Espaim

Have you read this thread? It may be useful.

Holy shit!! Hahahaha. OMG I'll post a report later.

I would drop any friendship based on drugs. Shitty friendships will drag you down and be a setback on your development. I had many shitty friendships, trust me. Just drop them. If it's possible, find understanding people you can have a good conversation and just chill. Maybe some weed or non-addictive drug here and there but make sure it's not the only thing that bonds you to the person. Maybe ou'll eventually find some psychedelic crazy fans or self-improvement junkies out there, those are the weird people you may be friends if you like that type of shit I have. It's possible to find cool friends. Usually, when you find someone you resonate with, they also have several other friends you can also resonate with. Then, make friends with them and your social circle will grow exponentially. Also, if you pursue your interests with passion you will probably find like-minded people. That's a rough, man. I quit caffeine, ritalin and modafinil. In the long-run, having natural energy provided by healthy diet, sleep and exercise will be way better for you body and general well-being. I'm also working on those. Also, what do you WANT? Where do the people you would like to become friends with go? What they do? What are their interests? Would they like to hang out with you? Be honest here. Wish you luck!!

More focused on dating: Models - Mark Manson It's a good book overall for turning into someone more authentic(and that will by itself improve your social skills. don't believe me, try for yourself )

@korbes Models - Mark Manson

After this trip a lot of shit has been purged from me. A lot of repressed anger and sadness has got out. Planning now on doing Shadow Work daily following the Integral Life Practice 3-2-1 instructions.

So, it's been some time again. As I said, my plan wasn't to update frequently anyway. My goals now have changed a lot. Last week I had my 5th trip on psychedelics, specifically DMT and that increased my counsciousness by a lot for some time. Updates in Italic:

This may help you.

Does this advice apply if I'm from a third world country? I feel like I'm doing exactly what @Ya know is describing. No real enthusiasm for what I'm doing. University is just becoming a setback in my pursuits. But I feel like my degree may open doors for another things I might like. Lol, writing this sorted some things out in my head.

Me: orange(20%)-GREEN(70%)-yellow(10%). Forum: I agree with @UnconsciousHuman I feel like I resonate with most people here. By having a 2/5 understanding of Spiral Dynamics, I can see that there are still many people here with cooler ideas. The turquoise posts are hard for me to grasp because I lack the direct experience. The yellow shit I find cool but I still need more knowledge.

I took it from December to January. After January, I only took it like 3 times. There are some pills here at my home but I don't dare to touch them anymore. Generally, taking a nap doesn't reduce my sleepiness or fatigue any more than powering through it. Anyway, it's an easier way rather than suffering through the fatigue. Anyway, I'm at home during quarantine. I need something I could apply when I'm out on University or other places. It doesn't work very effectively. I'm still tired if I take a 20min nap. And it's not always viable to take long naps when out. Going to try that. Thanks!!

Hmm. By filling this I discovered that I'm soo green I look like an spinach.

Okay. Got it.

How I'm supposed to assess my SD levels? What? How? Could you elaborate?

Do you drink coffee or take any psychoactive substance/supplement daily? It may affect your visualization ability. After stopping drinking coffee I found that it caused some curious effects on me. I feel much better since. Visualization included. Have you tried modafinil? For me, it helps a lot with visualization(maybe even too much). I know it's not something to take everyday but your visualization difficulty is really bad on some days and good in others this could be helpful.

You're tired? Rest. Is it really going to be a regress if you stop doing those things? In the long run? You'll probably learn something. How shitty it feels to eat shitty food. How tired you can feel when not exercising. Losing some of that knowledge by not reading. Feeling stupid af. Or maybe you'll only lose your progress. You said you had some spiritual awakening. Nice. Applying your realizations: what are you really losing if you stop? Maybe this is spiritual bypass bullshit. You decide.

Wait till my man bun is ready!!

