Never been through that before:
I have been seeing a guy now for 3 month. We manage to create a great emotional connection and real intimacy while kissing, hugging, sharing deep thoughts or laughing at the same things. It seems to be a perfect match, I have never felt such a connection before.
BUT: everytime we both get hot and start to touch the partner in the intimate parts, his erection stops and all sexual tension feels like blown away. This is very frustrating - and even worse, the whole problem seems to be the death blow of our story.
We talked a lot about the problem.
Quickly some facts about him, which might underline the paradox of all:
-He says that he loves kissing and hugging me
-He says that my face is wonderful to him
-He says that he really likes me
-He gets hard touching me, and once I managed to give him a hand job
-He was in a relationship that lasted 6 years, and hasn't got a lot of sexual experience with other women
-He says that he doesn't like me getting wet that quick (as I do, that's just my nature when I am really attracted to someone) and he would really be turned on if he had to put a lot of effort into getting me wet (like I would be more ready to have sex than him)
-He says that I would be somehow too skinny for him (I have an average weight (BMI 21), but an eating disorder and told him about that)
-He says that he has asked himself if he would be gay because of the lack of his virility, but he now is sure he is not
-He once was addicted to porn, and when he masturbates for himself he really likes it
I stated the point that I might just not be his type of a girl, and he said that maybe this would be the case, but he doesn't want to admit. But he has contradicted himself a lot, he could not give me a plausible answer to the problem. Can this really be the reason for all that? If it would be, why is he able to get erect and says things like he loves my face or kissing me?
The whole thing is getting really back-breaking because on one hand, I don't want to lose him - on the other hand, I don't want to continue like that either. I for one never had problems with guys that could not have sex with me, rather the opposite - they invariably were all really keen on that. Combined with my past eating disorder an lasting lack of physical self acceptance (I can get over it if a men really likes my body and has sex with me), the whole thing is poison for my emotional stability.
We both don't actually know what to do about it, and we both agree that we don't want to give up the magnificent emotional connection, but also that sex would be an important part of an intimate relationship and that we cannot continue like that. It seems to be a vicious circle. I would be glad to here some voices of people who have been in a similar situation before or who might know what the core problem could be and how we could get out of it.
Kind regards!
