Bill W

There is no blunder here! Just a journey. What is the real reason for leaving the forum? I don't doubt your sincerity but I can't see the real reason. I try to ask myself two things when I want to run away from something 1. What is the real fear? 2. What demands am.i making of how my experience should be and how others should be? I'm just speaking from experience. That's all. Sometimes leaving can be for the best as long as the real reasons are acknowledged.

If peace of mind, being of service to others and feeling content are my biggest goals and I'm not professionally or financially too ambitious what elements of your content should I focus on?

@DrewNows Will try and do this Mr Drew I don't know whether this counts as an "insight" or more of a moment of self-reflection today. I wonder if I've made so much "progress" in one area of my life, that I've gone too far and up and out the other side of what is "optimal". I put progress in speech marks as it's probably part progress and part an unintentional swapping of one social liability for another one. I was thinking about how socially anxious I used to be. I still get it some times, but nothing like how it used to be. I used to spend hours wondering what people thought of me. How I came across. Did I sound or look like and idiot? Does he like me? Does she like me? Am I a popular person? Or am I a reject? I'd have interactions at college, university, or at work, and then analyse the interaction over and again to try and work out of I'd been an idiot of some description, or have a reason to be deeply embarrassed. I'd be worried about being made an outcast or a reject. I think this might have stemmed from some really bad psychological bullying I had at school. It was two years non-stop. Aged 14 to 16. I went from a "Jack the Lad" kind of "ringleader" boy to the school idiot, the one who had hardly any friends and was often on his own. It was like there was a revolt or uprising and someone else succeeded me and I was driven out of the pack of Lions to become a hunted prey. Anyway, from about 14yrs old to well into my 30's I'd have this anxiety I was about to be cast aside from the group again. Whatever group that was... friends, work colleagues, family....It's fascinating to think this needing to be part of a group is probably instilled in our psyche as it would have helped protect us from predators a long time ago (and perhaps still now to a degree). I read once that this instinct to remain part of the herd had to be in place for our survival? I'm not arguing against the need for human to human connection and being a social creature. I know and believe the many benefits this can have. It's just amazing how much fear creeps in when we are worried about being ostracized from a very small group of people, when the truth is, we probably go through life entering and leaving set social and other groups of people all the time. However, I realise I am speaking from the perspective of someone who is able to move from group to group if he chose. I'm sure there are millions out there that don't have this luxury for one reason or another. After lots of self-help including an absolute ton of reading and soul searching, some therapy, medication playing a part, and generally outgrowing some of this social anxiety and fear, I now feel like I don't give a shit what people think. I don't think this is just a denial either. Apart from a very select few triggers about my relationship with my father, I genuinely feel like I couldn't care less if a work colleague or family member thought ill of me. Friends who I really value, perhaps yes, I would be concerned, but even with close friends I no longer spend time over-thinking how they feel about me or how they regard me. I don't cling to anyone's approval (apart from the sentence below this) and I wonder if that's a problem? I also do have body image hang up's, but this is very specific and rarely causes distress like it used to. It's still a problem though as I allow it to block my efforts to make the first move in finding another partner. So, I do care what women (who I am attracted to) think of my appearance. This I would really like to work on. So this seemingly "thicker skin" has it's benefits. Less background anxiety for one. Less holding back and withholding expressing my opinion. More confident in challenging people or drawing the line. More willing to accept any consequences if someone doesn't like me, or didn't like a particular interaction they had with me. I believe that even if a select few turned against me out of the blue, that I could cope with that. The best thing about this is that I no longer catastrophise about what people think of me. That was fucking debilitating in years gone by. Anyway, the point of this post is that, sometimes I wonder if not giving a shit what people think makes me come across as arrogant, aloof, or detached. Some of my spiritual journey in the last 12 months has actually reinforced my ability to not worry about what others think. AA has been good with this. It's taught me that I am not the only person riddled with character defects. I've learned that character defects are rife among virtually all of us to some degree or another. Therefore, if someone wants to throw shit at me, I know they are far from innocent themselves. And if I want to throw shit at someone else, I have learned that I am full of shit anyway! This has aided my path to trying to me a more humble human being. Don Miguel Ruiz writes some amazing stuff about how pointless it is to judge others and how pointless it is to allow yourself to be judged. He writes about the "image" other people have of us. They only have this "image" of us. They cannot possibly know enough about us to make an accurate judgement, or accurate enough to justify their total conclusion of you. So this works both ways. I have an "image" of everyone else. It's not the true picture. It's an "image" I have created of them. David R. Hawkins writes similar stuff about the futility of negatively judging and negatively labeling people. As does Adyashanti. However, and I'll end on this. I'm not sure about patting myself on the back too much for developing the ability to "give less shits" about what people think of me. It helps my anxiety for sure and appears to increase my self-esteem and confidence, BUT, part of my spiritual journey must involve being a better human being for the sake of others as well as myself. Does giving less shits potentially increase the other person's suffering unnecessarily?

haha, all good and thanks for your message.

Anything for you my friend. Consider it done

I'm going to write more on my relationship with humility over the weekend, but for now I wanted to note that I really want to investigate the phenomenon of Karma if phenomenon is the right word. Karma massively intrigues me. I've just spent an hour searching the Karma posts on here and have a few videos to watch over the weekend.

