studentofthegame

2-point plan of action over the coming weeks and months: Wake and get up at 7am (or earlier) every morning, 7 days a week Go straight downstairs, fill water bottle and boil the kettle That is the only demand i am placing on myself. The intent is that by controlling my mornings and not giving in to the desire for comfort and avoidance, that I will kickstart the day and adopt a mentality of pursuing my goals for the day. My main goal is implementing what i consider to be the major daily self-care principles that i need in life. These are prioritising sleep, nutrition and hydration, exercise, personal development and practising presence in whatever i'm doing.

You mention uncovering your childhood vows, so i assume that, like me, you are doing inner child work. If you are familiar with the books homecoming (bradshaw) and the tao of fully feeling (walker) it's about grieving our childhood wounds and expressing repressed anger, and ultimately discovering forgiveness and compassion. I'd recommend you look at this work if you haven't already. I'd also recommend reading or listening to Geoff Thompson. When you mentioned the rage you feel it made me think of his story and his journey. @Anna1 that was an inspirational post to read.

I'm going to work on my morning routine, specifically waking and getting out of bed at the same time every morning at a decent hour. I tend to have black and white, all or nothing thinking. So if i wake late and miss my morning routine, my disciplines throughout the remainder of the day often go out the window.

Some good stuff in here Bill. As a man who I know has experience in 12-step, i would like to hear your thoughts on co-dependents anonymous and whether you know of anyone it has helped.

You are right. It's a slow and painful road we are on but that's where the growth is. Keep it going

@Gladius thanks man. I had good results setting out a schedule for an important week back in september and thought that i could do it again over those specific few days as discussed in the journal. There wasn't the same stakes involved the second time however and this may be a factor.

Very little of this happened, these past few days. I felt the urge to sit around, do very little and be comfortable. Sometimes that is what we need, but i haven't struck a healthy balance, and now i feel flat. Today i'll give some thought to what I will do going forwards. I'm someone who wants to be able to maintain healthy habits and get stuff done. I have a lot to do.

I can relate to your concerns. Particularly my habits when eating. I feel restless when i eat if i am not reading, watching something or in company. I sometimes think it would be a useful exercise for me to sit and be present as i eat. But then again, if the rest of my day is healthy and balanced, is it a big deal that i behave like this? Incidentally, If you watch a day in the life of Tim Ferriss, he does his nightly writing stood up, 1-2 glasses of wine, listening to music and with a film on mute in the background.

Perhaps you could benefit by examining your current state of balance in life. The long walks, contemplation and journaling are all important parts of your journey, and perhaps this current fear you describe is an indicator of a tipping-point at which your balance is slightly out. Are there areas of life you aren't committing enough time and resources to? If that is the case then that could be behind the mechanism of your fear communicating a message to you. I am still struggling to commit myself to projects and habits that i desire to have in my life, so I speak from this perspective. When i suppress my plans (whether it's through distraction, procrastination etc.) and become unconscious / ignorant of them, i usually get the message via fear, low mood or similar.

I'm another who has been reading your stuff lately. Much of it resonates with me. A very interesting journey you are on.

@Gladius good question mate. I do think there is a positive way to use social media, although it'll be individual to yourself. I took an honest look at my social media and it was ego-based, ultimately fear based. I felt a need to project a somewhat contrived narrative of myself to overcome a negative self-image. I imagine many people do this and are unaware or in denial of their underlying motives. Have a close look at what your motives and decide if they serve you. And even if it is a bit of an ego trip, is that really a problem? The overriding factor in me getting rid of my profiles wasn't my social media use in isolation, but a wider spring-cleaning of my life in general during which time: I've had a massive clear out of stuff from my house after hoarding lots of junk I've got rid of unhealthy attachments to the past (photos of ex gf's etc) I've said goodbye to people who i only had pseudo-relationships with, changed my phone number and put up better boundaries around the relationships with people that do matter Those last two bullets have been hard work and are on-going, and it plays into my therapy regarding attachment and loss. So overall social media itself wasn't a problem but getting rid of it was part of a wider exercise. I feel good for doing this work although it has whipped up a ranged of emotions in the process. But that's all part of healing isn't it.

