creede

If you were successful, and that is absolutely possible, YOU, as you think of yourself now would not return to live the rest of YOUR life...you would see through all of that. From the perspective you have now there is no way of understanding what life would look like in a year.

@Pristinemn beautiful artwork!

@okulele If that were true you wouldn't be able to find the videos, they'd be hidden from you by your shadow... but I get it, it's not fun to sit down and write.

A much simpler approach is to write your way through this stuff. This way, with the videos, you're actually giving the things you want to release more power, you're giving them a stronger identity before you attempt to pull the energy from them, and make them meaningless happenings. The time that you spend looking for appalling videos, watching them, and meditating on them, can be used to write through the issues. Start by looking for a place you have a firm attachment to the position your mind holds....where your mind says it's right and the happening is wrong. If you have to hold something as wrong, doesn't that make you have to be a jailer of the thing? When you're mind has so many things jailed there is no potential for you to be present in the moment. Your seeking is no longer a threat to the carefully crafted illusion. You might have to write a lot, but you'll still be able to see through a thing very quickly. And you won't be spending your days looking for something more appalling than the last person who posted. You could even start with how the mind is using your seeking for appalling stuff to fall deeper asleep. In this case using your time to search the Internet rather than be present where you are. You'll never run out of things that you'll find appalling, but if you see how the mind gets you to take a position you'll have a great insight in to how your opponent operates.

You'll want to find a way to be present in the moment. If your roommates aren't yelling the same things you heard as you were growing up, kicking holes in the doors, and threatening your peace of mind then there is nothing to trigger you. It's your mind f-ing with you. There are thousands of ways you can come at this, and I'm sure you'll get a lot of suggestions. The most important thing is going to be action. Whatever you decide to do you have to be an active participant. You can't wish your old story away... you have to dissect it, see what you want to keep and what has to go. I recommend self-inquiry or journal writing. And of course some sort of meditation practice it can be as short as 10 minutes a day. Byron Katie is a wonderful woman who has tons of free videos on Youtube, she cuts through all the bs with four easy questions. What you end up finding out is that you are the one abusing you now, You're somehow trying to hide from the enemy but it is within you. You're turning other people into your dad so you can suffer. But there is a way out. Youtube will be your friend, look up healing childhood trauma, or healing inner child meditations, Leo here at Actualized has great videos on self-inquiry too. You don't have to be a victim of your past. You have to take action though. Remind yourself are safe and that you are not being threatened by anyone anymore. Dig deep friend.

@Seiden mine too!

I'm curious who here has done ACIM? Did you make it through the whole year of lessons? Or put it aside?

@Seiden cool, I've read through the text at least twice and am doing the lessons again too. I'm on 187. So what do you think? Do you feel like you are seeing "your world" in a very different way?

Synchronicity!!

Yes! You had a great insight!! The mind will do what it does to get you to forget what happened though, because it is a master manipulator. If you are serious about this work and getting out from under its spell I recommend a regular practice that includes writing, Writing is a great tool and having your insights preserved somewhere is beneficial when your mind is trying to take you down into suicidal depression. To find how the mind jerks you around is the fun... and I mean fun loosely. Like fun scary!!! Like crazy roller coaster fun! If you're watching it you'll see how mind will take your now insight and will incorporate it into its toolbox, as if it had designed it: by self-aggrandising you for having it, with thoughts like: oh, yeah man, I am so above everyone now, I am so cool, I get it, won't so and so be impressed, maybe I'll be a speaker some day, etc. You can't get around it doing that, but you can observe it. And drop back into the present moment. This is the beginning of you starting to know your foe. The greatest weapon at your disposal is knowing this: When you see the mind twisting you into a sensitive place, pull this out! With laughter, like this: Oh snap!!! there it is! My mind is twisting me into my old patterns of being sensitive. Watching for this and being aware of this will be your greatest tool. Mine is being deprived!!! It's so fun once you know what to watch for, I love to watch my mind get all bunched up when I don't respond to its deprived narrative. You're on your way!!! Congratulations and welcome to the journey.

