Ross Labby

So first things first is that early on during the year I had decided that my medium and domain of mastery had been music. Ever since, I have been practicing my skills in songwriting, guitar, and singing. Also I have been visioning and fantasizing about doing live performance in front of large crowds of people. But for some reason, over the past 3 weeks or month I have been becoming bored and not excited anymore. And for a while I was thinking that this is most likely resistance as I am just on a plateau. However, it kept dragging on and was starting to think that maybe this whole vision of me becoming a musician and my passion for it isn't strong enough and is something that I am not the most passionate about. During this time, my old passion for filmmaking had emerged and I was excited by it more so than music. And here's the thing though, before this dilemma had occurred I had been in a high school course that had dealt with recording music while I had also been experimenting with one of the programs at home too. I had enjoyed it, but recently my interests have been shifting. After thinking about this every single day, I believe that I am very visual and like to see things. But on the other hand though, music is the medium that I consume the most. While thinking about this subject as well, lately I've been thinking that even though my desire for live performance is still somewhat authentic, in many ways it also seems ego driven due to the fact that I crave attention and validation from people. Even though it may seem to me that music is the thing that I enjoy most, the best and most passionate ideas that I have had, had to do with film. While part of me likes words since they can send a message directly , I also love story telling through visuals. One thing that I love about film though is that it combines both visuals and music. But then like I said, I am very attracted to writing and speaking my message rather than showing (but it's the same for vice versa as well). Going back to live performance, part of it that I want is to be seen (again it's hard to decipher whether it's ego or authentic......I'll probably just have to try it out at some point). Anyways, I recently had a sit with myself and decided that I wanted to do a project (a small bet of such) of either medium before my summer holidays end. And based on the fact that I am already going to do a music program in college by the start of September, I chose to do a film project beforehand. When I decided this, it put a stop to the mind chatter..............for a bit. For the first three days I had began writing a script and story for my film and was very fun. And here's the funny thing, for the first days and especially the fourth, my mind was telling me that I should go back to music instead, so like.....WTF!! Right there I was starting to realize that what if all of this "mental masturbation" is just a form of resistance for me to be indecisive and not take action. Although, part of me is thinking also what if my passion is still music and if this film project is just a distraction from the long term dream or what if I do really want to do this film project and am feeling resistance. Sorry if this seems incoherent.....but that's the way it feels in my mind So if anyone has any advice or tips on what I should do, that would be a great help. Thanks again for reading my post and for the support

@OctagonOctopus @JustThinkingAloud Yes definitely, I would love to do both. Incorporating many of these areas would be amazing as well as overseeing everything too. It can give the art more depth. However though, in terms of mastering a particular medium I would like to focus my attention mostly on one thing since it would become distracting trying to master two or more things at once. Thank you for your advice

@Wyatt Actually, a music manager is something that I have no interest in at all (as of now that is). I didn't quite clarify or elaborate on what I was talking about. When I was going on about me not liking the recording studio, what I meant was that I am not a big fan of the producer and computer aspect of it. The part I would want to be though is the performer. An internship could be helpful. Thank you for your input.

Ok, here we go! So I must decide which university or college that will attend by around May 1st. Although it may sound like a last minute idea to ask for help now, the two schools that I was waiting to hear from just responded back to me recently. I live in Canada, so the two schools that I got accepted to are Cambrian College and OCAD U. The Cambrian program is Independent Music Production, while OCAD is Drawing and Painting. The music program is one year, while the drawing and painting is four years. Now I am in the middle of a big dilemma because for the most part I have decided that my life purpose is within music (particularly singer/songwriter). So obviously it would seem that I should go with the music rather than the art program. But here's the thing... like I said, the music is ONLY 1 year, while the art is 4 years. Not to mention the fact that the music program that I applied to is not necessarily the best program (kinda average), while OCAD is literally ranked among the best art schools in Canada. I had to submit portfolios for both programs (to which I had got accepted to both) and felt flattered and validated since I had been accepted to OCAD (but that is only because it is regarded as one of the best). However, if I do take the music one, there is another music program for performance at Cambrian which is 3 years in length. Ideally I would take that after, but what if I do not get accepted. And I am well aware that university and college education is not the be all end all of life, but it is still an important decision that I must consider for the next few years of my life. So which one do you think I should attend to? and if you have any other advice just let me know. Also, to add onto my life purpose in music, I have been having some doubts and questions about my choice. First off, I have taken a music program at my high school that allows me to use the recording studio, which I have used and recorded stuff. To be quite honest, I find it a little boring after using it for a bit. But I am not sure if that boredom is just a sign of resistance, a result of the work environment itself, or a legit disinterest in the process. But I always have my big grand vision in mind that gets me excited and ambitious. However, part of me really wants all of the fame and glory of being a musician including forms of it like admiration, sex, love, and all of that material and social shit. Like for example, I have never been in a relationship, had sex, or had great amounts of social status. Part of me is just thinking that this lust for all of this material stuff is just a sign that I must fulfill these needs within Spiral Dynamics stage orange. Obviously I will need to put attention into this stuff separately from my life purpose, but part of me still wants fame and glory with my life purpose. So is this a bad sign for my life purpose? Should I find a new one? Or is this just a natural phase/process as I will eventually get sick of the fame? Because overall I really do enjoy songwriting, singing and playing an instrument. On the other hand, I still love the visual side of art. On a side note, after thinking and contemplating about my life purpose, part of me is more attracted to the live performance aspect of music than studio (even though studio is still great and essential). Thank you for reading and I hope to hear your advice!

