fridjonk

I'm taking LSD tomorrow at midnight. I haven't exactly been sticking to my spiritual practices, so I'm kickstarting those back with a trip. Not going in with any expectations other than to grow more as a human, and become more loving. I lost all intellectual interest in this work a while back, so I don't really enjoy talking about it as much, rather than just experiencing it, then proceed to live life as lovingly as I can. That's the reason I haven't been partaking as much on the forum as I used to, although I enjoy the journals here; they're authentic and nice to read over from time to time. I don't feel I can gain much from posts here anymore, nor books, at least not on this subject of spirituality. But I'll never stop learning for fun. Maybe all this will change after the trip, and I have a feeling it will. I've been a little closed off emotionally last two months. Maybe I just need some heart opening to start enjoying taking part in discussions on this wonderful forum, I really enjoy helping people I believe I can help, but see very little reason for it at this point in time. I wonder where I'm going. The road lies clear and empty in front of me, but I'm over here in neutral revving my engine. There are some actions I have to take in order for me to get moving. I really want to build my own house, manage my own business, and being able to focus fully on awakening and enlightenment. I notice how rotten working online can make you feel. Maybe I want to start a carpentry business or something of that sort. I enjoy being outside and find that work very satisfying. But I feel like it lacks the mastery aspect I so wish to partake in. There is a ceiling in that type of work you can hit pretty fast. Maybe I'll manage to channel my creativity in other ways around that. I can feel my potential simmering and not being utilized. So I guess there's a lot of road to cover tomorrow night. If anyone even managed to read through this, I hope your life falls in place to your fullest desires and wishes.

This is comedy gold

To intervene IS the natural process.

@EternalForest here in Iceland it's considered normal to live with your parents up to 25-30 years old. It allows people to more so figure out what they want to do with life at their own pace.

I've planed to take LSD on Thursday after meeting up with my friend this evening and picking it up. he's always willing to lend me some of his batch when I've gone dry. We had a great conversation about what all this spiritual work is leading to and how to enjoy the journey. And the answer is obviously very simple, it's just to love, then love some more, then when you think you can't love any more, you love extra more until you run dry of love...but then you love again some more. That is the highest wisdom. I got a lot done today and finally was somewhat productive after being in a little slump. I wrote down a to-do list last night, I suppose that helped a lot. I'll do that again tonight. I also trying to pick up more new hobbies to learn. What I enjoy most is learning something new and hitting a plateau, because it takes patience to grow and learn. I might learn to make electronic music as my friend has mastered, I enjoy that music a lot and feel it's a great way to express oneself. I've also started to draw for fun, maybe that turns into a hobby that can stick around. My friend just released a new album inspired by various psychedelic trips and ofc Leo.

@SQAAD Looks like your integration is going well. I'm grateful for you sharing this with us.

@Nahm I guess nothing beats hard work, no matter what you're trying to achieve. Until you realize there wasn't anything to achieve... until there was.

hmmm, what to say. Why did I lose interest in the daily journaling? After I went to tend to lambing season in April and May, I noticed how attached I had become to the forum and the internet in general. Being on a farm outside all day, you're never bored. But It also makes it hard to stay in touch with the spiritual side of things but enhances it in other ways. Being alone in the nights, in the silence of the night, you get to know yourself better. Life on the farm is not always pretty. This year we swamped the sheep in attempt to make them all deliver in around 3 days, instead of the traditional 1-2 months. But of course, the swamps were malfunctioned and it ended with half delivering in April and the other half in May, with a 2 week period in between where nothing happened. This lead to more miscarriage than in previous years. But now they've all gone up to the mountains to enjoy their freedom with their newborns. Now I'm back in the city and miss the farm already. I'll visit more in the summer tho. Now I have to focus on my online business which has been quite hectic since the virus. It has completely demotivated me in the process. I'm debating now whether to keep trying or just getting a normal construction or electrician job. I quite enjoy being in the field of construction, it's a freeing job and I find it fun to work with tools and such. But I also enjoy the freedom of my own schedule, it allows for more spiritual practice and free thinking. But then again I've got less income and don't get to spend as much money on hobbies and such since Facebook ads have become quite expensive. Maybe I need to get back into journaling, I found it quite helpful to keep my mind fluid and flowing by writing my thoughts out. I've also enjoyed the psychedelic break I got during that time, but I'm back now having done multiple edible trips, ketamine, and I've got some Mushroom, LSD, Salvia, and DMT trips coming up soon. There are many fears I've yet to tackle, but I can't really identify what those fears are. I've had multiple ego deaths and have become somewhat used to them. But I feel like an ego death is not really the same as total physical death. If I were so comfortable with death, there would be no fear left, yet there is. I'm not in as much of a rush as I used to be on this journey of awakening. I'd love to do it on a nice controllable pace because I've yet to find my true life purpose and what I wish to do with this life. But I also get most of those answers by going deeper into myself and shedding the layers of the false self. I've got many interests but none that could be identified as my passion. I'm also aware I may be overlooking the obvious, my passion might be staring me in the face going unnoticed.

