Kore

That's what I try to do in my journal. Self-reflection. If I veer too off course into another person's language then I lose my own inner language and lose sight of insight and learning. I suppose it's subjective. Sometimes I get caught up in the forum drama and toxicity and I try to convert it and digest it in my journal in some form, alchemize it. Apologies for being too harsh toward you recently.

I speak of the negatives but the Erudite has a lot of good to offer the 'small', if they can learn to empathize with the 'small' and place awareness they can learn to transcend the negatives of their ego structure. The 'small' has to be careful not to slip into their shadow form accidentally (very difficult).

It attracts "schizos" because in my experience "schizos" are often very open-minded and out there. Leo can be similarly so. They like to stretch their mind. Stretch the boundaries and barriers of their mind and it gets them into trouble. They'll be attracted to sources that will be kinda "Alice in Wonderland" like. They are talented because they are on psychedelics without being on psychedelics. There are pros and cons to everything.

Okay, to clarify, in this thread, this Tate guy is terrible, just like my ex who would did despicable things to me. I only really see the good in him because I brought the good out in that relationship. I think as well that Leo has an acute lack of empathy in practice that can wear on someone's mental health combined with if they have "schizo" tendencies can be terrible for someone's mental health. He talks down to his audience as fools and fundamentally 'bad'. Imagine what that looks like for someone who has a propensity for schizophrenia (who follows his work and it triggers schizophrenia), who are sensitive to energies. "Mental illness" can happen to anyone, it isn't just about the mentally fragile or 'weak'.

I agree. Well said.

Dude has a point. Tate reminds me of my ex. Not a pleasant fellow to be sure but he did fundamentally improve me as a human being. Leo was a strong reason I went to the mental hospital.

Kore and the Erudite She traverses into her darkness time and time again with the God of the Underworld, the Erudite (God of Darkness) who magnifies the darkness within her. Then she rises from the darkness with the light of her awareness. Journalling etc.

Kore (Goddess of Spring) vs Proserpina (Goddess of the Underworld) Kore symbolizes rebirth and new life as a Spring Goddess. I like to think of Kore in this context as a mature version of Proserpina. Someone who has lit up the darkness and underworld with her awareness and no longer dwells in darkness.

Meditated for 30 minutes Read for 30 minutes Watched " How to Feel Safe | Matt Kahn"

It's very easy to rise up and slip into this 'shadow version' accidentally, even subtly as a small one as an effect of a sick society, surrounded by Erudite and shadow figures. The Erudite will then point out and magnify this slip up a million times making the small one want to even more 'rise to the occasion' and slip into their 'shadow form' (if masculine). Or to shrink away into some form of self-harm or self-demonization (if feminine). It's important to understand where all this originates from to place awareness on it. Awareness is curative.

Firstly, I want to publicly apologize and take accountability for the duplicate accounts and for recruiting people twice. I don't want to undermine your community, I love your community and its setup, especially the journaling section. The second recruiting was a foolish act driven out of silly sentimentality. I wasn't thinking. I didn't realize the gravity of my actions at the time. But I feel the judgment was too harsh for what was a singular misdemeanor and when I was outside of the discord itself. My first recruit was someone on the path, loyal to her beloved partner. I didn't realize at the time since I was so new to the forum just how much the community would mean to me. I made a decision to be outside of that discord and I stuck to it. I did not want to be part of that discord community. I wanted to be a part of your community. I made one foolish, off-the-cuff decision that wiped clean my whole path. I cannot tell you how much I regret that decision. Community is important to me. I keep quiet and I work hard in my journal. I try to keep my schizoaffective tendencies under control. I feel I have come a long way compared to the past two years because of the community. My psychiatrist says I have issues with suggestibility. That may be a factor. I'm not trying to make wrong decisions. I need to weigh the pros and cons more often. It's my feminine nature to be way too overly agreeable. I created my third account during an episode of psychosis. I have schizoaffective. I was deep in psychosis for several posts into that account and then was recovering slowly. With this account, I made it when I was also in psychosis a few years ago and was seeing things that weren't there. I don't go out of my way to undermine your community in that way. I felt it fair to use this account so my voice could be heard because I feel I have something to say and that I was banned unfairly. Yet again I apologize. And I hope that you will allow me to stay in your community as it helps me to recover from some massive emotional injuries that I've sustained last year through journaling. My first account was banned due to psychosis. I asked to be banned because my psychosis was out of control.

Ego vs Soul Of course, I'm only describing the egoic structure of such people (Erudite and 'demonic version', etc.). They can step out of or dissolve this egoic structure at any time. I've seen it happen, where the egoic structure takes a backseat and the soul steps forward, vacillating between the soul and egoic structure. The Soul has a softness to it that the Ego lacks.

