NilsFlair

Today I want to give you an insight into the simple way of letting go of self imposed limitations. Mainly I want you to understand the function that these limiting beliefs serve, and to see that this is the biggest reason why you subconsciously impose limitations on yourself. So to begin, you have to understand that if you have self imposed limitations/limiting beliefs, there is a reason for it. You didn’t just randomly acquire these from out of nowhere, you acquired them to serve a specific purpose, you are just not aware of that right now. And one of the most common reason why you impose self limiting beliefs is to take the weight of responsibility of your shoulders. For example: If you create a self limiting belief regarding your goals with women, and you believe it to be true, you are completely free of the responsibility of not achieving those goals, because you don’t believe you can, therefore you can take the pressure of yourself. The self limiting belief serves the function of taking the pressure of yourself that you feel in regards of achieving your goals. But you see the problem is that even though it takes of the pressure, it also limits you. It fixes the problem of the pressure but creates the problem of limitation, so in the end it doesn’t solve anything, rather than make you less stressed. It’s not a solution to your situation. You already know that the self limiting belief was not a solution to your problem, but you probably did not know that it is a solution to a problem (the problem of you feeling pressure/having to take responsibility for your goals). This is the first step in freeing yourself of a self limiting belief. To clearly recognize the function it serves, to see what problem it is trying to solve. The second step is to see how you can solve that problem without the limiting belief. When you do that, there is no purpose for that limiting belief to stick around, the motivational glue that was holding it in place vanishes, and the self limiting belief disappears. In our example above, the function that the self limiting belief served was to take the pressure that you feel about reaching your goals of yourself, by telling you “you don’t have to feel this pressure, because you cannot reach the goal anyway, so just relax”. What you have to do in this situation in order to let go of the limiting belief is to find out a more healthy way of taking the pressure of yourself, without the limiting belief. Maybe you need to look into why you put so much pressure on yourself regarding your goals? Maybe you need to look at why you feel such an aversion from taking responsibility for your goals? Maybe you need to reconsider your goals, did you put them there to impress others? are they your genuine desires or attempts to prove yourself? There are many ways to take the pressure of yourself in this specific situation. But the important thing is to recognize that the limiting belief in this case was a less functional way of trying to take the responsibility and pressure of your shoulders. Look into yourself, and you limiting beliefs, ask yourself, what are they giving me? what problem are they trying to solve for me? and how can I solve those problems in a better way? That’s all! - Nils Flair

@Knock Yes. Let's say you have the limiting belief that you are not good enough for the girls that you desire. This limiting belief serves the function that you don't have take responsibility for your desire and go and interact with them, because you already believe that you are not good enough for them, so you will not even have to try. When you see this correlation clearly, now you can ask yourself why it's so important in your mind to not have to take the responsibility of going and interacting with them. Let's say that the reason is that you will feel uncomfortable when you actually go to a girl that you like. Now that you know that, you can go and deal with that emotion. Like going up to the girl, fully accepting the emotional state of "discomfort" and expressing how you feel and see how things go from there. The key difference that has been made is that you are now dealing with uncomfortable emotions, rather than the belief that you are good enough (which cuts way deeper since when you believe it's true, it's a box you can literally never come out of). Try it and see how it works

