Espaim

HOLY SHIT

First post ever Let's get that shit moving!! I'm fucking tired of living a life of ups and downs, more down than up. How I started I used to be super socially anxious from 12 to 17. Until 15, I used to game a lot and didn't care about my health and self-development. At 16 I actually stopped compulsive gaming and I noticed that I had fcking crippling social anxiety. I also discovered MGTOW around this age and got obsessed with it (this obsesssion went away a long time ago but I'm still sort of a asexual, my libido is very low). Some of the red pill still runs through my inner game but it's nothing compared to before. When I was about 16 I started going to the gym for real and got more confident. At 17 I started using antidepressives to get by with my social anxiety but it didn't really do much about anhedonia. Those were 8 fucked up months. Nonetheless, antidepressives killed more than 70% of my social anxiety. I still need to work on many areas as I will explain further. Current state Hypomaniac, almost jumped off the 2nd floor of my house in the peak of hypomania (I'm fine now, don't worry) Also: I'm on winter holidays from college(you now, I'm on the southern hemisphere) 18 years; Brazilian; currently on college studying Mechanical Engineering How my life is right now In the past 2 years I have learned to play the guitar, acoustic guitar and bass, all to intermediate/advanced level and some other instruments. Maybe I'm overestimating my skills but I don't really care. I stopped practicing everything due to college. I usually read 1 hour a day I meditate 10-30min a day. I hit the gym 3x a week. I have a little amount of close friends (one to be more accurate 1) and a bunch of "friends" and acquaintances that I don't really talk when I'm in the depressed phase. I'm addicted to the internet and primarily Reddit. What I like to do Playing the bass guitar Hiking Going to museums Going to theaters Biking (sadly my bikes are fucked because I don't have money to fix them. They work, though) Learning (about everything literally, I'm the most curious person I know) Meditating Watching The Simpsons Little shitty insights I'm pretty sure I have some type of bipolar disorder but okay. I attract shitty people to my life and only notice after becoming their friends. I start too many things and rarely finish any (at least when hypermaniac). I'm very creative and curious (when not unhealthy) but all this creativity is not really used to something useful, only for useless shit. My goals (not in any particular order) Socialize more and develop my social skills (I've been isolating myself a lot due to anhedonia and social anxiety) Actually doing personal development Fix my eating habits Fix my weird mood changes Find an area within Mechanical Engineering that allows me to help people directly Develop a strong routine Grow my influence circle Start working part-time Learn French(up to B1) Exercise 2x a week(cardio) Those are not all my goals. I have a pretty detailed chart of everything I want to do but that's too much to type in here, so I'll leave you all with this shitty post. Also, I do not plan to post here everyday, only like once every 2 weeks or 1 month just to see how much I have progressed. Have a nice day!

Trip #1 Dosage: Unknown Wake up time: 7:00am Minutes meditated: 20 I only did it because I posted it here and I wanted commitment. Otherwise I would just go back to sleep. I was pretty anxious before loading the bong and even during my meditation. It's like I'm putting a death-sentence substance into my body hahaha or at least that's what I thought. "I" did have an ego death. The funny thing is I cannot remember that moment. This made me question whether I'm living authentically or not, which has been a recurring worrying of mine. My smoking technique is pretty poor. If I want to get anything more of the experience I'll probably need to up my game a little bit. Next time Use cold water Measure 100mg changa apppropriately Hold the first blow as much as possible. I find that the biggest amount of smoke (and probably DMT) is on the first blow but I just puffed it out because it irritated my throat. Those were a lot of rookie mistakes but I'll get it eventually.

I think I will create more specific threads for different areas of my life. This is getting a little bit confusing here. When I created this topic I didn't even know psychedelics were a thing

Planning on smoking some DMT tomorrow or next week. I'm indecive right now because DMT is so powerful and profound for me I'm a little bit afraid of what it may show me.

