Kimasxi

Hey, guys, could you help me out to deal with some stuff here? I told my good friend that I was woman-to-man interested in him, and he said "no thank you.". I want to be his friend but I see that whenever I look him in the eye I remind myself of hi "no" and then I become schizoid. Instead of showing him what I would naturally have shown (and what I did before rejection when I trusted it would go to a good place) for example that he's part of my tribe, I am happy to see him again and that I'd lovely spend time with him, I find myself doing the opposite, creating separation. I am kinda assuming the total rejection as a person, not as a role, and I reject myself at these potential situations where I could share good energy (I stopped doing that as a defense strategy). I feel I block some kind of flow. Probably because I am scared that by opening my heart to someone who will not reciprocate it the same way, I will become addicted to him and I will end up having a long lasting depressive episode. What can I do to recoup that flow and love him as a soul brother without the fear that my love will never be reciprocated? I want to walk the path of spiritual growth where the romantic rejection turns into the creation of superpowerful friendship. This is what I'd like to create in this Earth for other people to learn from it, as I am often inspired and learn from them when I see they have such a kind of psycological strength. And basically because otherwise the reality in which I'd have to live otherwise would be one where bonding is unsafe and irreperable.

Nope, I don't need his approval. I've got approval from other people. I want to be his friend. I am not into cutting people off because of romantic rejection. It is not a good reason to cut people off in my opinion. But thank you for your good intention to help me. :-)

Hello, I watched Teal Swan's explanation of triangulation manipulation and unfortunately it is too difficult to me to comprehend I got lost at the moment when she said "PERSON B then becomes a carrier of that conflict between PERSON A and PRESON C" - I don't understand what happens there. Could you may be give me some examples? What person A managed to do until that point is to make person C go to person B to defend person A against B, right? What happens now?

Hi guys! Could you recommend me any good sources, books, vlogs etc about all kinds of sexual fetishes? Thanks!

You should accept your "dark side" because IT IS YOU. If you don't embrace that part of you, you are going to create a rift in your consciousness, and that "dark side" part will find an outlet subconsciously anyway. It may even sabotage you. And actually, it is not a "bad" part. Actually people should learn to be selfish because they are usually conditioned not to be authentic, not to put themselves in the first place, to have no boundries, to be people-pleasing and so on. People should do something to counteract that mainstream propaganda. When you´re learning to be assholish you become more and more assertive and this is attractive to women, it also teaches young women not to treat you like shit to trample at a whim. And then you can actually be a kind of self-aware good asshole who will give fun-seeking women what they want and not hurt them with some shitty treatment, while you are learning your pua skills. Isn't that cool?

I think that you are forgetting that feminine / masculine energies are just a theory that helps to categorize the world, but these two are abstract notions. When you go into that dichotomy sometimes it seems as if women had to be only feminine and men only masculine all the time while it is just a simplistic bullshit. I mean promoting this dichotomy is social conditioning again. I believe we should all just forget all that propaganda and be ourselves, doing what we like doing. I enjoy being masculine. It doesn't mean I am 100% masculine all the time. The problem starts when someone messes with my mind suggesting I should be more or less feminine/masculine because it is just using shame again. I am fed up of using shame on me. Without shame we will all be naturally in the opposite polarity every now and then if it suits us. It's natural. It doesn't mean anything. And it's actually a part of self-development to learn to be more in the opposite polarity as there are situations in life that require it (like catastrophe requiring women to be masculine, or being sick/stressed out requiring men to be feminine to regenerate). If people stop shaming each other they will all relax and do what feels like their instinctive behaviour.

Hey, bro! You are overblowing stuff that hasn't yet happened to you and you seem to make some incidents a general rule. You ARE AFRAID. Relax! Notice how nobody even mentioned any war between the sexes and you jumped in with sexism feminism and stuff all ready to fight some imaginary opponent who is going to trick you, disrespect you, use you and whatever. You should STOP READING ON FEMINISM, STOP LISTENING TO PEOPLE'S BULLSHIT ON WAR BETWEEN THE SEXES. I promise you will be regenerated as I cured myself from it (I don't experience any sexism, I forgot there is sexism somewhere, lol). Then you will be able to treat people as individuals, not genders. If you are afraid that a woman will cheat on you via Tinder, don't get into LTR, have Tinder too, first create some independent relationship and when a woman asks you to be exclusive say "no, thank you" ;P Some women will want that. Don't assume nobody will. I see something. You are afraid of being in a position where YOU are going to judge yourself as a sucker, loser etc. Your mind is making a mistake here, as it would prefer to cut you off from a faaaar greater context because just in case. The world is full of nuance points to the nuance points though. It's not that simplistic. Instead of creating aversions just focus on not giving a fuck. Imagine that you have so much abundance that you don't care if some rats still a bit of abundance from you. If it happens to you, you can still stop the suffering from negative judgment as it is you who judge in the first place.

