Farnaby

The way you talk about "average" girls transpires a lot of bad vibes. As if you feel entitled to an average girl and are frustrated that you can't attract her. I'm a guy but I can see how easily this could turn off any girl, hot or not. When you have this attitude you are actually destroying your self-esteem, because you constantly tell yourself you can't even attract an average girl. Maybe if you stop ranking girls like an object that should conform to your needs and expectations, you will have way better connection with them and eventually some of them may be in to you.

Preferences exist, but strict rules like these ones are only limiting beliefs in your mind. Statistically it's true: short man - tall woman is a less likely combination than the opposite. But that doesn't mean it's impossible to date a taller woman. If you think it is, it will work like a self fulfilling prophecy and you will end up more convinced of your belief, but that doesn't mean it's true. If you aren't having success with women there are probably a lot of other reasons that are more important than height that should be looked at. It's also a better strategy because there are lots of things you can improve, but height is not one of them.

@InsecureAnon I've always been very self conscious in general and specifically about my height (I'm 1,70). People used to make fun of me as a kid/teenager for being shorter than them. It's true that women generally prefer guys that are the same height or taller than they are. And to be honest, I wouldn't feel comfortable if my girlfriend was much taller than me, either. That being said, my first girlfriend was a bit taller than me (quite a bit taller when she put on heels) and while I felt insecure about it, she didn't seem to care so much. IMO the narrative you're repeating to yourself over and over in your head is what's keeping you stuck and experiencing a self fulfilling prophecy where you don't have success with women and mistakenly attribute that to your height.

None of the vaccines contain the Covid virus, unlike traditional vaccines. The side effects are due to the response of the immune system, which is wired differently in each person. With traditional vaccines your theory might be correct, because your body is reacting to a weakened version of the virus, but that's not the case with covid vaccines. Also, I've heard many reports from people who were asymptomatic or had a mild reaction to Covid but had an awful time after getting the vaccine. Maybe there is something to your theory, but that would need to be scientifically researched. Yep, not lucky at all. I feel a lot better, although the gut issues persist. I've also noticed a mild need to cough if I inhale deeply. I hope you feel better soon The needle is barely noticeable. Most people don't feel anything, I felt a little sting but there are many many other things that hurt a lot more that you have probably endured (bee stings, knife cut, touching something that burns). To give you an example, hitting your foot toe against something hurts wayyyy more. The needle is just a one second sting.

As far as I know there's no known correlation between the two. A lot of young people have non-existent/mild symptoms when they get Covid and a pretty strong reaction to the vaccine. That being said, I'm willing to feel like shit for a few days after the vaccine and not run the risk of getting seriously sick of Covid, even if that risk is really low in my age group. Didn't want to scare people. I still think that looking at the science and data, it's worth to take the vaccine. Only wanted to share that not everyone feels "just a little fatigued" after the vaccine. Most people I know felt pretty awful after their 2nd jab, in my case it happened after the 1st one. I'm also a bit skeptical towards the accuracy of the data around side-effects. I can see how many people won't bother oficially reporting their side effects and there may be more people suffering them than we think. However a counter-argument to this is that people who have an adverse reaction to the vaccine are more likely to talk about it than people who were fine. I feel ya. Let's hope it was worth it at least. Thank you! That's what I like to believe, I hope you're right. I've read some reports from people who had a pretty awful reaction to both doses though. I'll keep you updated lol

Got the first dose of the Pfizer vaccine 2 days ago. Was fine that day except for pain at the deltoid. Woke up yesterday with more pain but otherwise fine the next morning. Fast forward to yesterday afternoon, started feeling worse and worse as if I got hit by a truck. Whole body aching, moderate headache, a little fever, extremely dizzy, nausea, diarrhea. Hadn't been this sick in years. The strongest side effects lasted around 8 hours (until 2am) and started to diminish but my body was still in pain and I had bouts of nausea and diarrhea throughout the night. Woke up today feeling better although my stomach still hurts and I'm not completely recovered. Not fun at all. Really not looking forward to the second dose, which most people say is usually the tough one...

I'll probably get the first dose of the Pfizer vaccine (could be Moderna too, but usually Pfizer for my age group) next week. Are there any known risks for people with seasonal allergies or heart murmur. I was recently checked by a cardiologist and he said that despite the heart murmur I have a normal/healthy functioning heart. I'm probably overthinking this but since I saw so many reports of heart related side effects after the second dose I'd like to know if there is an increased risk.

@Mesopotamian approaching relationships from the attitude of "I need to get something out of this interaction" isn't the best attitude IMO. Try interacting just for the experience of it, for the fun, to learn about yourself and the other person. Try to calm your analytical mind and feel into your body so you can lead the interaction in a direction that feels good. What you wrote sounds like classical spiritual ego: "I'm too good/spiritually evolved for all these stupid people who are at a lower stage than I am". This is often a coping mechanism to avoid getting hurt in relationships or to compensate for feelings of insignificance. It provides a false sense of being more intelligent or somehow evolved than other people and it's usually a way to avoid feeling and processing uncomfortable and painful feelings. There's no problem if you don't want to have relationships with other people, as long as it's a genuine desire. If it's coming from a place of fear, resistance, hatred, etc., it's probably gloing to leave you feeling empty because we're a social species.

