integral

DEVELOPMENT OF SEXUALITY There are five general levels of sexual exchange between partners that are a direct reflection of their physical, psychological, and spiritual health.197 Similar to the unfolding of the spiritual realizations outlined above, these levels can be experienced as a temporary state or become permanently accessible state-stages through practice with a partner. 1. REPRESSED SEXUALITY In this lowest stage, the body and sex are viewed with suspicion as something negative and dirty. Usually driven by shame, guilt, and fear that originate from childhood trauma and abuse, adults at this level either avoid sexual activities altogether, perform out of duty in a dissociated way(with closed eyes, under the sheets, in the dark), or develop forms of obsessive-compulsive disorders around their sexuality that can lead to sexual addiction and other abusive behaviors. Oral sex or similarly playful sensual activities are usually out of the question for people at this stage, where modesty is confused with shame. 2. FUCKING In the fucking stage, sexuality is instinctual, self-serving, and limited to the physical, hedonistic pleasures of the body. Sex partners tend to objectify each other without seeking a deeper personal connection. They want to have fun, “get off,” and don’t care much about their partner’s emotional needs, feelings, or sexual desires. There is no shame or guilt, and “everything goes,” which can be confused with the higher, unrestrained forms of transcendent sexuality (see below), which is another form of the pre/trans fallacy (see above). In this stage, males often dominate and manipulate females into having intercourse and to engage in hurtful practices such as anal sex or deep-throating/gagging. In the fucking stage, everything is seen as OK, as long as the partner cooperates or at least does not call the police. Rarely is there a prior conversation about consent, sexual preferences, sexual history, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), no-no’s, expectations for a monogamous commitment, or possible consequences such as emotional/sexual dependence or pregnancy. Women at this stage often have an unspoken expectation of their partner to make an exclusive commitment after intercourse and feel used and abused if he moves on. They may also become intentionally pregnant without their partner’s consent to “hook him” and/or to collect child support and social security payments. Once the excitement of the newness vanishes, couples in this stage often lose interest in sex with each other and stop having sex or seek a new fuck buddy.198 3. HAVING SEX In this stage, mindfulness comes into play. Sex becomes a conscious choice between a couple that has a mutual understanding and agreement about the implications and consequences of being sexual. Having sex is seen as a beautiful and important activity which brings two people together and provides many physical and emotional health benefits.199 There is usually an agreement for monogamy or openness about multiple lovers, and partners try to find the time and energy to be sexual with each other. Sex partners in this stage go beyond the pure physical aspects (fucking), and see each other as conscious subjects. They focus on pleasing the other within the context of individual boundaries, rather than trying to openly express and meet their own sexual needs, desires, and fantasies. This leads to sexuality at the lowest common denominator that often leaves both partners unfulfilled over time. Relationship difficulties such as power struggles or emotional withdrawal tend to be carried into the bedroom, but don’t get resolved there. Instead of working on deeper issues to improve their sexual relationship, couples in this stage sometimes try new positions or locations, engage in role playing, apply sex-toys, watch porn movies, or join swinger clubs to keep their sex life interesting. Unless they evolve to the next higher stage of sexual development, merely having sex will eventually turn stale, die completely, or become so difficult that their partnership ends when one of them falls in love/lust with a new sex partner.200 4. LOVE MAKING In the lovemaking stage, a couple’s sexuality becomes the expression of their genuine love, mutual acceptance, deep emotional intimacy, and the joy of being together. Body, mind, and heart are integrated in their lovemaking which is no longer just “a thing that couples do,” but an expression of who they are as sexual human beings. No special effort to find the time or energy to be sexual needs to be made by them. Their lovemaking is a life-giving and rejuvenating affirmation of their bond and the depth of their connection. They are open to talking about their desires and exploring all forms of healthy sexual play that bring pleasure and deepen their union. They naturally stay in verbal and non-verbal communication(eye contact) with each other during their love making. Sex at this level is not used to cover up conflicts, to keep score, or to manipulate each other. Instead, sexual and emotional blocks that may arise are worked out between them, and therapeutic help is sought if they can’t resolve the problems that they face.201 5. TRANSCENDENT SEX This stage represents all advanced sacred or tantric practices that lead to spiritual state experiences through sexual union (such as Kundalini),202 that transcend the lovers’ sense of separation from each other and the universe. This kind of sexuality emerges as a stage between partners that share a deep soul connection, enjoy a high level of physical, emotional, and relationship health, and have reached an advanced stage of spiritual development (see above) with the ability for intense presence and full surrender. Spiritual practices such as meditation, partner-yoga, and ecstatic dance are often interwoven in this form of lovemaking. Partners who consciously engage in transcendent sexuality allocate ample quality time for their lovemaking (instead of waiting until they are in the mood); create sacred space in their home or away (think of a tastefully decorated warm room, soft sheets, various sized/shaped pillows, dimmed lights, scented candles, burning incense, veils around the bed, oils and lotions, and soft sacred music); and co-create a wide range of experiences through rituals such as sharing sensual food (think strawberries, chocolate, ice-cream, etc.), eye gazing, erotic dance, synchronized conscious breathing into the seven chakras, reciting of mantras, reading poems,203 alternate giving and receiving of arousing touch and massage, playfulness with objects (think feathers, boas, silk, flower petals, ice cubes), gentle intercourse, or unrestrained ravaging (that may be falsely interpreted as a form of rape).204 A common position for deep tantric connection is for the man to sit cross-legged (or on a chair) and the woman on top of him, allowing them to meet each other face to-face as opposites and equals.205 The goal of transcendental sexuality is not solely to pleasure and to reach orgasms, but to move (Kundalini) energy up the spine or through the seven chakras, and to deepen the soul connection between the lovers that leads them to consciously experience the divine, instead of unconsciously exclaiming “oh my God” during a short orgasmic release.206 This requires the ability for men to delay or avoid orgasm, and/or to have orgasms without ejaculating by squeezing their PC muscle.207 Often, deeply rooted emotional blocks that are embedded in the body and inhibit a further spiritual awakening get revealed and can be released through transcendental sex.

