NoN-RaTiOnAL

haha nice one! but dude i undestand your point. im already that. do you understand mine though? in the relative domain it takes time and balls to actualize that truth!

So i did a 100mc lsd trip which which went about like this: first 2 hours - come up, nice visuals, beaty everywhere, curiousity, body high. 5 hours - picking, horrific, terror, anxiety, brink of mental breakdown last 3 hours - come down, gaining back control and basic understanding of my personal story and of life. so i went on to the trip with the intention to realize what is suffering fundamentaly. at the beginning it all went very smoothly and lighly i was taking a walk in beautiful natue with my tripsitter just enjoying myself. then at about 2 hours mark i get a message on the iphone. i decide to take a look - mistake (?) i get a message from my boss firing me from work. worry floods my system intensly as i just begin to pick... very horrific experience. as i sit and try to accept the messy situation i got myself into i realize that just by becoming acutly aware of the worry, not by doing anything about it, it loses its grip on my awareness and hence its emotional charge. of course i spiral in and out alternativly, i wasnt completly able to stay present and got sucked into the worry again.. but the insight is legit - i got an actual glimpse to how to actually get rid of suffering once and for all. the trip continues and i suddenly become aware of how my thought is a complex nested system of beliefs and that my "ego" is actually this entire structure and not just my personal story about "me" which im normally mostly aware of. its my whole understanding and way of making sense of my current experience. of course the minute i realize this im actually getting myself a stage beyond all those nested beliefes and i start to get glimpses of the "reality of this present moment" which is completly alien and bizzare. i start to realize there is actually no logic or sense in this present moment. no inherent meaning at all. no center, no beggining, no end. everything is just pure "unlogic" arising and passing away in a circular dialectic rhythm. i felt like this is it, the fork in the road, i felt like the universe is offering me the truth i wanted so much but it is wayyy too much for me. would i go for it and say goodbye to my life????? No. i realized the truth is what i hate the most. at this point i couldnt bear the truth. it was too much and i was already exhausted from the experience of getting fired while tripping balls. this is also when visuals became more acute. i got back home ASAP completly resisting the mental breakdown i was experiencing unwillingly. immersing myself in all the distractions possible to keep me in the comfort of my own personal beliefes. i spent hours watching netflix with my friend barely able to undestand a word.. then the trip started to lose intensity and i gradually gained control and familiarity with my experience. damn... i begin to write it all down and try to explain it to my friend which just gave me a grim and tired face lol he was actually saying : "da fuck bro.. you talking absulote crap.." and i accepted that, i undersand now that from his pov there is no nest of thought.. nothing beyond the pure tellings of his clever mind.. i realize that the whole point of concepts is to create stories in the mind that give it meaning, purpose, beggining, end, center("me"), security and continuouseness - which are exactly all the things it actually lacks !! haha. this fundamental "flaw" is antithetical to the nature of thought and its "purpose" to create purpose which is why there is always some suffering accuring in the experience of thought. deep down there is an intuition the thought is fundamentally all a lie which is why its never enough. but then when thought tries to figure it out all it can create out of it is more stories and solutions "outside" with a beginning, center and an end result. which just perpetuate the cycle. so evetually i got myself this important insight: suffering (the origin of which is thought) mostly leads to a doing ( the origin of which is thought) which can only create more suffering and the true solution is pure awareness of the cycle. there was also an awareness of the design of experience, of its dialectical process of becoming and gaining insgiht. this is complete geniuseness. the awe, shock and a feeling of humbleness flood my today. i just feel like a little baby whining in the sand box again not realizing how this is actually the most profound thing there is. thanks for reading.

at a certain point i actually looked for "my life" and i just couldnt find it. icouldnt "locate" anything at all. All there was is just some infinite mess of changing perceptions goofing around lol. and this was too radical i couldnt let go and let feeling take full charge. in time i guess

yes i have

Hi i would love to read into the tale of an ego that worked hard and reached enlightenment, not through sheer luck, a suicidal depression or "spiritual genetics". but a truly dedicated one that did the hard work eought time until it happened, a tale that includes all the hard times and the good ones. one that could keep me motivated. could someone link me up? thanks! P.S not trying to map my progress or define a path for enlightenment. i know i cannot possibly know. i just seek motivation.

So i got to do lsd once and mushrroms twice in the past but in a more recreational way. this time i want to explore them deepely and methodologically and get my first glimpse of a mystical state. ive decided to use lsd for now. and later to switch and explore other chemicals also. so i got myself 5 blotters, read a few books and trip reports and leo's videos on the subject. i would like to hear your suggestions also, how would you describe a first safe and deep trip? how much do you think i should consume for the first time? each tab is 125mcg what should i do beforehand? any suggestions in relation to mindset? should i do it on an empty stomach? or it doesnt matter with lsd?

such as the trancendental meditation technique or OM japa.. I find it helps me stay more focused and less wondering than other techniques but i still cant understand how using a mantra constantly in my mind would help me to quiet it.. i mean, doesnt it beat the purpose? did somebody here had deep experiences with this type of technique? do you have any specific routine you could recommend i should try?

