enderx7

@Dwarniel no problem, just getting to interact with other people through this forum who genuinely care about this stuff is the reward on its own

I feel for your situation. Don't get me wrong I think most people are great especially when you manage to be truly present with them, but I feel like if I connected to even just one other person who's conscious growth and evolution was their guinuine priority it would make this whole thing less frustrating and more fun. My only advise is only use this or any of the above advice to guage your own intuitive reactions, because theirs no right answer. I've tried a little of every flavour with total immersion each time. I've done the hedonistic thing, the ascetic thing, the psychedelic thing, the information amassing thing, the achievement thing, the I'm special and the I'm humble thing. Try so hard you feel like your gonna explode and no effort at all thing. None of them are right or wrong although the more balanced it is the more sustainable and less likely to devolp major blind spots. The main thing I learned is to follow your passion, doing that guinuinely seems to flow much more effortlessly, if the passion is gone one day then follow where it leads next and I believe if you do that geniunely and honestly that is the fastest path to growth. But whatever do it with full involvment as counsciouly as you can and try to have as much fun regardless of what it is, anything can be enjoyable if you do it with full involvement. But be honest about where your at on that, the main difference between a meditater that effortlessly puts in long frequent sits and quickly grows and the one sits the same amount but struggles and strains for long years but barely progress 's is that one guinuinely is passionate and enjoys it the other doesn't but forces out of intellectual egoic idefication with a idea. Anyway I wish you effortless flow and growth, good luck Edit: I'm reading a book right now that NAILS it when it comes to practices that maximize effortless growth that combine with literally anything especially normal lay person life called desire: the tantric path to awakening, that someone recommended to me from this forum If your interested.

@Matt8800 I absolutely believe she only has my best interest at heart but she is not the gentle sort haha very loving but in a ferocious manner. But I feel like she is perfect for me there no chance of being disconnected and hiding behind cleverness she demands passion because surrender is not optional as she may devour you at any moment and recreate you the next, the ego has no safety around a presence like that. All her demands are to live in passion and from your highest potential its a very intense almost primal dance but I want more, while that seems more forceful she knew we were a good match before she came knocking I feel.

Why not both lol. The truth makes sex better when sex is just a stage for the truth to play on. Sex however does not make truth better so there is definitely a hierarchy

@Matt8800 Ill have to try working in the banishing ritual and see if it adds anything, although its hard to imagine a ill meaning entity to having the stones to get near anything to do with Kali, she is rather ferocious and wild as well as loving. Probably wont have time to explore evocation rituals until after next week as I'll be out of town with family but that sounds exciting albeit a little intimidating, definitely will want proper space for that if it turns out anything like last weekend, as being in contact with that energy soaks you in it for a while , I'm still more wild and voracious then usual. It already feels like the volume of life is turned way up in just normal day to day and I'm just having a blast seeing where this goes. Thanks for helping me find all this information Ill have to check out Jason millers stuff to after I'm through what I have.

you sound like you might mesh well with Advaita Vedanta, IMO Hindu non dual advaita is best but in the west neo advaita is more common I tend to find them less genuine however. If you just want to delve into the philosophy of I recommend watching videos of Swami Sarvapriyananda. Vedanta is popular enough depending if you live in a pretty populated area there a decent chance to be a regular group that some kind that meets

