Ataraxia

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  1. empaths
    empath
    I hadn't thought of it like that before. For me, I think that sensitivity would make a situation more intense. If there is an intense social situation, empathic channels make it more intense and I would turn off and disconnect.
    I suppose empathic can be described in different ways. I saw the first guy in the video and was like "that aint it" - not what I experience anyway.
    In my experience, it is definitely tied to social dynamics and social anxiety - yet a certain type of anxiety. It's not the type of anxiety of "I'm not good enough", "what do people think of me?", "what if I say the wrong thing?". etc. That's totally different. It's anxiety in a very different direction. Like feeling people really personally. Like experiencing them and a type of knowing them. The boundary between "them and me" breaks down, so it can seem like they are also feeling me. Like they are jumping inside of me. It can be extremely intimate with complete strangers. It really feels like they are feeling it too and that can be part of the anxiety. Sometimes, I am unable to turn it down or manage it and that can also cause a lot of anxiety.
    For example, I was walking in a crowded outdoor fair one time with a friend. Artwork, food, performances - that kind of stuff. Then, I started connecting with people through eyes. I just felt them. In an instant. I would look at someone and know their angst. The next person, worry. The next anger. The next insecurity. All sorts of mixtures. Hundreds of people around me, everywhere I looked. Hundreds of packets of energy/feeling getting thrown into me. As if hundreds of people were trying to grab me. That caused a lot of anxiety. Also, when there was eye contact, it was like they knew. They knew what I was doing - because the empathic channel goes both ways - at least in "my" experience. This elevated the intensity of the anxiety and I told my friend I had to leave. Now. We went to a cafe and we got a corner table. I spent 10min. in the restroom until I could come back out and see any other human. 
    One thing I learned that helps with the anxiety is that the other person doesn't know, unless they are sensitive/empath and on the same "frequencey". I've learned to fake it and just act normal and the other person doesn't know what I'm experiencing - even though it really feels totally obvious and it seems like they have to be experiencing what I am. Like the other person can "read my mind" (or read my feelings). This can create an enormous amount of stress. One way I've reduced the anxiety is by thinking "she doesn't know. Just act normal". And the other person just keeps on chatting like nothing is happening. Perhaps they subconsciously pick up a vibe they reflect on later, yet in the moment they seem clueless. I've only met one person who was completely on the same channel as me. She had been developing empathic abilities for many years. It was eerie. 
    There is also a weird dynamic with narcissists. For me, female narcissists. It's really unhealthy. I've read it's a common dynamic that immature empaths find themselves in.
    Also, I see a lot of people use the term "sensitive". It's not sensitive in the traditional sense of "he is really sensitive and his feelings get hurt easily" or "she is really sensitive to criticism". It's a very different sensitivity. It's more like being very sensitive to a certain frequency of sound.