**A Orange (deep in pick up conditioning) transition to Green (deep into self acceptance and emotional embrace) post.** Hey guys, I want to give you an insight into something that might be more personal for most of you. And this is to show you that most of you lost the reason you got into cold approach pick up and that this more than anything else keeps you lost and confused. I’ve seen this with myself, and I’ve seen this with thousands of people that I’ve met in the community over the years. And in a way I think that it’s sad, in another way I understand how simple it is to make this mistake and not notice it. The heartbreaking part of it is that literally hundreds of thousands of guys are pouring in enormous amounts of time and energy into this, for many guys the spend most of their youth doing this. So much time, and so much energy, being misdirected.. Chasing goals that you don’t even want.. Falling prey to a path that you didn’t choose consciously.. What it is that I’m talking about is that guys get into cold approach pick up because it offers a solution to their desperation, limitation, or lack of ability to get women. I will never forget that sunny day on the parking lot, waiting in the car while my parents went into a store, randomly watching my first ever video about cold approach pick up. I was struck hard, it felt like the epiphany of my life. I was for the first time in my life presented a solution to my desperation with women, I learned for the first time that there was a way to get women for myself, it wasn’t up to fate, it wasn’t up to luck, I could influence it, I could change, I could transform. Images of what my future could be started flooding my perception, my mind could for the first time in my life comprehend that it was possible for me to get girls. I was in awe, and ever since that day I knew my trajectory had changed. And I maintained this strong optimism for years. To me Pick up meant possibility, options, ability to improve and transform. I got into this to let go of my limitations, to be able to be my true self, to attract women with who I am, to have deep connections and share amazing experiences with women. I wanted to let go and transcend the deeply rooted mentalities I had that I didn’t deserve the women I truly wanted, and I thought that cold approach pick up was the best way to do that. From that day, I started the journey. It had many ups and downs and was incredible hard at countless times. But no matter how hard it got I maintained my focus, I kept going. The problem was that this focus was being redirected without me knowing about it, it was subconscious. From the beginning the things I wanted to achieve was to be able to be my true self with women and share amazing experiences and deep connections with them. But slowly my focus got corrupted into setting up a goal to having sex with 100 girls, to close as much as I could, to go into crazier and crazier situations, to become a master pick up artist and gain the respect of that, to be the best in pick up. None of these goals were actually congruent, none of them was what I truly wanted. When I reached a 100 lays, I was happy for a day, and the I felt like I was thrown back into the grind. The mentality of trying to close as much as I could lead me to ignore amazing girls after I had fucked them, just to try and close a new girl the next day. Going into crazier and crazier situations eventually led to me experiencing anxiety if I didn’t go crazier, and when I stopped compulsively doing that I had created a huge block of anxiety that took months to clear. I never became a master pick up artist or the best in pick up for that matter, because after about two and a half years I started to become jaded. All of the energy and time that I put into this process, all of the hardcore grinding didn’t give me what I wanted, because I had forgotten what that was. I was about to walk away from pick up entirely, if it wasn’t for the conversations I had with Chris when he asked me to join to build Social Prime together. He made me for the first time aware that there was something I had overlooked, that maybe the solution wasn’t to walk away in defeat, but to find what I had lost, and to give myself what it was that I wanted. I was so disconnected from that that I didn’t even know it, I just felt this feeling of deep hope, and that was one of the main reasons I decided to join, instead of walking away. The journey from there was interesting, ups and downs like I’ve never had before, problems that increased so much in complexity that I had no choice but to evolve more than I thought I could. The last 2 years feels like 25 years in my mind, in terms of the density of experiences and learning. And I had the continuation of my own personal journey in this time as well. I quickly found many parts of my mind being heavily conditioned by pick up conditioning, in mostly dysfunctional ways. I would literally unconsciously scan every environment for women, all the time. And a lot of times I wouldn’t feel in the mood to approach, that would then be followed by a deep judgement of how I sucked because I didn’t approach and giving me a feeling of light anxiety. I would perceive women as pretty much objects. I wouldn’t actually care about the girls, only as it related to going home together, I would listen to them, but mostly I wasn’t actually involved in the conversation. I would judge myself and others all the time. I would constantly judge girls on looks, I would judge guys on their “skills” with women, I would judge myself on my performance every single minute, almost like I had some sort of pick up judge in my head always looking at me and trying to force me to “be as productive as possible” using guilt and shame as means of control. I couldn’t connect with girls at all, I was scared shitless of it. When I realized this I tried to open myself up to it, and I had my first sort of deep connection with a girl, but my mind would mess with me and would make me perceive her amazing at one time and completely useless at another time. I would say things I didn’t want to say, just to get something out of it. And even when I got it, I wasn’t happy. There is more, way more. But this post is not about pick up conditioning. These were some of the dysfunctional patterns that I got indoctrinated into through the ideology of pick up.. I use these very harsh words, because for me it was a harsh truth to realize in myself, that I let myself get brainwashed. I didn’t ask for that, yet it happened. And I see it happening to so many guys out there, and most of them have no clue about it. They are all happy and excited now, and in a couple of years they might end up totally jaded and depressed, it’s really not uncommon. The two most common types of guys I’ve met from the community is the excited new guy and the jaded guy who’s been doing pick up for years. This is not an attack on the pick up community. This is not an attack on the possibilities of cold approach pick up. This is not an attack on breaking out of your limitations with women. This is not an attack on changing yourself as a person, attracting and connecting with the women that you’ve always dreamed of. This is an attack on the toxic and not often discussed aspects of pick up that can destroy a man's happiness and life. I want to make clear that there are amazing things and ideas inside the pick up community, but there are also horrible and destructive ideas as well. If you don’t consciously separate them from each other, you will get both, they will get imprinted in your mind, so that even when you stop, they will still be there. The process of slowly decluttering your mind of the pick up conditioning is something I will make content about in the future, but for now I want to turn to something more uplifting. To reclaim what you have lost. Why did you get into cold approach pick up? What was it what you wanted for yourself, not for anybody else, your authentic desire? Commit yourself to creating that, and drop everything else in this area. Be clear with yourself, you might actually have to sit down and think through what it was that you actually got into this for, it might be buried deep down, but you will find it. Make sure that it’s crystal clear, no confusion. And make sure that it is what you want, independent of any conditioning, of any external influences. Once you have it clear, now you know where you’re going, now you’re not confused or lost anymore. That’s it. -Nils Flair

@universe Glad you liked it! Yes I do, for more accurate description I have to explain it from two points of view. The first one comes from the book Prometheus Rising, where the author explains the fourth brain circuit, called the SocioSexual Circuit. This circuit determines a sex role, and gives you specific rules an behaviors to unconsciously fall into (this would be the genetic or inherent part of social conditioning that is imprinted in your mind). The imprinting and specific direction of this circuit will usually happen during puberty. The second perspective comes from Spiral Dynamics, namely stage Blue, that is absolutistic, and highly conformist. This stage is all about being organized, strict, perfectly following the rules, morals etc. A good example of a very blue structure of in society is the military. The amount of Blue that you have in your value system will greatly determine how ok you perceive it to be to approach a woman.

