Nivsch

Quite amazing... So when it get down I will interprate this like a very bad feeling, and your mind will disguise it to any content it want (fear of something or low self esteem or think that you are not loved enough or any other escuse) to show you that you are down. Thats what happening to me.

Almost never happened to me. Maybe to a few seconds. But in the base state of how the mood works (without the accumulated effect of the spiritual training. Say i have not trained meditation ever) it works like I wrote at the topic starting message? What do you think? Last days I had an insight about the meditation and I started to do it in a new way in a very smooth form of "watching". I even dont know how to explain it it feels like a new ability that I have not had before in the 3 years I train. Hope it will help

After almost 3 years of mindfulness and meditation its still feels terrible during the bad periods. Like living in a cage. Fortunately its much better today than 3 years ago (bacause the negative waves are much shorter) but still when there is an attack of intrusive tough or feeling - it is still feels very hard at the moment.

What helps you the most? I do the "Do Nothing" method a lot when i have days like this, but today the bad feeling refused to pass. Nothing 'external' happened in my life, its just the inner anxiety that appeared today.

and done in order to reduce the negative wave - will be uneffective. Any method even the "Do nothing" method just won't work. Thats what I feel in all last couple of days.

*many times* troughout the day, and press the brakes everytime i have an urgh "to do something" and do it slowly - I hope all of this will reduce the anxiety and build my brain to be more calm. I response in a soft way every time the ego tries to push me to do things to allign with my goals and agenda in life - i didnt listen to the ego and instead did it slower end etc. but this week i have strong backlash and more anxiety! And I see that the "soft responsing" and "Do nothing" method many times a day all of this - dont work! I confused and dont know what to do. Maybe it sounds naive but its not that i dont do other things i well. I do. I work. I do sport. I work on my singing. But i expected that "do nothing method" in high doses will improve my emotional state but this week is just very bad in my emotions without any external 'logic' situation that can explainedl it.

So we have to de-constract the duality of spirituality and ego, to Spirituality (with capital S. I adding now a new one to Leo's duality videos) which incorporates, alternately, the ego too!:) Its 'just' a new nonduality insight, but for me its a Hugh one. I glad we talked.

@Fishy @Mu_ @Nahm Not easy but i'll try and update

@Maya_0 @Rilles @OctagonOctopus good points.

? i'll try

@Mulky the pure sensation - yes. The worse sensation (as a result of reaction to it) - no nesseserily.

@Jamie Universe @Rigel @Truth Addict @Waken ? ?

great thanks!!

Thanks a lot. your answer is great and very resonates with me. You say that doing also what the ego wants - will help me grow more efficiently (because more basic needs are fullfiled)?

Yes its true I agree, but there is a trap here. Because if you listen all the time to the toughts and do wha they want you to do (to allign with your agenda) the cycle will be preserved and always return and you will never be able to really relax. And in the other hand, if you won't listen to the ego agenda, and to it in a more calm way, the ego will be alarmed and you will have more anxiety (thats what you said in the first message). So what to do? Im a bit confused.

What you exactly do?

What do yo mean by 'on edge'? And what things you supposed to do? Can you give an example?

Everytime (or at least i think that everytime) when I have a day of a relatively excitement and over physical energy - there is also a day of payoff - after few days of after even a week - when i feel anxious and "wrong" in my emotions. In the past it was also a month of 'high' (relatively) and then a month of anxiety. Maybe i have Cyclothymia i dont know. OCD I know i have.

This week I created a "spiral dynamics" topic in (Hebrew) wikipedia, but they say I have to bring proves of "scientific relations" (or scientific refferences) to the model, and I didnt find those. Do you know where can i find it? Thanks

Not well established?? 20 years of research is not enough?

Mainly green. But significant orange needs for self fullfilment (especially in singing) and need to be seen and recognized. And 25% of yellow because i'v been several years exploring my ocd and my mental highs and lows, and how my mind works and doing meditation techniques for 2.5 years and most of my insights i got are from the last 1-2 years.

SIA music. Deep green and i feel that today she has maybe first signs of (a bit) yellow in her songs.

Yes, I will try to do this sometimes - when its not a very deep value (that ill be able to let it go in the argument) but still not so easy to let go.

I think i just realized, that everytime I feel that the truth is the fullest on my side and the other side in the argument is surely wrong (or knows less) and this feeling is maintained for a while - 0.5 hour/ 1 hour / more - I will feel less mental stability and more anxiety. No matter what the content of the argument is - may be the most positive topic. Its absolutely No depends on the content. It just my experience that I accumulated. Thats how i feel it works on me. The reason in my opinion is that it makes you feel above others >> it isolates you psychologically from others >> it makes you feel more alone >> less protected >> triggered survivle biological mechanisms. Precisely when other people make you realize you are NOT right (or right only partially and they 50% right too) it makes you feel more "normal", more grounded and more stable and calm! What do you think? Do you feel it too?

I feel that in the default position our mind wants to be the right one, and taking the other side point of view is more difficult. Because our mind wants to survive and if you are anxious you will have more chances to survive (cause the deep subconsious brain is wired to jungle life).