fridjonk

Would you rather get to live at all and die in the end? Or to never have existed at all in the first place? Funny how people who've never been around farming, have no idea of how it actually works. Although I assume it's way worse in mass-marketed countries. But here in Iceland, they get to live a happy life where they have lots of freedom to roam around and are treated fairly.

Today I went with my family to walk Þingvellir, the national park of Iceland. It was so utterly stunning it's beyond me how beautiful nature can be. It felt like a therapeutic session walking around there. Seeing the birdlife, appreciating the flies that were annoying the hell out of my family. ? I saw an Audi-r8 as well and appreciated the beauty of man-made artistic machinery. I've finally gotten my spiritual spark again and have been enjoying some videos from various teachers such as Osho, Adyshanti, Spira, Yogananda, Ramana, etc. Instead of watching "brain-dead" content; I can instantly feel the difference in how my mood is and how my ego feels less and less need to be constantly stimulated. getting back on track with contemplation and meditation feels so good after taking a little break from it. I now feel I've come back wiser and with a less belief-based system around this spiritual game. I thought I was belief free back then, but now I see clearly how much of a trap I had gotten myself into. I've refrained from using all words and concepts such as god, love, truth, etc, because they all fall short of the real thing, and don't come close to describing it. It's such an intellectual trap and its very clear to me. These things come as a byproduct of you looking internally and ceasing to find a self in which you thought was there; when it was an illusion all along. Yet this is also assuming a process that I've yet to undergo without psychedelics, so silence is perhaps the best representation of what I'm trying to express. Today I'm grateful for being alive and healthy.

You believe there's such a thing as infinite love. You don't know that. Why are you chasing some concept of something you have no idea whether its true or not? Drop all this acquired knowledge that you've heard others talk about. Only by learning to not know, will you know.

Are you conscious of what you are right now? If not, then you don't know. If you do know, you wouldn't be asking this question.

I don't know what I fear and I'm starting to wonder. I've died on many trips, then came back into the ego. Do I fear the unlimited love? Do I fear never coming back? Who is this "I" that's afraid? What I admire about shamans such as Don Juan and others is the cosmic warrior-like mentality. Never cowering under fear, because you've been through it all. I'm sure that's why Salvia peaks my interest to such a degree. Most of my LSD trips have been nice smooth sailing, lots of realizations about reality,love, truth. But when I come back, there is this lack of accomplishment from not having faced fear. Of course, there is no fear in those high states of consciousness when the self has died, but when you're back into the self, it slowly puzzles back together. Of course, I also had my fair share of tough trips. And I feel most satisfied after those trips because it leaves you wondering and puzzling around for some time. Because when all fear has vanished. There's nothing left but love, totally unlimited infinite love. So I guess I fear the magnitude of god's infinite totally selfless love, for "I" would have to die for that to happen. Yet you've actually only really started to live at that moment of realization.

@Inliytened1 My friend is in contact with him on regular bases, and it had nothing to do with psychedelics. It had been building up since childhood. I do see why Leo wouldn't pursue Salvia tho. What more is there to pursue after a full realization of the absolute. I guess that would be like operating a chainsaw with one hand. My trips have been too smooth sailing lately and I feel I need some sinister vibes to learn to deal with fear.

I smoked it with a pipe, and also tried the DMT machine. I burned it properly, I'll be trying again soon. This has happened to me with other substances where the first trip doesn't affect me at all. It's like my body has to get used to it. @Leo Gura Why don't you push it further? There are many people who work with Salvia similar to other substances, like Martin Ball used to do, and shamans have done for many years.

@WhatAWondefulWorld Seems you had better luck than I did, lol. I smoked a couple of 60x hits last night and nothing at all happened. I'll try again tho.

@Wisebaxter The Kriya Pranayama technique I tend to do includes a formal meditation in it. There are no rules to this game, what works for some is totally relative. So I sometimes feel like it calms my ego-mind to sit in silence and do nothing. I feel I don't try to get distracted as much because if there's one thing the ego doesn't like, its boredom. I know this all too well. However after I started doing Kriya, I noticed more "real" results from it than any other practice I'd tried. If you manage to get into a routine doing it, you will notice some change shortly after. It has helped me to write each session down on paper and check it off, that way I tend to stick to it longer, it's just a matter of taking it into action and stop thinking about it. Kriya alongside contemplation or self-inquiry is a deadly combo for the ego.

