RobertZ

That’s interesting. For example, I felt a flash of embarrassment by something that happened. Then I ruminated over it in a disastrous manner for a long time. Or, I continuously had a deprecating self-narrative. I am not sure about the brain patterning—blood flow, neurological/electrical. Some people are probably doing brain scans and that kind of thing. My take is that a lot of people are probably not aware that thoughts can even be related to physiological states. So the meme of that link probably deserves to continue to be propagated .

I think this is a difficult question. Perhaps asking, “What am I interested in?” can narrow the scope of the problem. Brilliant people talking in Geek can frustrate listeners. Nevertheless, a person is busy with thoughts—whether grinding ruminations against feminists or testing analytical frameworks to identify some intellectual property. To find the name of a current-day intellectual heavy-weight who also cares to explain their understanding: Look at • the name • of an editor • of a big fat summary • of any field (e.g., a religion, philosophy, the critical history of psychology) • inside the reference section • of a university library. Well, if you do that, you might as well read the first few pages. Even look at a couple of books in case you hit a bummer. “The medium is the message” (Marshal McLuhan). There is interplay between genius and the hive mind. Great intellects generate their boxes, but they at least digest thought-systems, if they do not also seek to refine existing analytical instruments. For all their limits, successful thought systems incorporate at least some genius elements. One of the reasons why people often refer to deceased intellects is because they stood the test of time. Similarly, major thought systems have stood the test of time. These systems proved adequately superior even if they seem retrograde. Formal methods add perspective. Some great intellects teach without books. ‘Of writing books, there is no end and work is a weariness of the flesh,’ as the old community gather-er once wrote.

Some medical hypothesis start with relatively more anecdotal evidence. I would not be surprised if 5MEO healed common depressive thought grooves or somatic pain from jarring fears.

This is a proposition—and I know it is inconsistent with some traditional Eastern and Western Doctrines. Namely, that alterity (otherness) is fundamentally core to essential simplicity. It is real, good, and hypo-static to be other. Maybe a relationship can have an existence that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Kudos to you for studying hard stuff like statistics! I have seen a broad range of personalities--introverts, extroverts, open-minded, devoted, straightforward, agreeable, and empathetic people demonstrate strong focus. Personally, my focus gets side-lined by fixation on details. I struggle to see the forest for the trees. For example, I recently discovered that my elementary teacher called my parents in (back in the day), and told them there was a problem: I was working too hard. I needed to...relax. For me, using an alarm to stop every 25 minutes has been useful for strategic thought, keeping me on track, and producing better output, than brute-focus. I will sit and focus on work for 12 hours straight. I was surprised that these frequent breaks increased my production. My own needs (like going to the bathroom) also surprised me. I found that intellectually-engaging distractions helped me to cope, as materials got harder. I got anxious and distracted about school--even too distracted to pay attention to distractions like youtube videos. So, I started occupying my mind with books about obscure stuff. A book that grips me is not typical--but a precious gem, nonetheless. University libraries rock. So, I found some books that I wanted to read. That also lit a fire under my butt to get through work materials. It is a counter-intuitive move. After reading a dry textbook, the last thing I wanted to do was read a book. As I said, it made all the difference to find a book that seemed interesting to me at the time--not something I "should" read. I am probably desperate for a distraction right now. I am worried about my narrow fixation at work, and that I am not competent enough; I can't seem to sleep. Maybe it is time to read up on painkillers and depressants through the ages.

An opinion— Ego can provide some survival benefits—and possibly even utility to a whole community. From what I can tell, ego can tend to lack sensitivity. A person might perceive others differently than those people experience themselves. I see this as a dialectical tension between hypnotic openness to other people’s ‘realities,’ and critical evaluation. The ego is good at judgement (and even generosity*) but can be rigid when it comes to openness and empathy. There seem to be different kinds of thoughts. For example, a slow thought might contemplate a rash person experience ‘love and loss’—and just observe that. Some thoughts are coherent and focused. Others are rambling (like this). Others trippingly describing everything all at once. I like the thought that my thoughts are an instance of the universe’s self-reflection.

I agree with the earlier comment, that college should not be too dull, though. Maybe the professors are giving students a chance to explore love, drugs, and music; or to approach the professor about exciting/more engaging projects? Still, I think you are probably onto something with your sensitivity to boredom at school. I noticed that some students skipped class and achieved better grades than me (I paid attention to the most boring stuff that I was not interested in). A 2017 study [1] highlights this issue with boredom. The research made 1.1 million inquiries among 3,800 people between 2011-2013. The study found 25-year-olds were 4x more likely to be bored than 45-year-olds. Correlations also included: - People were bored studying, “doing nothing,” and working; - People were bored at school, airports, medical facilities, and work. Of course, this research also talked about situations where the people were least likely to be bored. [1] Chin, A., Markey, A., Bhargava, S., Kassam, K. S., & Loewenstein, G. (2017). Bored in the USA: Experience sampling and boredom in everyday life. Emotion, 17(2), 359-368.

