Peter124

I'm a 19 year old artist, I'm looking for a job. I've had the idea of trying to get a job that would include me using my (pretty good) artistic skills since trying to get a conventional job isn't really working out for me. ATS machines and how robotic mechanical and how stress inducing, depressing and seemingly hopeless the employment process seems given my little experience so far, Had everything feeling like a nightmare so far. Especially given the added stress of my parents telling me to try to get a job is. To be honest, I've tried mostly applying through online means. Mostly using Indeed. I keep figuring out there's flaws in my resumes that destroyed my past application attempts And that I wasted those opportunities. And this has been happening since high school. For the past 3-4 years. That said, I have been fortunate enough to have some opportunities so I know I can be hired but still, I squandered both opportunities and it feels still that I'm a peg below most in my chances because of my limited experience. So, I'm wondering maybe since Art is a definitive skill I do have, even though I'm not in an Arts program (yet, I want to go to collage for animation so I can become a show and (short and feature length) film animator which is amongst my other goals in life career wise and otherwise. So, I'm curious is there a way for me to get hired somewhere with my skills, body of work (which I can create a portfolio out of if need be) and at this age and point in my life? What kinds of places can I apply and how can I get hired? Has anyone had experience in doing this they can share advice from? Thanks.

My domain is mostly in drawing, marker art and a small little bit of painting. I can definitely do some research on Zoom and Discord. Thanks.

Spirituality: the realization that the ego is not real, you're not your body. The universe is immaterial concuousness and that is your true self. Realizations and implications: -All thaughts, judgements meanings beliefs worldviews and ideas of your egomind is a dillusion -There is no cause or reason to be anxious about anything -There is no ego-you so no one has control. No other person or you have control. Because there is no ego. There is no they or you. Only one. God. That's basically the jist of it. So why does it seem like many are creating ideas and false implications around spirituality and attributing them to it. Such as, the notion that there is no further thing for you to do in life. The conditions of human life, all life on earth, the conditions surrounding the planet are all splendid. Just because of the fact that it doesn't impact the entity of the universe? Or, somehow all events that can proceed this moment, are all predestined and preordained by God and that in this life, you are only a puppet that God is orchestrating. In such a way again, you can not be held accountable for anything. Creating a slight duality between you and God. In a way, that God becomes a seperate entity from you... As an ego. Thus some spiritualist say you never escape the ego, or even return to the ego. "It is God's will and it is good that God decided to allow this to happen" you say to all the injustices being done at the hands of a person, against another. Driven by unconscious mechanical reasons. Driven by ego. By delusion. As though you are even capable of coming to that conclusion when it's God making you. Then some might suggest, you can just take a massive load off. There's no point in doing your daily duties. There is no point in participating in such unconscious world. Or to seek anymore. You have no need to want. So there's nothing to do. But hang back and relax. Until you die. Others can say, return to your daily duties. Do your dharma. Because you have a duty to your job. Follow the system, just meditate and keep a clear head. This is just the way the world is and how God made it. Might as well, complete your role in it. You can do it peacefully and relaxed while doing it until you die. And then be reincarnated. The second assumes that by accepting how the world is, and doing your part in it, just more relaxed. Is the way. After enlightenment experiences. The first, accepts the world is unconscious but chooses to do nothing. Seeing it as their destinies perhaps seeing it as the way. Because there is no point in trying, doing or wanting anything for themselves or the world after enlightenment. But both operates based on a few rationalizations, judgements and ideas of how one ought to more "correctly," or "more spiritually" live life. They may believe that there is nothing to fix, do, or act. That the actions taken in the world is God's decision imposed and acted upon by human puppets. It may seem spiritual but it's only using spirituality as a way to act as a shield of defence for the ego. Because it justifies the Ego by creating judgements about what spiritual awakening must mean in such a way that it is inconsequential and understood in a way it's formatted for prolonging of ego. And to keep the world the way it is. Driven unconsciously by the devil. And the biggest twist is that this "spirituality" is conducted for survival. Human survival, and the survival of the collective ego. And yes. The devil is a part of God. But ego is also created to be experienced and transcended. By awakening. Or death. I'm not going to impose any of the views I've developed on anyone. I will share them however. To me, God, ego is created to be experienced. I am all intellegent however I am also as a random variable. (Random variable: symbol representing the outcome of an experiment) When I experience things through human eyes, or the world, I do have a design. That design is to lead to awakening and the contued progress of complexity in this world. Every new moment is created by the complex series of forces acting upon it that preceeds it. An ever self animating hologram with many forces in the compartments within myself. So the future is pre-determined yes, but by the interplay of forces acting on each other. Molding each moment a certain way. Unconscious Humans act according to ego and psychological forces like a robot. The ego mind is very complex so humans often compete in life and with their worldviews, compete in many aspects of human life. Human society. Aimed at survival of bodily self, ego and group. I designed life so every action taken and force will eventually lead to peace. No matter what action is taken. No matter what anyone does. It will all end up resulting in peace. All potential scenarios will lead to peace. The whole of humanity waking up and becoming Concuous. So each time someone realizes that oneness with me. Forfeits egoic ownership over their lives, A new purpose shall arise. To be a light. A shining example, a teacher, a guider. To guide humanity to me. God. In whatever way they chose to do it. In which ever way they feel. And to call attention to the fact that an unconscious society being lead by unconscious ideals is contributing to individual suffering. And in turn is fueled by suffering caused by the ego. And that transcendace is possible. And values inspired by spiritual revelation can help guide the world to concuousness. In such a way that, your will becomes to contribute to the awakening of the world. Because your duty in life isn't any longer serving your body or ego. But, you find a new operation and inspiration in life, selflessness. And bringing truth to the world. And the personality and confidence of that soul will shine through. Having complete their hero journey doing it so, in a way that they complete it doing something they love, chose and/or accept with a peaceful joy.