@Wisebaxter Thanks for dropping by! I'd say it really depends on what state of consciousness you're at right now, and if you've had awakenings with psychedelics or not. I started to notice a big leap in my meditations when I'd been doing Kriya daily for about 2 weeks. If you stick with the practice and do it properly for a month, I'm sure you'll start to notice immense effects take place. What I noticed most is how the energy system of your body starts to flow around more, up your spine, and through the chakras. This is essentially like a spiritual workout. I get faster results from doing it over traditional mediation, although I tend to blend them both. And it's not easy by any means, doing it daily is a challenge if you're new to it but well worth it. Check out Ryan Kurczak on youtube for some guidance. Today was spent thinking about Salvia. I had a meet-up with my friend and we had a great conversation about Salvia and future trip plans while playing some soccer (football). I've not been feeling as afraid and nervous as I'd expected. I'll dip a toe into this new world in a few minutes, then maybe again when I wake up. I'm going in with a lot of humble respect for this substance and completely open for an experience that hopefully helps my growth, and deepens my understanding of this reality.

Finally, I've got my hands on some Salvia-60X extract. I almost went in tonight but felt it would've been rushed. If I'm feeling good tomorrow I'll proceed to experiment with it. Most of this evening and night was spent heavily researching this substance, and from what I've read, it could pose some benefits to my spiritual growth. I'm careful with taking all this read information lightly and when I go in, I'll do so with a blank slate. Much of the info I managed to find on salvia comes from silly young people, so it's not much help. I'm going to rewatch Leo's video on it before I go to sleep for one final report. I don't really know what I want to get out of salvia; I'll just ask her to lead the way. I guess I'd just like to face my fears fully. My last LSD trip didn't end being as profound as the others I've had, nevertheless it was a very enjoyable experience, with many moments of insights. I didn't really tackle any fears or try to control the trip in any-way, it just happened on its own. So I guess I'm hoping for a little more confrontation with Salvia. I will start off with microdoses and work my way up slowly, to a level I feel I'm satisfied handling alone without a trip sitter. It will be done in total darkness as I've read is the proper way. Most likely with nice heartfelt music to start off with, as the doses increase it will be done in silent darkness.

Infinity can not be something. It's exactly that which is nothing. As soon as you say something is infinite, it is not. Because it can't be, it's finite. The universe is not infinite, it has a beginning and it will end. The future is not infinite because it has a beginning and an end. As soon as you think about infinity logically, you're chasing your tail.

haha, that's okay. Just push until you feel you hit your limit, then push a little harder. You will leap in growth if you do it this way.

@BjarkeT Ditch those numbers, you have to push to limit a little. Do jumping jacks until you can't do more, same for the others. I find I get most energized when I train as hard as I can, which gets you out of the comfort zone.

@Zigzag Idiot I appreciate you and all the other journalers here as well. It's very motivating to get a peek into other people's minds, and you grow a lot from it. We're all here to share our love and receive some back. I recognize that tall grass sensation all to well, sometimes you get plenty high on air and the fresh smell of nature.

I'm taking LSD tomorrow at midnight. I haven't exactly been sticking to my spiritual practices, so I'm kickstarting those back with a trip. Not going in with any expectations other than to grow more as a human, and become more loving. I lost all intellectual interest in this work a while back, so I don't really enjoy talking about it as much, rather than just experiencing it, then proceed to live life as lovingly as I can. That's the reason I haven't been partaking as much on the forum as I used to, although I enjoy the journals here; they're authentic and nice to read over from time to time. I don't feel I can gain much from posts here anymore, nor books, at least not on this subject of spirituality. But I'll never stop learning for fun. Maybe all this will change after the trip, and I have a feeling it will. I've been a little closed off emotionally last two months. Maybe I just need some heart opening to start enjoying taking part in discussions on this wonderful forum, I really enjoy helping people I believe I can help, but see very little reason for it at this point in time. I wonder where I'm going. The road lies clear and empty in front of me, but I'm over here in neutral revving my engine. There are some actions I have to take in order for me to get moving. I really want to build my own house, manage my own business, and being able to focus fully on awakening and enlightenment. I notice how rotten working online can make you feel. Maybe I want to start a carpentry business or something of that sort. I enjoy being outside and find that work very satisfying. But I feel like it lacks the mastery aspect I so wish to partake in. There is a ceiling in that type of work you can hit pretty fast. Maybe I'll manage to channel my creativity in other ways around that. I can feel my potential simmering and not being utilized. So I guess there's a lot of road to cover tomorrow night. If anyone even managed to read through this, I hope your life falls in place to your fullest desires and wishes.