@Matt8800 Have you heard of anyone working with the hindu goddess kali? I got those books you suggested( only halfway through magnus opus and desire so far) added alot of the energy exercises to my yoga/meditation pratices, also started adding in things from the desire trantra book which has really been resonating with me so far, as well as sprinkling in some psychedelics/canabis. Life started getting interesting pretty quick. I have always loved hindu philosphy/yoga and such but I dont know thing about their whole pantheon of gods, the only two whose names I could've recalled was ganesh and shiva. I decieded to smoke some strong canabis and then try some energy work after I was feeling pretty comfortable with it but I went into a energy overlord that was vastly more then I was able to store fast enough and totally overwhelmed me somewhere between obliteration and bliss it wasnt just my energy it felt infused with a some other element and I started mentally hearing Kali ma totally out of the blue and I had no clue what the hell it meant but it was a pretty personal and powerful, even afterwards scouring my mind the closest thing I could think of about kali was rembering it chanted by a cult in a Indiana Jones film as a kid didnt know it was a hindu goddess until I googled it. Was fascinated but didnt think to much about it for a few days but I kept getting flood of little synchronicities. On the weekend I decided to take some acid up camping in nature on a gorgeous day and shit got crazy. Im not even going to try to talk about that experience except that I came out the other end very devoted to a hindu goddess I barely knew jack anything about. And Ive been fairly obsessed with her since then but life is crackling alive and getting fairly psychedelic just as a baseline with constant synchronicity so Im not going to question it really. Have you come across anything about her in your research or anyone who works with her? The information from the more mainstream sources is pretty all over the place. Also curious if you have other good resources along the line of that tantra book you mentioned, I really resonate with that style. But damn you weren't joking about life getting strange, I'm shell shocked still tbh haha

@Justincredible76 I think it only truly works if it grows naturally, so just plant the seed and nurture it over time just like your instinct says. Just start with whats enjoyable, dont force it, try out a few different forms of meditation and yoga etc to see what fits to you, either synchronizes with your strengths that you enjoy and bring you closer to the divine and or that bolster the areas you want to improve, but once you find a few practices stick with them for awhile. Its like digging wells, you get to water with a few deep holes not a dozen shallow ones. But its important to not force it and try to bring a spirit of devotion and passion to everything you engage in but especially your spiritual pratice/sadhana. So its best to let it grow naturally start with what is enjoyable if thats 5 miniutes of breath watching meditation then great, any amount of time is infinitely more then zero and gets the seed planted. Also dont separate your "mundane" desire from spirituality, desire can be embraced and offered to the divine because there is nothing other then it. So when your hanging out with friends, playing video games, or whatever you are drawn to try to bring the light of consciousness to it, drink it up fully, it too is a dance with the divine, notice how it makes you feel, why you enjoy it, every little detail, and relish it or it if no longer has any passion then follow the passion elsewhere. As you bring the light of consciousness to anything and offer it to the goddess/god/divine it will transform on its own over time when done genuinely, even simple things like breathing or things you generally dislike like pain. Just try it with breath, notice and enjoy how it feels moving through your nose, filling your lungs moving your diaphragm and stomach, but outside of your practice its important be spontaneous and not force it, focusing on enjoying awareness of the process will cause your desire to naturally lead the frequency to increase.

@Justincredible76 Wonderful! If your thoughts and undercurrent of desire has begun to obsess with the divine then its basically all ready game over execpt for the time it takes to play out, however its not going to feel like that of course . But if what you say is true then between the madness and ecstasy of desire for the divine, and the pain of awareness of your ignorance, your already helplessly enslaved to this process as it intensifies. How can you know for sure? Because you will jump and nothing will stop you. Nothing I or anyone else says will really matter it would only add or subtract a little time. Once this process has begun it is inevitable you yourself cant even stop yourself, just try. The pain of ignorance cannot be unseen and if you were to even resist the suffering would grow and grow until you become wild with desire and come right back, If you were really stubborn you can even maybe holdout a lifetime or two. But once you have tasted the divine and it you, it is only a matter of time and how much youd like to resist and suffer, but the goddess will have you and you it at the end of the day. But if you focus on surrender then this is a glorious dance with the eternal goddess and you will relish being consumed piece by piece, this dance is the very apex of existence. In fact your experience reminds me alot of my own my first taste of a aspect of the divine was unconditional love, also on LSD. But also from experience you will probably get what you seek from the psychedelic path but that wont be the end only the start, It is like a window it will show you what is possible but it wont let you live there. Making it a living breathing reality will be your next task, and for that the psychedelic path will be insufficient alone you will probably need to supplement by taking up some kind daily sadhana and id also suggest a strong devotional practice because it makes the dance much sweeter