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Book: Integral Relationships

It could be because you think what a relationships is = responsibilities, loyalty, commitments and limitations. It doesnt need to be that way. Imagine having a friend that you have sex with and go deep into connection with. That's all it has to be.

Encourage them to do it. You can do what ever you set your mind to.

It does not inflate my ego, its the dumb work i need to do to cater to the fools I love. Lets imagine a gf situation, the connection happens as best i can make it happen, if i don't adapt there will be 0 connection. So im doing my best to get that 60-70% connection score for me and a 100% from there perspective. The thing is im extremely good at giving people the opportunity to like/love me in RL and it doesn't cost me anything and it benefits them with a good experience. I dont think authenticity has anything to do with this conversation, I am not manipulating them to achieve some goal at there expense, in the past i would mostly do this because i wanted people to like me and wanted to avoid conflict. But now im doing it to give people the opportunities they need to open up and experience love. The love people experience is authentic and i guide them to grow from it. Its a Win-Win-Win. Everyone is wining. In the context of this topic, i spoke straight to the point and it was a mistake. So now i need to do the empathy work to remove the emotional blockages in the road to understanding. The empathy work you guys force people to do to talk to you. You guys literally force people to communicate in your language and then complain that they are not being authentic.

@lxlichael To speak with no adaptation to another's needs is not the same as authenticity. I'm not manipulating and persuading with empathy at the level you think I am. Its happening within the parameters of the needs to the people im talking to, so to give them what they want so they can get out of there own way.

The models are the tools we use to estimate love.

