Fabiankuy

I personally had the same problem. I also knew about me partially doing these things for my ego. I persisted anyway because I thought "Hey, who knows if I'm ever going further in this if not now??" So I decided to do it anyway. This way of doing it brought me very deep in terms of experiences, but it also really created problems in my everyday-life. Partially, I pursued consciousness not really because of the peaceful states it brought, but for the feeling of superiority that might come along with it. The validation of "being right" at what I do and the "license to shame others if they're not as deep in this as I am". I hope you get what I'm pointing at. I really never felt as isolated as I did during this time. I also didn't attract high quality people during this time. But these are just my experiences, and I pushed it very far and it even worked very well, meaning I had a total experience of "no-self" on a daily level, I felt one with EVERYTHING for 30-60 minutes DAILY during very deep meditation and so on. So basically, you CAN have these crazy, mindblowing experiences, even if you act out of trauma or compensation, but right after the experience ends, you're gonna be pushed into even deeper darkness than ever before. So really beware of this, it took me quite some time to get out of this. It's not all just easygoing and peaceful if you do it this way. In conclusion, I really like the things that the others said: Do it if you genuinely want to do it, but just don't push it too far.