that sounds like pretty much the same concept. in the meditation you suggest the object becomes the accaptance itself which i come back to everytime i wonder. the duality you seem to suggest between direct and indirect paths sounds foolish. my opinion is that different meditation techniques offer specific qualities which are all important to develop yourself spiritually: calm in the body, prolonged attention, silent mind, loving kindness, mindfulness and of course acceptance and non-judgment are all important and are all pretty direct.

ive been reading in a book about spiritual experiences of a western mystic and he described them as follows: "i felt that my body was not a part of me, but attached to my consciousness by electric flux thread of light. when i had to use it in acts such as writing in words the essence of god's message it was extremely difficult to bring my body back under control of my consciousness and make it do as i ordered it to do" im wondering if this is common to all high awareness states. i did experinced it very breifly once during a very deep meditation and couldnt bear the ecstasy and detachment from the body at that point and panicked. but can it go that far that you wont be able to pick a pencil and write something? @leogura -would love to hear if your experiences were like that

i think nobody will know the answer for you. as a rule of thumb my suggestion would be to never take the "or" attitude. try doing both simultanuasly and see how goes. than if you notice them conflicting than try to change and adapt to it. that is part of the process

thanks for all the answers. granted i shouldnt try to conceptualize the process or worry about it, than again im just curious about this experience of god awareness - do you become so detached that moving the body can even become hard? did any of you *experienced* that?

what? how is this related to my question?

@Leo Gura

Hi so.. yeah are super neurotic people just wont be able to induce enlightenment expirience because of the inability to concentrate for a long time? whats the alternative than? how do neurotic people go about spiritually developing themselves?

haha my brain is overall very functioning and well. is it a neurological problem to have meaningless thoughts about the past? @Leo Gura perfect, that gives me motivation, a very nice explanation. thanks!

some conversation i had earlier in the day, going over it and examining what i said, if maybe i could have been clearer, nicer... etc another common one is just explanations and insights. i suddenly start explaining things in my head. mostly in words.. getting some mental images too and bodily reactions but much less. i will try the white noise! great idea. thanks!

im aware of that. i have a small stack of nootropics and i keep a pretty healthy diet overall. you have specific recommendations? maybe i should explore this too. you have any specific recommendations? good healing techniques? (not necessarily by myself) im already practicing yoga. I combine a small physical excersice and mostly kriya yoga. compusive thoughts.. it never really ceases and i always get distracted after a few seconds of trying to concentrate on something. i agree. when i went on a retreat i got great results from being disconnected from everything for 10 days straight and doing meditation all day long. but it just doesnt seem to stay when im back home.. and im not so dopamin addicted.. barely watch tv.. also dont use social media much.. i will consider where i could cut off more of that shit... thanks thanks. maybe.. i might go for an even more professional kit which combines many sensors and biofeedback. ill look more into it.

i read the spiritual literature aswell buddy.. im well aware of all that your saying and it has no relation to what im referring to. im not getting annoyed or dissapointed of myself for not being concentrated enough. im just admitting 2 facts: 1. im a neurotic person 2. concentration practices ive tried for several years now havnt helped at all and im asking are there any other alternatives people heard of that could possibly aid in this process? if not - ill keep going with what im already doing hoping it will improve in time.

i see.. you suggest plain old meditation techniques or is there maybe something that could help boost this training? have you heard about mind mirror?

thanks for the detailed explanation buddy. yeah thats what i do, i just dont get any results as far as cocentration goes.. yep maybe i should consider some 5meo :-)

yeah well maybe they do help.. as i said i would appreciate the opinion of people on the forum that have actually tried one of them... also the mind mirror costs about 2100$ and thats no toy.

has somebody tried training with those eeg scanning machines which give you biofeedback about your brain abilities to concentrate and relax? did you find it useful? it helped you reach deeper states in meditation? how does it work? whats the logic behind it? im talking about the mind mirror, muse, EMOTIV. braintap, VERSUS headsets and more of that kind.. I would appreciate your views on them (if they're based on your experience)

i would like to study communism but having a hard time finding a good source for leraning about it from.. somebody has maybe an intresting film/documentary/in depth article about communism and about the soviet union? what im intrested in are these questions: *how was life actually under communism? *how did the education system operated? *pro's and con's of communism *examples of corruption in communism *how did the soviet union collapse and why? thanks!!!!

alright. can you elaborate? as far as my understanding goes elightenment could happen in a state of deep concentration (according to yogic philosophy) which leads to absorption. and people who are thinking copulsively just cant get to this point. I've been meditating for a couple of years now and, although my awareness of my thoughts grew for sure. im nowhere any closer to being deeply concentrated than i was when i started. which makes me wonder you know... is this for everybody? agree. yet again, i find experiences beyond my ego mind impossible to reach just with deeper understanding. im just thinking all the time. what do you suggest? just go on with the same technique for 20 years? thanks. ive tried hyperventilation before and it does help a bit. ill keep experimenting with that.

omg thats alot to swallow! thanks alot for the recommendations!!