integral

Trying to help a 13 year old navigate her living situation with her rapist, who has now been revealed to be a full narcissist. The situation is he comes home from work tired/stressed and takes it out on the family. She is the center of his focus, yelling/screaming in her face with insane demands and expectations (call me master and thank me when ever I speak, your coming to work with me 8 hours everyday and your going to do my job for me). She is emotionally destroyed by this in every way. I am working to get her father involved to save her, but its going to take sometime. So I've been teacher her how to communicate with the narcissist in the best way possible to minimize conflict and emotional pain as well as to help her communicate with her father about all this, that she is refusing to do. These are a few things she is slowly learning how to do, please give advice if you guys have any thanks! To re-contextualize him as a child having a temper tantrum and to not take it personally. If a 4 year old is screaming, its not personal, but when a adult does it, it hurts, just a game of context! Hes a child in a adults body, don't be fooled. To be aware of and avoid adding fuel to the fire while communicating with him. Always address everything calmly no matter how you feel. Focus on thinking about what to say instead of reacting to what was said. Stoicism. He feeds off of any little change in her tone of voice and takes it personally. To take a bigger picture of the situation while the situation is happening in real time. Make him know that you understand how he feels, said calmly. Its not about winning or being right, its about defusing the situation and waiting for the fire to burn out, its a temporarily outburst.

Ah! Good Insights! Human trials have begun. Thanks

@Preety_India @JayT79 @Arcangelo @Esilda @Nos7algiK @DefinitelyNotARobot @Harlen Kelly @Khr It happened 3 years ago, she went to the police but didn't have semen evidence (she washed it away and regrets it). He was able to avoid jail time because of this (at least that's the story she believes). She cant and is resistant to communicate to her biological father about anything, I'm trying to change this. She also wont give me the number of her father so I can tell him directly.

@Yali Nia i verified it by sacrificing my own body.

lmao i know, but she can sometimes only reach orgasm if its pounded. At this point she doesn't want to listen to the body.

This might be a bit stimulating to read, maybe not sure, if your doing no-fap just ignore this. So my partner enjoys having her cervix hit during sex pretty hard (rare I know). It allows her to have multiple orgasms and fulfills her desires/fantasies. The issue is about 30 min -1 hour later she gets intense stomach pains, that can sometimes last a full day 24 hours??? Sort of baffling, normally just touching the cervix gives a women quite a bit of discomfort, so how is she able to enjoy it? Also why does the pain come afterword's and is there a solution to this? Obviously we can just stop hitting it or hit it gentler... but I would like to think there is a better way. Is there a way to avoid/reduce the pain? Thanks!

@Leo Gura No, I eat none. Why is it even more toxic then the fish? lol but ive been taking activated charcoal when ever i eat fish as you recommended.

Cock ring, relax sphincter and stomach, let it all hang out. Have a dildo for back up.

Recently found myself in a position of helping a 13 year old girl, she was raped at 9 by her step father (they covered it up and she is still forced to live in the same house as him). Major Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Child Regression, Ticks followed as well as a very hyper activate sex drive that is far beyond what I thought the human body is capable of. I've encouraged seeking professional help and going to the police, but she refuses for it will disrupt her social life by being forced to move to a new location. She listens to everything i say and I've done the best i can to help manage the stress and improve the quality of her life, but in the end root issues will not be resolved with out her taking action/responsibility in self-healing and resolving living situation. Nympho issue is connected to the trauma and as a coping mechanism, as she stats it: to masterbate is to wash him off of her and give her back control/consent. I'm asking for advice/help/resources/books. What does she need to know/learn? What practices can help her move forward/heal? Thanks!

We had a talk about it just now, it seems some how her father knows about it and apparently it was "settled" in court. The step-father is not allowed to be in the same room as her, but they are still living in the same house. I'm not sure if this is a lie she was told, for she was to young to understand anything when it happened. Is there really a law that would allow this kind of thing? She hid the trauma from everyone when it happened, suppressed it so no one knew, acting. The father apparently knows it happened but does not know of the trauma or how serious her issues are. She has also not givin me her consent to speak to her father and would considerate it a betrayal of some kind.

ah i see, thank you. I'm 32 and their both 13, ive always been good with children, seems to be why the 3 of us connected.

That's a good point, but wouldn't the parents have to pay for treatment? Could all of this be done confidentially? lol thanks , but its easy when living in abundance of love, there is more then enough to go around.

I am family friends with her bf. He came to me for help with her. Why is there a potential danger?

Thanks guys for the help. It seems the situation is even worse then i thought, the stress caused sleeping disorder (waking up with rape nightmares 3 years after the incident), adrenal burn out, skin and digestion issues, all related to I assume stress. I focused on being her friend and protector/teacher, that is the experience she is receiving (masculine containment). It seems to have helped quite a lot. Makes sense, she has stated she trusts me and that's a huge importance for her. She's a insanely fast book reader, ill likely buy her books as gifts, she willing to read anything. What would be a good starting point on this list?

Thanks guys, we will try these methods and see if it helped in a few years or sooner...