So "I" got bored and decided to meditate lying down on "my" bed, And something peculiar happened during the session. At about the end, near the time "I" opened "my" eyes again, The ego voice (or just "my" thaughts admitted that it is a lie. It said something to the effect of (and "I'm" paraphrasing.) "I am a lie. My life, my birth, my death is a lie. My wants, my desires, my fears and my anxieties is a lie." And it felt like a bit of a burden was unloaded, lifted from me. It felt good and I felt lighter and better. Happier and was laughing afterwards. Afterwards, I was realizing things like what Enlightenment really means. Not understanding the bullet points of what enlightenment says. Or being cognitively aware of it and living according to it like some philosophy. But actually becoming it. BECOMING enlightened means, becoming enlightenment itself. And realizing your truth as truth. Your true self as truth. As enlightenment itself. The truth that Leo, the Buddha Jesus and many more taught is that the ego and all the thaught stories and narratives beliefs and ideas are delusion. All of it. Which included all fears, anxieties, neurosis, desires and all man-made concepts. Which means that body or mind (in the conventional use of the term) or psychology or personality you believe to be you, that thing which is yours, your life, seperate from other life forms, people and material things. Ego is a delusion. And that what everything is, is just one infinate hallucination or dream as Leo described it. This hallucinating agent is what is called, concuousness or pure, empty awareness. Becoming itself as form. Existing and being as form. But as a hallucination. Which means there is only me. And you the reader are me. "My" question is, after an enlightenment experience, is it usual for the ego voice, the linguistic thaught voice to be in your head? Basically, for ego thinking continue? As it's still continuing for "me" And does that mean that this mini enlightenment experience of the ego admiring itself to be a lie and realizing, becoming enlightenment itself and as the true self as enlightenment itself only small parts of a much larger enlightenment journey? At full enlightenment does the ego voice disappear forever? Or does it remain? And how does contemplation/thinking happen without the voice? Does thinking happen at all? Is there still contemplation in the usual way or does the nature of the way contemplation happens change?

When I usually try meditating, I always feel a great resistance inside of me from continuing to meditating. It's like my body is trying to make me stop meditating, sometimes softly trembling and goes into some fight or flight mode. With that said when meditating, I do have decently ok bits of thaughtlesness. When I've meditated recently. And always I alway feel an incredibly harsh ego backlash every single time where it feels like anger depression anxiety fearful and negative thaughts spike and over take me. And I usually fall and feel overwhelmed by unconsciousness and confusion afterwards. I don't meditate as often as I aught because I am to an extent, worried of this harsh backlash and resistance while meditating. Is this resistance normal?