let me recontextualize what your asking and it may answer itself. Your asking me if your ready to die. Take that pretty seriously if your going to take high doses with the intent for truth, you will probably get it, this mean your going to come face to face with your end. How to know if your ready? How strong is your desire for truth or god, how much are you willing to surrender everything, seriously ponder, If god offered you the truth in person but demanded you surrender your life and sanity completely into gods hands could you let it go? If you take a breakthrough dose, with strong intent you will receive what your asking for but after you take the dose thats that no turning back, the ultimatium will come and you will be asked to surrender everything and if you refuse and try to hold on then you will probably take a trip to hell and back. But also nobody is ever ready to do it and you will never know how to navigate it with surety, the real question is if your ready to make to leap of faith and surrender completely

@Florian It sounds like you have pretty good introspection and have a decent handle on this, I dont think you need to worry about being insane it can just feel like that at moments when your awareness increases rapidily (why people freak on psychedelics). The emotional work your doing sounds like a great practice but if your working with your emotional body I think it makes the journey much more easy, not to mention more fun and blissful, if you focus on unconditional love. Generating emotions without external stimuli is kinda like training muscles and unconditional love is THE reason to sort out your emotional health, its the juice of life. I dont know exactly what the method you said your working with but if its like Leo's letting go then just do it like you normally do but after you have become aware of the emotion and attempted to let it go (this is especially important if you failed to let it go) just pepper your self with some unconditional love and a little back pat for letting yourself become aware and drop resistance and feel difficult emotions. For 1 because it is actually difficult which is why most people repress their tough emotion and it rewires your system to be excited to find hidden parts of itself because it know you will be loving towards them instead of mean to yourself, so your unconscious will like your conscious aspect more and work with you more. Think of working with your unconscious like with working with a impulsive child

Wow love kurgzegat and the egg but never thought of mixing the two, I suspect that beautiful art like this spreading more often on the internet is a much bigger deal then we all realize as well its one of the many but ACTUAL slow but steady steps towards waking us all up

@Matt8800 If healing was not the best thing for ones path, then they wont be healed. If they are healed, it was meant to be. can I just ask you to expand just a little there it seems pretty key to my hangup. In your experience of healing does that mean the final say isn't your own? As in your just acting as a extension of the divine and it lets you know in some way or another when its safe help without causing unforseen suffering? or does it just not work when its not meant to be even though everything felt the same on your end as it usually does

Im agnostic and slightly wary towards him I learned a kriya yoga pratice from him last year and it works quite well. All I can say he is legitimately powerful because their was very strong energy there, I found myself very easy able to slip into deep meditative stats that would usually take difficultly to reach when I didnt feel like listening to what he was saying because I had heard it before many times. He does alot of good in the world and Im very thankful to him for the kriya yoga, but I also get a off sense from him I cant put my finger on and its best to be wary around something more powerful then you that you dont understand. So I while I would recommend him to a fellow seeker I would emphasis to believe nothing disbelieve nothing not in your experience which Ironically I picked up from him haha. But that aside the above thought process is something Ive wondered about alot when it comes to healing do you think theres anything too it? Are you sure its best to heal everything? I hate the idea of leaving someone in suffering if you can help but simultaneously its absolutely true that ive had aliments that in hindsight were exactly what they needed to be for me to learn and I may have suffered more if somebody had just healed me of it. Im actually really not sure on this point and my instinct is that its pretty complicated. Edit: A example just hit me from the video of that weird thing I cant put my finger on about sadhguru. He said he would neture your spirituality for a lifetime, If thats even possible wouldnt that be like 1000x worse then murder for a spirtual seeker thats a downright sadistic punishment. And yet he does tremendous good in the world, Id say get whats helpful but be wary and remain aware of his charisma, Its slightly unnatural stay away if your easily influenced