True! It's always running a movie about the people and events "outside" of you, and trying to get you riled up... but once you see everything is inside the mind, everything.... well wow! Then the real exploration can begin.

Self inquiry! Turn off input, like social media, computers, movies, books, etc. Silence is golden. Write, write, write

Yes! Dig deeper into what it is presenting during the backlash... look all the way through that too. It's a wild ride.

@clouffy It sounds like you're satisfied with the answers you've come up with and don't see a reason to look deeper. I understand that... digging deeper is a pain in the ass and time consuming. Best wishes.

Do you do writing style self inquiry. I had to dig deep, all the way into my old (seemed subconscious) programming to get through a similar phase. I was surprised by what I was doing and what my responses were. I don't want to over simplify it for you, but chances are you aren't eating for the reasons you think. Sadly, only you can know what your reasons are, so you truly have to dig deep to come out the other side. If you need any prompts let me know.

Lucy had no more ideas She had run out of plans Her schemes had come to naught She gave in to the big surrender

@Rilles hey, your song sounds great! cheers!!

@Mountain-Sage Gabriel, your journal entries have moved me very deeply. First off I want to say that you may very well be the healthiest person I have ever encountered. Your true health cannot be disguised by your so called bodily issues... the nature of your soul is radiating through your posts. It seems that your soul has chosen a challenging journey in this lifetime and rather than turning your back from what is occurring and falling into addictions or self sabotage or victim-hood you have chosen to turn into the flames. When you said in your post that you are a warrior I hope that the feeling of all of life was pulsing through you as you wrote it... it is in me now I as I acknowledge you as a warrior. You are absolutely a warrior and braver than most. I studied from a book called A Course in Miracles, and I believe in Miracles. The book explains them like this: A miracle is a correction. It does not create, nor really change at all. It merely looks on devastation, and reminds the mind that what it sees is false... I believe that this is exactly what is happening for you. You are turning toward life rather than retreating, even when there is a sensation of radical pain, and seeing that it is an inside job and fearlessly turning inward. https://acourseinmiraclesnow.com/a-course-in-miracles-workbook-13-what-is-a-miracle/ Here's the link to the whole passage about miracles I am proud of you, your task does not appear to be an easy one, but I sense your absolute commitment. from my soul to yours I want to repeat this, your absolute health radiates from these posts... carry on. All of my Love chelsea

@Mountain-Sage your advice on forgiveness is wonderful and I agree!

@Singularity8 great work!

The other thing you might look into is Byron Katie. Look her up on Youtube, her video's cut through so much crap and you can see how easy forgiveness is without the mind's story. You can literally watch someone transform their story in 10 minutes with 4 questions. She teaches you how to question the mind's narrative around the event that occurred. Brilliant stuff! I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. And she has books too, but go straight for the videos, the impact is there.

@TeamBills Hey I'm sorry I didn't realize you had responded I'm new here and forget to click the little notify me box. I'm glad you found the book. It's definitely got a christian flavor to the writing but like @Zigzag Idiot said it's not religious. There were definitely times I thought I'd barf if I had to read the word salvation one more time or whatever was getting to me in the moment, but I did do K-8 in Catholic school so I had a lot to clear out. Like i said though, it was worth every moment I dedicated to it. Heads up... almost everyone gets to about lesson 8 or 10 and thinks what the f***? And most put the book aside... do yourself a favor and push through. I am actually doing the daily lessons again and am about halfway through the year. Feel free to reach out if you have questions or get aggravated or want to quit but deep down inside you just need friendly support to keep going. Funny thing... the first two people I ever truly forgave were from Lancaster NY, just down the road from you. That's where I grew up, so I had a lot of history there.

Instagram has a great art community, I find other artists are very supportive there. I rarely use it as a place to post about my personal life, just to post my art. I don't know about Pinterest and the other sites but I think you'll like Instagram.

@dimitri perhaps... but what if there is more to it and answering too quickly is just more un-investigated bullshit