@Nahm thanks for the advice

For the past few weeks, I've noticed a few spiritual teachers talking about this idea that you essentially have no real choice or free will in what happens to you or what happens in regards to your life. And that everything that happens is determined by the God head as destiny. That God already pre-planned everything according to God's plan. I'm someone who has extreme anxiety about the prospect that I could be destined for failure as in, not being able to get into the college I want for Animation. Or being able to get that dream job I've always been wanting for a while in animation and story telling. Never being able to find a love partner, never losing my virginity, not being able to be hired for the most part and screwing it up when I do get the job. That ultimately my family may give up on me and kick me to the curb as a lazy good for nothing loser and me eventually losing all the friends that I have. My parents have been arguing since I was a kid, I think I was scarred as a result, I've been compared to my hot tempted aggressive and sometimes vulgar and disrespectful dad sometimes as though it's just me as well. And there's nothing I can do about it. Even though I'm mostly never like him. The only thing is that sometimes I have some anger issues and a big mouth. But I've been working on it and getting much better in that regard. Trying to own my mistakes. And I'm much better now. I've been bullied and rejected alot as a kid and in high school. I've never felt like I felt in because of different personalities. Sometimes I'm just shy and introverted and I feel very insecure about my self. I'm insecure about my looks since I'm a bit skinnier for my age, I've been called ugly alot growing up and even though I do groom pretty well and made progress in improving my style, I still feel subpar next to most other guys. I just feel like girls will reject me, end up leaving me or find a better looking guy than me. And I may end up dying a Virgin. I've been having horrible struggles trying to secure a job and have alot of confidence issues in myself and my abilities since without getting job experience now it might make it next to impossible for me to get hired anywhere down the line. Also I feel insecure about my art since I feel like I'll never be good enough for a collage and that I'll always be skipped over for better artists. And add this anxiety that God fixed it like this, or if you want to say I'm (not ego self) God, somehow decides to be cruel to this life experiencing form and curse it from birth, made it like a futile loser perpetual failure unloved, unworthy for love in the eyes of others basically complete futility. And that my only choices is try to counter act this and fail, or well, commit suicide. Me committing suicide would be surrender and well the only true relief from this. My one true act of rebellion and the one thing that could bring some pleasure, no matter how scarred I am to die. Or what lies beyond. Though I am emsly curious to know if this awareness or concuousness that I'm experiencing continues after death, or if it's just darkness and nothingness a complete lack of concuousness forever. Though we'll never, I'll never know until and unless I die I guess. And I'm teetering slowly on the side of suicide, trying to find some excuses to try to stave actually offing myself. Like, finishing game of thrones, hoping to get lucky or proven wrong or something like that. Help.

I'll be sure to be aware of the fact that negative energy creates negative moments, as self fulfilling prophecies. And that so as long as allow myself to be swayed by the darkness of ego, it will reflect poorly in my Karma.

Thanks for the advice. It's crazy how during my personal spiritual journey, as I've been grasping the truth of the universe being immaterial, the I, concuousness being God creating reality through becoming holographic form and the truth of no ego self, How my ego created and pulled me so vigorously into this delusions and deceptions. As though it would prefer to commit suicide as an ego with a toxic mindset rather than be let go. I have not been meditating as much as I had been before however my spiritual progress was made mostly through contemplating and trying to be mindful of what Leo had said in his videos. I believe the mistakes I made was thinking that things are preordained rather than the fact that moments becomes eternal once it becomes. Since possibility is conceptual but moments are actual. And do not become actual until it happens. And if I am creating this narrative, than it will become like a self-fulfilling prophecy since I'm putting that energy in motion. And the future only existing as a multitude of possibilities that become the present as the the becomes recreated to now rather than then which becomes a memory in a continuous sequence as a certain possibility happens. And of course not meditating nearly enough. I see now as God, I puppet this life. And recognize it is connected with everything else as one. So there is no need to struggle and create bad scenarios by putting out that negative energy. Sending out that message that this is what I'm creating and where my focus is and affecting my Karma badly in the end. Since negative And as I become more conscious, and in tune with my intuition, I can guide this life and form working with nature to what I chose to create. Rather than fighting egoicly for control and trying to exert egoic will. Your advice actually helps and illuminates how this never "fit" is the work of egoic delusion. And unconsciousness.