When I think about it, I don't really need it. The only reason why I would like to have a boyfriend is because I've never had one and I feel like I am kind of defective for not having had one. What can I do about it?

The affirmation she mentioned comes from this video. You care about opinions of others because you are young, you go through a lot of social pressure from your peers and at the moment you can't really isolate yourself from them to start thinking independently. You are deeply in social matrix yet. With time you will naturally get "proofs" that you are OK, when you get a good job, a good lifestyle etc. However, if you really want to practise it already, what you need to do is to practise radical honesty by saying stuff about yourself that you are afraid of saying. Most people will respect you for being authentic and saying what you really believe in. Some will be disgusted but you need to approach it while having in mind two concepts: - you are choosing to be polarising because you prefer having friends that truly accept you and not only partially and from whom you would need to hide your true self. This is just a way of an agreesive screening. - good and evil are illusions, most people just copy their parents and peers and never think their convictions over, your beliefs aren't bad, just different, just tailored for you and as long as they work for you nobody should interfere - people opposing your truth are not conscious, they will do that to feel safe and secure in their convictions, they do not have bad intentions Another thing you can do for practice is to get accustomed to doing socially weird/unacceptable things like sitting on the floor where nobody does it, dancing on the street etc., or being the first one to do something in group. You should act whenever you fear people might judge you. Do it without monitoring yourself. Just do it. It will give you a strong sense of self-authority and independence. Talk what you enjoy talking about and don't give a fuck. If someone doesn't contribute to the conversation it means that person is just a mismatch to you interests, there is nothing wrong with you. This is also how you screen out boring people to talk with.

RSD Luke might not just mention all the other love/friendship stuff that goes on his mind on a daily basis because he decided it is irrelevant to his goal of teaching guys how to get their 9s and 10s. Note that Luke is very left-brained analytical type. He is focused on the topic. Secondly, this is your judgement. If Luke at some point in his life decided that this is not a manipulative evil thing but atunement to what his female friends want then of course he behaves in congruence with this new belief (aka as if it was amoral, neutral, neither good nor bad)

I don't know yet cause I haven't been triggered since I got this, but it may be more difficult to deactivate some strong negative frames when they happen. I noticed though that it is easy to do when you are in a non-threatening environment, with emotions that are positive. When you listen to you the music that moves you, you may just decide to observe how you want to get emotional and then decide you're not buying into this frame, and just relax your face and become indifferent. As a form of practise. I tried to observe this way a frame of buying crisps - I had an automatical pattern of thoughts - I saw a pack of crisps → I immediately imagined their taste and the way they make me feel when I eat them at home while watching someting. And I tried to stop their frame, by actually noticing there is no smell or taste yet, that it was just a frame. I still decided to buy them and eat them. What is important is to notice that there are actually decisions. Leo made a video once about observing habits, where he recommended mindfulness too.