Today I want to give you guys some insight into the topic of social conditioning. It is a very broad topic and I will only cover a tiny part of it here, but I think that even this peak can give you great clarity on this area. The amount of fear that exists between the sexes, specifically around dating is enormous. It’s not only approach anxiety and fear of being rejected (that most in the pick up community are well familiar with), but also a more general and broader sense of wanting to fit in and not compromise your social status in society that most men in general experience. There is a high number of men that are terrified of interacting with women, and it’s not only the immediate fear of being rejected that is so overwhelming to them. It’s deeper, stronger, like invisible shackles that holds all of these men away from women. Most guys never break out of these shackles, they meet a girl randomly through work or social circle, their partner is a question of chance. The pick up community does serve an active role in that it presents men with an option, and the sales pitch of pick up is that it takes you out of social conditioning, and into freedom and abundance. Unfortunately the magnitude of social conditioning that is deeply imprinted in most of us, is so massive that pick up rarely takes care of it, but instead suppresses the desire to follow the code of social conditioning and puts pick up conditioning on top. Now we have two problems. I will not talk about pick up conditioning here, but focus on the social conditioning, the reason that it is so strong, and what to actually do about it to loosen it up. First of all you have to understand that it is not all coming from what you see in society today, social conditioning is a form of cultural structure inherited from the past. It was created for a certain purpose, and it served that purpose well in the past. It’s only now that it has become a bigger and bigger problem, since our culture has evolved so fast at such a short time. To understand this better, it helps to look at evolution. Evolution brings about things for specific purposes, to satisfy specific needs. And evolution will not always be in alignment with the present. Things that worked well in the past for a society might be completely obsolete today, and other things might be on the path of becoming obsolete, but haven’t yet. This structure might even exist in our genes, as a evolutionary strategy (for more in depth information about that read: The Red Queen - Matt Ridley and Prometheus Rising - Robert Anton Wilson :check the chapter of the fourth circuit:). The problem if you suppress it or try to attack it, is that you will not solve the problem, you will not change the code of social conditioning that exist in your mind. The way to go is to go into it and understand it, without any judgement (of self or others). See it as simply a part of evolution that served its purpose, but now you want to evolve out of it. The charge of fear that you experience whenever you want to break the social conditioning is there because you haven’t properly explored why you feel it in the first place. If you consciously look at it, you can start to realize that this way of seeing the world and women is not useful to you, and even though there are parts of you that are attached to acting and being perceived in a certain way, your intention is to change these parts. Not by force, not by making yourself brutally spam approach 1000s of women, but by understanding the deeper drives in your mind, and turning the direction of those drives towards a more congruent goal. You want yourself to be on your team, and if you are not on your team, find out why and redirect your mind so that it supports you. “Ok, so how do I do that?” You might be asking. And here my answer becomes a bit more nuanced. There is not a one way works for everyone and everything here. There are arrays of methods that work well to moderately well, and some methods that work exceptionally well. One of the first things to do is to find out what the parts of your mind that are motivated by social conditioning wants, and then find a way to give those parts that. An example could be that if you feel scared of being rejected. The reason is that you feel scared to break your self image. The part of you that creates this fear wants to protect your self image. And it protects your self image because it doesn’t want you to feel the pain of not living up to that self image or being that person that the self image projects, because it thinks that that’s the only way to be loved. Can you show that part of yourself that you don’t have to live up to the self image in order to be loved? You most definitely can. This is a very effective way to free up parts of your mind that are stuck in the patterns of social conditioning. That’s all for today. - Nils Flair

Today I’m going to give you guys some insight into the transitional face between being blocked and unblocked when it comes to Social Primes perspective regarding emotional blockages in dating. This is important information and if you have ever tried out our philosophy this is definitely something you’ve run into at least at some occasions. The problem starts with being blocked. What I mean by blocked is basically that there is a belief that gets triggered in your mind, that manifests as a unconscious behavior, and is experienced as an emotion with a bag of thoughts reinforcing that emotion. This is what we call an emotional blockage, and this is the main obstacles you are facing in your development in dating. The primary directive of this blockage is to go undetected by you, and if detected it’s primary directive is to push you away from examining it. Because if you do that, it will dissolve. Now, obviously I don’t mean that it has a life of its own, it was created by you at a specific time in your life when you didn’t know better. At that moment, you thought adopting that specific belief and behavior was the best thing that you could do. And now it exists as a perspective in your mind, and when this perspective gets triggered, you can have a hard time distinguishing it from the truth. As an example: Let’s say that you had an incident at the age of three, you were lost in a store by your mother and felt abandoned. What happened in reality was that your mother went looking for some item in the corner of the store and accidentally lost you for three minutes. How your mind interpreted it at the time was that your mother abandoned you and you don’t deserve to be loved because of that. All of this was suppressed, because your mind felt like it was too much to handle at that time. The problem is that this perspective was never revisited, and it sunk deep into your subconscious mind, and was reinforced many times throughout your life, without your knowledge. It was first only triggered by your mom, but later in your teenage years it developed into girls in general, a lowkey fear of being abandoned by every women that you like or love. And this pattern is here with you today. Whenever you are in an environment with girls, and you want to talk to them, this pattern of fear of abandonment is kicking in, and there is a part of you that believes 100% that you will be abandoned by every woman you like, because it happen when you were three. What do you think will happen when you become aware of this pattern? Do you think you will just right away say “oh! I feel afraid of being abandoned, but it’s just how I feel now, it’s not true, I don’t have to worry about it!”. Probably not, because you still feel like it’s true, you still believe it’s true. This is the limbo state between being blocked and being unblocked. This is the vulnerable part, this is the part you have to go through in order to become unblocked. So a couple of things that will greatly help you when you are in this limbo state are the following guiding principles: The main issue lies in the emotional charge of the belief, so if you can feel out the emotion and not reinforce it, the intensity will lessen and the belief will seem less true. Always remember that it’s a belief/perspective and not an objective truth, if you insist that it’s an objective truth you will stay stuck and will not be able to move forward. Observe how much your emotion colors your perception and how all these thoughts about you and the situation start popping up, thoughts that wasn’t there 10 minutes before. See how the emotion is twisting your perception. Treat your blockages with respect and acceptance. Even though the blockage might have held you back 1000s of times in the past, it’s just your young self crying out for something, maybe love, maybe reassurance, maybe acceptance. Approach your blockage with understanding, not malevolence. Last and not least is to remember that acceptance of a vulnerability does not mean weakness, but on the contrary it means strength. Because you have now accepted and moved past it, freeing yourself of the limitation that that blockage held over you. These are some useful and practical guiding principles to use when you are in that limbo state. Now I want to expand a bit more on what happens on the other side of being blocked, what happens when you are unblocked? I think it’s quite intriguing that many men in today's society completely misunderstands emotional acceptance, and misdiagnoses it as accepting emotional weakness. Emotional acceptance is not accepting emotional weakness, emotional acceptance means coming to terms with the fact that we are extremely emotional beings and integrating that part of ourselves. We become more whole and much more powerful. We heal ourselves, and when we are healed, we are obviously more capable.. Going through and letting go of emotional blockages will also permanently raise your self esteem, since your self esteem was blocked by the blockage. But this fear of being vulnerable and weak is still a strong form of social conditioning luming in most men’s minds today. I am not advocating whining and not taking responsibility for your emotions, that’s the other extreme, and often what men are afraid will happen to them if they acknowledges their emotions. The keyword here is awareness, stay aware through this process, don’t let any perspective pull you too far, don’t believe any particular emotion too much. Act as a whole, rather than a sum of parts. - Nils Flair