@Starstruck, you said, "The real purpose, if we don't kid ourselves, is just to make a living and stay alive." John Locke said that (in the olden days), in places with lots of productive lands, the only real rule was that a person should not create too much rot. People regarded greed as wasteful. However, where people populated more densely and traded land for money, people could utilize vast tracts. Property lines became as sacred as the sacrifice of parents for their children. Fences became as holy as Mercy. A career path is a bit of shared responsibility. In my first path, I was successful, but I did not get what I wanted. I did not take responsibility for my desires and others did not presume to care, I guess. In my second career, I enjoyed the path immensely, and I have not looked back (although I have cast a few long glances at other professions). People often claim to know what they want, or they claim to know it when they see it. Aspirations and desires seem to impel people. So, I might as well help others get what they want. For example, an organization might go out and ask a bunch of people, 'What do you want, in terms of computer programs?' A government will turn around with a fist full of money and say, 'Please, develop careers in medical programming. All these people hoisting pitchforks are demanding lower tax, but all those suffering people are imploring "for the love of God!" that a doctor or nurse would help them. So, maybe you will enjoy programming because it is fun or exciting; but other people might like your work because it lowers medical costs and supports functional care. I would probably advocate for some formality in your path if you can enjoy that though. 'As metal sharpens metal, so one person sharpens another;' and 'Two are better than one, and a three-ply cord is not quickly broken.'

Arts / Theatre jobs are competitive. Congrats!

A poll based on "Life Unfolds in Chapters & Phases"

Thanks @Leo Gura

What might give a person the right to do an activity that an unmistakable vow of gratitude (i.e., a promise to God) restricts? For example, I do not admit and I expressly deny that I consciously vowed to God that I would never consume 5-MEO-DMT. I am looking for ideas about what could support a person in such a circumstance. Some ideas I had were: (a) ambiguity of the vow, (b) ignorance, (c) intent, and (d) necessity. To what extent would you revoke such a promise, if you found out that someone else did that?

As for the nature of this silly knot, I was journaling last night and this old memory popped up, where I thought that I had prayed once, many years ago. That being said, I did not experience anything mystical on that occasion, besides an ecstatic feeling of whole-hearted generosity. For the reason I think it is a vow—actually, probably it is not, now that you mention that. It might be a psychological foible or something. I think that vows might need a context of validation—like someone to receive the vow. The silly promise in question was silent and internal. However, the first external request for this promise’s invalidation (to a previous spiritual guide) was put off with some qualification of ‘culturally appropriate’ exceptions to the promise. That being said, I am not in good standing with that Religion anymore, so I am not sure if their validation matters to my experience right now.

I say ‘no way,’ even with information available online. The proper context has gone too scarce. Carlos Castaneda gives some pretty interesting narratives about Datura in Carlos Castaneda’s book Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge, though—if you are just interested. That is a fantastic book, by the way. Pdf and text is widely available for free online. It has some great stories about Datura I’m not sure it you have already read those stories...with the old sorcerer cutting Carlos’ hand and using the blood to cook a hardened doll; and teaching Carlos to bury the blood-doll with the Datura cutting in a secret location, and all that. Anyway, when Carlos consumed some of the less lethally poisonous parts of the plant, he ‘flew around’ and woke up three days later naked in some bushes by the side of a path. Castaneda suggests there was an old association between Datura and strength for murder, but Datura does not like everyone, and people end up sick for a long long time or even die—so I’ve heard. Besides narratives, if you want hard-core ancient history of Datura, I suggest you follow a professor called Melissa Frost, of Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese topics. In her dissertation, Herbs that Madden, she mentions her further interest in publishing about the ancient tradition of DATURA BATHS in Mexico region: a little known fact, but apparently it was a big thing. She has not published on it yet, though . I say read about Datura for fun—and seriously, if you have not read Don Juan, the only thing I can compare it to is a good mushroom trip. I don't know anything about Datura from personal experience (and I am not trying to demonized it—I’m sure it has benefits) but I say, ‘No way—do not ingest Datura.’

Thanks for these. I was going through them, one by one, and getting fantastic insights. "For my hero's quest, what is my secret power?" I just remembered that somebody told me something...