Hey, guys! Everyone enlightened probably has his metaphore that convinced him to see stuff in a different light. So, here's mine… Imagine a bully telling another kid such a sentence to make him upset: — You are fat and ugly. The bully has set the frame. It presuposes two roles: A) the kid agrees with the bully and because he believes being fat and ugly has negative repercussions (he is unlovable etc.) he starts feeling negative emotions. B) the kid doesn't want it to be true by any chance so he feels compulsion to prove he's not ugly or fat (yet he's still in the bully's frame) What the kid should do instead is not to buy into the frame at all, and for example impose his own frame, like saying some totally illogical nonsense as a response (the new frame is now "everything is said here does not really mean anything"). You can see some examples of frame battles here: The point is: what is the difference between the kid's buying into the bully's frame and your standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself "I am fat" ? Basically, we are constantly selling ourselves on our negative frames, which we fall into without any questioning. It's a game! It has two roles, if you decide to play the game you must play one of the roles. No surprise you feel negative! But it is your decision to feel negative. Why can't we see it? Because it's like a programmable washing machine. You only have control at the beginning when the frame is being created by your mind. Once programmed, you cannot stop the machine. Yet all the advice always draws our attention to the moment when the machine is already operating and the advice sounds as if we had to use will power to stop the emotions. It seems impossible then! But it's a choice many steps earlier. So we are playing many games we create for ourselves: plays of "shoulds", plays of "prove it!", "save me!", but also "good parent", "passion", "business" etc. (actually, let's create a list of examples and let's name them!). But why do we create them in the first place? My realization today was that I created many "problems" cause otherwise I would be really fuckin bored! For example I wanted to have a goal to achieve so that I could feel proud I have overcome some obstacles. I wanted to be my superhero. So I set a standard for myself that was incredibly difficult to meet, so then I was miserable for falling short of my expectations. But if I didn't have that goal, my life wouldn't have any meaning… We like feeling certain emotions but life is mundane and boring, so we accentuate certain things to elicit stronger emotions, just like when we listen to a moving music and we want to enhance the emotional impact it has on us by adding more meaning, more associations, memories to the music. I think that once the machine is going, we can only reframe what is happening (which is difficult cause we get addicted to thoughts and emotions). First we need to recognize the frame, so now our daily practise should be recognizing and naming as many frames as possible. Let's start a list of frames and break them down. SHOULD / SHOULDN'T Whenever I hear "should" or "shouldn't" let the frame alert go off. There is no such thing as "I should" or "I shouldn't". Each time you hear it, ask yourself these questions: — By who's standards (and what that person is going to get if you meet them) — Does meeting these standards benefit me too, or only the other person? — Is there any threat behind not meeting these standards? Am I being manipulated / controlled / blackmailed? — Is there any other way I can get the same reward from buying into the frame? And perhaps some more. If you have any ideas, please share and I will add them to these three.

D. Goleman said in either Emotional Intelligence or Social Intelligence that when you have an emotional hijack, i.e. your amygdala goes into the fight-or-flight state and your heartrate rises significantly, you need to ask the person for a couple of minutes for yourself to cool down, and it may take more than once during an argument. The rule of thumb is you don't want to argue when your heart rate is high. You may consider using other forms of communication, when it happens. You need to let go some things that are very important to your ego. You need to do it outside the argument. I think the book "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender" as well as Teal's judgement exercise may help you I don't know the details but you get hurt or offended because you want to protect your ego, because some actions or words have some meanings about you attached, and for example you don't want to be the one treated unfair because it means you have no competence to ensure you are safe so it means mistreatment will happen again or that you social status is low etc. You can watch this video too: And then the one titled "How to change a belief". Your amygdala will be triggered whenever one of these 5 things happens: • your social status is threatened • you think you are being treated unjustly • a relationship is threatened • your autonomy is limited or you feel you are loosing control • you are uncertain Check which one is integrated into your troublesome beliefs

1. Start telling people the truth you are afraid of voicing. You will see people accept it. It will make you care a bit less about that aspect of you that ruins your self-esteem. 2. Yes, you should stop searching for the love you perceive as love right now. You cannot make a big deal out of it, cause it stresses you out and sabotages you. And love as an external factor will not make you feel truly good enough.

Omni is right. Quite recently I experienced 2 weeks of some kind of inner peace and relief from a similar stuff as you have. It's gone now, however. But it was like I decided that I've had enough, fuck it! I don't want to have a partner nor sex for the rest of my life, I give up the idea that I need these to have high self-esteem. And then I just completely focused on pleasing myself with movies, games, food etc. with the idea in mind that I don't have to do anything. You need to see how upbringing and culture fucks up your programming first. You are literally programmed to feel certain emotions only if some conditions are met. You need to understand how this programming doesn't really help you but sabotage you. Then focus on accepting these "bad sides of you" (what you lack, how "failure" you are etc.) and rebelling against the culture who has fucked you up. You must become your own authority in your eyes regarding what is right and what is not. So that you can now program yourself without someone else telling you what you are and what you should be/do. Also understand this: people will not appreciate you, and you cannot be special. They cannot appreciate YOU, because they don't see YOU. They have a picture of you in their minds. They can only appreciate some illusion of you that they have created in their minds (if you give them some hints that perhaps you really are like blablabla). If you want to feel special and important, you need to impress yourself when you overcome some challenges and cater to your narcissistic side

I've learnt something strange and I wonder what it is. I got some grip on my painful emotions that appeared whenever I judged certain facts about myself. Usually I felt emotional pain, sorrow with an accompanying physical feeling of contraction in my chest. Now, I can somehow not cherish that pain so that is is gone after a moment, but you know what? Then I am in a good mood while feeling physical stabbing pain in my chest. What is that?

