MLKFan

Just being in public hurts me. I can feel peoples' energies and most of the time its low and disgusting, or just sad because I can feel their confusion. We are in wage slavery world and if everyone just came together and agreed on things then we could actually make progress. but people are focused on petty things like the color of their bicycle and how good the chinese food tastes at so and so place. Who gives a shit about that when we are living inside of Maya? Why is no one talking about that? Why don't people take it seriously? I don't actually need them to change. Something inside of me needs to change so that I can accept them the way they are. It is really about the darkness in my own heart. I need to purify myself. However this is just spiritual bypassing. My feelings are valid right now just as they are.

I can't just make friends just like that. I can't just be friends with the myopic rationalists; they generally see me as deluded and naive. They don't take me seriously when I start talking about how we are inside of Maya. They see it as superstition. But why am I actually feeling this way? It's because I lack trust. My biggest problem is my lack of trust in people. I need to learn how to trust people.

People are intimidated by me physically, and it's getting tiring. I can feel them close off and be nervous and hostile towards me. People are automatically suspicious of me because of my size. I want to lash out at them but what's the use? They'll just have confirmation that I am indeed the punk they probably picture me to be. I hate the word punk so much.

The humans around me are all myopic rationalists and can't see beyond the rat race. It's my job to love them anyways. Sometimes it just gets lonely. It's like a different species. Their ignorance angers me sometimes even though it's not really their fault. I can relate to Jesus now. He embodied unconditional love and had to put up with the ignorance of those around him for their own benefit. Please don't tell me something like "You're delusional and not as advanced as you think. Jesus? Are you kidding me? You're just a new age hippie kid." If you're going to say that then it would be better to say nothing at all.

I'm starving for love. Sure I have family but they just aren't doing it for me, for whatever reasons. I need someone who can really understand me. I need someone who will love me even through my trust issues and withdrawing from them sometimes. I need someone to live for.

Do you see him as a father figure?