I think it’s important to give some clarity into one of the most fundamental aspects of communication. This aspect is empathy. Empathy is a greatly misunderstood and overlooked phenomena in my opinion. I remember how I used to think about it years back. I thought that empathy was only the ability to be sympathetic to someone. To feel bad when they were feeling bad. This misunderstanding kept me from looking into the subject of empathy and develop great empathetic skills for a long time. It was only after diving into the world of coaching that a greater psychological complexity pushed me into learning about empathy, and I started understanding both the depth and the whole spectrum of what it actually is. Empathy is so much more than feeling for someone. It’s a wide spectrum of abilities all related to the emotional nuances that occur between two people when they are communicating. Many of us think that we are logical creatures, but the truth is that emotion is the ruler of most of our life, we will only follow the logic if our emotions are aligned to it. Logic without the emotion behind it, is obsolete, even if it’s “right”. Whenever we are communicating with one another we are primarily using emotions, even if we are not aware of it. Empathy is the skill of becoming more aware of this. And the spectrum of empathy is the different ways that this awareness can manifest. One of the ways is that you start to feel what the other person is feeling. Many times this will not be a clear cut emotion but it will be a mix of different things, maybe a bit of frustration, anxiety and sadness, or maybe anger, mixed with sadness and guilt, or happiness mixed with excitement. If you pay attention and stay present around the person that you are communicating with, you can start to notice certain patterns of emotions, patterns that you didn’t feel before you were in the presence of the person and that you don’t feel afterwards. Another thing to notice about this is how your self image might get tangled up in the emotion, feeding a sort of narrative about you and the person in front of you. “This person is always so annoying, what is his problem!?”, “She is hot, so I don’t deserve her, I better leave quickly!”, “I love this guy, he always makes me feel so amazing!”. People will affect you positively or negatively. This depends on a variety of things, such as how you both feel in the moment, what history you have together or what history you have had with similar people in the past (the past get’s reinforced), and how attached you are to your self image. The more attached you are to your self image, the deeper you will fall into the emotion, and the harder it will be for you to see things clearly. Your perception becomes very biased, and it will be easy for you to blame the other person for how you feel in their presence. This is what happens when someone “gets drained by someone”, it’s really a form of self draining that is only triggered by the other person, but maintained by yourself. As you become more detached and identify yourself more as the observe rather than the self image, your ability to let go of these emotional reactions, that are often unpleasant and energy draining, increases. This leads to you seeing things much more clearly. Through this process you will become more sensitive to the emotional nuances that constantly occurs in your interactions, and you will be able to decode yourself and the other person in a more accurate way. Reaching understanding and common ground very quickly. The interesting thing about this ability is that it is very hard to use for exploitative purposes, since the ability is built upon emotional understanding, you will have to hide your negative intentions, and this subconsciously encourages the other person to hide something themselves, which then might block important part of the emotional code. In the context of dating, this empathetic ability has quite clear benefits. The most obvious ones include: -That you feel what the other person is feeling so that you can better relate to what is holding them back, help them open them up and connect deeper together. -You can better identify and let go of emotional blockages that get triggered by the other person, which makes you less affected and sucked in by the “negatives”. -You will see who is a better fit for you way quicker, you will feel if you naturally connect or not, and you will not take it personal if you don’t connect. -You will be able to better distinguish when someone is genuine and when someone is not. -You will take your own emotional reactions less seriously, which will decrease the impact that they have on you. Now this was only a small piece of information about the spectrum of empathy, this topic is huge, and I will write more about it in the future. - Nils Flair

@Serotoninluv@DrewNows I really like your observations! Yes I agree that empathy goes far beyond human to human communication, the reason for me putting it so was for the relevancy of the people I mainly intended for reading this (Pick up/ guys into dating). Your analogy about the breeze hit home in my mind as well, emotions might actually be more of energy clouds rather than internal trigger patterns. Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated

I wanted to give you guys some of my insight into one of the layers of connection between you and the girl. Namely the four stages of attraction. We experience attraction on different levels, but it might not be so clear as to what it is that we actually feel for the girl, this becomes even more relevant when you start dating a girl and having fckbuddies etc. Understanding this will help you greatly in making decisions with girls based on understanding and not desperately rushing things. To get into it, the first stage of attraction is the Physical/Sexual stage. Now this is what most people will think about when they think about attraction between men and women. But attraction means more than just the physical. We can be attracted on many different levels. However this is an important factor when it comes to talking to and meeting girls for the purpose of sexual relations. It’s raw, primal, and a very strong form of attraction. Your genes are telling you “Hey buddy! that’s a great mating opportunity”, hormones are flooding, you feel horny, you want her sexually! It’s the most obvious factor when it comes to talking to a girl for the first time, in a club or in the day. You can also judge it quite well in advance simply by observing her. Is this a girl you find sexually attractive or not? Would you sleep with her? Albeit a powerful drive it is also the form of attraction that fades the fastest. It’s unlikely that it will fade in a one night stand, but if you keep seeing the girl for a longer period you might see that the sexual attraction you felt for her in the beginning starts to fade (or at least fluctuate quite heavily). And that brings me to the second stage of attraction which is the Emotional stage. This is also a quite powerful stage, if you reach this level of attraction the first time you meet a girl you will see that it feels like you’ve known each other for years. You feel very comfortable around each other and you tend to focus on each other almost exclusively. Applying Primal Honesty to let go of your emotional resistance can often bring about this form of attraction very effectively. I’ve seen it 100s of times, a student expresses his blockages and reaches a point of greater emotional acceptance, and as a result the girl sees who he really is on an emotional level, which instantly pulls her into the experience and she let’s go of whatever blocks her. They now feel like they’ve known each other for years. It can really be a magical experience when it happens to you the first times, by simply having the experience you will instantly understand more about human nature in relation to emotions and connection. Now, I have to emphasize that expressing your blockages for the outcome of creating emotional attraction can and most likely will backfire very hard on who ever tries it due to the underlying expectation that it creates. The approach to take instead is to express your blockages with the orientation of greater self-acceptance and emotional embrace. Nevertheless emotional attraction is Powerful, you become positive feedback loops for each others emotions and if it builds strong enough, for a period of time, it can develop into love. The combination of strong sexual and emotional attraction often leads to fast pulls and high quality experience one night stands. But even this can also fade quite fast. The openness and acceptance of each other might not last when you start to hangout more, you see sides you don’t like, and vice versa, you start to unconsciously create blockages and resistance towards each other, blocking the positive emotional aspects of your relationship. This can happen with both fckbuddies and relationships. If all you liked was the sexual part and how she made you feel, it is a more fragile relation and it’s easy for things to go wrong. Sometimes it can even change from the first time you meet to the second time, you felt so connected yet the second time you don’t, and after you feel like there is no point in seeing her again. This is where the third stage of attraction becomes more relevant, the intellectual stage. This stage is a more subtle one, it does not appear as intensely as the sexual one or the emotional one, but rather it’s something that usually grows over time. It can happen very quickly as well, it’s when your intellectual minds connect, you like the way that she thinks, you like the way she conceptualizes things, you are attracted to her mental self. Intellectual attraction has many facets and it’s the form of attraction that can leverage itself quite well over time. Pick up conditioning will often overlook this form of attraction and maybe not even understand that it’s possible to develop. Seeing all forms of long term relationships as a waste of time at best. Maintaining this way of thinking will limit you greatly in terms of the quality of your experience with women. Intellectual attraction is often found in healthy long term relationships, it is becomes a steady foundation that the relationship can rest on if the sexual or emotional interests fluctuates. It can even create an environment that promotes all types of healthy behaviors around each other that supports individual growth and the growth of the relationship as a whole. It can also help remove blockages and improve both the sexual and emotional interest in each other. If well established, this form of attraction will take a long time to fade. And it might even stay after breaking up, promoting a healthy break up where you stay friends afterwards. It’s more rare to experience this form of attraction the first time that you meet someone (it happens sometimes), it’s usually developed overtime by getting to know the girl on a deeper level, seeing how she thinks and how her mind operates. But this is not the final form of attraction, the final form is the intuitive stage. The intuitive form of attraction can both be subtle and intense, but is almost always characterized as the sense that you both just know that you are great for each other. It’s not on the level of emotion, it’s a deeper sense, something that hits you on all levels, physical, emotional, intellectual and even energetically. It’s a phenomena that is hard to explain how and why it occurs, but it’s something that is available to experience. Part of the explanation for this could be that your subconscious and her subconscious are open at the right time and connects on so many points that this deep sense of attraction floods your perception. Characteristics of this form of attraction can sometimes seem to good to be true, examples could be that you find each other endlessly interesting, deep sense of trust, no jealousy, you always feel connected even when you are apart, you don’t need alone time from each other. Now this is an intense form of attraction and there are many guys who have felt like this at one time, but given the intensity, emotional blockages and resistance came up and the subconscious belief “I am not enough” got activated. This in turn triggered thoughts and beliefs that this is too good to be true, which then pushed the girl and the situation away. But since intuitive attraction is a commonly reported experience by many people in the world, it does exist, and it must certainly exist for a purpose (all of these forms of attraction exist to serve specific purposes since they were created by evolution). Last thing to add about these stages is that I want you guys to become more aware of them in your experience, not think how you can attain them as fast as possible, since that might actually push them further away from you. Know that all of these forms of attraction exists and allow yourself to connect to them. - Nils Flair

@Consilience I depends if she has categorized you as only a friend in her mind or if she has categorized you as a friend but that could lead to something else. The nature of your friendship will essentially determine if and how much of these stages of attraction gets hindered. @arlin You can find out more about this general information on my company's youtube channel called Social Prime Dating, or in our facebook group called Social Prime

