Chumbimba

It did not stay for long though maybe 5 mins max

My first time doing MDMA I had an awakening experience.

@Beginner Mind Yeah authenticity is your best bet in both of these situations. Hope all goes well for you man !

@Beginner Mind You only think you have to be a dick. You need a balance between dickhead and nice guy. In reality confidence wins every time. Be yourself and try not to worry about how the woman perceives you because her perception of you is completely out of your control. Also it depends on intention. Are you looking for a girlfriend or are you just trying to fuck ?

Be authentic and bold. Wear your heart on your sleeve even if it means getting it stabbed a couple 100 times. It stings but feel the pain out and you will stop giving a fuck as you keep doing what you really want to do.

When people have deep enlightenment experience’s, why do they go into solitude for long periods of time ? Both Eckhart Tolle and David Hawkins have reported doing this.

First of all I would like to transparent and say that sometimes I feel like I don’t belong on this forum. I often make post and get no responses when I really need help. I know people read them too so I just want to be honest how I feel about that. But enough bitching. This is going to be a long one but I REALLLLLLLLLY need help with this. Disclaimer: I AM NOT TRYING TO PLAY VICTIM ! I know I am completely responsible for my reactions to my mother, but this hurts me so much that I have a hard time solving this on my own. My mom and I have the worst relationship. It would take too long to describe the depth of our poor relationship so I’m going to give it the best way I can. I feel like my mom hates me. I have felt that way for my whole life. She is not emotionally available at all. She’s very cold and rude to me. I end up getting cycles of shame, guilt, bitterness and even fear after speaking with her often times. She also has wished death on me many times because I have talked back to her when she talks to me poorly. I feel like every time she does that years are being taken off my life. She has beaten me, has had my dad beat me and nearly choke me to death, called cops on me, put me into mental institutions for me talking shit and being angry with her after beating me. Told me she doesen’t care what happens to me. She says that I am a horrible son, that I am bipolar, That she hates me. That I am a coward, a piece of shit, a weak ass hole and many other names. She is hyper critical about my looks and never listens to me when I talk to her. Every relationship I get she sabotages it by talking really poorly to my girlfriends and I get put in predicaments where that causes tension between me and my girlfriend. But on the other hand there are times she’s really there for me and loving towards me, but then it always ends up back into shit talk and new calling and dragging me down in the end. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m sick of it. I don’t know what to do. This only 1% of the things she said and done.I feel so abandoned. I’m 22 years old and I feel like nobody loves me. I feel like like everyone hates me. Why would anyone love me if my own mother doesn't even want to have anything to do with me. She always says “you talk about the same things all the time” or “ I don’t care what you have to say”. Every dream I have she shits on and tells me to become a psychiatrist because its “my gift.” I can’t even take Leo’s life purpose course seriously because in the back of my mind I think the only thing I can be is a Psychiatrist. I have given her 1,000s of dollars with no return of a single dime. I have tried cutting her out of my life, but the I end up feeling better without her in my life and then get into a cycle of guilt and shame because I shouldn’t be feeling good by cutting my mom out even though I hate her. I feel guilty for hating her and I feel like everyone hates me for hating my mom. Society says that “respect your parents”. How the fuck am I supposed to love and respect someone who shits on me constantly, belittles me and my apsirations and dreams and pretty much wants nothing to do with me unless its for her benefit. I don’t know where else to turn. I have tried therapy, meditation, watched Leo’s video on toxic people but nothing seems to work ! If I cut her off I am afraid of her dying and us ending on a bad note. I always get dragged back in. I know this is long but please help me. I know I sound like a little bitch boy with mommy issues who can’t get off her tit, but this is really killing my soul slowly. I have resisted asking this forum about this because I don’t want to seem like a victim in a place where the motto is take 100% responsibility. I just really need help.

Im black. As a culture we are stuck in religious dogma and group think in my opinion. Not open minded enough to even consider the truth of no self. Might take a few decades or more.

@ROOBIO I am starting to get that there is no "ME". That it's just mental activity, but I still can't fully grasp what I am.

Congrats man! I just started self-inquiry a few days ago. Do you have any tips?

I am studying abroad in Spain for 4 months and also taking the life purpose course at the moment. What would be some good books to take with me for my time over there to guide me in the right direction. I appreciate all suggestions!

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2U7EIX02ASA1D&keywords=healing+the+shame+that+binds+you+-+john+bradshaw&qid=1565201427&s=gateway&sprefix=healing+the+shame+tha%2Caps%2C178&sr=8-1

Since Leo has had more non dual insight since his original enlightenment FAQ videos. It would help to get an updated more advanced version so I can avoid more of the traps on my path.

@Natasha I really appreciate this. I am trying to minimize my lifestyle. I am getting more nauseated by materialism by the day. I don't but many material items. Mostly just books to read.

Reading it now it’s amazing

Magical instead of super

@zenjen just curious how old are you. Because if you’re still in your 20s don’t put up with that shit. I just got out of something like that. You can’t change people I had to learn that the hard way. Take a break away from him and then he might get his stuff together

@SFRL I feel that I just don’t have it right now to give her. It’s a lot of money lol

I broke up with my ex last month and have been doing a lot better recently, but I still have dreams about her. I told myself that I never want to talk to her again so I blocked her on everything. She emailed me saying I owe her money and She Dms my friend on Instagram saying she wants her copy of think and grow rich back and her sleep mask back. I really don't want to give them back because I want no contact with her what so ever, but a part of me still misses her and are keeping her things for control purposes. I'm still so angry and hurt about her getting with another guy behind my back and then telling me that when I leave for Spain she is going to find intimacy elsewhere. Then every time I am doing really well and moving forward strong she contacts me and I get set back a little. From blocked numbers, email or through my friends. What should I do? If I am being immature let me know. This is the best way I know how to cope from my addictive past relationship.

@Stevo did it end up backfiring on you ? If so how ?

Also I'm leaving for Spain next month and I know I will be home free once I get on the flight lol. Just trying to make it until then.

Why do you watch porn ? The reason behind the action is more important than the action itself. Would you be okay if you were scrolling on porn hub and you saw a video of your sister getting fucked ? Or your mom ?

@see_on_see have you tried it ?

@Moreira 1. Waking up a lot earlier. I can function off 5 Hours if sleep no problem. 2.Learning Spanish and really diving deep into the language 3. Actually taking notes on Leo’s videos and studying them (Still a work in progress I generally listen but don’t soak what he’s saying.) 4.Reading Daily 5. Journaling every morning 5. Lifting 6. Meditation an hour per day 7. currently working on establishing a Kriya Yoga practice 8. Building healthier and more productive money habits 9. Eating healthier. My diet is a lot less shit than it used to be but still shit 10.Cutting people things that don’t serve me. 11. Creating a plan to escape wage slavery Basically restructuring my entire life ? it feels amazing. Super fulfilling. I’m gonna type a whole post about it because people really don’t get how this shit can transform your whole life.

I have been trying to do strong determination for about 2 weeks for about an hour per day. So far it’s the most effective method for me and the results are extraordinary. But every time around the 25-30 min mark, I have been shaking ,speaking gibberish, having weird breathing patterns, whining and crying and my back will move without my permission. This is really affecting my practice because I can not go the whole hour without this happening and I feel like I can’t sit properly. I have been having this problem for a few months. It ceased after my Vipassana retreat for a short time but it recently has resumed. Can anyone help me with this ? Any insights would be helpful ! Peace