Ninie

@Esoteric hey thanks so much. I know you're right, at this point I don't even know what I'm suffering, it is just too intense. Dis-identification seems almost impossible, but I know it's the only way out. What I meant in my last question is that the mind keeps asking like a child, "okay, so if this frustration is gonna stop, what happens then?". I said I want it to stop, you said it won't stop until I identify with it and I agree, but suppose I manage to dis-identify and it stops, what will the stopping be? Will it be enlightenment? Will it be going back to some false peace?

@Esoteric yeah it is a quick relief, I agree, it creates a false peace for a short time, but I can't be deluded by it, as everything still comes up each second, just the emotional reaction is a bit milder. And I intuitively sense that this numbing can only damage the process, if there's any.. I also know that I should let go, but as soon as I have an intention to let go and surrender, mind starts making stories and comments about this "letting go" and "surrendering", then I try to let even that go, and so on.. constant anxiety loop. I just want to ask, what do you exactly mean by it "stopping"? I mean, what can be the outcome of it stopping? Like, then what...?