Hi everyone! I see a lot of people in the spiritual community talking about masculine and feminine energy and how women generally are attracted to "masculine" men and men to "feminine" women. While I've found this to be a pretty useful theory, especially as a person who tends to people-please and who has benefited of the idea of integrating and embodying my masculine side, I also think it's too easy to get attached to these concepts and try to just develop a new persona that you think will be more attractive (i.e acting more maculine, whatever that means). IMO, instead of trying to act more masculine or feminine one should aim to become as authentic as possible, allowing whatever is arising in the moment to be embodied and expressed (without harming anyone of course). Maybe a more accurate way of looking at attraction is to say: "we (men and women) generally like confident and loving people and we tend to dislike insecure, inauthentic and needy people". On an even more elementary level one could say: "we are attracted to people with a vibe that feels good to be around". I see it more as a process of getting rid of limiting conditionings and allowing our true nature/essence to express itself and not so much of developing certain behaviors that could be considered more masculine or feminine. What do you think?

@flowboy it helps a lot, thank you. I have experienced it consciously and especially in the last year or so I have been more able to notice when I'm switching from one polarity to the other. However I think one could argue that what constitutes "masculine" and "feminine" is kind of culturally defined and maybe not the best label for our individual "energy signature" if you know what I mean. If I hadn't read about this topic before, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have said "ohhhh, so right now I'm repressing my masculine part to avoid conflict". What I mean is that without the theoretical background, the experience would just have been an experience of not being authentic, without labels of masculine/feminine. I do agree though that it's really useful to become aware of how our energy changes, how we can decide to embody the one we tend to repress, etc. yep, that's exactly what I mean. We have our unique essence underneath our conditioning. There is no need to add anything, just practice letting go of that conditioning so you aren't turning down your own volume

Based on my personal experience, the most powerful source of motivation is being and acting in alignment with your desires. Other things that come to mind: pushing yourself a bit out of your comfort zone every day, developing a healthy discipline, having a vision of the life you would like to create/live, letting go of conditioned limiting beliefs, etc.

@soos_mite_ah thanks a lot for the detailed answer. I completely agree. What I don't like about all this stuff is that it's really easy to interpret it as "something about me isn't right and needs to be fixed" or "I need to copy those behaviors to become more masculine/feminine". IMO, the ideal thing would be to let go of conditionings instead of adding new ones. Relax, get grounded in our bodies and let our natural essence "permeate" through us so to speak. I agree though that it's useful to experiment with the polarity one is less used to embody, because we have often repressed it. What I'm going to say will maybe trigger some people, but I actually think you were right about the "get attention" part. I don't see this as something that's bad though. We rarely do such things (make-up, groom ourselves, go to the gym, dress up elegantly, etc.) exclusively for us. We like what other people mirror back to us when we do those things and that's a big part of why we do it. There's no reason to be ashamed of wanting to look sexy or wanting to increase our chances of having sex, attracting a partner, etc.

This too. I've found that many symptoms, especially the ones related to anxiety can completely disappear when you start expressing your emotions more freely. Basically, more congruence between what you're feeling inside and showing outside = less stress = less anxiety, more peace and joy ?

I think the important part is to be aware that sometimes it's our ego who is in charge, but I see no need to judge that as something that's bad. What would be so bad about feeling good when you get approval and bad when you feel rejected? Or why should you be able not to feel uncomfortable emotions? We are a social species and rejection triggers our fear of death so of course we are going to seek experiences that make us feel more connected I don't see that as a bad thing. Becoming aware of some unconscious agenda that may be influencing your habit of sharing personal stuff allows you to not get too attached to the need of approval. But I don't see connecting through vulnerability as a bad thing.

@JJfromSwitzerland I agree with you. Pickup strategies may be useful to get some fiele experience and shed some limiting beliefs. But like any other "system" it can't encompass the complexity of human interaction. I prefer to stay as far away as possible from manipulative strategies and instead learn how to be in my body, express myself freely, etc.

I suggest starting therapy. Exposure with response prevention therapy is usually pretty useful for OCD. I would also explore the deeper emotions and trauma that are often covered by intrusive thoughts.

@Leo Gura while I think you're completely right about not hiding your sexual attraction and let her feel it, IMO what you said is going a bit overboard. IME it has to be done in a balanced and calibrated way. She should feel that you desire her sexually AND that you aren't desperately horny, so that she can feel safe and respected. The most important part is getting out of your head and learning to read social clues so that you don't become too passive but not too aggressive either. There are no black/white rules though. Some women probably like the more aggressive approach that Leo suggested. The problem with that is that it's easy to be perceived as a creep if it's not calibrated.