Assumptions that I'm attracted to children and cant resist or have no understanding of social norms/ morality and am unable to not look at children bending over lol. I've been called a pedophile by multiple people now, then when I explain my perspective I'm accused of "slimes his way out of everything and into anything". More like you cant stop projecting what you want to see and justifying your projections on to me. This is happening because some people need you to first empathize and show understanding for them before they can understand or consider your ideas. I naturally don't care who is speaking and focus only on the ideas so when talking to feeler types i forget to first to play the game they need to open up. Your the first person to point this out about me and it has plenty of truth to it. I use empathy to ease people into a sense of comfort, to calm them, so to have open conversations and allow a space for growth and understanding. I know exactly what people want to hear, but i have the integrity not to use it for selfish purposes. Yes i wear people down, but your egos are so dense its the requirement you've set. The worst I've done in my life is push ideas that where half assed and convince people using empathy and persuasion, or stay in a job or relationship much longer then normal people would of been able to because people love me (because I craft a personality for them that they love). All of this came from a childhood with a emotionally immature father who put the burden of his emotional state onto his children, so i learned to understand what others where experiencing and keep them happy to survive. I hide my intentions to does who require me to hide them, its there limitations that force people to treat them a specific way. Its like someone who hates liars and attacks anyone that opens up to them, that forces everyone around them to lie to them. You guys force everyone to play your social games or else there are consequences, The less dense an ego the more authentic I can be with them. You guys attack anyone who is not at your standard so you force people to be unauthentic around you. To be fully loving of someone is to understand them with out judgment and when you are able to treat people that way you will get the authenticity you always wanted from the world. I viewed this conversation as a place to discus the big picture ideas here and not focus on empathizing with peoples individual stories. We know what the individual stories are and emotional impact. Leos post was to bring awareness to a more broader perspective outside the standard hate filled one. Was all this crafted for you? Yes. But why is it hurting you? I showed you the person you wanted to see!

??????

How do you support them emotionally? There is a masculine and feminine way to do it and the right special mix.

Walk up to them and talk as if you where best friends your whole life and are having fun. That's the secret. 400 with this method and you will hit it off easily. Never compliment appearance and ask to get to know you, this puts her in a committal position where she needs to make a decision. (bad) What she wants to experience is a man that can stimulate her mind and be playful at the same time. To immediately feel safe talking to you and opening up.

@lxlichael I agree that predators are a problem. Molestation is the same are rape and is often very traumatic. The only points I made where that there is a spectrum of healthy and unhealthy situations that don't involve predators or pedo-minded individuals above the age of 13. I was touched by my uncle when I was around 10, it was quick nothing serious but I remember the feeling of being wronged, disturbed, high alert and that experience took until adulthood to integrate. Of course we need to protect kids from adults taking advantage of them, I didnt think this had to be said! Id rather focus on a more complete understanding of the situation and relationships dynamics that arise, the other half of the coin is never talked about because everyone is focused on hating one side and smashing the hammer of justice down.

If something is not loved it cannot be understood. How can one understand something while blinded by unintegrated negative experiences?

Have you not seen the movies? The above is the primary fantasy for both men and woman. “men look for sex objects, and women look for success objects,” “men want the one thing from every woman, while women want everything from one man,” and “for men the physical attraction (and sex) causes the relationship, while for most women, the relationship causes the physical attraction (and sex).”

? your wish is my command, 2 wishes left, choose them well. ? In the comment the women part was left at the bottom of each paragraph. These fantasies run deep in our unconscious, are almost impossible to transcend and their fulfillment is the prerequisite for any romantic interest in a member of the opposite sex. We’re going to refer to them collectively as the Primary Fantasy. All other qualities that lovers typically seek in a partner are secondary to the Primary Fantasy and usually gender-neutral. Primary Fantasy: Men are conditioned to be physically attracted to young (or at least, younger), vital, and healthy-looking females with smooth skin, shiny hair, well aligned complete white teeth, symmetric facial and body features, wide hips, small waists (ideally with an 0.7 hip-to-waist ratio),65 sparkling eyes, and full breasts, which are all indicators for fertility and the ability to bear healthy children.66 Secondary Fantasy: Shared values, interests, lifestyle choices, temperaments, plans and dreams for the future, and compatible needs around time spent together, money, and sex. ---- Unfortunately attraction is primitive. The secondary fantasy becomes more important as men mature and reach higher levels in sexual stage (stage 4+), spiritual stage and anima/animus stage developments. They are more likely to seek woman based on secondary fantasy compatibilities. Couples with similar lifestyle choices, interests, intelligences, and passions, who are at the same level of their consciousness, spiritual, sexual, and anima/animus complex development, with opposite feminine/masculine polarities and complementary personality types experience the most fulfilling long-term partnerships. These compatibilities allow them to enjoy their sexual attraction and synergy, and to resolve conflicts by the same means until they grow apart in their developmental lines or lose their opposite sexual polarities. Partners with minor differences in their horizontal stage development may be able to get along and support each other in their growth, while couples with larger discrepancies will experience conflicts that are irresolvable once the initial hormonal rush that impaired their rational perception and made them look at each other through rose-colored glasses wears off, and the day-to-day reality of life sinks in.