@Preety_India Well, I'm glad you're back. (If you are back, I'm so confused)

Meditated 30 minutes Read for 30 minutes Watched "A Way Out of Judgment | Matt Kahn"

An answer I wrote in response to someone on the forum: The universe has balancing forces. The 'big' ('enlightened') and 'small' ('mess') balance each other out. That's maybe why you are drawn to each other. You may find that you might also go to war with each other as well as you differing or opposite perspectives. That's normal. The universe will maybe naturally separate you both when you are balanced out. .................. The Mess As I pointed out earlier there are two kinds of people that fall under the 'mess' category. Happy, healed individuals who possibly have disabilities of some kind or another or something that gives them the label of 'different'. And 'demonic versions' who rise up as a result of Erudite individuals constantly pushing them down. The Enlightened There are two kinds of 'enlightened' people. There is the bitter Erudite masculine individual who looks down on many small individuals due to a few bad eggs in the barrel. They are adored by their communities. Then there are the actual enlightened individuals. These are rare and on an equal footing with the small healed individuals who have disabilities/differences.

The universe has balancing forces. The 'big' ('enlightened') and 'small' ('mess') balance each other out. That's maybe why you are drawn to each other. You may find that you might also go to war with each other as well as you differing or opposite perspectives. That's normal. The universe will maybe naturally separate you both when you are balanced out.

Opposite I see I'm in the presence of my opposite. An 'Erudite' like an individual- they would call it in the divergent series. The 'Erudite' are the 'big', the 'masculine', and 'intelligent' like individuals that see themselves as superior to what was supposed to be characters that symbolize a spread-out version of the small. In so many fictional examples there are time and time again the example of the big arrogantly underestimating the smaller. In some cases, the smaller (usually masculine) then rise up and became 'demonic versions' of themselves tormenting the usually small feminine equivalent. These 'demonic versions' who live to torment others believe it or not create in some order or fashion create these Erudite individuals who look down on most smaller individuals regardless of type.

Retreat I feel called to travel and traverse inward and keep my silence more frequently than before. To delve into my own self. I've gone outward for months now and now I seek to go inward and go on 'retreat'. I have my own personal journals set up externally on my computer that I am writing in extensively. Retreat, retreat, retreat does my heart repeat over and over. And relief sweeps over me when I am soaking in and delving into all that I am. It is healing. In my healing, I can return and heal others.

Secure Congratulations – having a secure attachment style is great news! Either your needs were adequately met during your formative years, or else you worked hard at your relationships and circumstances to get to where you are emotionally in life. The secure attachment style is considered to be the most balanced and healthy of the four styles. The other three attachment styles are the insecure attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. One in three people have one of these forms of insecure attachment and, as a result, likely exhibit attachment disturbances throughout their lives. When working with someone with an insecure attachment style, the aim is to help them transition towards earned security by helping them to forge their way on the path of secure attachment. Score Mother/CG1: Anxiety: 6.00 | Avoidance: 4.33 (disorganized attachment) Score Father/CG2: Anxiety: 6.33 | Avoidance: 5.33 (disorganized attachment) Score Partner: Anxiety: 1.67 | Avoidance: 1.00 (secure attachment)

The beings I saw glowed with a radiance that had a quality of divinity about them as if they knew they were divine and they knew you were divine. They saw their own I-ness as divinity and they saw the you-ness or we-ness as divinity. It would explain why I clung to the term "I Exist" so hard, it was I-ness and the divinity aspect. It would also explain a lot of holes in the 'theory'. Maybe Life and Love only looks like Life and Love but is actually divine I-ness and divine we-ness. This goes back to my second 'theory' which is this: Anyways. This is all a distraction. I had the realization of smoking weed for the first time many years ago that aside from focusing on consciousness all of this is a massive distraction. I want to start this year on the right footing. I need to actually realize how "I Exist" and "Presence" are identical instead of just saying it through consciousness work. I can intuit it but I need to awaken. All this talk of the feminine and masculine and life energy is taking me off my path. My path needs to be strictly focused on consciousness and divinity first and foremost which was insight those many years ago. Even if all my insights sink as a result of a deep silence wells up in my heart. Mooji guided meditations in my audio productivity journal should set me on the straight narrow path.

@Tyler Robinson ❤️

@Tyler Robinson Why be cruel? This is my journal. Should be clear based on my writing style. I have dealt with so much this past year. My mother died. I was recovering from psychosis. Rejected by my family and community somewhat. I feel low value. Let me have this space to do my work. This is my solace. This is my haven from the pain. I've dealt the punishment of banning, let me have my journal.

The Bigger Picture You need everyone. Everyone plays a part. There are people who have something to give and a role to play. There is a bigger picture at play and remaining exclusive will have consequences. What I saw tells me as much, despite petty quarrels, foolishness, and silliness. Maybe it's best if we all remain silent. In our silence, an opening can be made. Our words and statements mean very little. I'm tired. I see the energy and I see the movements but I'm never angry enough. It always dissolves. I'll be forcefully isolated before I'm ever properly angry.

I believe I was unfairly banned. I was not on that discord. I made one recruit because my heart was soft toward a community I once cared for. It was a stupid, foolish decision that I'm beating myself up for. But I am a human with a human heart who makes foolish decisions. Thisintegrated made about 50 and he received 10 points for that 'crime'. I keep to myself. I'm quiet. I work very hard in my journals. It's the 'big' yet again trampling upon the small. Silencing the smaller. Ban me again for this if you like it will only prove my point since I only wish to work in peace without feeling like I'm lesser than.