Actualizer777

Hey everyone, simple question. I am almost 24 years old and I met my girlfriend when I was 18 years old. Everything is great, we love each other, the sex is great, we don't have any real problems. Also, no jealously, no attachment etc. However, I have an extreme fear of missing out a lot of things in my 20s, because she is the only girl I have slept with. A lot of people I look up to (including Leo) say: "Have a lot of sex in your 20s. Test the playing field. Sample the buffet." etc. But at the same time Leo said "don't manipulate your relationship on purpose" and I cannot imagine that Leo will recommend anyone to quit a healthy and great relationship to go and fuck around. However, I am afraid of regret if I don't "sample the buffet". What would you guys do in such a situation? When there are no problems with the relationship itself but one is worried and insecure about sleeping with one girl his whole life. We talked about this and we thought that an open relationship could be a solution to this. What do you think about this? And if you don't think an open relationship is the right solution, what do you think could be one? Breaking up? Staying together and remaining worried?

@StarStruck I don't think I have too much competition here tbh. But sure jealousy is part of the deal I guess. But on the other hand, if we break up, she will sleep with other guys as well. The only scenario in which she would not is staying in a closed monogamous relationship, and I think I have decided that I don't want that.

@StarStruck Yes she is. Thank you, that is what I am asking mainly. It seems like the only reasonable solution. Why break up with a wonderful girl if you can open up the relationship?

@StarStruck yes I agree. So why not try an open relationship instead of just breaking up?

@Flowerfaeiry Yes I agree but that is my problem. This awareness of knowing that I am missing out on these experiences, but at the same time a great relationship I don't want to lose. My intuition tells me that I have to sleep with other women, but it also tells me that I should not break up because of that. Therefore, I think an open relationship might be the solution.

@Roy Thank you for your answer Roy. Yes it sounds material, but it is Leo himself who uses this phrase over and over again in his videos about dating. In his "How To Be A Man" video and also in his "Advice for College Students" he says that a man needs to test the playing field and have different sexual partners. Regarding the open relationship: Why would you not consider it? And maybe it won't go the distance but what if? I mean, after all it is already going for almost 7 years and we are still happy.

@Terell Kirby Why do you think I am not fulfilled in my relationship? Even in the most perfect relationship possible I would be insecure about the fact that I have only ever slept with one person.

@Terell Kirby Yes she is my first. So you are really suggesting that breaking up (even though there are zero problems besides the FOMO thoughts) is the right solution? It doesn't seem like a very good decision to end a relationship that is going well, just because of wanting to sleep with other women. Why would you prefer breaking up rather than opening up the relationship?

@Mason Riggle I know it was a rhetorical question, but I think this is not an accurate comparison. I have zero interest in sleeping with men. On the other hand I have a lot of interest in sleeping with women. On the one hand this is because of sexual desire but on the other hand it is also for my self-esteem. I don't want to be the guy who has only slept with one girl his whole life. This question is again rhetorical but I think the answer is important, because I think there actually is a limit. Of course the sexual desire for variety is never going to go away, but my insecurity would go away if I have had at least 5-6 sexual partners. I feel like this number is normal and nothing to be ashamed of, whereas one is pretty pathetic.

@Terell Kirby Yes and as funny as it sounds, this is my biggest problem. If I didn't think that I could stay with that person forever potentially, I would just break up and move on. That would be easy. My issue is that our relationship is very extraordinary and great, but I still have these strong feelings of missing out on all the single life experiences.

@Parththakkar12 I am not sure this is an either or question. I would says she is happy with the relationship (so am I) AND she also wants to sample the buffet. We both feel the same way. We are happy but we both want to sleep with other people a couple of times to not miss out on our youth. That's why we thought that an open relationship might be a good solution.

Hey Actualizers! Currently I am struggling with the problem of waking up at the same time every day. Science shows that it is benefitial to us to wake up and eat at the same time every day. This has to do with the circadian rhythm. People like Jordan Peterson (don't drift off into a discussion about him please) say it is very crucial for our mental well-being to wake up at the same time every day. Now I started trying waking up at 8am every day. The problem is that right now I have 2 months of vacation and there is no need for me to wake up at any specific time. I can wake up at 8 or 10 or 12 it doesn't matter. I have an online business and it doesn't matter at what time I work at it. Also, at the same time I have friendships and a relationship that I want to maintain. And of course these people (who also have vacation right now) wake up around 11-12am and go to sleep around 2-3am. When I want to go to a birthday party or just do something else in the evening I have to unnecessarily sacrifice my sleep or just wake up later. My general question right now is: How can you wake up at the same time every day? Life is not that static. Sometimes I need to stay up until 1 or 2 am and sometimes I can to to sleep at 9pm. What is the most reasonable aproach here? Sacrificing sleep? Making exceptions? Or do you think that it is just a shitty idea in general?

Hey guys! Very simple question. I have a bunch of friends now but I don't spend a lot of time with them because most of them are low-quality friendships. I want high-quality deep authentic friendships and people that are into growing themselves. But I have a problem. I have no clue how to build new friendships artificially. I know how to find these people and how to get to know them but how do I actually build a friendship? When I ask them if they want to meet over and over again I come across as needy. It feels like I'm a try-hard. Any advice? Thanks!