Hey guys! Today I want you to give you a little insight into why the environment of Cold Approach is one of the best environment to increase your overall awareness, to give you more understanding why we work the way we do in this environment. So first of all, what value does increasing your awareness have? Well I made a little post about this a couple of days ago explaining the real reason for meditation, which is to increase awareness of course. In that post I went into some of my personal experience regarding my shifts in awareness and what came as a result of it. Basically the value you gain from increasing awareness is very high, because awareness is a meta skill, that influences every area of your life. Just the act of becoming more aware extends to everything you do, to dating, to productivity, to artistry, to your ability to think and make connections quicker, to your ability to emphasize and pick up others mental state through emotions. The list is endless, because the list is everything… The tricky part is that increasing awareness is not so straight forward as to just sit down, meditate for 10 years and you’re all good. No, because you have both emotional blockages and defense mechanisms in the way (which I talk about in one of my Youtube videos titled “The Hidden Reason Why You Can’t Change - Inner Defense Mechanisms, go check that out if you want to know more about that). This is where Cold Approach comes in to play, if you haven’t already noticed this environment messes with your Ego like crazy, and it feels sad sometimes to me that some people don’t see the ridiculous value in this process and the potential growth they could experience. The fact that this environment messes so much with your self image and beliefs about yourself makes it one of the best environments for increasing awareness. Because every single time that you get triggered and you experience an emotion as a result of that, you have an opportunity to increase your awareness. Let me give you an example: You start talking to a girl, and you’re feeling quite normal. She starts liking you, this triggers a feeling of excitement in you. All of a sudden she shows a sign of disinterest, this triggers a negative feeling (could be fear of loss, disappointment, doubt of your self-worth etc) and the contrast makes you experience the feeling more intensely. Now, what just happened was that when you started talking to the girl you were feeling normal. As soon as she showed signs of interest, your ego (or self image) that you are good with girls got validated. And then when she showed you a sign of disinterest that self image got devalidated and the self image that you are bad with girls got validated. All of this is consciously experienced in the moment as emotions (with thoughts and a underlying a perception connected to them). For instance, when you feel fear you think thoughts that make you feel afraid and you perceive things in a way that makes you feel fear, it’s all connected (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is based on this inter-connectedness). When an emotion is triggered, this emotion can be used to gain awareness on your beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts, which otherwise might be hidden from you completely in your subconscious. In this way emotions become a bridge between the conscious and subconscious mind. You can literally get triggered hundreds of times per night when you’re doing Cold Approach, and every time is an opportunity for you to become aware of your beliefs and perceptions. As soon as you become consciously aware of a subconscious pattern, you have the ability to examine it, and this is your chance to discontinue it, to change it. Side note: Some guys will say I’m desensitized now, so I don’t get triggered. My answer is that you have most likely just become very good at covering up these feelings with a feeling of numbness or with subconscious distractions (I know I did this like crazy). The truth is that you haven’t actually done anything to resolve the core issue, and even if you become a master at sleeping with women, if your defense mechanisms are taken away you’re abilities with women will go too. Some patterns might be ingrained for 15 or 20 years, so it will not budge after becoming aware of it only one time, it will take longer, but with continues awareness it will change. Now, in order to actually change anything in this way, you have to accept the feeling, because if you don’t, if you resist this feeling you are really choosing to be unaware and nothing changes, you stay the way you are. One of the greatest ways of accepting a feeling is to express it to the girl, why? because if you just try to accept the feeling by sheer will, your mind might trick you, but if you put it out there, it becomes very hard for your mind to trick you or to cover the feeling up because you just exposed it to another person. Why Girls? well, first of all girls trigger a lot of insecurities in us, anything from expectations not being met to feelings of not deserving love or not loving ourselves. There is also an intrinsic drive in straight guys towards women, this is good because that means that even if you might have a lot of emotional resistance towards girls, you also have a strong emotional desire towards girls and this will drive you forward even at tough moments. Girls also have more gray matter in their brains that allows them to intuitively pick up on social cues way more accurately than we ever can. This means that they will sense if you are trying to express your emotion but not fully accepting it or if there is something you’re hiding, and they will usually react to it emotionally in a quite unpleasant way. Which makes it hard to resist your emotion but easier to gain emotional awareness since the environment is promoting it. I hope that you can see now that the environment is very rich in possibilities when it comes to self development and rapidly changing yourself. That’s it for me today guys. - Nils Flair

@Marinus Try it and see what happens

Today I want to go a bit deeper into the reasons why cold approaching girls is such an effective way to develop your awareness. So as you might already know, there are a lot of differences between men and women, physical ones, behavioral ones, and perceptual ones. A lot of people say that women are emotional and men are logical, this is very far from the truth. I would rather say that women are slightly more emotion oriented, and men are slightly more logic oriented (The limbic structure of the brain responsible for emotion will always trump the prefrontal cortex in both women and men). Women are also more socially oriented than men, they pick up on social cues at a rate that we couldn’t even train ourselves to do, it’s built in them through evolution. A distinction to be made however is that it’s their subconscious minds that is so effective at picking up social cues, not their conscious minds. They don’t consciously know everything about you just because they talked to you. But their subconscious knows a lot, and it is communicating this to their conscious minds through emotions (just like I said in part one, emotions are the bridge between the subconscious and conscious mind). This knowledge has actually existed in the pick up community for a very long time, it’s the theory about shittests (a girl will give you shit to see if you are congruent). But in my opinion, the community hasn’t properly understood what a shittest actually points to, and why it’s such powerful dynamic in cold approach. The idea that a shittest must be passed for instance is an indication that it’s seen as a problem to be solved, and not an opportunity to gain self-awareness. And if it’s dealt with in this way, you might pass it but you gain no self-awareness. Now I don’t want you to walk around and analyze the girl if she’s giving you shittests or not no, this was just me referencing what pick up is calling the emotional response you get from a girl if you’re not being congruent. The reason that her emotional reaction to you is so valuable is that you might not be aware if you’re congruent or not, you might think you are but that might be a complete illusion, and since you’re not aware of it you don’t know. When you are expressing yourself to the girl and you consciously think that you are being congruent and she gives you an emotional reaction you didn’t expect, chances are very high that there is something running in your subconscious that you weren’t aware of. Examples of this may be: Insta rejections; you are resisting some emotion or belief hard and she resists your presence instantly. When you are talking to a girl for a long time, everything is going well and she just leaves out of nowhere, for no apparent reason; there were some emotion (possibly tied to an insecurity) that came up that you did not express but resisted instead, and she eventually leaves (she might not even know why she left if you asked her later). She’s giving you a ridiculously hard time in the beginning and then all of a sudden she’s super sweet and all yours; you were resisting your emotions in the beginning until you suddenly managed to accept it or be ok with it, and she started accepting you and being ok with you as well. The pattern in these examples are that whenever you resist your emotions, the girls resist you, and whenever you don’t resist your emotions they don’t resist you. As I explained a bit in part 1, it’s not so simple to just decide to accept your emotions, we must master the art of accepting all of our emotions and our resistance towards emotions too. The value in her reaction towards you is that you can now become aware of where you are resisting emotions, what those emotions are, and what beliefs they are tied to. She is giving you feedback about your subconscious in a way that you can consciously pick it up. This is why our concept of Primal Honesty (To express in the most concise way everything that’s emotionally relevant in the moment) works so well in interactions with girls. When you’ve fooled yourself so well that you think you don’t have insecurities and everything is good, cold approaching a girl can really set you straight and show you that there’s a lot of shit going on in the background even if you don’t know it. And the ancient question of “how can I solve a problem that I don’t even know I have?” can now be answered.. That’s it for me today guys! -Nils Flair