How can I make myself desire certain guy whom I do not associate with the "fuck boy" category? I believe this is a kind of self-hypnosis, but what are the components? This is a sweet innocent handsome 18-year-old boy. He's not masculine, he's rather shy. Once I used to believe I couldn't desire such a guy but I was proven wrong. The component that bought me then might have been connection. Is it what I should do now? To build some connection? If so, why is that some women have one night stands and get horny without feeling any connection with the dudes? Is it because their dudes belong to the splurge / fuckboy category?

oh, boy, I don't really remember cause I've been very rarely turned on in social situations (meaning that I could get horny but alone). I feel very subtle feelings in my body when I cuddle with him, they are far far away from being horny. And this is why in general when I make out with people I find it boring. It is always like that. I haven't experienced making out with someone to a point where I wanted to have sex with him. I think I was always horny only for guys who I believed were somehow exceptional, might give me that good sex I've never had and when it was uncertain I could get them (due to my shyness in expressing my feelings toward them; I kept a secret fantasy about them). Uncertainty always created a lot of tension, part of which became sexual (as it was a kind of teasing and longing for more). I am worried if it perhaps didn't became a fetish or something cause I don't feel any tension when I know someone wants me and there are no external (like social shaming) obstacles.

Whenever I was attracted to someone I couldn't stand his eye contact. So I could never tell him my feelings. So they went to fuck a different girl who wasn't that inhibited. I train holding strong eye contact now so it never stands in my way again. I believe all people should train it because it conveys a kind of power + more people notice you, some of them smile at you etc.

This is a very good piece of advice because when you say "I'm scared it migth be awkward" the person who decides (s)he will listen to you anyway then wants to be consistent with what (s)he's just promised you (tolerance, controlling emotions etc.), and at the same time it's easier for you to say it because you are given a social persmission to say it.

I believe your perception of what "just sex" is has been skewed by some other beliefs. A psychologically healthy person doesn't see sex as "using" someone, but instead as of creating an experience for both parties, sharing. Maybe you held a belief that sex in a love relationship is superior to sex between people who do not love each other, and then you looked for arguments to feed the confirmation bias (pregnant women etc.), which all served to validate your ego. My point is that "just sex" does not do anything afterwards, as it totally depends on what people make it mean. You do not have to feel worse afterwards. Why? The mere fact that someone accepted you as a sexual partner means that there is a part of you that is acceptable, which for example can give hope to people with poor self-esteem, who believe they'll never be accepted thus won't receive affection etc. I believe many people might be elevated from a low spirit thanks to sex, start feeling more secure and then, if they are ready, start looking for something more meaningful.

I did. It does not suffice (I experienced it many times with many guys). After some time I just get bored. We were cuddling and kissing topless on his bed. I am never in the mood in such a situation. I want to change it.

There must have been something that made these women feel uncomfortable when you approached them. When you encounter a problem during an approach, your ego becomes defensive. It does it in either of the two ways: you get insecure, stifled and shy, or you overcompensate by being too bold, too aggressive, too "I don't give a fuck"-like, too rude etc. You should exercise accepting your vulnerability at that moment. And remember about reframes "I don't want to make you unconfortable but…" "You'll think I'm weird but…", "I was just kidding" etc. If you want to do direct approach consider the way that RSD Tyler once described as "being like a cute baby boy that just wants a cookie and cannot help it" You cannot get angry with that boy cause he's so adorable. To do it that way you must be fun. You cannot be desperate and pushy (you don't want to take, you want to give!). If you are fun, two things happen: you give value (fun) to women so they are more accepting of your company, you are not associated with any kind of threat. You must excerise observing women's reactions to know when to withdraw pressure when they get uncomfortable.

I will find more guys but I want to give this one a good experience. It would be perfect if I could enjoy some sexual activity with him. Another thing is that I suspect I will have exactly the same problem every time I pick up a stranger. That's why I want to be competent at overcoming this problem.