I have been listening to audio-ized information during my free time for the last 14 years now. My brain quickly screens out the computerized voice, and I hear the tone of the author. I listen to the information when I walk or drive. I usually cannot pay attention while I clean or use other electronics. How I Audio-ize 1. Download a "text to mp3" application I bought Text2Speech PRO for like $4.99 on the Apple store. Please don't waste your time trying to find free systems--I've spent way too much time on that (various platforms). 2. Accumulate information I get a lot of my knowledge through a university library database subscription to ProQuest International. I browse Ph.D. dissertations on all topics and download anything remotely interesting: psychology, psychoactive drugs, business, spirituality, philosophy, anthropology, history. Academic Search Complete (EBSCO) is pretty good, but it contains a broad mix of shorter documents--which is discrete (can be boring or off-putting). Ph.D. dissertations succinctly synthesize what academics know about a general topic and then explore particular questions. I also consume many legal decisions. Legal decisions tell fascinating stories and apply superior logic. Many websites publish legal decisions for free. Sometimes I also use Google to get information ("X/Y/Z +text" or "X/Y/Z +pdf"). Google sometimes gives free Pdf's, but many sites want my credit card number. I prefer anything recent--but I have also consumed much ancient knowledge. Older scans of documents usually do not copy and paste well. 3. Scale down the information. This purging usually takes me 30-180 minutes per info binge. I copy and paste the pdf text into a text document (I use TextEdit on Mac because it distinguishes fonts); I go through the entire document and individually delete all the footnotes, blocks of citations, endnotes, repetitions about copyrights (I read for fun). "Find and Replace" each numeral and replace them with nothing: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0. It might be worthwhile to delete any underscore _ because sometimes there are thousands and the application reads them: "underscore, underscore, underscore, underscore..." For scientific Ph.D. Dissertations I almost always delete any Methods sections, often delete Results sections (I delete technical measurements but keep interviews), and keep Introductions (summaries of previous knowledge), Discussions, and Conclusions; I delete everything inside of parentheses (especially for legal and scientific documents): --> Copy and Paste document text into Microsoft Word --> Edit --> Find --> Advanced Find and Replace --> Click for further options and select "Wildcards" --> 'Find': \(*\) --> 'Replace All' with nothing. 4. Audio-ize and transfer I Copy and paste the text into Text-to-Speech application, and convert I AirDrop/Bluetooth the MP3 onto my cell phone I use a cell app called 'Documents' by Readdle to play the MP3s--but whatever works. I walk around the block, go to a park, go for a drink or even lay on my couch. 'Hey, what have you been up to recently?' 'Oh, not much. I have just been doing some reading.' 'Oh--what have you been reading?' "Well, I just finished a 300-page dissertation about humour at work...'

@Yellow_Girl Hi Yellow_Girl. It is a fantastic point about belief mongering. You say you cannot change the world—but I am sure you have already provided a tremendous amount of support to the people around you. You are already deeply connected with the people you have supported. Expressions of yellow are values. Values are hierarchies. In other words, if push comes to shove—you would choose one thing over another thing. It is not that you have beliefs—but you still have a way of thinking and acting. When people’s values do not align, intractable fights can occur. Proclaiming your understanding from the rooftops is probably not necessary—your perspectives should manifest themselves at critical junctures, naturally. The choices you would make might be different than those of the people around you—but you make those choices for other reasons. The people around you will primarily see the fact you would make a different choice than them. Perhaps no one would seem to care if you say, ‘everyone here is making excellent points;’ or ‘you do not have to hate on that other group quite that much, do you?’ However, I think the people around you probably do care. I think they will remember your supportive approach, even if they think your good intentions are irredeemable. Also, people in your life might start speaking your language sooner rather than later—maybe even “out of the blue.” If I understand you correctly, you are saying that both beliefs and conditional hospitality are hindering authentic interpersonal communication? You know other people, but they do not understand you. However—they do understand you--quite a bit, I am sure. You also understand yourself. And there is probably someone who ever lived who understood all this stuff. For truth-mongers, I find that shared beliefs and doctrines can be quite flexible—the difficulty is when they apply inflexibly and without adequate perception (especially when it comes to biological needs for connection). On the other hand, tolerance and openness can be disconnected, self-destructive and even cannibalistic. Nevertheless, I am not sure that dialogue between beliefs and radical acceptance has always failed in the past. Take Hildegard von Bingen, for example. She was a Christian musician who lived together with some other women. She got indicted (~excommunicated) from the Catholic Church because of her defiance toward authority. About 500 years later, the church canonized her as a ‘doctor-saint.’ The fact that Hildegard was deeply into visionary plant-medicines (i.e., hallucinogenic drugs) was not problematic (talk to me about psychedelic drugs and the Catholic Church any day). My theory is that dialogue between beliefs and consensus can emerge into a higher dynamic. I am sure this can be a demanding connection. However, it is a creative connection. We can all gain something from other people’s beliefs and feelings, probably. I am not suggesting that anyone become a Mormon again (unless they want to be—but I doubt if Mormons even have a conceptual role for defiant individuals). I mean, if the people expressing various value dynamics in your life could understand each other a bit more, you would probably feel a bit more connected also. As a final example, I refer to Alexander Shulgin. He was a disciplined chemist who rediscovered and popularized MDMA. He was not born knowing how to make those squiggles on a chalkboard. However, he also experimented on himself! Rigid categories and happy-go-lucky rainbows mixed to make cuddle-puddles across the face of the globe. On MDMA, all truth-mongering goes out the window. People get clarity about what is transcendent in life—including their beauty and goodness. To each their own: ‘In with discipline; in with rules; in with openness;’ and ‘in with experimentation.’ I am sending you positive birthday energy. I hope that you find your connection soon!

