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@Paul92 What you need to know is that at the opposite, when you experience total presence is when you really can experience real true love for everyone. But I totally understand your point and your vision. Well, Paul I think you should just dare to do something you have always wanted to do, just leave your place some months maybe, go travel or maybe go to a course of something you would like. I mean if you already have decided to die, then dare to do things you didn't dare before, because you have nothing to loose. I send you some nice vibes and yeah try to take some time to lay on ur bed with some nice music and just enjoy the presence and to do nothing, with no thoughts, when a thought comes to your mind just ignore it, just let go your thoughts, don't identify and don't follow your thoughts, just observe it without any value. and little by little you will have another vision of things. And believe me I also had a time when I was identifying so deep with my pain and my heart and mind could not take it anymore, and I felt so miserable and empty. I thought my pain was real, I cried and cried for days. But one day I gave up and I could not feel the pain anymore, the pain was still in my mind, but then I was able to let it go, to not identify with it. That just happened suddenly, so if someone would have try to explain me how to do it, I probably would have not grasp it ,with the conscious I was having back then. So I totally can understand you. I wish you the best Paul, have a nice Sunday and if you keep having those thoughts, to dare to kill yourself, then use that power to be invincible , cause damn, to have the courage to do such a thing , then better have it to do anything else, get power from it! @Nahm Thank you for your nice words, have a nice day.

@Paul92 I have always think that if I'm in the point of not wanting to live anymore and I won't care about anything, then I would rather just leave everything behind and go live in a nice beach town or another country, where no one would know me and I could just start from nothing. Also you are in a great position now, because when you decide to die then nothing matters anymore, then you give up, and when you give up then nothing can hurt you anymore, nothing can worry you and is exactly in that point where you want to be! Because then you can just let go of everything and just surrender. Only then you can finally understand that all " your" thoughts, all ideas, illusions, fears, dreams, emotions, beliefs, any single thing that you identify with is pure bullshit and is a creation of your mind, you are not any of that, that was just put in your head by experiences, by your parents, by society, by your culture, by social parameters, by your friends, by the media; etc etc. So you are not that. and then all the shit you supposed to accomplished in life, it does not matter at all anymore, nothing then matters, which is awesome to hit that point , cause only when you free yourself from all that, then you can give up to the image of you and the vision of your future. When nothing matters then you can finally be in peace, because no more pressure, nothing you do or not do will matter. No pressure of how successful you will be or not, not pressure of what you are or what you are not, because then you will just BE and that will be enough. Then you will finally become presence. People think that by saying, that nothing will matter means that then why to live, whats the point... but when you don't give a fuck of what others think and not even about what you think, then finally you can liberate yourself from your mind, then you can feel emotions but you don't identify, you let them go, you then don't identify with anything your mind says.Try to not judge anything, don't give a value to anything, just let it be, be neutral, don't let anything affect you, don't follow any thought, you are not your thoughts, you are just presence. In that state all is peaceful and enough.

I only did it once, and I did too little so I could not break through but the beings I saw were 3 Animaniacs, they really look exactly like that, and they told me that they were just gonna entertained me, so they were comming near my ear,telling me the most hilarious things I ever heard in my life, I can't recall it though but I was laughing so hard. I never laugh so much in my life before. Then I told them, that I wanted to stay and that I love them, that they were my best friends haha, they told me we were gonna meet again. Was not profound at all, but I really loved it. lol @Druid420 Can't wait to hear the other stories.

@Serotoninluv ?Nice! I’m from Guatemala, I was living in Amsterdam for 8 years and then I started to feel a bit depressed and I felt I was not being myself anymore. So,I decided to leave. And I don’t regret, Guatemala has helped me a lot; after a year of living here, I’m feeling again happy and myself! ? people are so friendly and open here in Antigua Guatemala!?

If you can, go travel to a poor country or to latin America, you are gonna meet so many friendly people and you will see other perspectives in life ! And yeah don’t worry we all have negative thoughts sometime. Just let those thoughts go, don’t identify with them.?

What always works for me is to neutralized the person, to not focus in the beauty, neither in my sexual attraction, nothing... just to see them neutral and like whatever, approach just like If they would be any random friend of mine, so just a friendly approach. I also noticed that when guys do it like that to me or my girl friends also works for them. ??

Now I really feel like doing LSD

Hi Melinda, I think he really likes you, but he is not ready to commit sexually just with you. He likes to party and use drugs. And You both are very young. The only way you could have this man, is by just enjoying the love without any conditions, just love him and let him free. If you have chemistry then enjoy the sex with protection and don't think about the future, loving with attachment it is not good. Life is simple, let him party, let him be with his friends, and then just enjoy his company without ask anything from him. I know you have the idea in your head of a relationship label, but learn to love with letting go, It is so unconditional and peaceful love. No expectations, no possession, just acceptance. So I advise you to learn to just enjoy his company. No labels,no suffer, no think of the future ( cause even if he would be your bf, he could leave you, or cheat on you, so future is always uncertain.) Life is simple, love too! Good luck