@integral Most likely yes, but impossible to know.

That's a disadvantage in my book. More time equals more realizations and more integration for me.

@Zigzag Idiot Have you tried to smoke it? I wouldn't completely put n,n off until you reach a full breakthrough dose, so you know its full capabilities. As Leo has stated, he'll only be working with n,n DMT from now on. So there must be something to it if you learn to work with it. I'll be trying my first hit soon, very excited to do so.

Don't get your hopes up. My friend described it as dirty caffeine high.

@Lyubov @cetus It was certainly unnecessary to taze him. But he resisted arrest and told the cop "fuck you, die" and runs off to what looks to be a university campus after resisting arrest. The cop probably has dealt with situations like this with meth or crack users who don't take kindly to being arrested. Don't underestimate the uncertainty that cops face in these situations. For us it's all laid out, we know he's on LSD, we know LSD is not a dangerous drug, and we get to make a judgement after the whole situation has gone down. The cop is in the moment and has to do what he thinks is necessary to ensure safety to bystanders.

Maybe try and drop all these expectations or as if there is something to be gained from meditation; let all that come as a side-effect. If you're really looking to feel during meditation, try listening to Shpongle while meditating, or an ambient mix. I like to mix music-based meditation with silent ones every once in a while.

Wow, guess that's just how life goes, and god has to live through it all. In the end, each life is a miraculous blessing no matter how it ends.

@cetus But the barking dog certainly didn't help.

@SQAAD Ego backlash will always happen, no reason to fear that. Just take time to integrate your experience and continue to grow. God is in no hurry to realize itself.

This was actually handled very well and they were quite kind to him after cuffing him. For all they know, he could've been on meth and ready to attack, as he did first.

No, because there is no end destination you're trying to reach. It's the same with spiral dynamics, it can be helpful to know your color so you can work out your problems and shadows in a systematic manner. That doesn't mean it's useless to identify that you're at stage blue just because in 2 years you might be at orange; so its to help you evolve. But I definitely see what you're saying. Most of the youtube videos I've seen are worshiping this as if it's concrete written in the stars. The mainstream will always find ways to change it into something which suits their agenda. And I also find this MBTI to be way too simplistic and linear as I said. If you're at stage yellow or above it's really hard to answer the questions the test gives you as it's to right or left.

@IJB063 Yes I agree, some can not be stamped as one type. But there is a reason this test is so popular. People really resonate with it. It doesn't mean you're stuck with the same one forever, of course it changes over time, as do people.

@integral The best test would be to look over all the types, and identify which one you resonate most with...if you're honest. Many of the questions from the test were way to black, white, and linear to get any real result from it. But you know what you are like, and most likely can find your type unless your ego tries to take control.

Be careful not to idolize him. He's just a human being like you. There is no goat in consciousness work because it's internal and can't be measured.

My friend is exactly the same, navigating it in the lower doses seems to be really healing for him. I found the edibles likely to have played a large part in how well I was able to navigate it since I had been doing them a lot and was very familiar around them. I'm interested to see how my next ketamine trip goes, but I'd probably also take an edible again. I've had really good luck blending substances such as Ket and Mdma with edibles. But still, nothing beats a clean trip of Mushrooms or LSD. That sounds very interesting, enough time for integration such as with LSD; that's what I love most about it. Amen! Same for me.

Sit in silence