Parki

If you are a spirtual seeker and you think you are a self and you need to get to no self no you are here for something and you won't pass the ego until you discover this going to no self is a distration this is not spirtuality

Everything is a distraction. There is nothing wrong with being at the spell of deception.

ego is total, it's not a part of it, it's the whole thing everything you see is a lie spirtual teachings seem to be a distraction just as distration as social media

@i am I AM that's irrelevant. I am paranoid, but not life wise. I don't think there is someone watching me, or anyone is trying to kill me I am paranoid existentially I knew that something is wrong but I can't believe it

@i am I AM if you are the only thing that there is, and you trick yourself into falsehood, how would you discover the truth? Do you think an ego death is a great insight? You will see something while ego is there, which is totally

and even I am in my worst nightmare I would't say ignorance is bliss see it and take it full

I never was happy. Even on high dose of MDMA. Something was always off. Now I am starting to guess why. Truth is not something to discover new. You hided it from yourself because you can't handle it, so watch out you will be in your worst nightmare but this is real and you are not asleep

this is not something you will lose when the drug wears off this can't be unseen you won't have an ego death(at least I didn't) there is something else important for you to discover when the ego is full blown

I am not kidding. Could we use it or it's just a recreational drug? If you have some experience with it, personal development wise, please share.

I've done a lot of research(or at least I think I did) and I don't know. I watched a lot of youtube videos, read articles, I tried AA(got a job which required a lot of social interactions with strangers and I had to initiate the conversation). I've done some iboga, which didn't help with SA, and mescaline(500mg one time), which helped a bit and I am going to do more, but I don't think it's going to be the solution. What do I do? I know that's a poor asked question, but this is the best I can came up this far. It would be nice if you share your experience with the proccess.

@Strikr these are simply different things. It's not a good idea to try to compare one to the other.

well, because it's not a psychedelic? this thing is different, I've no idea why people call it psychedelic

900mg of mescaline At the comeup my self divided in many selves which were as eyes all around the room and all these selves were talking to each other in some language. I sounded like some spanish/french. I felt like I am is something between anchient plant/arthropod(I think it was a crab)/octopus. the arthropod part sounded like spanish and the octopus part sounded like french. I didn't understood any of they were saying and I can't recall any words the speech were like a flow without divisions on words. The plato was whole another beast, but that's another story.

@Strikr Why can't you do the arthropod?

I don't understand what are you going to do, but please go ahead.

@Sahil Pandit I am totally agree, but do you honestly think that my SA will end after reading this?

@NoSelfSelf Makes sense, but have you noticed that enlightenment is super hard and there are people with egos without SA?

@Shin Let me tell you a story. A while ago a got a job. Tobaco ads are banned in Russia, so the companies have to do something else, and it's my job. I was staying at some place(a supermarket usually) and my job was basically start convos with people and offer them to exchange their sigarets to ours. Not only they don't want to do that, but I also had to ask them for their passport data which you might guess not everyone would like to do. I managed to be the best by passport data I got. It was very hard at the beggining, but after awhile I got almost no SA. Now I have very funny question to you. What do you think happened to my SA outside of my job? It remained to be at exact same place as it was before. That's why I don't believe in AA. It kinda works, but localy and it's too god damn hard to do. You was raped? Well then go get raped again and again until you stop caring about it. This is what your advice sounds to me like. I understand that you are doing it from good intentions, but this is what it looks like from my perspective.

I need to get rid of this because I can't do the social interactions I need to do, and because of that many things in my life are fucked up. what does it mean? what do I want?

@Shin I am confused with your question. Isn't it obvious what social anxiety is? Well, when I walk in hallway and people going by I have unpleasant feeling which makes me not look in their eyes. If say I would want to call someone out, it would be hard for me to do because of the feeling. As a result it works as me wanting to do some social interaction, or just an action infront of other people and not doing it to avoid the feeling.

It is possible to have a bad trip on any psychedelic bla bla bla... But if you try to google bad Mescaline trips, you will almost fine none. Which is weird. I did 500mg and it was good, but I tried to make it bad, but just couldn't. I cannot imagine how it's possible to have a bad trip on the substance, so I am afraid of my arrogance because the next time I will go with 1g, I wish I could now, but the tolerance, so I have to wait for a week.

I had several panic attacks in my life, there is no way to compare them to someone else panic attack, so I will never know how hard it was, but I would say that my were pretty hard. Even thought the experience is the worst that happened to me in my life it also the most interesting experience. I wish I could experience another one. Of course that's bullshit because I know that as soon as it will start I will back up, but I still want it. The problem is that I developed this thing where I almost convinced myself that it's just me resisting awakening. The last time I happened I stopped it because I couldn't handle this, but I want to not stop it to see what will happen. So... How do I distinguish a panic attack with an awakening I resist? Is there any point in describing it was like? Because I can't, not like I don't remember anything, but it's like a taste, you know what an icecream like, but you can't imagine the taste. Even the next day I was trying to make sense of it, but it was very hard because I couldn't even imagine, but if it would happen again I would instantly recognize it. Because the next time if I let go and it not an awakening I will torture myself in the most sophisticated way possible.

doesn't seems like so, but I never had an awakening so I can't speak from that point.

What about substances which altering your dreams? If you have any experience with that please share. Was it for you just some funny dreams or you got some life changing stuff? If there are threads about that in here refer to them so I won't repeat them.