictions. Will be interested to see what goals you set.

This is interesting. Once we’ve accepted the neuroses, what do we then do to help ourselves?

If you are triggering your sympathetic nervous system and are in fight or flight with all the related anxieties and stresses, then you need to trigger the parasympathetic nervous system and return to homeostasis. Regular intensive exercise that you enjoy is a safe release for stress hormones that build up in the body. Prioritising sleep and eating well is also important. You need to get these areas under control and then explore therapeutic approaches.