Hey fellow Actualizers! I have a question that is bothering me for quite a while already. How important is Socializing really? I personally love it to spend time alone, read books, journal, meditate, workout etc. But somehow I feel guilty when I spent too much time without other people. It's not necessarily that I miss connection and feel lonely but I feel like I just SHOULD socialize. I have a pretty decent amount of friends and I can meet them quite often. I also have a girlfriend and a good family. So I am not some Forever Alone pathetic individual. But I just prefer not to socialize too much. It feels good for me to be alone at home for 4-5 days and just do my things. But somehow I feel guilty and I think that I come over as isolated and pathetic even though I'm not. It feels like someone is expecting me to socialize. It feels like I am loosing value or status when I am spending too much time without friends and other people. To some degree I like socializing but I am not interested in almost anything that socializing implies. I don't like partys, drinking or just meeting to do some random shit. Do you guys have any thoughts on that? Any advice how to deal with this? Thanks!

@Sahil Pandit Thank you for your answer but it doesn't really address the problems which I talked about in the question

I have a problem right now. I am on my self-actualization journey for quite a while already. I am building up habit after habit. But I see one big problem! My new ways of thinking don't fit my surroundings. I have a couple of friends but most of them just think about party and having fun. They are interested in success and money but not really in personal development. So even their hustle is mainly focused on superficial stuff. But still I like them and I love spending time with them. The problem is that I want to change my routine and start waking up at 5am every morning and going to sleep every day around 9-10pm. This doesnt fit with their schedule at all and I can't spend a lot of time with them. Also, our views are completely different and we see the world from a different angle! So what should I do? Spend less time with them? Find new friends? Get rid of them? Change myself? Adapt to them? I don't want to isolate myself. But when I spend too much time with them I feel like I become stupid and shallow. But again I don't want to have no friends. Any advice? I am 22 years old btw.

Hey! Right now I have a LOT of free time. And when I say a lot I mean really a LOT! Basically I have 7 months with almost nothing planned to do. After that I go to college. I am working on some online-businesses (ebooks, apps, blog...) and I earn some money (not a lot). My problem is that everytime people ask me what I am doing with all that time I have to tell that I work on some projects at home. Everyone else is working in a job, studying already or at least travelling the world. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my time because there are no results and it is also not guaranteed that there will be. My question to you is now: Is it more reasonable to get a job and work on some side hustles part-time or should I go 100% into my online businesses? I have no obligations and I don't necessarily need money right now. I am young and I still live with my parents. So I don't have pressure. What are your thougts?

@Sunny J Gupta Can you share some of those principles?

Hey Actualizers! I am currently earning money by being self-employed and working at home. Therefore I neither have a routine nor do I have everyday social contact in the real life because of my work. So, do you have any ideas how I could handle this? I feel pretty lonely and isolated sometimes. And since all my friends and also my girlfriend are working in a job, I cannot really meet a lot of people. Any ideas?

Hey guys! I've bought the life purpose course around a year ago. I started watching the first 20 videos and then I quit. I lost motivation and I doubtet it a lot. Now I have two questions: Is the life purpose course really helping? Is it worth watching and executing on it? If yes why? If not why not? If I take the course, should I start from the beginning or should I continue where I quit? I still have the notes for the videos.

@UDT Thank you! That was a great answer! I am 20! So, you think I should use all the time to pursue my interests? Reading, sports, programming, writing and so on without focusing on getting financially independent or trying to earn money? I actually don't have any pressure and I am not in a rush but to me it feels like I have to do it fast.

@d0ornokey I guess being financially free and working on innovative technology. I want to earn a lot of money so I dont need to worry about it. Then I want to work on my passion which is technology

@Shadowraix Philosophically that is true. But nevertheless I have ambitions for my life. I know that there is no inherent good or bad. But I want to live up to my ambitions. I don't exactly know why it feels empty. But I have no motivation to do anything because it doesn't matter anyways since I am going to die sooner or later. So why bother self-actualizing or building a business I am passionate about? I ask myself these questions for the last couple of months. Before that I could enjoy my life and I was able to have fun when I work. I don't really know why it feels that useless and empty.

@Wyze It's a feeling of going nowhere. It is hard for me to discribe but I just feel like I am wasting my life day in and day out. Especially when I am alone. Probably because I think about it. Even if I meet friends and work hard. It feels useless.

Hey Actualizers, I know this questions sounds like the epidemy of first world problems. But I really don't know what to do. The problem is that right now I am in the phase where I am done with high school but have to wait 7 months for college (there is no other possibility). I don't want to go get a job, since I am going to study at college in October and I earn some passive income from my side hustles. What bothers me is literally that I have too much free time. I don't know what to do with it. And this stresses me. Because right now I have the opportunity to use those 7 months where I have no obligations at all and I don't want to waste it. I am already doing some things like reading a lot, sports, meditation, Toastmasters, meeting friends, girlfriend and so on. But still I have so much fucking time left over and I not only feel bored but meaningless. Because I don't know what to do. I don't want to work on my stuff for 24 hours a day. I want to feel like I am doing something meaningful. A lot of people tell me to just relax, have a good time and enjoy the freedom. But for me just watching Netflix and chilling all day is like torture. Do you have any advice? What could be a solution here? Is it a time problem or a mind problem? Am I demanding too much from myself? Or should I push my comfort-zone and get into completely new stuff? I don't want to have the feeling that I wasted those 7 months...