A good way of raising money would be to charge real money for starting a new thread. Would raise money and increase the quality of these great self actualisation threads of yours lol.

@studentofthegame Thanks will PM you now

This thread will be locked for super high quality self actualization content.

@tsuki Thanks In terms of the next few days on this journal, I think I'm going to ride with the humility stuff. I hypothesise that most people on the self development / self actualization / spiritual path would like to consider themselves as sufficiently humble. For me, this is like most people who are asked considering themselves as having above average intelligence (do the math on that! Something ain't right!). I'm not for one second trying to put someone down or in anyway profess to being some kind of skilled diagnostic machine in terms of who is sufficiently humble. I also accept that humility is not at the top or near the top of everyone's self actualization Christmas present wish list. I am not a humble human being. Humility is not my strong point. It can't be. If it was, my emotional sobriety would be stronger. I can explain more about this statement later. God speed one and all. Truth can only move forward. It doesn't know how to move backwards. Can't remember who said that, but it's powerful stuff.

Nice voice

Out of curiosity, If you manage to decide what colour someone is, then what? What's the next step? Inform them they have been assessed as green or red or a mix? If they ask what the hell you talking about you say it's spiral dynamics model?

@Raphael It's a good one. Gets me every time. A high intensity delivery of what humility is! So, in trying to practice humility and know what humility is, I came up with this. Humility Thinking elements You have nothing to prove It’s not all about you You are no better than anyone else Awareness that every person and circumstance is a potential teacher Behavioural elements Being able to apologise Not trying to win an argument just to prove a point Less talking, more listening Making the other person the centre of the conversation Communicating gratitude Communicating forgiveness Questions to ask Am I sure? Am I stepping outside of not-knowing mind? Are my demands out of touch with reality? My communication; is it true? It is timely? Is it helpful?

I await some further details on this! Would love to know more...

@seeking_brilliance Thank you!

I love this. Is the whole book like this? Or in style?

Feeling better for it? Clear cut benefits to nil caffeine for you, or jury still out? Sorry if you've covered this somewhere in the journal.

Yes and the added advantage is that this feedback is given over email rather than in person LOL

So is your caffeine consumption virtually nil now? @tsuki

Go to a dentist or dental hygienist? I'm not sure this is the best place for your question but you never know! I did learn recently from a dentist to use a certain toothbrush, he says it's the best out there. He told me you need a soft brush and that some people brush their teeth with too much force and rigour which damages the gums and the coating of the teeth. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Curaprox-CS5460PACK-Ulta-Soft-Toothbrush/dp/B004W6PAJE

Humility is so important to me. I am not doing great on this right now. I am living too much in "knowing mind" and "entitlement mind". Small acts of humility can go unnoticed, but at the end of the day, all these small acts add up to a feeling of internal satisfaction. A feeling of peace. It enhances my serenity. Humility also greatly facilitates learning and greatly improves your quality of communication and your relationships. I love this. What do you think?

Good stuff Drew. Thanks

Whey protein is good stuff if you have the extra money for it. It wins on convenience as you can add it to things like yogurt and porridge to up your quality protein intake. However, it is marketed to tap in and take advantage financially of people looking to build muscle. All of the benefits from whey can be met by careful selection of real foods. I used to love it for the taste in yoghurt and porridge. It's often virtually sugar free and also low carb if you don't mind the artificial sweeteners which I don't. Is it worth the money? Very debatable. There is only so much protein the body needs, even if you are bulking up and weight training.

At the bear minimum in terms of prayer and meditation, this is how I intend to start and end my day. I've been doing this routine from the script below on and off for a few months, mostly OFF and not doing it. This is insane because I know it works and I know it grounds me. I need to stick with it, then expand it perhaps. So basically, the first 5 minutes is mindfulness meditation. I am seated with eyes closed and I am paying attention to only the sounds around me. It could be the wind moving the leaves around, or the birds chirping away, or the sounds of the traffic. There is always some sound to focus on. When my mind wanders, I bring it back to the sounds. Then I spend the next 10 minutes going through the below. The prayers I verbally read out, the rest, I just slowly read and contemplate (to a degree). Values Humility Open Mindedness Honesty Compassion & Forgiveness Faith & Courage Questions to ask yourself Am I sure? Have I taken something personally? Are my demands realistic? OSHO A law exists. If you follow it, it brings wellness. If you don’t follow it, you get sick. The whole question is of awareness and discipline. Understand the law and be in harmony with it. Don’t be in conflict with it, that’s all. Whenever you are in emotional pain it is an indication that you have gone against the law. Bring awareness to the situation and see where you are in conflict with the law. The law is not punishing you, you are punishing yourself by going against the law. God is not a person, it is a law. Thich Nhat Hanh There is suffering Understand your suffering Know that recovery is possible Follow the path to recovery Thich Nhat Hanh Make the Truth available Practice the Truth Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Father, today, let me be gentle with myself and others. Help me find the balance between assertive action taken in my own best interests, and love for others. Father, make me a channel of thy peace – that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness – that where there is discord, I may bring harmony – that where there is error I may bring truth – that where there is doubt, I may bring faith – that where there is despair, I may bring hope. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. Father, I ask that everything I want for myself to also be given to ………………… I wish them good health, peace of mind and happiness.

Thanks friend ??