Orange: I think I used to be orange from 14-15 to 18 years old. I was totally obssessed with self-improvement and tried everything I could to "fix" myself. I was also a total libertarian and even anarcho-capitalist, despite not even having worked one time in my life(lol). Full MGTOW and hated women for ???. Also obsessed with logic and being right. I HATED any leftist and thought they should be eliminated (yes, I know now, wtf). During this time I had more discipline than now, actually. I used to drink coffee a lot just to be more productive on shit I didn't really want to do. At 18, I had a philosophy class on utilitarianism, and saw how my libertarian philosophy would be causing a lot of suffering and even not achieving the expected effect. It was totally out of reality. I think this was the turning point. The greatest catalyst was actualized.org. I started watching Leo's videos when I was 17 years old. All my beliefs on logic and shit went out of the window. Green: Now that's when the cool shit happened. I stopped hating the leftist people. I used to hate a guy that used antifa logos on his shirt and now I'm his friend. My political views shifted from full right to center/left. I dropped my blind belief in logic as a means to reach the truth. Dropped almost all MGTOW beliefs. I started meditating 10 minutes a day.(now I'm doing 1h) My empathy greatly increased. I became was less judgmental of people and way more open minded. Actually, this judgmental attitude has now decreased so much I can tolerate waaay more than I did before. It's hard to remember when I did get triggered by someone or some idea. I don't hate anyone. Last year I tried some weed and oh boy. Then did some mushrooms and you know the story. That's when it went exponential. Now I'm more people focused. I don't care that much about productivity or results, but still think those things are important. Also, full hardcore vegetarian for 6 months. Stopped because maybe it was causing some damage to my health because my concentration went to hell. Now that got better and I'm vegetarian again. I value much more "natural" products. Stopped using shampoo. I still plan on changing a lot more things like plastic use reduction and using even more natural or homemade products. Planning also on stop going to the gym and doing bodyweight exercises. I started going to the gym for not accepting my body but now I like it. I love it. My plan was to get the rippest as fuck I could but now that goal seems pretty shallow. Nature is way more pleasurable. Started going to the beach, hiking and camping.(see profile pic) Right now I think I already have some yellow going on but I have some issues of my own to work on. Nothing really serious though. Just that's not something I'm really invested right now.

Do you mean like at 1pm? @TrynaBeTurquoise Shit, I forgot the private testing option. I'm not from the US, so if I go to a doctor I can get free bloodwork but they don't really do the tests I want. I was counting on that. The least likely for them to test are tsh, t3 and free t4 so I'm probably going to check those privately. Going to test that. Thanks.

Cool experience!! I've had some insights like that on my first 3g trip too. Too bad it was so intense for my egoic mind I forgot a huge part of it. Keep it going!!

Now I'm pretty inspired. Thank you.

Stop doing: Drinking coffee; Gaming. Start doing: Working out; Reading; Healthy dieting; Meditation practice; Drinking 2L of water daily.

In the matter of sex drive, I feel like an outlier. I'm currently 19 years old at college and my sex drive is very low. When I was 15-17 it was very pronounced but now it's almost non-existant. My friends are about my age and they think a lot about getting drunk and gaming girls while I can't see the point in doing that. Not really criticizing their choice, I would do the same if I had the will to do it, I'm just curious about what might be causing it. I have a hypothesis: For 8 months I used Lexapro and it helped me with social and general anxiety but made my sex drive very low. Now maybe I'm suffering of PSSD (Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction). Has anyone here had a similar experience with antidepressants and fixed it? I want to fix this shit. On searching for the cause it may be the desinsetization of 5-HT1a receptor but for me that doesn't change anything. I've been off Lexapro for 9 months. My current(relevant) habits: Sleeping on average 7.5 hours[varying between 6 and 12(very rarely 12, realistically 10)]. I don't wake up at the same time every day. Generally it's 6:00am but some days its 9:30 am. Hitting the gym 3x a week I am a vegan and I eat mostly (not in any particular order):bread, beans, soy protein, chickpeas, rice, tomatoes, gherkin, lettuce, apples, bananas and peanuts. I also eat a considerable amount of junk food per day, that being +- 1/6 of my food intake, like chips and sweets. I drink sugary beverages once a week on average. I meditate on average 15 minutes a day. I take a multivitamin, 1mg sublingual methylcobalamin and 250mg Bacopa 30%. One or 2 days a week I drink some tea.

@UnconsciousHuman Sorry, I got a bit confused by your question . I'll try to answer what I understood. When I read, I just start reading and let my eyes and brain do the job. Whenever I notice that I was daydreaming, I generally go back to where I started daydreaming and skim the text up to where I noticed I was drifting off.

Has reading books improved your concentration ability? Not sure if I really have ADHD. I do have frequent problems concentrating. I've been reading daily for 3+ years for 30min on average. Highs and lows happened thoughout this time. When my concentration hits a low point I can't even read one sentence correctly so, I don't think it reading had a huge effect on my general concentration hability. I've gotten better at reading books, though. What really helps is staying away from the internet and screens in general (I've been doing the opposite since the corona virus outbreak ). When my concentration is really messed up during the evening is when I got too stimulated during the day.