Heres powerful hack to boost your ability to let go and exponentiate your progress with the technique. I posted this as a comment under the video but I think its worth putting up here as well since its been crucial in making progress my own attempts to let things go, particularly jugdement. But I'm also feeling lazy so I'm just going to copy paste the comment I left on the video, hope it helps! Great technique great video leo! I know of a little cheat code that synergizes very well with this technique that I hope can help you guys when your using it. I realized I'd been using the letting go technique for a while but with a little twist that lowers the difficulty and acts as leverage for your letting go muscle, boosting its effectiveness. I have been revering to it as the "observe and love" technique even using that phrase as a mental mantra helps because after you've built muscle memory for that practice the mantra alone triggers those neural pathways and the method starts doing itself with less and less effort. The Idea is very simple, begin with the letting go technique but then after you observe your attachment or resistance to letting go you consciousnessly generate whatever love your can and direct it at yourself, Love is like rocket fuel for your ability to drop resistance. This is especially useful if like me you struggle with judgement, especially self judgement, it offers a way out of the eternal judgement loop of catching yourself making judgements then proceeding to judge yourself for being judgemental. Of course you cant resolve judgemental reflexes if your using your judgement muscle to fix judgment haha. Love obliterates this more effective then anything else. One last key note is that if you notice something inside you that your judging as particularly ugly and your struggling to send that little back pack of love become aware that you are not the thought or the judgement but the awareness of that. Remember your awareness just became consciousness of a unpleasant resistance filled part of your pattern so that you could begin the process of transcending it, and your first instinct is to beat the shit out of yourself for becoming aware of it, basic Pavlovs dog, your not going to be as willing to let yourself become conscious of yourself in the future. Bring those points to your awareness and with that perspective you should find your self able to sprinkle that unconditional love to start that Pavlov's dog process going in the other direction which will probably astonish you as it makes the process feel fun and that little switch bit by bit it will become effortless, its the difference of trying to work 40+ hours a week at McDonalds or at your dream job you'd do for free anyway.

very interesting I agree with the overall sentiment regarding things like frivolously predicting the future and other impractical things(the more you think about the implications of predicting the future the sillier it seems). But I am surprised at his stance on healing. I'm going to guess his logic is something along the lines of; that aliment you aim to heal is simply a symptom of a underlying cause (say resentment) and if I heal that symptom it will simply find another outlet and potentially a more debilitating one. If that was the case however then the above approach would simply be a unskilled one and just how our symptom supression medical system in west is unskilled moving to a more holistic approach would solve the problem. I.E I could heal you but that will only be temporary relieve and the problem will resurface more intensely later so your real aliment is the, lets say resentment, suggest say this or that daily practice and putting energy towards resolving this or that toxic life circumstance and maybe then remove the physical symptom after they build some momentum that direction if you still even need to, but at least leaving them with more awareness of the situation and a path to find relief. Sure it would be a much more involved process over more time but if thats what constituted genuine healing then hey you know what your getting into but it least it could be done. Although there may be complicated cases involving heavy past life karma that just need to be what they are so I can actually see why if your laying rules for a large group of followers a blanket NO is safest.

@AlterEgo Nice!! A very comphresive guide on proper critical thinking to organize the mental story, If we must have a story it definitely should be as clear and close the the truth as possible which is more difficult then many will give it credit for. I think this is a key add on if your logically oriented because you probably will feel uncomfortable and reluctant to apply love and drop resistance if you feel you dont understand the source of the agitation like its some mysterious void.

