mattm33

You keep saying it. Can you please try explaining it? Any of it? God I'm just so bored....

It's interesting, what you are saying here is actually true. You believe this because it is true, for you, a closeted gay man in denial. I cannot will myself into being a homosexual and that is what's true for me.

If you are serious go re-read this through a few times and really think about it.

You aren't actually responding to any of us. That is my point. If you are a 10 year old then your positions and responses make more sense and I should probably let this go. Can you please respond to someone else then? With some kind of real answer? Have you noticed no one in this thread is on the same page as you?

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/ejaculation_frequency_and_prostate_cancer What do nofappers think about studies like this? I have always heard it was unhealthy to keep it bottled up. I don't know if that's actually true though. Try being married with newborn kids. Porn and masturbation is not only good, it's necessary for your sanity. I think it depends more on the type of porn you're watching and maybe how often. There is lots of good amateur couples porn where people aren't just being exploited or paid to fake it.

How old are you? Do you have any learning disabilities? Serious question.

So, trolling it is then. Thanks for the plot resolution at least. You are almost a caricature of a closeted republican and I don't think you are being genuine about it. These nice people are actually trying to help you. I'm just really bored. You aren't responding to anything seriously. Do you have a source for your "facts"? Did you even click the google link? The answer to your original question is yes. Yes, please try to run for office as a democrat on platform of criminalizing homosexuality. It will absolutely work out for you.

LOL. My wife and I have tried butt play on each other and neither of us are into it. It's been many years now. I'm a middle aged man with hemorrhoids. Butt's been off the table for a while... Before puberty I would have told you I felt like an alien in a boy's body. After puberty a butch lesbian in a man's body.

So I don't have anything in me that say's being gay is good or bad, it just is. Is I was gay or bisexual, I'd be fine with it and have no hangups. It just happens that I'm not. I remember watching one of my first porn videos when I was a kid. The camera cut to a closeup of the guys goofy moaning face. I wasn't ready for it and my body reacted by dry heaving before I could even think. I started cracking up laughing and thought "I guess that's one way to know my orientation." I don't find the physical appearance of men appealing. The sound of another man moaning in pleasure is kind of unsettling to me. I've smelled other men plenty of times and it has never been appealing. The smell of my wife's hair might be one of my favorite smells. I probably shouldn't go into detail how I feel about vagina. I've tried watching gay porn just to be extra sure and I did not like it, at all. I actually think my life would be more interesting and obviously open me up to more experiences if I was bisexual. If someone offered me a million dollars to have sex with a man I would try but I literally don't think I could get hard. It doesn't sound fair but the idea of having sex with another man feels similar to the idea of having sex with barn animal. I've tried to be open to the idea. My wife is bisexual. I would actually prefer to be bisexual. But I seem to be 100% straight.

This is the video that made me understand why people like metal when I was a kid. The video works better than the album version. It does a great job of using the music to represent the emotions the subject of the video is feeling. The slow buildup as they regain consciousness and realize the situation they are in. The ending is like a panic attack.

I tried watching some gay porn. But it only made me feel more straight. Do I have to put in more hours? Should I try watching it on psychedelics to rewire my brain? I tried asking google. It wasn't very helpful. https://www.google.com/search?q=How+can+I+turn+myself+gay%3F&sca_esv=e29e6d704abed028&sca_upv=1&source=hp&ei=VFDAZtTZI5WfptQPveO5mAk&iflsig=AL9hbdgAAAAAZsBeZKjsVmQVERYDRrZjsfk6HdR54-qi&ved=0ahUKEwjU0_rNv_uHAxWVj4kEHb1xDpMQ4dUDCA8&uact=5&oq=How+can+I+turn+myself+gay%3F&gs_lp=Egdnd3Mtd2l6IhpIb3cgY2FuIEkgdHVybiBteXNlbGYgZ2F5P0iEX1D7Dli8W3AAeACQAQCYAckBoAHvEaoBBjI0LjIuMbgBA8gBAPgBAZgCGaAClBGoAgrCAhAQABgDGOUCGOoCGIwDGI8BwgIQEC4YAxjlAhjqAhiMAxiPAcICERAuGIAEGLEDGNEDGIMBGMcBwgILEAAYgAQYsQMYgwHCAggQLhiABBixA8ICDhAuGIAEGLEDGIMBGIoFwgIOEC4YgAQYxwEYjgUYrwHCAgUQABiABMICCBAAGIAEGLEDwgIOEAAYgAQYsQMYgwEYigXCAgsQLhiABBjRAxjHAcICDhAuGIAEGLEDGIMBGNQCwgIGEAAYFhgemAOcAZIHBjIxLjMuMaAH4eQB&sclient=gws-wiz

This thread has really got me thinking. If only me and my nerdy gaming buddy's could have just made ourselves gay back in college. I could've been having daily orgy's with my best friends. Life solved. Is their anything I can take to make myself bisexual? Maybe give my wife that devil's threesome...

Is this person just trolling? How do they change their hormones? Are you confusing gay and transgender or something?

I've never understood this line of thinking. What does it even mean to feel like you are a man or a woman on the inside? I've always just felt like a me. Never really understood or fit in with either. Does being attracted to female bodies make me a man? Does wanting to protect my family make me a man? Could "women" not also feel this way? What set of psychological data points make a man a man. Man and woman should be an issue of "what's" and not "who's". What my body is, is not who I am. Who I am on the inside should be irrelevant to that. Isn't who I am just ego in this context? If you have a male body and feel like you are a "woman" on the inside, can't you just accept that truth. In my eyes self acceptance should not equal surgery, hormones and pretending.

