Irina Irina

Interesting. Not a family, but having a female or more in your life?

This book The six pillars of self esteem - is so great for people pleasers. I've just started reading it, and it's so to the point. I've been reading books about people pleasing and codependency, but It comes down to self-esteem and self respect.

@kalter000 how did you do it?

@Hengame we don't like ourselves either for being people pleasers. We hate it. But it's compulsive. Yes, we are followers. We don't have our own belief system. Not grounded internally. It's creating deep suffering, that's why we need change. Radical. That's why is hard. We have to create ourselves from 0 and release what we are now. Imagine if you would have to let go of all that you are now and what you believe about yourself now, how does this sound? Easy?

I'm a people pleaser. I feel that growing myself from this point, is just like a baby learning to walk again all by himself. The change has to come from the mind and I find it hard even to imagine being the person that I wish to be. Every single belief about me, others and life needs radical change. I've always been like this, and in 24 years I had a glimpse of what my life could be, 6 months ago, after I've watched Leo's videos for the first time. I've experienced a state of mind and being, oh god, I think that was ego free. It was the best time of my life. But, I felt back into my old thinking and acting. The ego took control again. It was like: ohh, look what great your life is becoming, I'll take it from here. It's a long road, and with growth comes more challenge and resistance from those around you , as you become powerful, independent, grounded. But at least Leo is there to help me rise after I fall.

michael beckwith ?

Yes, interesting. Good suggestion.

This book is tough, but points out the truth. Why Men Cheat? : The Truth about Why Men Lie, Cheat and Are Disrespecting Females to the Extreme!! By (author) Keith Crawford

So, I just finished a relationship. Leo's videos really helped me to understand and see a bigger vision of what happenned and why. I started searching for answers in me, and looking for what might have pushed him away. A big problem that I identified is neediness. I am such a needy person, I need someone in my life, cannot be happy all by myself. I kinda feel like I need someone to hold me grounded, and tell me that I'm on track, and love me, and support me. I'm really afaid of being rejected. I'm really afraid of being alone, cause I think I lack my own guidance system. I started looking for where my neediness problems come from, and I found some things. Most of them are from my childhood: like being insulted by my father, being criticized, competing for atention and loosing it, and other stuff. Many of those things left deep wounds in me, I would really love to heal and not carry those around anymore, because I'm messing with my life and with the people who matter to me. My questions is: how do I actually change those? Practically? Can I do something about it if it happened in my childhood?

thanks to all

thanks. Well, I'm doing affirmations, I've set one month at least to do them everyday. I hope I get some resolution, and move on, healed...Right now, I feel kinda stuck. But I'm sticking to my program, and some results must show.

great advice, thanks.

I will do this. The first thing that comes to mind is that when I was a child, maybe 7 years old I thought like this " When I grow up, I will have a boyfriend who loves me and I will be happy".. So it's a mindset that I've had ever since I was a child. Don't know why. I've been reading the book "The disease to please", and I found a lot of distructive mindsets that I have, and behaviours and the root of them. The book has some exercises I will commit to doing those. And all the suggestions you give me guys. I've also watched Leo s video, about how to deal with negative emotions. I've never dealt with negative emotions, I've resisted them, turned them down, distracted myself, created stories in my head so I don't deal with them, run away from the problem, and never healed those wounds. I'm gonna try to let them, even though is so hard to feel the pain.

@FindingPeace thanks. Yeah, I have low self-esteem, and I am a people pleaser, I crave approval and validation. I will do the exercise and introspect.

@Hira Athar thanks for the book suggestion. I will definetely read it. Well, my family situation was different, so subtle that I never even realized what was happening until I read a book and I could make some connections. My parents are still together, and very much in love. I always thought I had a healthy family, both of my parents always said how much they loved me, and support me in anything. So, in my mind I had the perfect childhood. I thought that I was born this way. When I read this book, I noticed that my father actually was verbally abusive to me. Not in some big ways. It was so suble, that I never realized the unhealthy way in he treated me. So, he would say to me that I am stupid, That I don't think, That I don't have brains, and than he would relax laugh, and say he loves me. Also, I am skinny and always been, and he was calling me names and teasing me "in a loving way". So think I kinda associated mistreatment with love. I'm 24 now. I don't live with my parents. When I go home, ,I find it really uncomfortable, damaging, really upseting, it doesn't make me feel good. Now, I can see very clearly these unhealthy aspects. I was home in winter, I was at the table with my mom, dad, and a friend of theirs and my father said I was stupid because I wanted a dog. I was so embarrassed, but it was so clearly to me now. I stood up to my father, but it caused more damage to our relationship. I really got along well with him until 2 year ago. Also I tried to recall how was I feeling as a child when my father was home ( because he navigated, and he was home 2 weeks out of 4). And I remember I was really tensioned, frightened , and I would wish for him to go away at the job faster. My mother, I think is for sure a people pleaser. She always thought me to be a good girl, even when people do me wrong, I should forgive them. I do remember something very painful about my mother. She tied me up with a rope, and would give me food, I stayed there for hours, just like a dog. I was an anxious child, and I was worrying a lot.

O my god, so much support from you guys, and great advice. Thanks to you all. I feel better.

I find that too. But I find it really hard to be present, when I'm in a negative situation. My mind keeps going there, and it's really hard to be present with all the fears and insecurities.

Thanks. I'll check it for sure.

Thanks a lot. I already knew about codependency, but I lost track of it in time. Need to review. And also, thanks for the reminder of the ego's part. I've lived my life, from the ego. It's so nasty and gross, and miserable.

thanks a lot

Thanks. I'll try this.

Men are from Mars, Women from Venus

Thanks for your answer.... I've got some forgiving to do, and it's hard. I feel so attached to the negative feelings. Thanks.

Yes. Agree