She has a loving father that will take her in, but she refuses to tell him about the rape or trauma. The mother worked to cover it up, she is a house wife with no job, father brings home all the money, she doesn't want to loss him, dependent. Also ignored and pretended it didn't happen.

That their projecting. A conversation that isn't personal.

1) Awareness 2) Conscious command 3) Body Movement

@bejapuskas Lets extract the points/ideas: To entertain an idea with out believing in it, To entertain a paradigm/perspective with out believing in it All paradigms have grains of truth to them, that are a foundation for the self-deception that warps reality to suit it. Stating the variable in a system does not have inherit implications. Implications are a separate exploration. Everyone want to know if people understand there experience and how they feel. It does not have alternative implications. Everyone see how this is not blue? <----- How I'm not giving advice to women about what to wear? Understanding How Paradigms Work

Yes that interpretation is offensive. Standard blue/orange rape apologist paradigm. She is not responsible for the rape but its unavoidable many of the time, to be told this is often offensive, its a delicate subject, both have a responsibility in the matter, to do their best in making the best decisions they can and to be educated. no amount of education about consent is going to get that kid to keep it in his pants = its unavoidable many of the time Both sides need to take responsibility = both have a responsibility in the matter, to do there best in making the best decisions they can and to be educated But this narrative is offensive to women. They don't want to hear it. = She is not responsible for the rape but its unavoidable many of the time, to be told this is often offensive, its a delicate subject I didn't realize how what i was writing was going to be skewed, nor did i know how to avoid all the pitfalls, Its not easy crafting the right sentence in this situation. To navigate the trauma. If that didn't clear this up, i give up. I just rewrote the same thing over and over different ways hoping the right interpretation would "click" for people. Never happened. No amount of education would of helped: Is a misunderstanding of what it means to be educated. A resilience from stress/trauma is worth educating, let alone a long list of other factors that would help. All the women on the forum know this. Great, it was never directed to them. There are men and women here as well and around the world. We are talking ages 14-20 education, We are talking deep relationship understanding, that people struggle with for a life time. We are talking multiple-cultures. Not just the direct experience or level of knowledge of the women on the forum in the cultures there in. Montreal being higher orange/green, the women i know are not living in chronic fear in a hostile environment. When my hot blond sister moved to Thailand i warned her to be carful not to be alone in certain areas, the culture is different, she dismissed it for being overly paranoid and fearful. In reality i was communicating a world she never experienced. if there is a silver lining, the comments the women have responded with had some great insights that added to the topic. There is some truth in the rape apologists paradigm, just like there is truth and insights as a foundation for all paradigms. Yoga pants are perceived by many men as a highly sexual piece of attire. That's a variable in the system. Can we state variables with out implied hidden implications? Does everyone see there is no hidden implications here? Implications are a separate exploration. I've communicated this to women I've dated and friends, random responses: I have the right to wear wtv i want. I didn't know that, I wear it because its comfortable. - Conditioned to wear it by culture. Clueless. That sounds awful. - Sympathy You must not like yoga pants then. - Insight into how i must feel. So your saying its my fault if a man rapes me? - Experienced as blame Its not my problem. When a man says, "Yoga pants rapes my field of vision, its exhausting", hes saying "Do you understand how i feel?", "Do you understand my experience?", he is not saying "Its your fault and responsibility"

@Preety_India Everyone has strengths and weaknesses that gives them different tools for navigating relationships. Might be why people have been criticizing your approach unfairly. I have tools that make identifying a partners quality's accurately and quickly, but its weak in other areas of a relationship, that you would excel at.

I agree, this is problematic. How i imagine education reform, is teaching a number of core self-mastery, self-awareness, multi-cultural- interpersonal, societal and spiritual subjects early life, starting as children. Any subjects that focus on helping people understand each other and themselves will facilitate major changes. I imagine this would cause riots in the streets in India if any of this was thought in school. If men and women in India had vail of there culture lifted by a very small degree, this would contribute to moving there culture forwards in the next generation. This is a systemic growth education strategy. They don't necessarily need to be aware there doing it, but the seeds need to be planted so to nurture children/environment. Pushing culture forward. This is how we get the changes in society we are seeking. Cultural changes cannot happen with out both educating men and women at the same time, because change is long term, interconnect with a bunch of cultural and social systems and multi generational. What is a education strategy that moves society forward? I've mentioned women education only to show that it is a part of a big picture long term plan and that it is nested into everything. Lets keep long term multi-generational plan into mind when answering this: What is the education blue men need in India? What is the education blue women need in India? --- Teaching "Boys will be boys" or "Better watch out for some boys" is not equal to "complete peoples understanding of each other and themselves". The former is fear based. The later is life transforming multi-perspectival education. Integrating masculine/feminine as well as deep interpersonal understanding/empathy. Its also adaptive and sensitive to the cultural its being thought in. So the expression of it is not fixed.

@Preety_India Ah ok, so the strategy has already changed.

@Hulia Yes there is truth to that, but i like to think we can design the "best" strategy lol