The parameters that define male success in the eyes of females significantly increase in complexity with each level of her consciousness development, while the definition of sexiness that makes females attractive to males (a healthy body, sexual availability/radiance, and support of his vision) is consistent throughout human evolution, across cultures, and within vertical stage development of men.295 In the archaic beige stage of consciousness development (1% of U.S. adult population), male success is defined by day-to-day survival skills. In females, a healthy sexy body that indicates fertility and sexual availability are seen as attractive. In the superstitious purple stage (10%), male success is defined by the ability to adapt to their immediate natural environment, cleverly exploit its resources, appease threatening ghosts or spirits through perceived magical powers, and loyalty to their family clan, band, or gang. In females, a healthy sexy body that indicates fertility, sexual availability, and healthy instincts are seen as attractive. In the egocentric red stage (20%), male success is measured by their level of independence, confidence, aggressiveness, potency, creativity, and ability to cleverly exploit others for their own immediate gain. In females, a flashy sexy body, a high “fuck ability” factor, and respect for his needs/attitude are seen as attractive. In the conformist blue stage (40%), male success is measured by their level of reliability, job security, and devotion to family, religion, and country (the conservative, consistent, law-abiding husband). In females, a healthy sexy body, sexual willingness, elegance, and devotion to him are seen as attractive. In the rational orange stage (25%), male success is defined by their levels of income,296 future earning potentials,297 overall net worth, displays of status symbols (e.g., Rolex watch, luxury car, designer clothes, penthouse apartment, or mansion—and lately some pseudo-environmental consciousness, for example driving a hybrid or electric car, or installing solar panels), social status, advanced degrees and titles, professional achievements, international travel experience, ambition, cleverness, wit, generosity, and physical fitness (the winner). In females, a healthy sexy body, being “sex-positive,” physical fitness, classiness, and support of his mission are seen as attractive. In the pluralistic green stage (10%), male success is evaluated by the amount of available time, level of passive income, accumulated wealth, altruism,298 emotional availability, environmental awareness, natural health consciousness, worldliness, and sensitivity (the affluent, kind, semiretired activist, philanthropist, healer, teacher, artist, etc.). In females, a naturally beautiful, healthy, sexually radiant body, and support for his vision are seen as attractive. In the Integral teal and transpersonal turquoise stages (4%), male success is defined by increasing wisdom, ability to integrate all the healthy qualities from the previous stages (survival skills, natural instincts, power/creativity, devotion, financial success/status, and sensitivity), and embodiment of higher state-stages of spiritual realizations and ego transcendence. In females, a healthy sexy body, sexual shine, skills as a tantric lover, and ability to meet him as an opposite and equal at the level of all seven chakras in kind and degree are seen as attractive.

Any sexual stage can happen at any spiral dynamics stage. So depending on your spiral stage a stage 5 sexual experience will be interpreted differently. Examples: A modern Purple male shaman may be fully present in his body (spiritual stage 1), while being in sexual tantric union with a woman (sexual state-stage 5), and fully accept her as an equal and opposite human being (anima complex stage 5). He may then interpret his experience as a magical spirit flowing through him to the woman and being reflected back from her. An Blue male priest who conforms to the mythic laws of the Bible may have had a mystical experience (spiritual state-stage 4) of Christ consciousness, see women as sex objects (anima stage 2), and, while on a vacation in Thailand, fuck several prostitutes (sexual state-stage 2). He may see his spiritual experience as grace from God, treat women as inferior to men whom they should obey, and curse his sexual addiction, which he can’t control, as a Satanic affliction. An Orange female biology teacher who has never had any spiritual experiences (spiritual stage 0) may enjoy various “boy-toys” as sex partners(sexual state-stage 3), and see men as being as equally independent as she is (anima complex stage 4). She may reject any spiritual notion as irrational, enjoy sex as a pleasurable and healthy physical activity, and value men as competent colleagues but not as romantic life partners.

Recently I’ve been experimental eating one carrot. bunch of bell peppers. potatoes or rice. 12 raw eggs. Daily and feeling pretty good

Minors are into BDSM nowadays, you guys just don’t understand the world around you anymore. Gen-z is highly sexually exposed by the Internet and are into all sorts of things very young and are experiencing a childhood that’s very different and more advanced than we did. Seriously consider this, you are a boomer to them, there is a huge generation gap.