I went ahead and ordered the sutras too. thanks again this thread/conversation has been very helpful

Wow that was awesome, Gets me fired up! I wholeheartedly agree I guess this is where my hangup. That bottom of the soul feeling that you will not be stopped, I was born with that, it comes very naturally. I actually did try that inner power partice yesterday and it was also very natural almost effortless, quite a powerful technique too so thanks for that, I ended up getting swept up in it and started roaring like a lion think I freaked my neighbors haha. The hangup is I have always known I can summon up tremendous power and unbalanced wielding of it has been one of my major sources of pain and suffering the other being enforced servitude in the form of addictions. These two dynamics form a cycle I generate power wield it poorly then retreat to addictions going dormant for a time until the lion awakes and wants to stretch and rinse and repeat. The only key out of that endless maze was surrender and love. But my old patterns arent gone, they just had the volume turned way down, Im scarred of anything that might mess with that volume knob. So the thing that is feared here is the power itself because I know how bad it can hurt if i misstep. And I know there's some neurosis hiding in this but part of me doesnt want to let go of the fear because it reasons that it should be feared so that I will watch my step around it. Because that fear is the result of burning myself many times and that if I let it go that it will slowly creep up in the shadows and ill burn myself or someone else but this time wielding a far larger hotter fire. So the fear is trying argue that it has my best interests at heart. Maybe you can spot a easy point where that can be untangled?

@Matt8800 First I want you thank you for all the authentic energy to you put into this thread towards helping people on their path of growth! Its always beautiful to see the rising tide raising all boats. I just read your reply to Mulky about being unbalanced in the dynamic of power/love from previous lives with intention for this life to work towards equanimity. I don't know how it resonates with Mulky but it sparked some realization for me of a similar story but of the inverse. Wither or not such a story are literal I think is besides the point its better to see if its useful and in my cause it seems to be as its extremely inter sectional with the themes of my life. It would fit perfectly with me that in previous lives I developed a lot of power but was unbalanced with love and the theme of this life seems to be surrender and awakening and deepinging of love. When I was a child I instinctually saw right through the lower orders of power most people seek (power by authority, power over other via control through systems, confusion, and fear, power through amassed external resources) but I saw through them in a odd way I could never put my finger on like was already intimately acquainted with them and knew them to be hollow. I just had a knowing that personal and internal power was where it was at. As I explored that path everything eastern felt VERY familiar as i learned it felt more like remembering. When I stumbled across information on siddihis/ yoga & occult again It felt very familiar but very different then how i felt about the lower order power, I knew they were a whole different beast. I had a familiar attraction to them but it was accompanied by a deep knowing that wasn't going to satisfy the ravenous unreasonable hunger I had. I dabbled in them a bit but that deep knowing that the JUICE wasn't there always divided my focus and would eventually pull me in other directions, but the pull never disappeared just kinda had a sense of not the right time. Then psychedelics entered my life and I had my first experience of unconditional universal love. It hooked me so deep like Id been wandering in the desert for millennium and just drank water for the first time, there was a unreasonable madness that entered me and for the first time possibly in my existence I wanted to be the servant. And that Is consistent as my life theme, all my resolved problems and openings come from balancing the scales of power to love. When i became aware of this became very focused on love becoming more and more single pointed over the past 4 or 5 years and many aspects of my life have changed radically as a result. But the universe is has been telling me its time now bring back in that other half, and honestly I'm simultaneously a little excited but very nervous. It's only truly desirable if it aids my personal access to love and aids my ability to manifest love into being and spread it and I'm terrified of those sneaky parts of myself that might co-opt the situation and cause detours and suffering. But the universe is getting more persistent that its time so I ordered the books you recommended along with the tantric one. So matt what does your intuition say about all this? You feel its likely im in Mulky's situation just inversed and you have and tips or advice keep balance and deepen surrender(this will be paramount for me I feel). Also how difficult is it to access your spirit guide? I feel like having a detached outside observer around to tell me when I should hit the brakes and focus on Bhakti would ease my nerves alot, I have a sense that if put the rubber to the road here things are going to start moving rather quickly. Also if its helpful info im pretty certain I fall overwhelmingly into the mystic camp and nearly no clairvoyance.

