roopepa

Many people also "get into" spirituality & existential inquiry through deep suffering, such as drug addiction, death of a loved one, suicidal depression etc. Why don't we distribute heroin and kill each others family members then?

I have been seeing a doctor, because I may have ADD. It would be very likely that I would be diagnosed. The problem is that it pretty much seems it will not be possible to continue the process because a certain problem/quality in the diagnostic process that I can't go through, which I will not share here since it's quite personal. I also found a very good therapist, but I can't continue the sessions because of a poor money situation. For years I've been having problems creating good habits, eating clean, meditating, even cleaning the house. I kind of hoped that the ADD diagnosis would explain it, that maybe some therapy and medication would be helpful for me, but now that it seems to be impossible, I'm kind of losing faith. I don't know what to do. I've been trying to figure out what is wrong, trying to motivate and inspire myself, trying to just bite the bullet and clean up the diet etc, trying to shift beliefs, but I just can't. It all just feels too much. I can't find anything that really inspires me. It's like I'm simply just not the "right kind of a person" to ace life. Sure, that's a belief, but how do you change it? Like REALLY how do you change such beliefs? There is this underlying tone, I'd just like to run away from life. I don't really have suicidal thoughts but I kinda sense that it's right there. Everything is just so weirdly terrifying and hard and paradoxical and I don't know how one is supposed to deal with all of this.

@Preety_India The fact that you are here on the forum with us is quite a clear sign that your level of development is way beyond your enviroment and people close to you. Even if you lived in some western country, resonating with Actualized.org would mean that you are well beyond the status quo. Maybe you could try to find some people / community close to you who understand your experience and symphatize with your need for individuality? I'm sure you're not the only woman in India who experiences the same friction with these conservative values. For example, maybe you could find some feminist movement in your hometown? I'm so sorry for your situation. It's so hard to understand something like this as a western person (and a man). Yet, I feel you.

@clararockmore Thank you ??

Yeah this is true. It's just that some people around to me, and I myself has made the diagnosis kind of a big deal, waiting for it to be the 'key' for my problems. This would make it possible to try medication (which I'm not a fan of but might as well try) and cheaper or even free therapy for attention problems. If it's not happening, I don't really see any roads leading anywhere. It will just be the same as the last couple of years.

Thanks! I'll check it out.

A modern government is one fucking miracle. Millions of people working together, not knowing who they are even working with really. Just numbers & statistics.

Interesting. Did she mention any leaders? Is there a living teacher/guru?

Thanks! This clarified it a lot. I'll think about it.

Let's take some Qanon covid/climate change denier for an example. He thinks that there is a global elite trying to steal his individual rights by media, socialism and covid/climate conspiracy, and form some global communist 1984 dystopia. I'm thinking... Maybe this whole shebang is simply just fear of losing personal identity? Stage green & above, and covid/climate is pushing for union, seeing the finger as a part of the hand. The Qanoner is terrified of this. He has been taught for his entire life from school to media to his family that he is the finger, an individual, he has natural personal rights and property, that he is a proud american. And now the whole world seems to be saying that he is in fact not only the finger, but also the hand. And he must start acting with the other fingers to form a healthy hand that can do stuff. He mistakes this healthy hand as some satanist 1984 dystopian. Every article or politician who pushes him to recognize the hand, to start acting according it's needs, he sees as evil propaganda. "It can't be true. This is all lies. 'They' are trying to control/own me." Perhaps he even projects his own selfishness and fear of losing personal identity on the elites. What do you guys think? Am I onto something?

Welcome to my chimp shit war.

What I am pointing here is what seems to be natural across all life, defending identity (that of a cell, a finger, a hand, a body...) and resisting upwards movement, fearing the loss of individuality (which have never had separate existence) creating story of oppressor/manipulation coming from outside. "I can't accept it as truth, it must be a lie." Recognizing ones role as a part of the hand (and the hand itself), which has always been the case, is not authoritarian movement, nor the hand oppressing the finger. Point me the exact problems of my misunderstanding of holism right here and stop being so vague. Also, @Leo Gura I would appreciate your feedback too. I am honestly interested understanding this better.

The hand does good for the finger because it is literally 'made of' the fingers. You completely misunderstood my point. This is a nonsense conversation.

It is quite likely that they are not Green, at least not in a healthy manner. Authoritarianism is not what I meant with "the hand".

Where in my words is this apparent?

Recognizing the possibility of the finger being unified with the hand, that there is no separation, is the dismantling of materialist paradigm. I would not have mentioned anything like that if I was talking from the perspective of a "3D material world".

@Parththakkar12 You are making a ton of assumptions that are not apparent in my post. You misunderstood what I was trying to say.

Wat Where do you see materialist paradigm present in my post?

Did you even read my post?

Because "achieving enlightenment" is delusion.

Survival is not just about the body. Why does an islamist suicide bomber kill himself in the name of Allah? Posession, prestige, power... People seek these because of the survival of identity. Humans are not separate from each other, culture, beliefs, identity etc. In fact, "my physical human body" IS identity. Your individual physical survival is just one miniscule part of the Great Survival. Leo's video is also 'coming from' the social matrix, as are all the books he recommends. And so is this post of yours. If we 'only need to question what's arising within', why did you write this post? What exactly are you trying to do?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ContagiousLaughter/comments/hlsc2p/my_brother_in_law_found_out_kanye_was_running_for/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

@Carl-Richard Yes. I had a psychotic episode about a year ago. After a very bad trip I spiraled down into very delusional and dysfunctional ideas and stories of metaphysics, spirituality and life. Almost committed suicide. Yeah this sounds about right. It's similar with all kinds of toxic ideologies such as incels and conspiracy theorists. Actual psychosis is just a lot more radical and 'personal', it affects the more fundamental levels of the mind constructing experience. Ideology happens still within social framework.

YES I have very similar experience with weed. I was a stoner too. Very insightful. I've always been a very addiction-prone person. My mind is just so chaotic. I may get diagnosed with ADD soon. It very much seems like one "hides" from certain emotions into thought-stories. And when the thought-attachments becomes too taxing, one seeks to lighten up through substances or other addictive behaviour.

Nah. People use drugs because they have unprocessed traumas and such emotional baggage. There are plenty of highly intelligent addicts.