If self-forgiveness is necessary, give it! On the other hand, maybe you did not mean the content of what you said. For example, I recorded myself ranting on DMT, and I made notes of what I meant. From my altered perspective, I considered the substantive content of my speech relatively unimportant. For example I said, “I will torture my enemies for all eternity,” but I was actually having a vision of being tortured; perhaps I was trying to comprehend the overwhelming power of ignorance. The speech was a poetic echo of incommunicable truth. The act of talking connected me in reality, but I did not want to distract myself from flow of understanding by forcing myself to 'accurately' say what I thought. I did not mean what came out of my mouth--but the recording impacted me. This was most evident in my repeated chorus, “God is real, but it is not what you think [i.e., this does not mean what you think it means].” Shame has external aspects, also. It will work out, as Zigzag Idiot said. Other people think about you with attitudes and hold you in regard. Their attitudes impact your reputation and social position. Conventional wisdom says that lost esteem is irreparable. However, I suggest that loving respect can conquer negative thoughts. For example, Elisabeth said, “Pretty much everything is within the norm when it comes to sexuality.” Family members might be interested in accepting and welcoming you anyway. So you said something…what of it? They might get over it like, ‘whatever.’ Or maybe they will logically distinguish you from your actions. I hope this helps.

I attached a visual analysis of the poll. Each 'i' signifies a person. The data displays a bell curve: most people search and begin a life chapter; fewer people reach the middle and end phases. The results are biased but still interesting. I hypothesized a correlation between formal roles (like education and profession) and attaining later phases. 'Take a formal path to achieve categorical success.' The spread of people in arts and spirituality phases suggests that these are healthy and fully-lived chapters. The people who reached 'Middle' and 'End' can provide valuable knowledge for the people in Limbo. For example, 'Did you ever feel like you really succeeded at art / spirituality?' or, 'What are your reflections on the future of your professional career?'

I agree with a lot of posts here It sounds like you are saying there are many benefits to you resuming the medication, while your trauma continues to heal. Some people might use an anti-depressant for a few months with great results; and then they go off. Maybe you will find it it helpful for longer. It sounds like you faced social exclusion, around the time of the vehicle collision. Anyway, I wouldn't necessarily worry about processing that right now. Your family is showing you some support right now? Of course, if there is something that you can do to support your consciousness development in the long run, maybe you can get ready to do that. You mentioned several pressing things you need—like physiological recovery, social connection, calm, and business income. I would not be against medication on ideological grounds. For example, there is evidence that SSRI’s do not merely enhance HT1A action, but may affect mood by increasing neroplasticity and connectivity.

