Feel The Present

First of all i'm a 33 year old man. I'm healthy, i have everything i could wish for at hand. I'm privileged to live in The Netherlands. That being said i want to share something i struggle with for quite some time: I grew up with a mom who was anxious and mad most of the time. I literally had to walk on my toes all the time so I wouldn’t upset her. At least, that was the feeling I had as a child. I could always feel from a mile if my mother was in a good mood or not. Mostly she wasn’t in her best mood. This not so best mood meant tension all over the house and also in my body. The point I’m making is that I grew up with a lot of tension. Tension is the opposite of relaxation. Relaxation is a must for development; feeling comfortable, feeling loved, feeling normal, feeling safe etc. I felt the opposite of those things most of the time. For the most part of my life I never knew what I wanted with my life. I literally wasted time at most schools I’ve been to. This was after my parents got divorced. Looking back I was always in flight mode: listening to music, smoking weed (which I never enjoyed), using xtc on a regular basis (which I did enjoy ?), porn etc. Fortunately there came a time that I wanted to take care of myself a little better. This led to new interests. These interests led gradually to new studies. These studies led gradually to a new business (just started). Unfortunately, I’ve probably never felt more insecure in some areas. Mainly social and sexual. This obviously leads to more insecurity in every part of your life. I’m in a relationship for 4 years now and I think it’s never been a healthy one (we both agree on that). We’ve made each other more insecure. She loves me like no other person could do and it drives her crazy that I’m not capable of giving her the love she needs/wants. I’m not capable because I’m all fed up with myself trying to feel better: exercise, reading, meditation, nature, healthy food, sleep etc. This also makes me have difficulties enjoying ‘’less healthy’’ things like watching TV and eating unhealthy etc. She on the other hand feels comfortable with herself already and doesn’t have that drive. FYI she works her ass off, but isn’t that interested in self-actualization. So I’m feeling restless all the time because I’m not feeling happy with myself. She desperately needs some love which I can’t give due to my pretty egoistic state. I think the downward spiral is an obvious one. Now for the elephant in the room: the lack (or complete absence) of sex. In the first months we’ve had great sex and did it sometimes multiple times a day. Logically this started to decline, but it started to decline fast and to not so healthy numbers. Now, we’ve had sex once in 2020 and we didn’t enjoy it. The cause of this problem lays within me. I’ve never had a healthy relationship with my sexuality. It started pretty weird in the beginning of my puberty where my best friend and I discovered porn on TV. This was exciting! The very first time I had an ejaculation was with him watching porn. I obviously didn’t know what was happening. Gradually by time it somehow got normal to put our dicks out and jerk off together. We did this on a regular basis and this was for years my only sexual experience with someone else. I’ve lost my virginity when I was 18 (to a girl) and when I was on xtc. Also no textbook stuff I guess. I’ve had sex with lots of girls. Mostly one night stands. I’ve never had sex with boys. Also, I can’t imagine being gay. I never look at a man like that. Sure, I can tell if he’s good looking but not in a sexual kind of way. This whole history made me a bit confused. I don’t know if I’ve ever enjoyed sex, but now it’s fear that’s taking over: If I don’t enjoy sex with my girlfriend I must be gay, I must get hard, I have to come etc. Obviously these thoughts are catastrophic for good intimacy. This makes me want to avoid everything that’s slightly related to sex. The consequence is that the ‘’I might be gay’’ thought strengthens. I also jerk off in the shower from time to time thinking of having sex with another girl. Not once I’ve thought about having sex with my girlfriend. My theory is that I associate her with negative things like guilt, anger and frustration blocking all the good emotions like laughter, excitement and safety. I suggested to go on a break so we (at least I) could come back to our senses and maybe from there trying to change things (or quit). If I look at her as a human being I couldn’t ask for more. She’s such a good person, really good looking, great body, socially strong, caring, funny, open minded. I really would regret if I made the wrong choice here. Also this is the first time I put real effort in saving this relationship. I really need some objective opinions on this. So, what’s your take on this? What would you do in this situation? Also, would it be wise to talk to a professional about my sexual insecurities?

In general i think there are enough healthy breakfasts. But also skipping breakfast could be healthy (IF). It all depends on the situation; someone who's chronically lacking nutrients i would suggest to eat a nutricious breakfast over intermittent fasting for example. But you won't lose fat if you skip breakfast and than go wild on carbs. Instead, a couple of high quality eggs in the morning will make you feel full for a great time.. Plus it doesn't spike your insulin levels which is critical in losing weight.

@Rocky I could also drop some links with studies that claim the opposite. Once again: do you know why vegetarians mostly look superior in studies? Because they usually are more aware of what they eat and have an overall healthy lifestyle. Vegatarian or not, don't pay attention to your cholesterol intake as it will only be a stressor. Focus on improving your lifestyle (high quality foods, exercise, stress reduction etc.). Don't blame cholesterol, blame your lifestyle.

Do you know why vegetarians mostly look superior in studies? Because they usually are more aware of what they eat and have an overall healthy lifestyle. About cholesterol: - There's no link between cholesterol intake and blood levels. - Cholesterol is a building block for testosterone.

Like everything it depends on multiple factors if something is healthy. Coffee has some great upsides but some downsides too. Sure thing: you can only enjoy the benefits of coffee if the beans are freshly grinded. If you're searching for a healthy bean make sure it's organic. Other things that influence the quality of the bean: -Type of bean -Roast type and roast date Some other things that determine whether you're benefiting from drinking coffee or not: -Ammount of coffee you drink -Moment of drinking -Physical state you're in (i wouldn't suggest coffee when you have stressed adrenals)

Some groundrules for a good breakfast (but i think for any meal): Aim for something that doesn’t influence your blood sugar levels (that much). Especially in the morning, because your first meal of the day will have the most impact on your blood sugar levels. It should contain good fats It should contain quality proteins Be easy on carbs (maybe add something low glycemic) Also worth to mention: No cereals or wheats No processed foods My breakfast: Most of the time i eat a bowl of selfmade kefir from raw, grassfed, organic milk with a kiwi and sometimes some cinnamon in it. Other times it’s an omelet with some vegetables and spices in it. But obviously there are a lot of good alternatives!