@Adam M Yeah, you're right! Going to OCAD for the prestige would be the wrong decision. Deep down I think I really want to do music. It is true that after one year I will have new ideas about what I want to have and do in life. Thanks for that insight! Actually after reviewing some of the programs that I applied to, one that I like is a film program at Laurentian university which allows for electives in music and theatre to be chosen. So, I am not quite sure if I should go with this program which is more diverse and open or the one that is clear cut and narrow (the music program). But I will need to think about this more. Thanks again!

@Revolutionary Think hmmm, I never thought of that. That’s an option to think about for the future. Thanks!

Here’s some of the juice that I extracted:

This song brings out the melancholy in me and makes me think about my life. It truly is inspirational and special!

INFJ

Hi, I think that I have finally gotten over the initial resistance of accepting my calling to music. It actually feels really good. I feel a lot more grounded and confident now. I know that I have already made a post asking about what does the resistance to athletics mean on another topic, but that was rather just a minor question on my mind. About a week and a half ago I began feeling massive resistance towards athletics and also looked at that fear straight in the face. It shocked, scared, and confused me to what this meant. Some part of me was thinking "oh shit.. is that my life purpose?!" or "is it the need to be more physically active?" Because here's the thing, I am passionate about music, while on the other hand I am not so passionate about athletics. I am aware that the more you resist or fear, the more you should pursue and are more passionate about. However, like I said, I do not feel passion towards this pursuit but still feel resistance and fear. Although I enjoy playing sports and used to play them competitively when I was young, I have given that up for the most part. And while I did and still do (to some extent) like to play competitively, it now seems pretty shallow as a pursuit for a life purpose (doesn't align with my top values) . Also, recently I have redone my Zone of Genius and Impact Statement exercise. My Zone of Genius is a toss up between "Creating emotional and thought provoking art" and "Being spontaneous and playful", while my impact Statement is "Creating art that raises the consciousness of others by making them feel and think more deeply". So what do you think this all means? Is it just a resurface in cravings to participate in more physically demanding activities? Should it be a part of my life purpose? Or is it something else? And I am sorry if this seemed repetitive from my last topic. I really just want some more clarification and other perspectives on this issue. Thank you!

@Nahm Oh, I never have thought of it like that before. I mean I do go to the gym at least twice a week, but have not been as active as I was when I was younger. Maybe it is a sign that I should get more active again and this may indeed give me more energy in my creative pursuits. Thanks!

@Elisabeth Yeah, you're right, I actually forgot to state the question. Basically, I wanted to ask: What does this mean? Is it somehow intertwined with my life purpose?, Does it just mean I should get more physically active?, or Is it something that I should just do on the side if I am not that passionate or serious about?

@Cocolove Heh...I know, this can sometimes be mentally stressful and emotionally laborious work. I've decided for myself that I am just going to go into it anyways even if I am feeling stuck. I mean it's probably best to at least try than skip another day. Even if I do not get any results in a day or short period of time, at least I can say to myself that I have stayed dedicated to the course. One of my biggest flaws is that sometimes I have little patience and want results to appear in an instant. So you know what, if I do not get results in an instant or if they're results that I am not satisfied with, well who gives a flying flock...I will just need to redo it or conduct further inquiry into a particular topic. The positive is that the next day always has the potential to bring along promise . Anyways, I wish the best to you and hope that the rest of the course will go well. *I am not advocating for you to do the same thing as I am. This is just my own perspective on the issue.

@-Rowan Oh yeah, I know...Concept albums are awesome! There are so many great ones. That idea has actually crossed my mind before. I mean like, it's true... if I love writing stories (plots of such and revolving around deep themes) then that would be an option worthy to consider. I also like your observation about concept albums telling a story that feels as though "you're being transported into a movie"...the experience can sometimes feel grand and epic. Yeah, my brother and I are that way. We will listen to vinyl records and also listen to the whole album and not just particular songs from it. This results in a more deeply invested experience. I would also like to say thank you for all of the business and financial tips/information that you gave me. That is one area I still need to learn more about and research, so I can market my products or business successfully.

