Bill W

I prefer the duality. I see God as external to my self, although I do believe I have a higher self, but my higher self is not God. I pray, but not in the traditional Christian way. When I pray, I feel the prayer is communicating to me, and that it's God's work. I am receiving a message. I am not asking for specific help or to have my prayers answered. I am contemplating the message from God. My prayer is more like a meditation. So, sorry, might not be helpful to your question. I do not believe I can simply ask God for help and he provides it. I cannot pray to him and have my prayers answered. I cannot pray "Let me have a safe journey today" and then expect him to make it safe. I do use prayer to communicate that I want to do His will and not my own. That much I know.

Hi and welcome, I'm about to go to bed and finally be disciplined today on my sleep! I will try and come back to this more tomorrow or over the weekend. I'm probably saying the obvious here, but I'd be real careful about any drugs or psychedelics from now on. Might be best to just avoid avoid avoid as there is so much other work on yourself you can do without substances. I know you are not saying you want to take substances again, and if you are a regular reader on here, you will know it is far from frowned upon to use substances! I'm not preaching against all substances, I think that's the first thing that should be decided on perhaps. The temptation will probably resurface for you to go in that direction again. Some people can handle substances well and use them beneficially, and some are not so fortunate. Anyone who wants to roll the dice with substance use and their mental health, that's their journey, not mine. Sounds like you've come a long way in a short space of time. Really well written and articulated post! Sounds like you are taking responsibility and moving in the right direction. I'm also really working on my letting go and surrendering. Not sure if this will interest you, just thought I'd share one my favourite bits of content I'm not saying your an addict and I'm not throwing this in just because of your substance use in the past. It's a lovely short clip about getting your life back on track! You may also come back to this if things at Uni get tough in the early days and you need to reach out. He does mention psychedelics at the end in possibly a positive light I'm not sure, but the message is good. I think what he is saying that alternative states of consciousness don't have to involve psychedelics.

@Truth Addict Thanks for type with breathing. Have heard of it but never explored it. Will do. @Leonora Thanks for this. I am not familiar with it so will read up and also search for the people you refer to.

@MuddyBoots Thanks Nick. Loved what you said about not wasting time on diversions. I'm glad I made this thread now.

@remember I don't know Charlotte at all. Never interacted on here with her but you are clearly suffering yourself. Why don't you stick around and try to work on what the real issue is. A lot of us are in the same boat, struggling in some way and blaming others. Fixation on what others are doing or not doing never ends well. Use the discomfort Charlotte seems to have triggered as a wake up call to work on your inner stuff.

@DrewNows @tsuki Thanks both. You both have content on here that makes it all worth while.

@Leo Gura Great post above. I've had two such relationships. I'm also far from perfect myself and have a lot of my own shit to work on but what Leo said is so true. It's hard enough to change problematic and toxic elements of yourself even IF you are honest with yourself and willing to do the work, so if you are not honest or willing to try and be honest and don't want to do the work, then forget it. You've got no chance. Just speaking out loud as liked Leo's post. This might not be too relevant to the OP sorry.

You should try Al Anon

As we say in the UK.... don't be a pain in the neck! Not sure if that saying is universal ?

Thanks to DrewNows. I've only discovered this guy in the last 30 minutes. I challenge you to watch this short video and not feel inspired. Man, I love this guy.

Well said. Thank you for reading my post and replying. I need to work on distractions and it's good you highlighted that. Sounds obvious but some times the simple things need reinforcing again and again. Thank you my brother! I love your input. At the moment there are a few people in my life who I wish it was their last day lol. I gotta work on that resentment. At least in my honest and higher self I know I am the problem and not them. The journey has taught me that much. I like your reply though. I interpret it as needing to have more perspective. I don't think that is what you meant but I have got something useful from your post. Maybe I need to come out and shoot a video with you in the jungle or that's how some of your surroundings look to me! You are on nature in your videos. I love this. Needed to hear that. I sometimes actually think that but I could do with thinking it more and being conscious of it so thank you Well said! One of the things I really love about that David Hawkins approach is identifying the pay off's and letting them go. I need to contemplate that more and try to surrender the pay off's because until they are dealt with, it's hard to break the dysfunctional behaviour and attitudes. Love what you say about the source. Thank you Love these suggestions Nahm. Thanks for the input here.

