Gadasaa

I didn't say i can't pay my bills and read the full post. I've no interest in arguing.

@Princess Arabia i've been suffering from a debilitating chronic illness since 2021 and horrifically intense anxiety disorder since childhood. It's tough and my spiritual insights are no help.

@Javfly33 that shows the dream, the relative domain still matters. Also, many gurus and spiritual seekers make one ultimate mistake by equating dream with Life. They say something like..oh, Life is like dream. No, it's the other way around. Dream is like Life. Because it borrows its reality from life and subset to existence.

@Princess Arabia 😂 you're right!

@Javfly33 lol. Well then, if it's all dream, why don't you send me some cash to help me out with some of my monthly expenses? In the relative domain, my personal life situation exists, bro.

@Bandman sometimes i look around and realize everything i'm seeing doesn't have name and then further realize it's the unnamable (God) which is eternally real. Despite discovering some of the ultimate secrets of existence, i'm still deeply suffering in my personal life and think what's the use..this knowledge seems useless.

@Ry4n How did you discover God is all that exists? What was your motivation for seeking the truth?

@Oppositionless No, i didn't. Same here, always wondered what the existence was all about.

I notice that other ordinary people are not so much concerned with the topic of God. They just live their lives without worrying about this stuff and they seem to be doing fine. on the other hand, here we are. Racking our minds and suffering so much to understand God and Reality. is it because we're suffering so immensely? Is it because we care about truth so much? Is because we're just mentally ill or abnormal? Or is it because we're simply wiser?

@Osaid wouldn't you become unable to function properly in society or go insane if you completely let go of your egoic perspective?

@shree it also looks like she's been inactive on reddit since then. I wonder why, it seemed she was pretty active.

@Soul Flight you can easily find it on reddit. Just search it using the title of the trip.

@OBEler Some of the realizations about the nature of reality horrified and traumatized me to my core and caused me an immense suffering sometime ago that words can't describe the depth of it. How do you cope?

