roopepa

I'd like to let go the wheel. I'd like to go with the flow. I'd like to literally just do what I want, nothing more and nothing less. I resonate a lot with Ryokan Taigu: " The number of days since I left the world and Entrusted myself to Heaven is long forgotten. Yesterday, sitting peacefully in the green mountains; This morning, playing with the village children. My robe is full of patches and I cannot remember how long I have had the same bowl for begging. On clear nights I walk with my staff and chant poems; During the day I spread out a straw mat and nap. Who says many cannot lead such a life? Just follow my example. " His way of life was very interesting. What I see through his poems is something so simple and beautiful the mind can't grasp it. I wish I had the balls and the guts to follow the example.

I quit weed over a year ago

Ego. "This forum will derail if this is talked about" etc. Which is probably true. Leo wants to create a "high quality" forum. What makes a deciliter of water is the cup, the boundary. Of course they can, a vaccination is not miracle medicine. The virus enters the system with or without the vaccine. The vaccine just "prepares" the body to deal with it. You will get infected, but when you have the vaccine, your body already has the information on how to fight the virus. Sure, there are risks in vaccination. But keep in mind that about 50% of the human population has taken it, so if it was seriously dangerous, we would know.

I don't like the idea of spiritual seeking. Or actually it's okay, but I don't like the thought of seeking truth. I don't like the word 'truth' at all. It makes me anxious. Probably it's due to some kind of misunderstanding. Like you should give it all up for truth. Like it's some kind of a losing game. Like you should choose truth above all else. This just makes me want to run away, fast. I feel adrenaline in my legs, they say NO I have no idea how some people are supposedly able to do that. The Jed McKennas and Thoreaus of the world. Yikes. Ryōkan I get. That's what I want: " Too lazy to be ambitious, I let the world take care of itself. Ten days' worth of rice in my bag; a bundle of twigs by the fireplace. Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment? Listening to the night rain on my roof, I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out. " Truth, blah. I just want home. They're probably the same thing. But if they're not, fuck truth for not being home.

Yup. And movies. It makes you actually laugh at comedy.

I don't understand what you are saying.

Have you ever tried cannabis? I agree, you can get seriously addicted to it. And it has negative side-effects when you take too much or too often. I used to be a daily user. It's not for mystical experiences and breakthroughs, it doesn't give insights like that. But if you are interested in a slight upgrade in creativity and general insights, cannabis can help. My intuition tells me you could find something valuable there. For some people, it's relaxing, more like alcohol. But for some, especially if you are already creative and smart (you think a lot), it gives a boost there. If you want to try it, take it while you are doing something, such as writing, reading or something like that. Think of it as more of a nootropic. It opens and focuses your mind, just not as much as psychedelics.

The only actual benefit I would say is that in certain cases, and in certain places, you may get free or cheap therapy, medication and other such benefits. Otherwise, the diagnosis itself is really just a thought, a narrative, projection. There is no actual need for it. The illusion of needing something to explain your feelings and behaviour, a "scapecoat", something to fix. I don't think you need it. I bet you will be doing a lot better soon. I could have gotten an neuroatypical diagnosis, but I like the way I am, no need for such layers really. When you keep coming back to feeling here and now, the clarity is there.

hahaha yup that's Nahm alright sometimes it be like this:

What exactly is the end goal towards which it should "work"?

I like Jesus too. I sometimes feel his presence. I resonate a lot with christianity. But this isn't it my dude. You are sinless and innocent. You are as pure and as divine as Jesus. I bet this is the whole point of christianity, to allow this. When you got the balls to say "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life", that's when you are on it.

There is no "your fear". There is no need for "facing your fear" or for doing anything about it. People often convey fear as this monster which needs to be slayed sooner or later. This only makes fear seem real and powerful, when it's in fact nothing. You don't need to fight or react to fear in any way. Just allow it. That's it.

In my experience, the erasing what you no longer desire and adding new ones, is part of the play. Sometimes I may erase everything, and start again with a blank board. It feels purifying and clarifying. Write anything you want. And feel free to erase when you no longer want something there. The dreamboard is your happy place. No logic, no function, no "how it works". Only fun, beauty and happiness. Holon of your dreams.

Holistic thinking.

I don't think you are being as close-minded as you may think. What I see is that you are simply holding some beliefs that don't feel so good. You seem to think something like "Praying might be silly, even when the thought of doing it feels good, because it might be dualistic or ideological". The feeling that makes you want to pray IS divine connection and guidance, and prayer is divine expression. If you ever feel like sitting down, relaxing and getting in touch with something beautiful, good and great, I advice you do follow the feeling! You may want to cross your hands or do other kinds of mudras or postures. It's all fine, nothing ideological about it. Prayer is legitimate spiritual practice.

Trips, breakthroughs, higher states of consciousness and insights are not Truth or Life. They're just trips, breakthroughs, higher states of consciousness and insights. Actualized.org isn't really not as much about Truth as it often conveys. It's quite literally just advanced mental gymnastics. Which is okay, nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing bad or wrong about piano classes or actual gymnastics. The problem comes when it's mistaken for Life.