Every time I attach a new link from YouTube it shows as the video below, even if it's a different link? Does anyone know why this happens? I'll enclose the links and commentary to the others videos for now. His book Letting Go is one of the most powerful and helpful books I've ever read. Not got so much into his other written stuff yet. I've been on Youtube checking out loads of his stuff, mostly concentrating on the shorter clips. These are my top ones and I've included my highlights of them below (pretty much word for word what he says). You will also see time windows for each clip as these are my favourite parts of the clip. I'm all in on letting go, surrender, and emotional mastery/sobriety hence my attraction to David Hawkins. I also love his persona on YouTube, it's suits me. He is funny at times, but not trying too hard to crack jokes or be overly charismatic which is a bit of a turn off for me. 00.00 – 1.30 · The way out of depression is to face the underlying fear. · Depression, in a way, can’t be handled, except to look at what was not faced to pull you out of it · The fear usually takes the form of “I have lost the source of my happiness forever”, “Without this, my life is meaningless” David R. Hawkins - Let go of wanting to change other people https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnQc_GOa57Q&list=PL2L8Hx5xTD0loswmr9duzbQ9rugqXC_Mc&index=4 · Make wrong, get even · If I can’t change them, I will try and control them · Divine justice saves you the bother of getting even · All things have their own Karmic pay off, so you don’t need to do anything · You don’t need to bring down your enemies, as they will bring themselves down of their own doing. Then you are not stuck with the Karma of getting even David R. Hawkins - Right And Wrong Are Irrelevant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-az_rTIDF_o&list=PL2L8Hx5xTD0loswmr9duzbQ9rugqXC_Mc&index=5 3.17 – 4.10 · The willingness to surrender to not knowingness. · Humility is of profound importance in spiritual work. It means I of myself, as an ego, am completely unable to comprehend reality. I have no way of knowing the truth of anything, much less can I discern its karma, and therefore all judgment is up to God. Judgment is mine Seth the Lord. Why? Because you are not capable of it. David R. Hawkins - Instructions on Meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNKcjI2k6wM&list=PL2L8Hx5xTD0loswmr9duzbQ9rugqXC_Mc&index=6 00.00 – 1.28 · The technique is really that of surrender. It’s part of the love of God. Jesus Christ said that for the salvation of mankind would you be willing to give up your ego and the vanity of thinking that you know anything. Each thought and feeling that comes up, you surrender it to God David R. Hawkins - You Have To Quit Thinking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ2gFMl81fM&list=PL2L8Hx5xTD0loswmr9duzbQ9rugqXC_Mc&index=8 2.35 – 5.51 • Impatience is uncurbed wilfulness • Peace and silence is within you, live there. Whatever else goes on is irrelevant • Look interested, but you don’t have any investment in it David R. Hawkins: "If you feel like you're stuck.." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DAtMAmrwMk&list=PL2L8Hx5xTD0loswmr9duzbQ9rugqXC_Mc&index=4&t=101s 0.00 – 1.48 · How to move from one level of consciousness into another? There is only one rule, and that is to let go of the payoff you get from whatever positionality you are stuck in. · Forgo the pleasure, gratification, and satisfaction. · Secret payoff’s from the ego. We repress the fact that we are getting off on it · Lower levels of consciousness are linked together. Pride is linked with anger. Narcissistic core of the ego is gradually weakened and collapses. Each brick you take out, weakens the wall. · If you feel like you’re stuck, there is only one thing you need to do, one thing you need to surrender · The payoff is an energy. The payoff is blocking you from a higher state of consciousness.

@Anna1 @DrewNows Thanks both. Received. Be back later.