I have had some guidance counselors in school yes. I feel like they did their job fine for what I needed at the time. But I haven't really seen a therapist quite yet.

Reality is not non-dual Reality is dual Reality is fragmented Fragmented into so many tiny pieces Pieces, things made up of things, and more things That can not be explained, or known, or understand All forming one reality But reality is dual so there is many uncounted things in Existance Since reality is only many things, Reality does not exist, it is only the sum, the total of all that exists. And there are many totals. So a total does not exist. Reality is an illusion Existance, is an illusion For what existed formally does not appear now or enter our senses. Concuousness, is just a mechanical system done by your brain. However, no one can say that Existance or non existance exists or does not exist. It can only be known through concuousness. And you cannot say you exist or not as a body because you cannot say if anything is a thing or not a thing. Because it could exist or it can not exist. It can only be known through concuousness You can not know if concuousness exists, or not But you are conceous. Yet concuousness is the only one thing to be known to exist. Nothing else Yet everything exists So what's the difference between concuousness and non concuousness And who's to say that anything contrasts with Existance. There is not a thing that contests Existance So it is eternal it is infinate It is one, it is all It is whole and the sum of the parts In what it is. And who's to say that there is a distinction between the reader or me The typer and you Anything and you Not and you It is all I I

I am a stage green and yellow person as with my youngest sister however, my parents are stage orange and blue fundamentalist religious and ultra conservative individuals. I always feel extra stress and anxiety added on my self-actualization journey between my anger, anxiety, stress, sadness and hurt caused by them. I'm honestly trying to find a path just for now (I'm 19 Btw) between having things be OK with my parents and my feelings of always being emotionally blackmailed, manipulated and bullied by them. I just need advice for by anyone who on their spiritual path to give me advice to help grow and heal while I'm feeling emotionally and mentally hurt by them. They have power to kick me out and I feel helpless as well, my parents are almost always arguing with each other which causes pain to listen to. There are thing that is an issue like: weed. I smoke weed as I feel like it does help in some aspects My parents hate it and want to kick me out if I am figured out. School, I felt disconnected from school and want to go to a different collage for Animation as it was my passion But I have low self confidence in myself and my parents always talk to me like I'm a bum drop out. And issues like religion fundamental world view and anxiety. They think that the world operates on rules and consequences, And that literal demons are in non religious music movies anxiety weed. And I have a very spiritual metaphysical and general view. We cannot see eye to eye on anything and there is always tension. Help, I need advice.

@Leo Gura Actually yeah I supposed so. Also, I wasn't completely being honest in the question even in the first place since I've noticed the past few days that this idea got me stuck that somehow God has ordained my life to fail in anything I pursue in a zerosum scenario. I want to drop out of my current program and then enter a collage my heart is in for Animation. Then it's like, what if I'm destined to fail? I want to find employment, what if everyone deems me unworthy to be hired? Getting a girlfriend? God says no. Trying to have a good relationship with my family and help lead my very stage orange/blue parents to say green/yellow? They'll never care for that and that'll never happen. So it's then like, oh it doesn't matter to God, God is completely indifferent, even if I kill my body, God will be like Meh, coz God ordained it and there can be nothing to be done about it. Because everything being calculated by God takes would then take any possibility of me taking control of this life. And this still persists even though I've been making great strides in realizing my true self as God, as you like I'm asking myself for advice by asking you for advice in how to cleanse myself this compulsive puppeteering and daunting idea that's honestly haunting and making me feel like as God, I somehow can't get the plan I am passionate for for this life because somehow I've made myself into an impossible catch-22 situation that I intuitively feel my egomind created. So basically as I'm writing this I just realized there's no point in asking Leo because: 1. I can just become mindful of these ideas and come to realize that these idea are rooted in dualist, egoic thinking. 2. This idea was created completely by the ego as I intuitively feel and come to understand based on interpretations of past experiences 3. I can come to understand and accept these past experiences and take personal responsibility for them, freeing myself from them 4. I create my future and in my infinate wisdom I can figure out exactly how to bypass this catch-22 and make the impossible, possible. Then through meditation research and contemplation, deposit this in the mind. 5. I create the life that I envision and cultivate and I can chose to believe and envision that these goals are indeed possible and that there is no such thing as can't, impossible or fail. 6. Live in the present and focus on the present. Learn and Practice, learn and practice and when the time comes, I'll have my boosted to the point where of course I can get into this school I what. I can create a scenario in which that happens. Same for that girlfriend, and good family life. Then to create that art production studio.