Trump was Swedish and later became German...lol https://www.history.com/news/donald-trump-father-mother-ancestry https://www.cnn.com/2017/11/28/politics/trump-family-heritage/index.html

I'm not sure why I'm posting this exactly. I'm fairly new to this and I'm sure I have nothing to add you all haven't heard before. It was pretty interesting to me though lol. I don't know if their is any truth to this or if It was just some kind of expanded ego state? Whatever that even means... I guess I don't really know anything for sure anymore. I took 3.5 grams of mushrooms. I was very nervous and shaky before I took them. It took me 45 minutes to work up the courage to just take them. I felt fine during the come up, just a little nervous. I found myself becoming what I can best describe as some kind of hyper dimensional soup. I couldn’t tell you when or how the transition happened. If something like this picture (see attachments) was alive and self aware. Able to mix and unmix itself in any dimension. Only way way weirder than it sounds. This was so alien and whacked out I couldn’t even be afraid. I was just there experiencing more like a state of shock and confusion but not really in a bad way. It was just too strange and mesmerizing to be negative. At some point the soupy experience began to fade and I was more aware of the room I was in. I also by this point had gone insane. It’s strange because I knew I had taken mushrooms and I knew that they had made me insane. I also knew that everything happening was temporary. Every experience is temporary. Even if I was in hell it couldn’t last forever. So again there was no real fear or panic. Just a strange fascination with the situation. To be the witness of your own insanity is quite the thing. It was like I realized paradoxes about my own existence/reality and then fell through them. Like realizing a strange loop and then becoming stuck in it. Experiencing something like the following picture in a kind of looping eternal moment. I can’t really describe what it was like any better even to myself. I have a sense that If I could fully remember what it was like I would still be insane right now and unable to describe it anyway. If I could fully re-realize the paradoxes I would be stuck in them again. I don’t know that for sure though maybe I just can’t remember. It was like remembering something I had forgotten on purpose. My wife told me at one point I was asking why I took them. “Why did I do this to myself”? I was staring at the wall and started gasping loudly in shock and them calmly said “oh that’s why, to remember”. The eeriest thing about all of this was the strong sense of dejavu I had. I will try as best as I can to explain this but it’s going to be a nonsensical mess. At some point the insanity was subsiding and things were becoming more cohesive again. I was in the room and in my body but I noticed that “Matt” wasn’t there. There was no center anymore. There were no more thoughts. Just this rock solid immovable presence encompassing the whole room and everything in it including “my” body. Like I had become a perfect mirror mirroring itself. I could “see” my own reflection in everything. Normally you think of your skin as the barrier between you and the world. Like your sense of self starts in your head and extends to the limits of your body. Now my sense of self had extended beyond the body and into the rest of the room. My body had become the whole room. Normally just sitting here you aren’t aware of lets say your feet. But if you stop and focus on them you can sense an energy or presence to them. If you put your awareness on them you can feel their existence. It was like my “awareness muscle” had been ratcheted up a few degrees and I could take in much more than usual. I was having simultaneous sensations of being the body, the air, the walls and other “inanimate” objects. I was fully in everything, fully alive and conscious but at the same time not any one thing in particular. It felt like perfection, like time and space was something I made up, like I was in the center of infinity. Like it was way too good to be true. Like pure happiness. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where, when, why, or how I am. I only know that I am. I am this presence. I am right now forever. I am the nothing that is everything. It seemed like the most obvious thing ever. At one point I took my clothes off and was dancing around the room. Then I calmed down and sat quietly with this peace for maybe an hour before I came back to my normal senses, just taking it in and grinning ear to ear. Lets say you are looking at the picture of this landscape and you realize all you are really looking at is pixels on a screen. There is actual no separation between anything in the image. There isn’t a tree over here and a person over there, just the appearance of it. The screen is one just one solid object. The pixels have the potential to display an infinite number of images and this landscape is just one finite example of those. The pixels are nothing yet they are what everything is made out of. Now lets say you are the person in this picture and you realize that what you actually are is just pixels on a screen. You realize that “you” don’t really exist. “You” are just an image or an idea. There is no person, no tree, no water. There is only infinite pixels taking on different appearances and you are that. There is only this one presence taking on different appearances. There is only this and this is nothing and everything and everyone. This presence is the only actor on this stage and it’s playing all the parts at once. I am literally you and you are literally me and we are literally nothing. Reality is ONE thing/nothing. Your ego is just a character, a story, just memory and imagination, just repeating thought patterns. Your ego is just a thought. You are what the thoughts are appearing in and the thoughts are at the same time made out what you are. Your ego is the clouds, your true identity is the sky. What did I take away from this practically? This experience has pretty much evaporated my depression overnight. Nothing in my life has changed except for me. I understand how irrelevant all my bullshit and suffering is. How I feel about something has nothing to do with what actually is. I am only just fighting with myself internally. I can either accept a situation, calmly take steps to change a “bad” situation, or accept that I can’t change it. Everything else is madness. You can look at a child crying because they got the wrong mcdonalds toy. From your perspective you understand how silly and pointless it is but the child thinks it’s the only thing that matters. You understand that this toy won’t even matter to the child a minute from now. Ego is a whining selfish child. Ego is a kind of insanity Just let it go.