@intotheblack mixed feelings is what I wanted to say lol Yep, my experience in real life matches what she says: when I've shown my vulnerability in a situation where my masculine "leadership", "confidence" or whatever you want to call it wasn't needed to help other people feel safe, it's generally well accepted and seems to increase the attraction towards me (from my girlfriend for example). However, if she's triggered, feeling insecure or something along those lines, if I was to start crying in that situation it would probably not have such a good outcome. Since our experience usually mirrors our own level of development, maybe there is room for relationships in which a man can cry whenever he feels like it without it being a problem. Actually that's what I'm more interested in. Is my experience and what Teal says a "natural law" or just personal experience.

@intotheblack I have mixed videos about this. On one hand, my experience is congruent with what she says. On the other hand, I feel like it's not such a good idea to modulate our emotional expression because it could make a woman feel unsafe. Isn't that encouraging exactly the same thing that Teal Swan so often criticizes about our society teaching us to repress those emotions and aspects that other people don't accept?

@KGrimes First of all, I think there are a lot of factors (many of which are unconscious) that play a role in maintaining attraction. I say this because like you I tend to think that I'm the one doing it wrong, but it's usually more complex than that and there could be many things happening in those girls lifes that have nothing to do with you. Reading your post, my guess is that insecurity could be playing an important role here. You seem to have "worked on yourself" a lot in order to achieve a goal: become more attractive. It seems like this is coming from a place of insecurity and a core belief of "I'm not good enough the way I am". Anything you try to change about yourself from that place will eventually stop working because the root cause isn't healed (the feeling of not being good enough). It actually strengthens that core belief because by trying to be more attractive you're rejecting how you are right now. Basically, your self-worth/self-esteem seems to be very dependant on a girl feeling attracted to you and that could be creating neediness. If she's attracted to you, you feel good, confidence, etc. If she isn't or if the attraction fades, you lose that confidence. It happens to most of us. This is just my guess though and it probably isn't the only factor.

I suggest exploring what led to that twisted relationship to your masculinity (through therapy for example). Find our if there is trauma that needs to be healed. Also what other people said: exercise, sleep enough, have an overall healthy routine. Find out all the obvious and subtle ways in which you hold yourself back, practice grounding yourself in your body and see if you can slowly start to do the opposite (i.e speak your truth). You can start with the low hanging fruit. No need to go straight to the things that you are most afraid of. Another thing I find useful is to not get stuck in labels (masculine/feminine), because this can make you judge yourself when you're not acting like a typical masculine person. Learn to let go of these limiting labels and beliefs when they no longer serve you and practice expressing yourself freely, without second guessing yourself to see if you're being "masculine enough". If you feel more feminine energy at a particular time, allow yourself to feel it and express it ?

I often ask myself the same question. "WOuldn't I become hedonistic if I only did what feels good?" However, direct experience has shown me that if I'm being really mindful and aligned with my deepest nature (love) and desires (connection, amongst others), that hedonistic self-destruction doesn't happen. Why? Because my "inner guide" will tell me when I'm starting to hurt myself through short-term pleasures and therefore negatively impacting every other aspect and relationship in my life. I agree with Leo though, that often times it's doing the difficult things in life which brings you closer to feeling fulfilled and in alignment. For instance, in your example, I agree that eating pizza feels better and if you tend to be too restricted with yourself, allowing yourself to eat more pizza could be the thing you need right now. But if you mostly eat pizza and that kind of food, you will soon be sacrificing other important aspects (your health, physical and mental strength, etc.) and you won't feel as good about it. Of course you can keep indulging in the short term pleasure of eating pizza all the time, but the price you will pay will constantly increase and if you align yourself with your authentic feelings and desires, they will probably not be saying "keep eating pizza". At that point, eating healthier, although tough in the beginning, is what is truly aligned with your authentic feelings ?

@Loba The irony is that even if you may be right about him trying to control other people, by reacting to it in the way you are, you're falling into the same trap trying to control whether he tries to control other people or not.

Hi! I've noticed that when I'm more in alignment with my true self, being more authentic and honest, I notice strange coincidences happening. I know many people say those are synchronicities and it's the universe giving you hints that you're on the right path, but I'm scientifically-minded and I see another explanation that seems more likely: confirmation bias. My take on this is that these coincidences are constantly happening, but since I'm more connected to myself, other people and everything that's happening, I notice those coincidences more often and assign a meaning that I wouldn't otherwise. Maybe both explanations are just two different ways of interpreting the same experience. What do you think?

Thank you for the detailed answer One example I can think of where I'm not sure if it was synchronicity or confirmation bias is one time I was talking with a friend of mine about some food I really like (not the typical thing you usually carry with you) and suddenly he picked that exact food out of a bag as a gift for me that he had brought to my place. Yep, placebo is similar to this in a sense. The only problem I see with this reasoning is that it assumes the universe has some kind of intention of communicating with us. Maybe it's more random/chaotic than that and we're focusing on the events that have some kind of meaning for us (which is what confirmation bias is). This is what I was talking about when I say that whenever I'm more in alignment, things that do not happen usually start happening and there's also a slight feeling of being able to predict that those events are likely to occur.