integral

I am family friends with her bf. He came to me for help with her. Why is there a potential danger?

Thanks guys for the help. It seems the situation is even worse then i thought, the stress caused sleeping disorder (waking up with rape nightmares 3 years after the incident), adrenal burn out, skin and digestion issues, all related to I assume stress. I focused on being her friend and protector/teacher, that is the experience she is receiving (masculine containment). It seems to have helped quite a lot. Makes sense, she has stated she trusts me and that's a huge importance for her. She's a insanely fast book reader, ill likely buy her books as gifts, she willing to read anything. What would be a good starting point on this list?

Thanks guys, we will try these methods and see if it helped in a few years or sooner...

She has a loving father that will take her in, but she refuses to tell him about the rape or trauma. The mother worked to cover it up, she is a house wife with no job, father brings home all the money, she doesn't want to loss him, dependent. Also ignored and pretended it didn't happen.

That their projecting. A conversation that isn't personal.

1) Awareness 2) Conscious command 3) Body Movement

@bejapuskas Lets extract the points/ideas: To entertain an idea with out believing in it, To entertain a paradigm/perspective with out believing in it All paradigms have grains of truth to them, that are a foundation for the self-deception that warps reality to suit it. Stating the variable in a system does not have inherit implications. Implications are a separate exploration. Everyone want to know if people understand there experience and how they feel. It does not have alternative implications. Everyone see how this is not blue? <----- How I'm not giving advice to women about what to wear? Understanding How Paradigms Work

Yes that interpretation is offensive. Standard blue/orange rape apologist paradigm. She is not responsible for the rape but its unavoidable many of the time, to be told this is often offensive, its a delicate subject, both have a responsibility in the matter, to do their best in making the best decisions they can and to be educated. no amount of education about consent is going to get that kid to keep it in his pants = its unavoidable many of the time Both sides need to take responsibility = both have a responsibility in the matter, to do there best in making the best decisions they can and to be educated But this narrative is offensive to women. They don't want to hear it. = She is not responsible for the rape but its unavoidable many of the time, to be told this is often offensive, its a delicate subject I didn't realize how what i was writing was going to be skewed, nor did i know how to avoid all the pitfalls, Its not easy crafting the right sentence in this situation. To navigate the trauma. If that didn't clear this up, i give up. I just rewrote the same thing over and over different ways hoping the right interpretation would "click" for people. Never happened. No amount of education would of helped: Is a misunderstanding of what it means to be educated. A resilience from stress/trauma is worth educating, let alone a long list of other factors that would help. All the women on the forum know this. Great, it was never directed to them. There are men and women here as well and around the world. We are talking ages 14-20 education, We are talking deep relationship understanding, that people struggle with for a life time. We are talking multiple-cultures. Not just the direct experience or level of knowledge of the women on the forum in the cultures there in. Montreal being higher orange/green, the women i know are not living in chronic fear in a hostile environment. When my hot blond sister moved to Thailand i warned her to be carful not to be alone in certain areas, the culture is different, she dismissed it for being overly paranoid and fearful. In reality i was communicating a world she never experienced. if there is a silver lining, the comments the women have responded with had some great insights that added to the topic. There is some truth in the rape apologists paradigm, just like there is truth and insights as a foundation for all paradigms. Yoga pants are perceived by many men as a highly sexual piece of attire. That's a variable in the system. Can we state variables with out implied hidden implications? Does everyone see there is no hidden implications here? Implications are a separate exploration. I've communicated this to women I've dated and friends, random responses: I have the right to wear wtv i want. I didn't know that, I wear it because its comfortable. - Conditioned to wear it by culture. Clueless. That sounds awful. - Sympathy You must not like yoga pants then. - Insight into how i must feel. So your saying its my fault if a man rapes me? - Experienced as blame Its not my problem. When a man says, "Yoga pants rapes my field of vision, its exhausting", hes saying "Do you understand how i feel?", "Do you understand my experience?", he is not saying "Its your fault and responsibility"

@Preety_India Everyone has strengths and weaknesses that gives them different tools for navigating relationships. Might be why people have been criticizing your approach unfairly. I have tools that make identifying a partners quality's accurately and quickly, but its weak in other areas of a relationship, that you would excel at.

I agree, this is problematic. How i imagine education reform, is teaching a number of core self-mastery, self-awareness, multi-cultural- interpersonal, societal and spiritual subjects early life, starting as children. Any subjects that focus on helping people understand each other and themselves will facilitate major changes. I imagine this would cause riots in the streets in India if any of this was thought in school. If men and women in India had vail of there culture lifted by a very small degree, this would contribute to moving there culture forwards in the next generation. This is a systemic growth education strategy. They don't necessarily need to be aware there doing it, but the seeds need to be planted so to nurture children/environment. Pushing culture forward. This is how we get the changes in society we are seeking. Cultural changes cannot happen with out both educating men and women at the same time, because change is long term, interconnect with a bunch of cultural and social systems and multi generational. What is a education strategy that moves society forward? I've mentioned women education only to show that it is a part of a big picture long term plan and that it is nested into everything. Lets keep long term multi-generational plan into mind when answering this: What is the education blue men need in India? What is the education blue women need in India? --- Teaching "Boys will be boys" or "Better watch out for some boys" is not equal to "complete peoples understanding of each other and themselves". The former is fear based. The later is life transforming multi-perspectival education. Integrating masculine/feminine as well as deep interpersonal understanding/empathy. Its also adaptive and sensitive to the cultural its being thought in. So the expression of it is not fixed.

@Preety_India Ah ok, so the strategy has already changed.

@Hulia Yes there is truth to that, but i like to think we can design the "best" strategy lol

Has this strategy worked in the past?