This is comedy gold

To intervene IS the natural process.

@EternalForest here in Iceland it's considered normal to live with your parents up to 25-30 years old. It allows people to more so figure out what they want to do with life at their own pace.

I've planed to take LSD on Thursday after meeting up with my friend this evening and picking it up. he's always willing to lend me some of his batch when I've gone dry. We had a great conversation about what all this spiritual work is leading to and how to enjoy the journey. And the answer is obviously very simple, it's just to love, then love some more, then when you think you can't love any more, you love extra more until you run dry of love...but then you love again some more. That is the highest wisdom. I got a lot done today and finally was somewhat productive after being in a little slump. I wrote down a to-do list last night, I suppose that helped a lot. I'll do that again tonight. I also trying to pick up more new hobbies to learn. What I enjoy most is learning something new and hitting a plateau, because it takes patience to grow and learn. I might learn to make electronic music as my friend has mastered, I enjoy that music a lot and feel it's a great way to express oneself. I've also started to draw for fun, maybe that turns into a hobby that can stick around. My friend just released a new album inspired by various psychedelic trips and ofc Leo.

@SQAAD Looks like your integration is going well. I'm grateful for you sharing this with us.

@Nahm I guess nothing beats hard work, no matter what you're trying to achieve. Until you realize there wasn't anything to achieve... until there was.

hmmm, what to say. Why did I lose interest in the daily journaling? After I went to tend to lambing season in April and May, I noticed how attached I had become to the forum and the internet in general. Being on a farm outside all day, you're never bored. But It also makes it hard to stay in touch with the spiritual side of things but enhances it in other ways. Being alone in the nights, in the silence of the night, you get to know yourself better. Life on the farm is not always pretty. This year we swamped the sheep in attempt to make them all deliver in around 3 days, instead of the traditional 1-2 months. But of course, the swamps were malfunctioned and it ended with half delivering in April and the other half in May, with a 2 week period in between where nothing happened. This lead to more miscarriage than in previous years. But now they've all gone up to the mountains to enjoy their freedom with their newborns. Now I'm back in the city and miss the farm already. I'll visit more in the summer tho. Now I have to focus on my online business which has been quite hectic since the virus. It has completely demotivated me in the process. I'm debating now whether to keep trying or just getting a normal construction or electrician job. I quite enjoy being in the field of construction, it's a freeing job and I find it fun to work with tools and such. But I also enjoy the freedom of my own schedule, it allows for more spiritual practice and free thinking. But then again I've got less income and don't get to spend as much money on hobbies and such since Facebook ads have become quite expensive. Maybe I need to get back into journaling, I found it quite helpful to keep my mind fluid and flowing by writing my thoughts out. I've also enjoyed the psychedelic break I got during that time, but I'm back now having done multiple edible trips, ketamine, and I've got some Mushroom, LSD, Salvia, and DMT trips coming up soon. There are many fears I've yet to tackle, but I can't really identify what those fears are. I've had multiple ego deaths and have become somewhat used to them. But I feel like an ego death is not really the same as total physical death. If I were so comfortable with death, there would be no fear left, yet there is. I'm not in as much of a rush as I used to be on this journey of awakening. I'd love to do it on a nice controllable pace because I've yet to find my true life purpose and what I wish to do with this life. But I also get most of those answers by going deeper into myself and shedding the layers of the false self. I've got many interests but none that could be identified as my passion. I'm also aware I may be overlooking the obvious, my passion might be staring me in the face going unnoticed.

@integral Most likely yes, but impossible to know.