WhatIsLifeneway

Hi guys so here I am 18 years in and 3 kids we still love each other but things fell apart for us in the last year or so just all the little things built up and before we knew it we were bitching and blaming each other and unhappy and although we keep coming back together I just dont feel right and it hurts both of us with these on off feelings and I just can't hurt her anymore I think we had a slight unhealthy relationship in that we were full on and did everything together and didn't have our own lives as such.. and now I feel like I spend such effort on it its exhausting and it I'm always thinking about it and evaluating it. I need to find myself and be happy as an individual then who knows but I'm scared because I see the hurt from trying to get over even short relationships so how do you move on from your soulmate when u k ow in your heart it's the thing to do?

Hi, quiet a broad one this and I've been out the dating game for many years but there must be a dating app which shows people in the area you are right now. Also theres a book call how to be a 3% man by Corey Wayne which has some great advise on how to pick up, date and understand woman amongst other things. You can read it for free if you register on the website Sounds like a great adventure ahead of you.

@Elisabeth I cant say the spark is gone, say it fell apart within a year but there were probably things way before that and there was an affair on her part but I think we both got so run down and depressed and didnt realise with issues with the kids and life and we didnt listen to each other and just talked at each other I put my head in the sand and then one day she said maybe we should have a break I called her bluff and said I'm looking at a place of my own and didnt know she had been confiding to a Male friend in work who she slept with. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I found out and she was genuinely remorseful and ended all contact I eventually moved out for a bit but ended up with terrible anxiety and eventually depression because our lives were so intertwined with the kids I didnt know who I was anymore and what to do eventually I moved back in and we have worked at it but I keep ruminating on things and seemed to have lost who I am. The anxiety has been terrible at times and when were ok I will probably ruminate and feel all the emotions again and it ruins it. This is the only life I've known and I guess I'm scared and confused but that's why concepts reply resonated with me bit of a long one and hard to put your life into a comment but hopefully this gives you a better insight

@Elisabeth that's is a great way of building things back up and gaining independence and confidence in a relationship and I will bear it in mind unfortunately I cant rekindle and hurt her again it's so unfair, hurtful and draining. Thanks for this though I've not seen this method before and I'm sure it could benefit people who read it

@Consept wow thanks for taking the time out to comment that's makes perfect sense and is really really good advise it sums up how I feel - like in my heart it's the right thing to do and I make my mind up but fear and uncertainty creep in at night or in the morning and I think wow what are you doing it's so hard to change the life as you know it and then we rekindle and it feels ok again for a bit. But just like that I dont feel right and cant hide it so it's like I've flicked a switch and turned it off then i put up a wall because I dont want to hurt us anymore and it hurts because it's so sudden were still living together with kids and sleep in the same bed but I'm emotionless just like that. I feel so heartless I'm hurting us both like this