Derek White

This is a good one too with may references so you can double check what they are saying. Masturbating once in 10 days is not excessive in any way, but if you still want to remove that habit, you are doing it in a self-hating way, hence the depression.

@Shiva99 The video links many studies in the description too. Don’t just monkey monks. Being a monk is itself not normal, not everyone is a monk or can be. Homosexuality and pedophilia are found in many of these monks. You don’t know what, why, or how they are doing it, use your own mind, do what makes sense to you.

Sounds to me you’re judging yourself too harshly. You should not feel this way psychologically, there’s nothing normal about thinking this way. Masturbation is okay and natural. If you feel pain physically after masturbation, you should see a doctor, because that’s not normal either and take that seriously. The amount of times you masturbate is also quite moderate, from my estimate you should feel zero pain after masturbation, although I’m not a doctor. It could also be because you judge yourself so harshly that you mentally create physical pain for yourself. That’s in fact a low amount of masturbation. It is actually really not normal for a male to not masturbate or have sex for an entire year. This can lead to sexual frustration and masturbation is great for relieving it. I say masturbating 6 times, once per day, in 60 days is a good amount for a healthy young male. I think you fundamentally misunderstand Love. Love means you accept yourself the way you are. You are coming from a place of disgust, denial, judgement, and hatred. That is not Love. Love is to accept yourself fully the way you are, which includes your masturbation desires. I don’t think you have an addiction problem. It sounds to me that you have limiting beliefs about what masturbation is. It is not wrong, evil or unhealthy. There is no shame in it. It will not lower your energy, it might actually have the opposite effect. Stop judging it. In fact do it more often if you feel the need. And actually try to enjoy it for once, that would be Love. You will NEVER fully resolve any addiction problems by neurotically suppressing, judging, and, hating your desires.If you concentrate and try to stop, it will only last a short time and the suppressed desire will find expression in other nasty ways. It will feel horrible trying to consciously suppress it all your life. It will only make it worse. You have to shine awareness on these things with an open mind, without judgement.

@MAYA EL Consciousness and infinity are beyond thoughts and concepts man.

How are you going to criticize men for wanting sex and objectifying women when you make statements like this? Ya, but women don’t have to do anything whereas, men are the ones working to make appealing proposals. It’s asymmetrical. So it’s equally hard for both genders. I think @Adam M answered it beautifully. @Serotoninluv I agree with you that it’s not enjoyable if you’re worried you can lose her in the middle of the act... I’m not trying to catch a case or be on a #meetoo scandal. I agree with what you say on one level (it’s a values mismatch) but at the same time I see it as impractical... I think Leo’s advice was for stage orange men who want to hook up with stage orange women (stage orange women who often think like the stage orange men). And I think the impact of the hook up on the woman is highly exaggerated by many on this thread. If your intentions are clear then it shouldn’t be the problem. Obviously it’s disgusting from a stage green perspective but I don’t think it’s objectively disgusting. Leo is not telling people to go around raping women or to pressurize them into having sex. When he said you can lose her in the act, I see it as him telling men to be respectful to the woman. Respect and consent are very important, no ones denying that. I think you need manipulation in any relationship. You need to manipulate in friendships and with parents to have deep conversations. Women need to manipulate to get a guy who will give her security. Men need to manipulate a lot to fulfill their sexual needs, while also making sure the woman is consenting and comfortable (important!).

Upon further thinking I guess you are right. Dating women for sex is like dating men for money.

@Serotoninluv I think you and@whoareyou are on the same page, it’s just a communication problem.

It is... Why would you say otherwise? Women want validation and support; men want sex (mostly, these are generalizations). Maybe not the main focus... but defined one of the primary reasons. Otherwise why would men approach women? They would just stay with their guy friends who they better understand. Conversely women would stay with their girlfriends... So if you like their body it’s objectification, but if you like their personality it is... love? lol. That is so women centric. If you want somebody for their body or their personality it’s the same thing, just be honest with the person. I don’t see the problem their? Genuinely. I’m curious. And maybe if you learn how to present yourself well they will accept your offer. Just like in interviews.

@Etherial Cat It’s called a game because relations are a game of give and takes. Relationships are business transactions sprinkled in with emotions.

Obviously the tactics are non transparent. Men can’t just walk up to women and say “hey will you have sex with me?” Conversely women can’t just walk up to men and say “hey can I lean on you emotionally?” What Leo is talking about is conversation skills.

Can’t wait for robot sex dolls so that men don’t have to rely on women . But I’m sure women will have a problem with that too. Personally I have no desire to emotionally connect with anyone. If wanting sex is being an ape, then wanting emotional support/validation is being a baby. I don’t even have sexual desires, I find I’m becoming asexual day by day. I hope one day men become completely independent and women can get a sense of how men feel. @Anna1 Men are in love with your body and you are in love with his personality. There is nothing disgusting about it. Society doesn’t care about men’s desires. If women don’t care about sex then why don’t they just hang out with their girlfriends? If you expect something from men then they expect something back too, just like in any relationship.

Where will you get a gun in HS? What if you accidentally kill or seriously injure someone? It's almost more trouble than it's worth. Where did you see it? In a movie? Imo that's not how it works irl. I think people who say 'just learn mma', haven't thought about it or haven't gotten bullied. It would take you a very long time to actually learn mma to actually beat your bully, and even then if they are large in number they can overwhelm you. Most people who go into mma go into it after they got bullied. It would be like saying, just kick the Europeans out of Africa, or just buy guns to end racism, it's a very naive approach. People had to come up with creative ways to fight these problems. The whole reason you are getting bullied is because you are weak, and can't get strong. I think the best approach is ignoring the bully and not giving them the dopamine release, but even that doesn't always work.