In some regards I am going through similar, especially in terms of the impact this is having on you. I can see you are trying to take responsibility, but probably no one has full control over their thoughts and emotions? Especially thoughts. Your post reads like she is fucking up all your progress and all your efforts count for shit once you step back into the reality of your environment. Like there is two worlds. Your world away from crazy mum and your world in the house of shit. Naturally you are trying to dodge the house of shit. I wish I remembered the source of this. I am trying to use it myself as I am in a similar situation to you. I read this once and wondered if it would help you... "What stands in the way, becomes the way" If you work out how to manage getting triggered by your mum you will gain something that money can't buy. You will gain freedom and spiritual wealth. As Don Miguel Ruiz would say "We are all the most important characters in our own story and a secondary character in everyone else's story"

@tsuki Yes that's good thanks. Power of Habit. Great book. I read it before I identified as an addict. He makes some very positive comments about AA in that book. I think he is of the opinion that AA is the most successful habit changing organisation/system ever.

Can anyone help with this. Why is ACIM referred to as Non-Dual? I've never grasped what Non-Dual really is, despite many hours of reading about it. I know I don't have to understand it, and I am sure I could get a lot from ACIM anyway, but can anyone describe to an idiot why ACIM would be said to be Non-Dual?

Still trying to figure that out. From a simple psychological view (although somewhat physiological perhaps as well), I keep coming back to thinking that I am putting short-term gratification ahead of longer term aspirations. But that sounds obvious and not especially insightful. Bigger picture thinking right now is that I am short on courage to change because even though I like to think I have faith, I don't. I'm not very non-dual so I see God or the Higher Power as external to me, but that I also have a Higher Self. I'm lacking in faith. I'm clinging to my own way of doing things pretty much. It's like I've got my foot in the door of surrendering to God, but I'm not quite willing to jump in. It's hurting me that this is the case. I'm working on it.

@okulele Thanks for the clip, looks great.

Join the club! Although unfortunately for me I am showing great commitment to avoiding practicing and doing the inner work and showing great commitment to eating unhealthily among other bad habits and great commitment to alienating some of the more important and useful people in my life. I guess we are all comitted to something! Even non commitment is a commitment lol

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks for taking the time to post this. Very helpful.

I'm about to watch the video you linked above. Whilst I'm watching that I thought I'd post here. This is the version I have https://www.amazon.co.uk/Course-Miracles-Pocket-Workbook-Manual/dp/0976420031/ref=sr_1_4?crid=1II7WCYC21I76&keywords=a+course+in+miracles&qid=1567941376&s=gateway&sprefix=a+course+in%2Caps%2C156&sr=8-4 Basically, with my version, that means I don't actually have the original text then? Man, I could write forever right now. I glanced through the book above and I can see I underlined a bunch of stuff that grabbed my attention a few months back. I might end up doing a new thread on ACIM in another section of the forum as I have so many questions. I'm struggling right now. I'm not in a good place at all. I am not doing any of the practices with regards spirituality in any form. I am not doing the work, and that's why I am on shit street right now. I've also looked at your other links above, thanks for that. It reminds me of when I discovered my love for the Bible a few months ago, I then feel like a child in a sweet shop and don't know where to start! Speak soon.

Good video. Have heard his name but never heard his stuff. I'm wondering if his other stuff will resonate with me? Will take a look.

Two things here. 1. I think I am having a moment where I am supposed to realise how much I am abusing caffeine right now. Between glancing at your post here and a thread on health section about caffeine just moments ago I'm meant to have a powerful realisation just how dysfunctional I am with my nutrition and fluid intake at the moment. I have fallen into the trap of replacing one addiction with another because I haven't done the inner work well enough. I need to know this. Well I knew it but repressed it and buried it. 2. On a more light hearted note it made me laugh about your reasoning for sugar today. I am in the midst of an actual damaging sugar addiction involving secret eating and hiding of sugar foods from others it's really bad. I have a worse excuse to share using your terminology and adding some humour..... unfortunately I have had some (shit load) of sugar today but I gave in for comfort purposes ?

I'm not convinced of any benefits and never been convinced it's a problem. I've tried no fapping but not for long periods and only to intensify the orgasm rather than try to give up fapping. I believe it's a healthy activity if not done to excess. I'd much rather give up eating junk food than fapping or give up a whole host of other things. But for people who over do it or get obsessed with fapping and/or porn I imagine they really want to do no fap.

@Psyche_92 32 days still shows discipline. No Fap is not part of my development but others areas of perceived ill discipline are. If you managed 32 days regularly you'd only be fapping 11 or 12 times in a whole year. Interesting choice of words!