@Lucas-fgm https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDiamondNet/featured

Ok guys, I've been subbed to emerald channel for years, watched most of her videos, she's a god dam Rockstar. So if she's telling me I'm wrong its probably true. Ill just spend a week or so thinking about this.

@Preety_India What are the systemic effect?

This made it hard to interpret. --- Women are not responsible. I agree.

@Preety_India In most cases people are not predators before hand. It happens organically. Especially the young with sleep assault. But it will have systemic effects as well as other benefits unrelated.

Evan had no awareness of her perspective in that situation. He only saw his own desires. If evan had been thought the feminin perspective or how to empathize or how to think in perspectives he would of realized how his actions where overruling her well-being. At the same time is it ok for her to just remain ignorant of all of this? Are there no benefits to teaching her about different perspective like the feminin/masculine? Its ok for her to be ignorant of the fact that she fell asleep next to a raging bull? I'm not trying to instill fear into her about all men, this is about a realistic education to complete peoples understanding of each other and themselves. Are you guys seeing how i blamed no one and I'm not saying educating women will yield better results in avoiding assault, but it will likely have some benefit in that its important overall for personal and societal growth. Systemic effects. Both are clueless and both need a education, that will bring the societal changes your seeking. --- My sister grew up with out trauma, in her 20s she injured her back and a friend picked her up to carry her to the car. After words he said "i couldn't believe the goddess that was in my arms". she felt betrayed by this, how can he be thinking these thoughts when I'm in pain and need help? It took her into her 20s to even be exposed to the perspective of the opposite sex. We are flip flopping between animalistic desires and higher ethics. Often in conflict with one another. innocent feminin perspectives are incomplete just like the masculine perspectives. Innocents is a misunderstanding of the landscape and a recipy for potential trauma. If a negative event happens, could the trauma be avoided? would a quality education help? Potentially. Would educating men lower assault. Yes. Would educating women have systemic effects? Yes. Educate EVERYONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Like i said i was raised well, received a loving childhood. Saying this, i was in does situations many times with women sleeping around me at different points in my life that i was friends with, I can say the hormonal and emotional urges are strong. I didn't act on it, because its wrong on many levels, but i sure masterbated to the mental imagery of it. Are you able to empathize with my experience? Is my sexuality problematic? I thought this was normal. Why is it not male instinct overruling higher cognitive function and ethics? I think this logic breaks down at scale and in the dirty world of survival, I received this education and therefore didn't act, maybe your right. At the same time i was barely hanging on. If a copy of me was placed in 10 000 sceneries, probabilistically i would of acted at least once. By act i mean, touch something. Reinventing the education system will do wonders, proof is in lowered sexual assaults in progressive countries. I agree. While we wait 100 years for that can we be realistic about how to navigate the current altitude?

Silence

The Evan story, she trusted him to sleep next to her. Why? Because she didn't understand him. If she did, she could of taken precautionary measures. That's all i mean by responsibility, making good decisions. She did not understand his male perspective. Can we stop saying now that all women know the male perspective, its trivial and not worth communicating? We need to educate both sides so they can understand each other and themselves. Both can make better wiser decisions. Responsibility not as in its your fault, i mean it as there are degrees of control that everyone has in a given situation. In any situation both sides played the game poorly. This is not about justification, its a probabilistic systemic certainty that some wont. These urges are non trivial and will not disappear with education. Especially at the golden years of 14-20, underdeveloped age. Its not systemically realistic to say men should just control themselves. The system is more complicated then that and a real solution molds/compromise/adapts to the landscape. --- This is the context with the gf i stimulated while sleeping. We where out at the park having a nice evening, joking around, she garbed my junk in public playfully. Had to suppress the laughter, wanted to explode, there where to many people around. Later that night we had sex, the next morning i woke up before her, around the time she would normally wake up, for fun i placed 1 finger on the good spot and just left it there, no motion besides natural body motions and the suppression of my laughter. 10 min in of resting in that position, something starts heating up. Turns out she is having a sex dream, so i take my hand out and watch her for a bit until she naturally wakes up from it. I then explain what has happened, we laughed about it and have sex. Side note: Ya know this could possibly be an ancient practice of some kind, I don't know, its seems effective to stimulate sex dreams. Like sleep sex with a partner you trust and consent to it before hand? Where they guide you into a dream. hmmm this sounds very interesting to explore. Maybe a device can be warn by both partners, that stimulates them at the same time while they sleep, so they can both enter into a dream together. Then wake up to sex. This sound pretty awesome actually. I was not referencing rape, i was referencing urges. Ages 14-20. It implies rape/assault is probabilistically inevitable.

I have never been this misinterpreted before, its baffling. Ill have to rethink how to communicate.

@Etherial Cat If emerald or anyone in does situations had a better grasp of the male perspective they could of better predicted or handled it, maybe the trauma could of also of been avoided because they would not of been completely blind sighted by it. In emeralds response it was clear women have no understanding of the male mind, like the story about Evan (15). Both participants need to be educated equality about each others perspectives, not just the men by teaching them consent. I'm not blaming women in these situations or the men, their both ignorant and clueless. Please do not confuse this with shaming/blaming women. Im not trying to save/change the world with a comment, was simply showing the male perspective in does exact sleep rape situations. And how counterintuitively to women all men go through a phase like this. Being in the same house with your sisters hot friends as they have a sleep over is a VERY sensual intimate experience for a teenage boy. His mind is on FIRE. Then these clueless women (with all respect), allow this boy to sleep in the same room as them. Lack of awareness for both sides of the situation. No amount of education about consent is going to get that kid to keep it in his pants. But this narrative is offensive to women. They don't want to hear it. Both sides need to take responsibility.