Basically the question meant, Advice in successfully implementing the insights gained from realizing what you've said into the cultivation of one's life purpose and in life generally from a practical standpoint. Not necessarily mine but any person's generally. Basically the implementation process is something I've been struggling with in my personal development the past two days especially today since I've been slowly coming to terms with it I figured advice from those who've had experience in this stage could be helpful. I feel like advice from people who've been there can help me better figure myself out.

Which of the 10 bull of Zen stages are you at? And what practical advice would you have for someone coming to terms with what you've stated in your non-duality vid and the conversations in this forum in relation to self-actualizing and making one's ambitions and passions in life into a reality as well as living a life in service to helping others and nature and all that jazz.

So interesting to me how related spirituality politics and psychology sociology can be. Obviously our governments right now aren't doing anything really about climate change or taking any good action in the middle east. I (ego-self) live in Canada however my hope is that Bernie does get elected so that atleast there's a decent chance of the Green New Deal actually being implemented. And as for who should rule the Middle East? Well not one particular country at all. Each nation ought to rule their own and America ought to get out of the middle east's business. As for the Israeli problem, a two-state solution is the best idea that exists rn. Honestly the absolute best solution for the whole of humanity would just to at some point end these dualistic categories of Religion ethnicity race gender social, economic, political status and seperateness from the rest of nature. And just make John Lennon's song a reality

Do humans have to kill humans over small minded arguments when compromise is possible? The goal isn't really for human life to become immortal. At some point there will be no human life However, our collective ego is basically casting this cycle of life death and rebirth and the harmony in nature out of whack because of divisions we created in our minds. Really, violence in human society exists because of anxiety and fear caused by lack of understanding. For example. We have more food and water to supply everyone, we have scientists who can construct living structures that can coexist with nature. We have the choice of natural resources over coal and oil. And the choice to clean our litter, preserve the habitat and lives of endangered species and perhaps even regrow the trees in the forests with the seeds we have preserved. Again, just out of respect for the earth's ecosystem. And to allow this circle of life to be as it was originally created to be. A life form dies to be transformed into energy by another life form through to gain strength, for the most part reproduce and die to be turned into consumption. However, in our ignorance we have came to believe that we are above the rest of nature and that our lives are more important and so in our arrogance and pride we end up fighting each other because then, we come to see others as a threat to our own status. And the result is a devastating role in climate change and the slow unjust destruction of earth's ecosystem. All we're saying is that, let's end our own ignorance and bias towards violence and hostility towards one another, learn to live as one human community and play our role in nature as was always intended for harmony to be on earth. And as you said that I agree with, it doesn't mean that we will be never have to kill animals in order to eat, it's just that we are way over stepping our boundaries and setting up death camps for animals, over feeding them with crap and slaughtering them in horrific ways. Like if you've seen those videos of all those chickens in the Pens all smooshed together and torture before being butchered without regard. So, in becoming more in harmony with life, we also have the choice to reduce the sheer amount of animals we're killing and to make it so that it's done in a far more respectful way. And actually give thanks for the animals for their nutrition. The food industry needs a massive rehaul and we must learn to consume (even some animals) in a way that doesn't end up destroying the ecosystem. Basically take ownership and responsibility for our mess and take actions to be more in harmony with the rest of life while accepting our fate.

With greater understanding I have faith that we are capable of finding ways that can accommodate these needs without necessarily leading to violence. If we chose to. What you said is true in such an extreme case. With wisdom any dilemma can be resolved. It's something that we can learn from how Ghandi liberated India without relying on violence. Meanwhile he did make some mistakes, he did display how a non violent path can lead to a liberating path. With that said, yeah I do agree that there will always be disagreement and some conflict. It's a matter of choice of how to respond. One could respond adding fire to fire and creating greater conflict, Or come to a compromise and mutual understanding to resolve an issue. Heck with all this useless fighting and energy spent arguing already over resources meanwhile we already have enough food and water to feed everyone, We could instead chose to put aside our differences, give each other assistance and care and work together to say, resolve the dilemma of climate change. Whether we will is another story however we still do have that choice. Jesus's lifeis the best example of an enlightened individual who embodied and exemplified this I can think of. The first church in the book of Acts is an example of that kind of mini society being conducted.