@universe Yes totally agree with you!

@Hello from Russia Thanks man

@JohnnyBravo I understand what you mean, and yes these are theories. But I want to point out that my theories are somewhat grounded in experience. Me and my team (Social Prime) have been coaching over a 100 clients with these theories for the last 1.5 years Appreciate the feedback though.

I’ve seen posts on meditation here and there, and honestly I think that a lot of people might not be that clear to the purpose of meditation. And since I think it’s such an essential practice I thought I’d give you my take on it. So, I’ve been meditating for a little over 5 years now, almost every single day, experimenting with a lot of different techniques, and I have to say that this one practice might have been one of the most beneficial things I’ve done. I started out meditating because I thought that I wanted to be able to hold better eye contact (haha.. yes this is true!), but I quickly started noticing a lot of things that changes I didn’t expect. Meditation was this one habit that I really stuck with, even when I came home from the club at 5 am and had to work at 7 am I still sat down for my daily meditation for 20 minutes. At the time like I said above I did it for superficial reasons like; being able to focus better, longer attention span, good for the brain and overall health etc. Since these where my primary motivations, it was hard to meditate when I had periods of struggle in my life, since the habit was based on the concept of self improvement and when I was feeling very low, I really didn’t want anything to do with self improvement. But the first time I got a glimpse of what this habit was actually doing for me was after a couple of months of consistent mediation. I started observing things in a very different way, I found myself looking a statue or a fountain for 30 seconds in awe, it was like I hadn’t seen these objects beauty before, never in this focus never in this way. That was the first time that I noticed that something was changing, that was the first time I noticed a shift of awareness caused by a couple months of regular meditation. Of course, this was just the beginning. I started reading books around the same time I started meditating (I was on the self-improvement wave), and at first it had seemed like a very dry task, the stories and ideas could be cool but it was hard for me to actually become interested enough to get any epiphanies from it. After a couple of months the stories and ideas started to come alive, reading became very exciting, my mind would connect concepts from different books with ease and create unique connections between the different ideas I had digested. I got deeper into both practices and had some massive changes in my life circumstance as a result of this. But the absolute biggest change I experienced due to meditation was the every increasing depth of my emotions and how far my emotional awareness can go. 5 Years ago I was very emotionally disconnected, if someone started talking about emotions I would excuse myself out of the conversation, either out of discomfort or disgust. I identified myself as a “man of steel” and took pride in being invulnerable. As a result of this mindset I would suppress all of my emotions most of the time, and become very flat lined as a person. Of course I now know that no one can be emotionally invulnerable, anyone who is trying to give this impression is pretending that they don’t have emotions, but they are just suppressing them in various different ways. The crazy thing about this was that this was the biggest reason why I almost never interacted with girls in my teenage years, girls made me feel more emotions and since all I did everytime I felt a “negative” emotion was to suppress it, I quickly came to a point where it was painful just to be in the presence of a girl (these emotions where not at all solved later on by sleeping with 100s of girls, they stayed in me). It was meditation that started to hint at this back in the day, about 1 year into the habit I started to become more aware of my emotions (or lack of emotions). Before that I was completely unaware of all of this, I had not even a single clue, my awareness was low. Even though I had some heavy resistance to my emotions, mediation helped me with a steadily increasing flow of awareness when I needed it the most, this helped me make some great leaps and get some things right with girls even though I felt so much resistance. And this is my point, the reason for meditation is increasing your awareness. It’s not focus, it’s not health related, it’s not to be able to hold eye contact haha, it’s to gain awareness. The awareness you gain from meditation permeates every single area in your life, understanding your emotions, understanding your thoughts, understanding your beliefs and your behaviors, it all takes awareness and meditation is that one thing that is always supporting that. Meditation goes deep, because awareness goes deep. Most of us (including myself) are so incredibly unaware of everything that’s going on and we don’t even know it. This is partly because of how the left brain hemisphere influences our perception to keep our preserve our current beliefs about ourselves (See Athene’s Theory Of Everything on youtube). Increasing your awareness is the key to all your problems, because it allows you to find solutions to all your problems. Emotional awareness is especially important because your emotions connects your conscious and subconscious mind. When you have a subconscious belief that gets triggered it’s experienced as an emotion in the conscious mind. So becoming aware of this you can use your emotions as roads straight to your subconscious beliefs and become conscious of them, let go of the emotional attachment connected to them and ultimately change or drop them. I don’t want to get into too much details about the countless areas awareness applies, I’m saving that for later articles and videos. But you might be left with one question; How the fuck do I meditate properly?? Well, to be honest I really think simplicity is the key, and of course consistency. Even though I’ve tried many different techniques there’s two that I like the most. The first one (which I recommend beginners to start with) is to simply sit down with closed eyes for 10 minutes and wait for the alarm. People say focus on the breath but I never liked that, so I recommend to just sit down with closed eyes for 10 minutes and do nothing. With consistency you will teach yourself how to meditate properly (because you become more aware in the meditation itself). The second one is something I only recommend someone who has meditated for at least 6 months to 1 year. This is an emotional meditation, where you focus exclusively on the emotions you experience in your body from moment to moment. The goal is to simply be aware of these emotions and how the shift. This one you can do for 10 minutes or longer. That’s pretty much it for today! - Nils Flair

Yes, but the cool thing is that this process actually makes you more and more aware of these things.