Why are you asking this? Do you feel like you would want to pray, but you don't know if it's any useful?

You are not taking notes of possible dangers. You are creating them. Avoiding mistakes necessitates mistakes to avoid. Law of attraction. You could be thinking and writing whatever... Puppies, blue sky, beautiful art and humour. Yet, here you are, thinking and writing about traps, mistakes and dangers. I would say that is the only "mistake you are doing".

Have you ever tried channeling, just for fun? You can just write intuitively. Go for the feeling/energy which you have when thinking about angels. Then, try letting it come through your body and fingers as words.

This is the basic structure of Actualized.org: 1. There is ignorance (you are here) 2. There is correct understanding 3. You have to do XYZ to arrive to correct understanding 4. XYZ = Actualized.org, or "spiritual work" as it is often called here. This is the fundamental narrative on which Actualized.org is built on, which is fed to you, and which keeps this place running. And not just Actualized.org, but many other spiritual groups and teachings. Here's the thing. That is simply a narrative. It's not true. I know this might sound weird, because that narrative makes complete sense at first. But, you gotta realize that one reason why it might make so much sense to you right now, is because you have been ingesting this narrative for months, or even years. Secondly, inspect direct experience. Where is this "ignorance"? Where is "understanding"? Where is "spiritual work"? Where is "psychedelics"? Where is "states of consciousness"? Where is "ego"? Do you see even a little bit how all these concepts and narratives could be false? Literally just a conceptual maze, and really no different from any other belief system? Sure, you got your trips, breakthroughs and higher states of consciousness. But are they really the truth? Or are they just trips, breakthroughs and higher states of consciousness? Leo may have reached "the highest states of consciousness in the history of mankind", but that doesn't necessarily mean anything True. States of consciousness might not have really anything to do with Awakening. There are also certain unhealthy manifestations of this narrative. Just as in any other similar cases. Ignorance/Understanding creates an image of inferiority/superiority. Not very blatantly here, it's more subtle. But it's still there. There are countless examples of Leo saying stuff like "You don't get it. You are not awake" or "It will require years of work for you to understand this" or "Only psychedelics can give you this insight" etc. These are feeding you the narrative by making you feel and think you are inferior. I'm not saying Leo is doing this intentionally, I think this is actually projection. Actualized.org creates an illusion of great separation and space between ignorance and correct understanding, for which there is really no need for in life. But, for Actualized.org, there is a need for it. It's the bread and butter of this place. It creates the very problem and then offers the solution for it. So watch out. Listen to your body. Have fun.

This isn't really about Actualized.org. This is about me. I had spirituality backwards. The Actualized - part is just projection. The name of this thread should be: the issue with spiritual seeking/work. The issue with seeking/work is that it is fundamentally already based on untruth. From the perspective of direct experience and the law of attraction, it's backwards. Seeking implies something missing, and work implies something to be done, somewhere to get. This is the wheel spinning in mud, getting nowhere. It's really just about being who you are. No teaching/learning, but expression. No understanding, but meditation.

Teaching implies ignorance to fix. Coaching implies problems to fix. It's like a wheel spinning in it's own mud. These have really nothing to do with truth, only marketing and supply for demand. The best schemes are those which create both the demand and supply themselves. Being a "spiritual teacher" is a lot like being a "lightworker". Many lightworkers love to talk about dark forces and stuff like that. In other words, they keep creating stuff to work their light on. Wouldn't make much sense to be a lightworker if light was all there is.

Let go of everything you have learned. Let go every teaching, concept and idea you have internalized from all the videos, books, philosophers, gurus and especially Leo. All that has been nonsense. You have been living an illusion this whole time. There is no ego, no awakening, no survival, no states of consciousness, higher or lower, no enlightened or awakened people. Everything you have heard is no more true than Pirates of the Caribbean. Actualized.org is no different from fundamentalist christianity. Stop meditating and taking psychedelics. Stop trying to get to some realization or mystical state. That's all bullshit. You are wasting your time. The only reason you are doing any of these practices is because you have been telling yourself you are not okay as you are. Stop listening to Leo, Rupert Spira, Sadhguru, Peter Ralston, or Spiral Dynamics. Everything you have gathered from your sources is just a map you have drawn, a projection wherein you hide from emotions, rather than allowing and expressing them. What you call "spirituality" is a prison. You have brainwashed yourself. So for the love of God, wake up, stop believing and living along this nonsense. This is your life. Life is here. Go for a walk and enjoy it. You are done already. There is no need in your being. There is nothing you have to do, or to be. You are already. Enjoy yourself.

What I'm curious about is what need is there for holding the thought at all? Literally, why do you hold ideas about relative & absolute, hierarchy, foolishness and wisdom? What is all this for?

Hmm... Exactly. Ladder, or just a wheel spinning in mud?