@purerogue This might help you expand your perspective.

@purerogue Do dwarfs have a disadvantage compared to average sized people? Or are you going to say what about dwarfs who are biased?

@Leo Gura would love your perspective on this.

@tenta I think dealing with some bullies might just be impossible. Like Jesus couldn't deal with his murderers. They are like a force of nature. Maybe the only way to deal with it is would be psychologically. @Amandine Ya, especially with bulling. I find fighting/confronting them doesn't work usually because they are generally bigger and louder than you (especially true in schools and among kids). It's kinda unbelievable that you never got bullied. I got bullied tons growing up and bullied others too, that's just how things were where I grew up.

Just gonna drop this here. Might help some of you.

This is hilarious. Green vs. Blue

I'm from a Sikh family! The video is good.

@Leo Gura Not talking about 'real' progressives or any major figures, just talking about fake progressives, like fake feminists. You have criticized Jimmy Dore too.. who is a progressive, at-least by name. @Bno Thanks man. You're not a racist. None's blaming white people, people are blaming bigotry and people in the majority tend to be more bigoted than the minorities. It is counter-productive for minorities to be bigoted. Why would a Muslim living alone in Vermont be bigoted to white people? They wouldn't be able to function properly and they would be less likely to be bigoted because they interact with so many whites it would be hard to put them in a box. It's a lot easier to be bigoted against people you never met or don't need to interact with to survive. The majority's bigotry has tremendous consequences whereas minority's bigotry just hurts the minority. It's also disproportionate. Minorities interact with majorities more, rely on them as well, whereas the majority can afford to exclude the minorities (minorities usually don't have that privilege). It's like being a dwarf, dwarfs aren't bigoted against normal height people (usually), but normal height people definitely are. White men aren't the only ones that get blamed. Don't Muslim men get blamed? Don't Indian men get blamed? Chinese? Hindus? Japanese? Jews? First nations people? Blacks? Everyone has collective guilt.

I don't think he contradicts the possibility of your experience being generated by a simulation. He was trying to point you to 'being' or 'direct experience'. Direct experience or reality is different from experience created by a VR headset. Reality is reality even if it's a simulation; it's groundless.

@Serotoninluv Yea as a person of color I feel awkward talking to some 'progressive' people. I thought I was the only one who noticed this. There is a general air of awkwardness when some progressives talk to POC. Especially when it has to do with my culture, everyone just freezes as if I said a bad word. On the other hand I have talked to some progressives and conservatives who are not like that. I think a lot of people appear progressive because of political correctness but are really just closet conservatives. One time, I was part of a club in high school in grade ten in Canada. We were just waiting in a classroom after school to begin the club meeting, the teacher of the class was still there doing school work on the side. As we were waiting, I started telling someone my school experience in India, how schools there are are better in academics and how I was about 3 years ahead of everyone when I came here. Upon hearing this the teacher, sitting in his desk, interrupted our conversation and said how Canadian school are statistically better on average in a snobby way. I was about to respond, I think I even started my sentence, but then he aggressively said, " why don't you go back then?". I was about to respond to this too, firstly I was in grade ten so it's not in my power to go anywhere and I was not talking about 'averages', and there are so many other reasons as well etc. etc., but he never let me. Before I could say a word, while my mouth was still open, he just hit me with an angry "Yea" and looked away to do his paper work. I think he realized what he said was politically incorrect. The thing is he was well liked by students and taught social studies, seemed like an open minded and 'progressive' person. Later on I found more things about him which were quite bigoted like the above mentioned example or even worse. I was merely stating facts. it's well known around the world that Indians are smart, and a lot of that has to do with schools. Obviously not all schools but many upper-middle class schools are very good in academically, maybe not in terms of overall development but academics for sure. I was just sharing my experience. I wonder if it was another country, say Finland or Sweden,or if another 'Canadian' said this, would he get angry? Also some people are just always going to view others as immigrants, no matter how long they have stayed in the country, or how much they have contributed and left behind. Even if you give constructive criticism they will tell you to 'go back if you don't like it'. I think it more about "our culture and religion is better than yours", east vs. west attitude (although there is racism too). I think if you believe your culture is the best in every field, your country has done nothing wrong, and your religion is the only true one, you cannot help but be xenophobic, whether you are a minority or not.

I don’t think it’s a good decision. If you’re going there for a holiday, go ahead. Living there is difficult. Almost everything is difficult. Considering you lived all your life in London, you don’t even know the language. There are so many challenges you don’t know of or can imagine. Currently, the economy is going down too. The environment is heavily polluted. People are very religiously conservative. It is loud and crowded in cities. If you can start a successful business in India, then I’m presuming you can easily be successful in UK. Go if you’re a masochist. You would make life difficult for yourself. Spirituality would be difficult if your survival is difficult (Maslow’s hierarchy). No disrespect to India, it’s just not good to live in at this moment. This is coming from an Indian living abroad.

I think this is one of the best videos Leo made. I personally find this my favourite video. It is so essential for anybody watching actualized.org to see this video. I don’t get why this video is not on the “best videos” list when videos like “Leo’s Super Healthy Vegetable Soup“ are listed. Seriously, can someone explain this to me. I petition to add this video to the best videos list! @Leo Gura

“When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser.” - Socrates