I thought it was an interesting read and wanted to share. A trip report by 19 year old girl. She was tripping on acid while having threesome. The report: iv realized We are God, and life is a dream. Even if no one reads this, I need to get this out . Then I can forget all about it and live the rest of my life free of it. I'll begin by saying this was on a dosage I wasnt prepared to take. 350 ug Gel tab. Me and two friends, Kaden and Heather, tripped on one each. We dropped at 145am on Thursday night. At first, it was good. We are all open people and it didn't take long for it to turn into one big fuck fest. We started to trip while we were fucking. My eyes were closed.. And I started to lose track of who was who. who I was. I wasnt sure who I was touching or who I was kissing. I wasnt sure where my limbs were. I was simulatanoursly touching, but also felt like I was being touched. My friends were feeling it too. I wasnt sure where I was in space. it felt like I was in three places at once-- In three minds. There wasnt a condom and I wasnt on the pill so there wasnt any real fucking- and I say real, because it felt like I was being fucked. like there was an invisa-dick inside of me, and I was rocking back into it. when I opened my eyes I realized I wasnt being touched at all.. and neither were my friends. We were pressed against one another, but we werent touching eachother. And they were feeling the same thing I was feeling. Even Kaden. There was this buzzing on each side of my head. When I expressed it, both my friends said they felt the same thing. In fact, they felt the exact same thing I was feeling. Whenever there was a spike of intense pleasure in our heads, we all groaned, we all reacted to it. Heather touched Kaden and I both felt her touch like I was him, and yet also felt myself touching him, as if I was in her body. It was insane. We were in each other's minds. I could hear their thoughts and feelings, and they mine. We started to laugh - it was crazy, but it was really fucking fun, and we were having a good time. The weirdest hottest thing was possibly when I started fingering the air. I imagined I was fingering something, and I was curving my fingers and pulling in and out of nothing,... and both my friends were going crazy. They fucking felt it. I stopped moving my hand and their breaths halted . I was causing physical change with nothing but my mind. And because I was feeling what they were feeling, I was also fingering myself in a sense. It was fucking insane. unbelievable. Too good to be true. And it was. Minds.. Should be separated. As it progressed, we were so intertwined, when they touched me, It started to feel like I was touching .. myself. When they hugged me, I felt myself giving the hug, as well as receive it. We all started to feel like it was wrong. There was three of us but it felt like we were masturbating, like we were all the same being using different bodies. It wasnt right. It wasnt right . " Why do I feel lonely?" I suddenly said. But It came out of Heathers mouth. " Dont say that" Said Kaden, as we all thought it. It felt like by acknowledging it, we were breaking some kind of rule. Like some big , huge, unspoken rule, we werent supposed to know, and it was for our own good. But we had acknowledged it , and now we couldnt forget it. We had to understand. When I closed my eyes, I wasnt me. It was like what tethered me to the world was the ability to look through the telescope that was my eyes. Now my soul was loose. I felt myself and I wasnt me.. I felt bigger hands , and a flatter body, and sense we were all naked, when I reached down, I felt my dick too. I dont have a dick. I'm a girl, generally. I dont have a dick. And yet once more, I wasnt him. I had smaller legs, and when I felt up, bigger boobs then I usually did. " Guys.." I spoke, but it wasnt my voice, it was Heathers. I opened my eyes again, and I was me, but I saw Kaden and Heather sitting in the positions i had left them when I was in their bodies . All the proof we needed . I felt sick. " Why is something... missing?" Heather was the first to voice it. Youd think, realizing we are all the same , youd think itd make us feel less alone. but suddenly, we felt.. more alone then ever. We didnt feel each others souls. That's what was missing. We felt only one soul. we hugged each other, but it felt , like .. we were hugging ourselves. They say you are the center of the universe ... but there is only one center. There is only one infinity. Everything in the room.. I had made. I, the One, that we all are, had created it all. It was all extensions of us. Every song , every book , every show , it was all us, for us. We would be every one at one point ,but there will be no one else other then us. Us, I. Then it got worse. When I closed my eyes, I was no longer in my body. What I saw now, I know wasnt just the blackness of my eyelids. This was an encompassing blackness. A nothingess. The universe at its finest point. Outlines of shapes with colors that didnt exist, material, floating in my space, in my black box . I could reach out, and I felt the power of creation in my hand. I could do I all that I wanted, create all that i wanted to create, but no matter what I created, when i felt around, all that i felt.... was me. I screamed into the darkness. " Someone help me!" And I heard myself scream back. I realized now the secret. Its just me. It's just you There's no us. There's it. We are just one lonely god playing with Dolls . I wanted to cry for my mothers embrace, but I was my mother. I felt so cold, I wanted to wrap a blanket around myself, but I felt myself in the blanket, I was still just hugging myself. I know how we feel constantly now. I know now how it feels like to be the only thing to exist. It's unbearable. Its lonely. Its fuckin awful, no matter how much power you have . How does it matter how powerful you are, if you are the only one there to witness it? How do you cope? You cope by making yourself forget. You cope by making yourself smaller then you ever could be. Humans are the universes way of experiencing itself, and you are the universe. You forget that you are everyone, and you make friends , you make enemies, you make love , to yourself. You cast yourself into different meat suits and you give them each their own unique look , and you give them all different personalities, and stories, and insecurities, and you trick yourself into thinking your someone else, but your not. Your still just you. Talking to yourself. Over and over. Playing hand puppets, and masturbating in the dark. I couldnt bear it. I opened my eyes and I hoped it would all go back to normal,but it was too late. The illusion was broken. What I saw was reality. I looked at Heather and I saw myself . I saw my room but I also saw the blackness that was me, that it was made of. I desperately grabbed a pencil and paper and tried to create ANYTHING that wasnt me. but the paper was me, and the pencil was me, and I watched in horror as the lines I created were the lines of the inky darkness I had seen as the material for everything. I know what insanity is now. It felt like I had done this before, over and over. When we die, we remember what we are , and I realized I had done this many times before. Every time. Every body, eventually. I had found the secret out too early. When we cast ourself into another body, that is when we forget, when our memories of our true self is locked away in a deep crevice in our head and we are given the illusion of companionship.. a coping mechanism. Now I couldnt forget. Now I knew, and I knew how badly I wanted to die. Not just my human body, but me, us , the being that we are. How delicious nonexistence would be , for a being that is eternal. There is no nonexistence in death, only rememberance, but I had remembered. It felt like the only choice was for me to die, and become someone else that would be born without this knowledge, like I was initially born without this knowledge. Round two. I know why people kill themselves. Nothing felt real except for me. I could touch no one but myself, and I wanted to feel ANYTHING. ANYTHING. I felt the buzzing of some kind of sharp whirling machine next to my ear , and I was so scared , but I wasnt scared of death, because I already knew what it was. I had come to love this body, this human I had worked so hard for, and now I fucked her up because I HAD to find out the truth. Me and Heather were going through the same dilemma. I could feel she was struggling with the same thing, not to hurt herself, not to press the restart button and end it all for this round. " What are we supposed to do?" we kept repeating. Every path led us back us, because there was nothing else but us. We counted colored pencils and my eyes focused on the color red, on how that red would feel coming out of my skin. There was red everywhere. The smallest shade of red on my wall glowed and amplified, and if I focused too hard I'd fall into it, and I'd throw my hands out to catch myself from falling, and find them around my throat. The veins in my wrist ached to be disconnected , to be yanked out. I was fighting so hard to keep a body alive that didnt want to be alive .I just wanted to forget and start over. I spent the rest of my trip curled up in a corner of my bed. " I've created hell for myself" I thought, which I heard Heather whisper in unison. I was alone. We are alone. We will forever be alone, and I longed so hard for something else. I longed so hard to be normal again, to not be everything , to feel another human being and know they are not me , they are someone else, everything I touch isnt me and I am only one speck in a big universe of so many things. How comforting. Something beyond you. An endless universe beyond you. How fucking miserable it is to be God. I was in that space for a millennium before I heard the first thing that I wasnt a part of... A songbird outside my window. I was coming back to my body. Only my body. I sobbed so hard . It felt so fucking good. .. a couple of hours later , all three of us sat down together in silence. How much of that was real , we didnt know, and we didnt want to sound crazy. But then Kaden spoke up, and he spoke about The Room, and me and Heather, we both knew. We all saw it. The black room, and the one lonely god , hugging its sock puppets in the dark. This trip ended with a walk in my neighborhood and a deeper appreciation for the dream we are living. A beautiful dream of life, a beautiful distraction from the dark. The loneliness. The endlessness.

@Yimpa thanks