What's up guys! Today I want to give you an insight into your mind, and why changing can be such a ridiculously demanding endeavor. This one will be about Inner Defense Mechanism, basically the tricks your mind play on you, why it does this, and what to do about it. So without further ado: Inner Defense Mechanisms is a function inside the mind that works to protect a certain self-image, a specific worldview or perception that is static. It’s like the anti virus system in your computer, only that instead of removing viruses, it’s removing the updates to the operation system, which eventually leaves the operation system very out of date, and this is what happens with a lot of aspects in your self-image. The job of this function is homeostasis, to keep your worldview as intact and absolute as possible. Anything that’s challenging you to open your mind and find new and more evolved ways of perceiving the world is a direct threat to the pre-existing self-image/worldview, just like when a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, the caterpillar is dead, it doesn’t exist anymore. Of course we know that it still does in the form of a butterfly, but your inner defense mechanisms doesn’t, their sole purpose is to keep you stable in your current worldview. To them evolving out of that seems like destruction. This explains why changing can be so extremely hard. Since this is such a fundamental part of our minds, how come we don’t see it easily? Because of our minds ability to rationalize. This is where our mind plays against us, an opponent with the same IQ, understanding, and experience as we ourselves have. As fast as you can think, you can rationalize, and just like you can alter your memories, you can also backwards rationalize. This is the reason why these inner defense mechanisms seem so hidden. Whenever they become active they create rationalizations for their existence. Example: Even though you see that hot girl, she is the one you want to talk to, and you know that it shouldn’t even be that hard to do, your mind creates all these rationalizations. “It’s not the right moment”, “Her friends will fuck it up for me”, “I will get rejected anyway” etc. Another form of rationalizing could be that you don’t even see the hot girls, they are there but they are not in your conscious awareness, so you perceive it like they’re not there at all. Or maybe you see her but you only see all the problems that could arise if you actually would approach her. These Inner Defense Mechanisms play a BIG role. Every single time that you try to change anything in your life, these defenses will light up and start protecting the status quo. Everything that deviates from the patterns of your normal routine will be met with inner resistance. And this is why most people simply don’t change that much in their life, unless something drastic happens and they have no choice but to adapt to the situation. When you’re in the field, most of what you’re struggling against are these defenses, that are constantly trying to pull you in the opposite direction. This is why there are many people in the community that have been going out for years and years, but not making any significant progress, because they were never aware of the fact that there was always a force pulling them away from what they want. So if you’re not aware of this, trying to change can be an incredible time consuming and strenuous process. Because the more you push forward, the more the defenses push you back. And change really only happens at the extremes, where you push so hard that you break your old perception, you break your old self. This idea has been romanticized in the pickup community for a long time, but it can have some really nasty side effects. The most obvious of them is that you actually disowned the part of you that created the old perception, and even though you broke out of the perception, the part that created it is still there and it affects you whether you like it or not. A lot of successful players can become quite disillusioned after having a lot of success in the game over the span of many years, they broke out of their chodes ways, they became socially savvy, slept with 100s of women, but this part of themselves is still running in the background and no external situation can really resolve it. So many of them become jaded or depressed. Now, if you are aware of this the story can turn out quite different. Cold approach is no longer a chase of the external, but really a pursuit of the mind. The whole environment and every conversation you have can promote growth, you’re gaining awareness all the time and you start to seriously question your current worldviews and begin to process your insecurities. As your worldview changes your perception changes too, what was once a girl making you feel anxious is now a girl you feel drawn to talk to, to connect with, and share your sexual self with. As you let go of more and more of your insecurities, you start seeing her insecurities, and instead of trying to game her based on them, you help her to let go of them. Seeing interactions with girls this way simplifies the whole process of sleeping with a girl tremendously, and every girls potential becomes revealed to you. The illusion that girls are boring, stupid, or bitches gets shattered. You can start to see how much depth every girl actually has and this depth becomes accessible to you, if you want it. So how do you actually let go of these defenses? The first step is to become aware of them, you have to know the problem in order to be able to solve it. And there’s more than one way that these defenses manifest, it’s not only emotional resistance but thoughts and behaviors as well. Becoming aware of the defenses is an ongoing process. Second step is to realize that these defenses are not who you are, they are simply a function of the mind protecting a belief about yourself. So it’s not your destiny to remain they way you are now, you can definitely change and it becomes easier with time as you become aware of more and more defenses. Third step is more exclusive to cold approach (and that’s one of the reasons why I love it). This is to express them, and expose the defenses. Why this works so well is because when you express yourself to a girl her reaction becomes feedback of what you’re subconsciously communicating, and with awareness you can rapidly start noticing your subconscious defenses with your conscious mind. One last part I wanted to remind you of is that all of these defenses existed to serve you, they were created by your mind for a good purpose, so do not beat yourself up for having defenses or resistance pulling you away from what you want. The mind is not evil, it just needs and update! - Nils Flair from Social Prime.