Your feelings, sleeping a lot and spending time alone all sound like a healthy part of the process. I am in a similar phase. Trying to process a lot of old traumas. You mention being nice to yourself and this is important while we are going through this type of work. Sometimes an act of self-care such as watching a good film or doing something fun is as important as anything else. Inspirational post as always, looking forward to reading more. Cheers

I have an opportunity to have a few days alone and without many commitments from tomorrow. Planning on spending some time on my personal development. I won’t lay out a schedule for the day but I will have a small do-list. Big five daily self-care, step-up breathing and journaling routine, go to the gym Have a good clear out and take unwanted stuff to charity shop Start applying for jobs Practise guitar Get some reading done I have recently deleted my social media accounts. I was aware that I was leaving them open through vanity and insecurity and a need to paint a picture of myself to others. Letting go of that has been a relief.

@Gladius thanks mate. Slacking off after quite an intensive week has at least highlighted the bit of balance that the breathing and journaling exercises were giving me. I’m now in a transition between having finished my degree and moving into my career. Some structure and routine will be useful for me during this period so that’ll be my next ‘project’ as it were, to put that together.

In review of the full week outlined previously, i hit the vast majority of my targets and felt pretty healthy for it. The main thing was that my dissertation was submitted. It was a big challenge. Everything else i did in the day was support-system for it. I have been a bit lazy this subsequent week. I can feel that i’m missing the breathing and journaling routine from last week, which encourages me that they are useful and something worthwhile over the long-term. Over the coming days i’ll consider my next moves.

Brilliant post mate. Inspirational. Keep it up.

No, it’s not. People are able to take responsibility to a far greater extent than just throwing their hands up in the air and saying ‘well, it’s not my fault i’m a drug addict. Taking responsibility is an illusion’.

Well done for coming this far on your journey mate. I am a similar age and have a similar background in some respects so i can relate to much of it. What’s the plan going forwards?

Sometimes the mind needs something to feed on, which paradoxically you find relaxing. Reading a book for example. Don’t always assume it’s as passive as meditation, or doing nothing.

Half-time report. So far have been hitting every point, apart from spending time outside. I have been out, but not exactly out in nature and in solitude, which was the intent. What’s more, I have taken a week off work, which involves working outside, so I have been indoors more than usual. On track with everything else, so it’s a case of so far so good. Will say more when the week is done.

Exercising discipline is good, but sometimes playing an old game or going out and buying an ice-cream (the two examples you cited) is very healthy. You aren’t a robot, you have an inner child like everyone else and he needs a bit of love sometimes. Like everything else in life it’s about balance.

Hi man. Routines and productivity is good. You sound driven. I get the feeling from your posts you are running away from something though - i could be wrong of course, but that’s the feeling i get.

Hi Nad. Your story is powerful. I think you are brave for putting it out here. When you said that as a kid you were responsible for her mental and emotional wellbeing, my instinct was that you are a person who will benefit from psychodynamic, attachment-based therapy. This is the therapy i am in, myself: I also felt responsible for my parents wellbeing at times during childhood and i didn’t always have the carefree childhood that is healthy for a young person. i’m not sure how accessible this type of therapy would be in your country. It might be something you have to seek out when the time is right. In the mean-time you can explore self-therapy. There are specific books you can read which will help you to grieve your issues and ultimately find compassion and forgiveness. I will recommend only books that i have read / am reading, if you are interested. all the best.

I’m glad you have made use of the pete walker resources. They were recommended to me on here by @Commodent. Have you started doing grief work? I’m not very far into the tao of fully feeling, but i’m expecting there to be some guided feeling / grief / shadow work.

Absolutely not, my friend. I consider you an accountability partner of sorts. Keep checking in and i’m monitoring your progress too, over in your journal. Classic novels sound like something i’d enjoy: can you recommend some more? Not quite a classic yet but i’m looking forward to reading the suspicions of mr whicher, which i hear is a belting book.