In the event that humanity become more spiritually evolved I anticipate that we will learn to cease to make arbitrary distinctions and seperation like race gender religion ethnicity social status superiority inferiority which enforces the dualistic world view. Since love means acceptance and understanding, I suppose one would basically be in a state of delusion to not accept that things like war do happen and will likely not be abolished by us without a major evolution in our understanding of reality and each other as a part of one's ultimate self. Basically a non-dual understanding. So now it seems that guiding people towards non-duality and encouraging this progression towards ending the judging of others, ending selfishness and ending these imaginary distinctions bewteen other and self will pay dividends. If we actually listen and actually move towards that understanding. And it's completely hypothetical rn so I guess best to accept things as is, work on self purification and embody that love and non-dual understanding in my conduct and response towards everything and everyone I in the temorary form come across. Because if you in the temorary human form do not judge anyone if you love everyone accept things as they are become completely selfless and forgive every "bad" action, who would you ever commit things like murder theft lying rape and so on against? Nobody I feel to be honest.

Does becoming spiritualy awake make one apathetic and complacent to unjust and "devilish" actions taken as a result of unconsciousness that result in pain towards others? Like Hitler killing millions of innocent people in the gas chambers because of his delusional beliefs or the Saudi genocide in Yemen a more recent example killing many innocents including children? Because meanwhile it is technically true that the ultimate nature of reality is Good (concuousness / Brahman), that doesn't mean that empathy for those who are suffering and working towards a fully awake human community living as one in harmony peace egalitarianism and altruism suddenly get canceled even if it looks like a tall order now.

@theking00 "I" understand the dilemma "you" are in. Ego basically operates as a narrative that "you" are the body that "you" move around, from whose eyes "you" see the external physical world from. And as an entity seperate from other individuals. Realize that the ego is a delusion born from unconsciousness that encompasses your sense of psychology and all the mechanisms of this psychology. Fear, desire, anxiety, loss, loninesness, limit, bodily image, self image, psychological mental emotional and physiological needs, survival instincts, coping mechanism, memory, seperateness, guilt, shame, suffering, loss. This ego operates not only in the "brain" in the head but also the systems in the body such as your nervous system and endocrine system. The nervous system sends signals and impulses all across the body and endocrine system is basically responsible for hormones meanwhile the mind is where all the neurochemical interactions happen. So ego does appear in thaught however it goes beyond the thaught mind it pervades the entire system of the body. Like your operating system which runs the entire operation of the computer. So to remove (more appropriate to state, letting go of) ego means to remove this entire operating system that governs the entire operation in the mind on all levels . Not just in mental thaught mind, the logical structures in the head but also the thing that governs the endocrine and nervous systems. And it comes with the realization that you are NOT the body. You are NOT seperate from other Concuousness does not belong to you nor is a phenomenon experienced by the body as an independent subject. And there is no external world outside of direct experience. There is only this phenomenal experience of form and that the form of human body is just one form that is experienced by "you" however isn't you. That means letting go of all judgements beliefs and ideas created by the mind. And what the "you" is not seperate from what "I" am. And I am consciousness itself. Or, the formless limitless eternal infinate aware presence from which all form originates and then interacted with. In a sense, reality is like an illusion or abstraction created by this formless consciousness and the essence of form is formlesness. And yet, the formless is me. Consciousness. Allowing this understanding permiate and reformat the operation of body and mind is difficult. And to live in this truth in such a way that you recognize that this body is your vessel that you use a label of name to identify as a part of the whole that is not seperate but one with the that you control and interact with life with. And let that understanding guide your conduct and attitude in life towards all you encounter in life. For many is difficult as well. Few become mindful. This is what becoming mindful/enlightened is about.

