Cosmo

@Viking if you want to brute force it, making your alarm a catchy (or loud) song is a bit of a hack for waking up. Especially the sort of anthem that would make you want to dance or sing. But that's only a short term solution. I think as @Michael569 said, you need to find a reason for waking up.

Honestly, I find meditation to be insanely hard. I can only keep my mind quiet for a few seconds, before my brain is trying to distract me. it feels really unnatural, and a struggle to 'not think about anything'. It almost feels oppressive. While it can calm me down, it never really gives me any clarity. It can be a nice pause from a hectic day, but the hectic-ness picks up the moment I'm not sitting around any more. Is that how everyone else feels when they begin or just me? I admit that it's something I've tried on and off for the last 4 or 5 years. I've never really committed to it, but that's largely because the supposed effects (that beginners are supposed to experience), just don't come to me.

Hi Nathan. (Un)fortunately, there is an ocean of self-help, self-improvement books out there made to tailor to all sorts of people. With 7 billion individuals and counting, there will never be one book or one internet subscription, that will nail down exactly the advice you need. Quite a few of the books I've read talk about intuition. Before your brain has time to start chattering away - trying to make sense of what you've read, applying cynicism and logic - you've probably already felt something about the thing you've read or seen. Stick with that feeling. Hard truths often resonate with us, before our monkey brain kicks in and starts to make up excuses Amazon (not necessarily the best place, but the first example that comes to my head) often allows you to sample chapters. If the chapter doesn't feel right to you, isn't striking any chords, then it's unlikely the next 14 will do anything for you.

As a 23 year old male, I'm not ready for kids yet but I would like to have them eventually. I think being 'ready' is key, or maybe 'prepared' is the better word. The moment they come into this world, your priorities and responsibilities shift. While I'm sure it can be done, the purpose/goal of your life becomes to ensure their development and happiness, perhaps even over your own. [I actually really look forward to seeing a mini-me go about life, and hopefully excel ] As such, i would like to make sure that my life and my self-development is at a place, where I have satisfied my own goals, and have the room and the capacity to raise my kids without feeling any bitterness or a sense of unfulfilment. It's better for them as well, I think. My mom put her career on hold to raise me, and then never got back to where she had been. She tried to live vicariously through me, but I didn't have any passion for her field... so it's still a seriously thorny issue for her. She hates the fact that I choose to study something else, and constantly brings it up.

@Moonturnsthetides I feel like that quite a lot every now and again, but then life just moves on, and you eventually with it. As I'm getting more into self-development, I'm starting to break my 'goals' down into more immediate, achievable tasks, because things like 'Improve my life' is a hugely nebulous goal. Since life can always be better, the task is essentially un-achievable; so you're never happy with your progress. Per your other threads, one aspect of that seems to be acquiring a new partner. So if you break down your goal as I want to get a new partner to improve my life, then that's achievable. Once you have your partner, you can have goals surrounding them, which again, help directly in 'improving your life'. Are you unhappy with your career?

@tsuki Thanks for that visual. My relationship is a stew... And I hate stew! (kidding). @NoSelfSelf Don't worry I don't expect people to give me happiness, but I can see how I could fall into that trap. Thanks!

I agree! I think spiral dynamics are a helpful tool, but I would be wary of actively and earnestly identifying myself or others through it. Once you label yourself in that way (even if it's supposed to be helpful) you're narrowing yourself. There is a sea of self help out there. Different things will work for different people, and the same advice will illicit different reactions.

If someone is with you, it's unhealthy to obsess over why that is. Once you start doubting their sincerity, you start questioning their actions, and inevitably inserting hostility and passive aggressiveness into your interactions. It's easy to then cause the change of feeling in that person that you first imagined and falsely feared.

Absolutely made my day thank you As for the OP, people derive success and satisfaction from different things. Everyone has a different reference point. As long as you're striving towards a goal and not just fantasising about it, you're on the right path.

The last 11 years of your life were build around that person, so of course that person not being there will feel like everything was suddenly and explosively uprooted. I would suggest that you give yourself some time to readjust. You haven't been single in 11 years! Put up your feet, do the things you wanted to that she didn't want to do with you. You say that things can be thrown away so easily but that would be to devalue the (hopefully) good 11 years you spent together. So many couples these days don't last a few months.

It's slightly funny to hear you guys talking about not subscribing to ideologies while simultaneously discussing which colour you are on the spiral. Self development shouldn't require you to look down on other people. If you get off on being spiritually superior to others than you haven't learned a thing.

@Viking a word of warning. I slept a lot while I was at university. It warped my sleeping pattern. I was always tired and rarely available to go out with friends. Then the 3 years were up and I felt a black hole of regret. Use your time wisely. You will have plenty of time to sleep when you're dead!

@NoSelfSelf I spent most of High School and College looking out for that perfect girl and being miserable for it. But I wonder if, now that I'm dating and I'm still unhappy, that perfect girl simply doesn't exist. I wouldn't want to hurt someone by staying with them while thinking about moving on. But if I'm not happy with anyone, doesn't that suggest the issue is with me? Or should I continue looking...

It sounds like you're stuck in a cycle. Maybe the 4th time you get back together will really be the one! Or maybe on the 6th try, that initial burst of excitement and passion will last longer than before... I've witnessed so many relationships based on convenience and the fear of the unknown. But if you're the catch in this relationship and there is hundreds of guys out there, somehow I think you will be fine if you look elsewhere. I would understand however if you feel that you don't have enough free time to look for someone else. At that point I guess you would need to weigh up short term convenience against long term happiness.

@NoSelfSelf I enjoy my time while I'm with them. It's usually when we're apart that I start wondering about being single again or being in another relationship. But again, I would never cheat on anyone. My brain wouldn't let me forget it If you want to get really deep there are few people that I would say I am "truly excited" to spend time with.