Started taking Modafinil today again... Microdosing LSD seems to be having a good effect on my overall mood and perspective on life. Feeling pretty good overall Productivity has been a issue for me for a long time now. When I was younger I used to be more of a juggernaut just brute-forcing my way through the rough work. As I entered in stage Green this tendency has dropped considerably. I'm not going to use that as an excuse to be a lazy ass though.

It's "me" with reduced neurotic behavior. I believe that if I managed to treat most of my neurosis (which I'm currently working on) I would behave like I do on a LSD microdose.

This video convinced me to stop watching that shit I'm done

Wow that's true for me too. After every LSD trip I have I feel way less anxiety during the consecutive days. The anxiety does come back but is reduced everytime. Modafinil makes socialization a give or take for me. I don't really care about connecting; the main priority is to be productive. Gonna try LSD microdosing. Let's open a club together and prohibit alcohol hahaha only illegal drugs allowed

Everytime I drink alcohol I get very sad and in a low mood overall. My life seems meaningless. I just want to die. And sometimes I get MORE anxious than I was before drinking. Not like during hangovers, during the effect. This anxiousness manifests as intrusive thoughts and increased social anxiety?! This seems totally contradictory to the purpose of why people drink. Phenibut does the same thing, or even worse... So, I just don't wanna drink anymore. Or mess with any GABAergic for that matter. I tried ecstasy one time but I am not really on it because neurotoxicity. I probably won't take it for years. So, for health purposes, I could just take some mushrooms or Lsd or some other thing because they offer less risk overall. I would like to have something to just take when going out(not possible right now but I'm planning my purchases because buying in bulk is cheaper). Any experiences/suggestions?

I think I got it backwards when started then lol. I just wanted understand but my wounds didn't let me do that so I healed them. Your videos made me interested in psychedelics and I used psychedelics to heal myself.

Did you mistype 1500 or something? Lol

Life advice for young people 1-2 is all the self-development from Leo in a decent-sized nutshell.

Yes. I'm one month in. Microdosing LSD. I first started with 10ug one day in/two off. In the meantime, I tested several dosages and frequencies of dosing to find what's best for me: 1ug-2ug seems to increase my focus but I'm not sure if it's placebo or not 5ug has a significant effect but leaves me somewhat brainfogged T+6h after dosing 10ug+ is a waste. Leaves me anxious and uneasy. Some random glimpses of enlightenment while taking a shower. it's cool but I would prefer not to have this happen while I'm washing my butt One day in, two days off is nice. Sometimes two days in a row is nice too. I've come to think that 1-2ug is the best dosage for me. Don't take my word for that. Your dealer may lie to you about how much LSD is in your tab and so on... The effects: Currently caring a lot more about my values and my purpose Spontaneous feelings of joy throught the day (microdosing and the second day) Reduced social anxiety/ more spontaneous More aware of my self-destructing behaviors Improved focus and discipline Greater creativity Enhanced emotions Any other question you can just ask me. I never tried microdosing shrooms.

Awesome program from what I checked in the website

You're almost narrating my life lol I can relate strongly. Well, that's the path you chose after all. Let's keep going!

+1 to quitting coffee Maybe it'll even discard the need to supplement the nutrients you lose from drinking coffee

that's the important part I still suggest you take a look into non-violent communication

Who wouldn't want to be friends with Tesla?

I mean those random arrows and rectangles in Yellow and the overlapping shapes in Turquoise. Orange is democratic, Green has a flat-hierarchy, Yellow is?

Cool chart!! I didn't understand what the figures from the right side mean after Green though.

I'm 19 and on the same boat. What I plan to do is just to hit LP as much as possible till I'm 22 and then start going out. Until then, I'll not be serious about it. I don't want to fuck a lot of girls, I just want to have a girlfriend.

Anything I should worry about?

I don't mean to hijack your thread but could you elaborate on the benefits of meditating that much? That's somewhat of a dream of mine (meditating a lot ) but I'm hesitant to go full in.