You're on the right track actually, also, God is the one thing that can't be a concept since God is essentially reality. Everything you see all around you is God so there is nothing but God. Here's something for you to contemplate. You have never actually seen your supposed face or neck You have never even seen your eyes. When you look in the mirror you see a form that we call face, neck and eyes. Furthermore, we know that everything we interact with is just images and constructs created by the "mind" which in reality is just energy interacting with energy. But energy you interact with. However, since ALL form is just an abstraction of the mind that means that the body, the body you believe you inhibit and everything is just an abstraction. Like an illusion that you interact with with energy that's bonded together by energy. However, we know that there is this phenomenon that is aware and is perceiving things called concuousness. Concuousness is like an empty formless perceiving force. That basically makes it's own vast emptyness into form. As if out of this vast empty canvas different forms. It's the one things that can actually create something out of nothing because it's just basically playing around with itself. Concuousness is unlimited its all potential and all powerful. It is ultimately infinately intellegent. Since there is no alterior force other than itself to limit it's own intelligence. And it can just create what it is intellegent about. No rules. Unless rules are created for some parts of itself. Concuousness as enlightenment reveals is the aware presence of God situated in and out of the form perceiving things. And the I becoming God concuousness itself and not form. The origin point of this universe points back to the explosion of light and matter in the big bang. Created by concuousness. Concuousness is basically the infinate entity and origin point of all realities and all that is beyond in and within the universe. And it's the I.

Something that is said is that all "evil" in the world like murder, rape, genocide, colonialism, slavery, racism sexism homophobia transphobia etc... Is just a natural part of life and that it's just all perfect and ok, My mind is tempted to get anger at that statement and think "oh are you then CONDONING those actions or saying we should not move to a more caring altruistic and egalitarian society?" But after contemplating, it doesn't make sense to get angry at the statement if I don't understand what's being said. Accepting that people will do harmful things sometimes =/= condoning them and denying progress (or at least the love for their to be greater progress) towards an egalitarian and altruistic human society living in harmony with all living things. The way that I understand the nature of God is meanwhile yes technically we are just form and that this form is not our truest nature (God) that it does not necessarily mean that God condones the actions of the unconscious ego self against one another. And that there is no excuse for say, drunk driving, genocide, rape, slavery or cutting down the forests, polluting the earth and so forth. As since one becomes more concuous, one should recognize that one must care and love for others as he does ones self. And that means improving human conduct and reaching what God's true intent is. Harmony. Life living in harmony with one another as one earth ecosystem and many parts of that system. And that God is always re-creating reality. Everything dies and is remade in many ways. It doesn't need humans to do the work of killing on God's behalf and what truly makes life seem miserable is not life itself, it's human civilization based on human thaughts. Human thaught= causing harm because of ego. Yet one thing that's the same is community empathy and altruism for all living things. And that when we go against that for our own egocentric reasons that we construct in our heads, we become anxious we don't understand and we cause harm to others against God's intent. The God head exists with the fractel. What is done in the name of human thaught is making the world hell and causing unnecessary harm to the one another. All the same, accepting that these evil things exist doesn't mean that one should condone them or that we can't improve things, make progress and bring things towards balance and Harmony between all living things.

Thanks for the advice, That special family Love is something that I felt I lost towards them in a way that I could say, "oh yeah I love my parents" but mean it in a kind of platonic way. Like saying, I'm willing to be decently kind and civil with them. I have been accepting that they are just blue/orange stage individuals as well as staunch ultra right wing religious fundamentalists, I don't feel really that they accept me for who I am and believe that there is something wrong with me since I'm not like how they are. That's something I had to live with since I was a kid as my dad would always call me "crazy" or say things like "you're mental" "you'll never be a man to me". That and at times it feels like they resent me for not being like them. I understand why and how they are like this, I get it as I know stuff about their upbringing, I do emphasize with why they are they way they are. However I don't feel like they are my real family or that they know what love is or how to act in love. Like I feel they expect us to turn into more financially stable versions of them. I can't respect them since they are way too restrictive with me, their love is way too conditional, they are controlling and restrictive and always negative. With that said, what kind of practical exercises would you suggest for me to try to open up to this love? And limit better yet, sever any kind of hindrance my relationship with them is having on my spiritual and personal growth?