Sorry for this long post loaded with assumptions—I dont have time to write a succint post. I don't know if any of my thoughts are helpful but Look—the stars may align at the perfect time for you and your family Maybe you are still trying to figure some stuff out for yourself or for your kids—and you are not sure what is in your/their best interest. Is it “best” for your kids if you are ‘straight laced’? “Where is mommy/dady”? “I dont know where I am—I’m gazing into the realms that humans decided to stop looking into 100,000 years ago...” In this case, I would suggest that you cannot solve your current problems by working harder and reverting to old solutions. Try something new. Dont be afraid—you will break through to a point where ‘all is right with you and with the gods above.’ You are an amazing parent and an amazing person—confident and competent. Psychedelics may be unecessary for you to make that next development in life, where your needs are being met. So then, maybe you take psychedelics in some future decade, and feel great then. Then again, maybe psychedelics would help you find that solution now. On the other hand, maybe 40 minute blast-offs with 5meo is not your particular kettle of fish, because the thoughts 5meo gives you make you feel nervous. Maybe some other substance would work better for you? Next, would it be beneficial if you were healed from some dysfunction? Psychedelics {might} be able to help. Maybe it is just allergies or chronic pain that psychedelics could reset your relationship with your body. Maybe you suffered some objective social exclusion—that would have been a death blow in an ancient epoch; so you need to understand how to love yourself, and pschedelics might help your coherent thoughts and feelings re: self-love. Maybe you need enhanced neurological connectivity to feel good, where another person might not need that physiological support. Or, maybe you need perspective and a creative solutions to a hard problem at work. Maybe psychedelics would help you to have a more abundant or joyful life? Do you want to tell your kids that they stopped you from being happy? Make a sacrifice and show them how to be happy—by example. Kilindi Iyi takes dozens of grams of magic mushrooms at a time, around his dozen+ kids. It’s totally normal for his kids—even for the ones who decide not to partake. [1] Kilindi’s kids know that ‘Dad is on the basement floor, in the middle of the Sun.’ Other parents microdose in moderation. They get away with a bit of pleasure {and make some mistakes?} but the beneficial effects accumulate over time. Maybe your [partner] (if any) is scared of psychedelics, and would not currently “let” you take a weekend off? How about a non-psychedelic retreat? Maybe the [partner] can have a day with a sibling or friend, and get a retreat later? That break—and I mean, no osychedelics involved—might open stuff up for future dialigue. [1] https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/psychedelic-parenting-podcast/id1046883393?mt=2&i=1000414000083

I would not be worried about accomplishments, in case I might start bragging. Rather, lack of honest humility is fear of conflict (and fear of facing my inadequacy) preventing me from pro-social behaviours and engaging in meaningful accomplishments.

“Yes evolution” is my vote. Thanks for the provocative question! It might be helpful to know the context for the question—what you (or someone else) currently thinks about evolution? One issue is that the word, ‘evolution’ might be conceptually vague. So, I wonder how talking about evolution might help you? Spinoza explores the theme of simplicity in his essay on human understanding. He gives an example, ‘a man suddenly becomes a beast’: “[63] .... (2) Further, as a fictitious idea cannot be clear and distinct, but is necessarily confused, and as all confusion arises from the fact that the mind has only partial knowledge of a thing either simple or complex, and does not distinguish between the known and the unknown, and, again, that it directs its attention promiscuously to all parts of an object at once without making distinctions, it follows, first, that if the idea be of something very simple, it must necessarily be clear and distinct. (3) For a very simple object cannot be known in part, it must either be known altogether or not at all. [64] .... (2) Thirdly, it follows that fiction cannot be simple, but is made up of the blending of several confused ideas of diverse objects or actions existent in nature, or rather is composed of attention directed to all such ideas at once, [64b] and unaccompanied by any mental assent.”{1} My understanding of evolution is that a beast gradually became a human. Even the word, “gradually” may be a blending of confused ideas (never mind the words, “human,” “beast,” or “became”). Here, we are talking about several billion years, or ~a trillion days. After what manner of experience can a person comprehend that their ancestors have lived much longer than most stars in the universe burn? If a person asks me about evolution, I want to figure out why? Are they looking for informational references? Are they looking to evaluate epistemological assumptions? Are they looking for moral admonitions and dogmas like, ‘everything is a fiction’? {1} <https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1016/1016-h/1016-h.htm#para43>

Interesting idea. I am not familiar with research on sublimation, and I have no idea whether it would work for you A random idea: if you just start downing the mints (I would probably just eat the whole package because I am concentrating on the work), you could try eating them on a timer—like one every 30 minutes (+ a second mint 5 minutes later?). That way, you dont have to think about it, and any reinforcing positivity would be passive.

I am not sure if these are different POVs than you are saying. Here are two: Apophatic traditions claim that whatever we can say about God, God is more dissimilar than similar to that. For example: ‘If God is like a caring father, then God is more unlike a caring father than like a caring father;’ ‘God is more unlike a Creator than like a Creator;’ ‘God is infinite.' Cataphatic perspectives make affirmations like: ‘The heavens proclaim the glory of God;’ ‘God is the ever-more generous giver of existence;’ ‘God is the trusting recipient and appreciative giver of life;’ ‘God is the passive receiver of being;’ ‘I love, respect, and honour other people because they are different than me. I am conscious of Truth.’ Maybe Teotl pointed to itself saying, 'God is both immanent and transcendent.'