@Aaron p also I thought you said you were doing kriya yoga which is different then a traditional style meditation like say zazen. Something like zazen can add great sturdiness and stability to your life but it is much less flashy. Also if you learned kriya yoga online or from a book i have heard of that going very poorly for people its can be disastrous thing if you do it improperly at least thats what Ive heard from many people. Its best to have it transferred to you by a accomplished master just to be sure, at least that what im planning to do as Id like to learn it from sadhguru at the end of the month. If you'd like I can link you to a great all around tutorial for zazen.

@Aaron p mindfulness will never not be worth its price but do what you feel like is right for you. Just pay very close attention to yourself to make sure it in your own direct experience wither your reality improves or worsens. Dont forget to apply generous self love trying to apply love to whatever is around will also help, also the happiness "muscle" in your brain is the same part that governs gratitude so try and take 5 or 10 min to really try and FEEL gratitude for the things you have in your life and your mood and stability will improve for sure. Best of luck mate I hope things get easier for you

@theking00 haha well yes the ego is the devil but god is also the devil and the devil deserves love in gods eyes. The devil can thus realize it is god but thats probably not going to be relevant now. Building a healthy ego is like a canoe you need it to cross the river but once you've crossed the river you don't need it any more. So make it as healthy and least devilish as you can and pursue what is true until one day you cross the river and it will drop on its own. Pursuing truth on its own will make the ego bit by bit less dense and devilish but a unweildly unhealthy ego will have great difficulty pursuing truth.

@theking00 Applying unconditional love to the ego is a very healthy first step this way it feels safer to bring more of itself outside of the shadows, loving your failings allows you to keep them under tabs and transmute them much much quicker. Like a child who is scolded for being who he is will eventually begin to simply hide who he is and do what he wants more sneakily, I know i did haha. The whole "Ego is the enemy kill it at all costs" attitude which your likely going hear advised often and is just ego anyway. One who is truly without a shred of ego would also psychically die, even your body is just ego/boundaries, so if someone with a mouth tells you they have no ego guess whats talking. But even asking this question is a good step. Supplement your spirtual pratice with some healthy structure to make your ego a more suitable tool for expressing the divine truths gained from the spirtual pratices. Things such as deepening your understanding of psychology and training your ego to have healthier goals and ways to satisfy its needs like working out instead of video games, a healthier diet, or making your dating standard focused on seeking a well rounded psychologically stable person with healthy self respect instead of the hottest person at any cost. On the psychology side I recommend Jordan Peterson's full psychology courses he posted on youtube, they are basically just him teaching a entire collage class that you can enjoy for free(although id take his emotional political criticisms with a grain of salt they have some truth but only partially like anyone who 100% sure of anything). They are great for providing a solid foundation that provide a support for your spiritual practices. Spiritual practices such as meditation, psychedelics, and yoga can decrease the density of your ego but if you dont build the foundation of a healthy relationship with ego first sometimes it backfires and the ego with will claim the insights creating the ultimate sneaky ninja of spiritual ego which often ends someones progress for very long amounts of time.

@Aaron p all the earlier advice is all very sound and theres no shame in slowing your pace to what you can handle so you can enjoy the walk. BUT also this is a huge opportunity if you can practice mindfulness while suffering what was once the a terrible obstacle can become the key to freedom and love, Im not saying you shouldnt seek relief however just try to apply mindfulness until the relief comes. Mindfulness is absolutely crucial however so if you dont already I would start a traditional old meditation practice even though its not flashy and fairly miserable for us westerners for that first month it is the true workhorse of spirituality and will become a joyous treasure if nurtured. Its just a workout to build the mindfulness muscle, but the key would to take what is built on the meditation cushion and use it to illuminate your darkest moments with the light of mindfulness. This will give you space from the rawness of your immediate experience so that this and future challenging times with be less like a fact of reality and more like some entertainment your experiencing and learning from like a dramatic movie, it can be intense but it cant really touch you.