@ajasatya True, true, true. Although teaching is a profession that I am not a fan of to pursue, you never know where the long and winding road will take you.

@Michael569 I couldn't agree more with you. Nothing better than long periods of silence to allow truth to sneak its way under the rug. Unfortunately, since I am still in school, only 19 years old, and live with my parents I don't think I would be allowed to go spend 5 days alone in nature. However, when I move out and am out of school, that would be something that I would definitely look forward to doing. In addition, I do spend a good chunk of time alone each day for myself meditating, reading, contemplating, and would probably be wise to journal more often in silence, so thank you for that. Yeah, that's actually why I had stopped the course for two weeks, because I was pushing so hard for answers which was just making things more stressful. But now, I think I am ready to go back to finish the course and give it my best effort even if the results aren't perfect.

@Leo Gura That's actually true. I should start to think more creatively on my approach to music, whether its recording or live performance and find my own unique "purple cow". A "moose costume".... Funny enough, that's actually always been an serious interest of mine during my youth...dressing up in costumes...so to some extent that could be appropriate . One more thing I wanted to say is that (as I previously mentioned in my first post) lately I have been experiencing resistance towards athletics. The odd thing about it though is that I do not really have any interest within this field as of now. I mean from time to time I will play for fun, and do enjoy it, but do not feel as though this should be a serious pursuit of mine. However, when I was young I loved watching and playing sports, and even considered some as possible dream pursuits. Also, when I was young I feel that some of my interest in sports was genuine, but that some of it was also imprinted on me because of my upbringing (mostly my dad). In addition, one of the biggest reasons or if not the reason for quitting sports was because of my dad's constant criticism and anger towards my performance, abilities, and skills; therefore, that had made me very fearful and I quit. Oh and by the way, I am currently 19 years old, so when I was referring to my youth about sports, I was relatively speaking from about 5 - 13 years old. So what do you think this means? Is it somehow intertwined with my life purpose? Does it just mean I should get more physically active? Or is it something that I should just do on the side if I am not that passionate or serious about it? Because as I have stated previously, music is the thing I am most passionate about. Anyways, I was wondering if I could possibly get some clarification and advice on this issue. Thank You!

@Leo Gura Hi Leo. Thank you for responding. I just watched that video on small bets, and I feel a lot better knowing that I can always just test the waters to see if a passion is right for me, rather than clutching onto it immediately or dismissing it completely. Yeah, I have thought about combining many areas together. One of them is film director, which allows you to oversee the visual aesthetic, story, actors, music (score or soundtrack), the editing process, and etc. Same with a singer/songwriter and musician, which allows you to sing, write lyrics, and play an instrument of such. Yes, as much as it is scary, you are right, I think music is it. But like I said before, I will probably need to actually get to the nitty gritty and start experimenting with this medium to see if this passion of mine isn't just a false alarm. In addition, another aspect of music that I am very resistant towards is live performance, which I have never done and am scared shitless of. This again is probably another indication that I am on the right track. And while scared, I must obviously take baby steps to acquire the proper growth in my journey. Now I know it is time to get back on the saddle and ride the course again. Anyways, thank you Leo! and I would just like to say that over the past two years, your wisdom has made a significant difference in my life, making me feel more better than ever, inspiring me to strive in continuing to actualize myself. So, Thank You!

@Elisabeth Yes, it is. I haven't actually played a lot, and am just starting. It was around the end of 2017 Christmas that I got my first guitar and started to learn chords ever since. However, I have begun starting to take it a little more serious now. The other mediums of art that I have been involved with for a while now includes painting/drawing and making films (I have created a significant amount). I listened to a good chunk of it. I really enjoyed the music and ensemble vocals. It actually gave me chills.

@Elisabeth Yeah I know, my zone of genius is kinda clunky. I'm not even sure if that's the right one. I am still trying to figure it out. The thing that is confusing and frustrating about finding my zone of genius is that Leo said in "The Big Leap Process" video that you must look to the future to see your ability fully realized. Also in his "Zone of Genius" video, he said that your zone of genius must scare the shit out of you meaning that it is a common clue to the right direction. On the other hand, in the zone of incompetence, he said the things that you not good at should be dropped, while the things you are great at should be actualized and pursued. I know that all of this connects with the big picture, but I am totally lost. Everything seems to contradict the other. Anyways, I think I will do that for a bit. Instead of just waiting for my ideal medium to appear before me, I will just try out different things, like I have already been doing and will probably alleviate some stress at least. Thanks again. I appreciate your help!

@Elisabeth Yeah, I have had the urge lately to write and sing a song. Also, I have been learning a song on the guitar as well. A part of me was telling me to wait until I have formed a band to create music, but I know that is just procrastination. I guess I will just go solo for a bit to get in the groove of things. And yes, I have actually thought of making a musical movie which still could be done. Thanks