Total amount: 150pg
Duration: whole day (from 8.30 to 15.30 for strong effects)
It has passed almost one day after the experience, and I feel like the things I'm going to tell might help people here in this forum, in their journey. I took a sugar cube lsd dose with the objective of get a straight direction of what to do with my current relationship with my (now ex) girlfriend. To give you context, I'm male 25 and I started my first serious relationship 2 years ago. Since the start we both got along really well together, even thought I had this inner feeling that I just wasn't prepared for anything long term serious, which she was. So we did break up and come back together a few times (I moved to my home country cause of covid, things happened), but it was far from a toxic relationship.
The thing is that I still have some heavy sexual karma to burn in my mind and body, a bit like leo says on his video about burning through karma. I did know the whole time about it, but I just wasn't strong enough to leave her.
Other experiences (5 meo dmt, psilobycin) have already told me about this. This wonderful chemicals open yourself up so much that your body / mind will tell you what to do in your life, if you listen to it. In this case, lsd was the catalyst of it. Putting in words what I felt and thought is quite difficult, even more when 5meo has incremented the power and depth of the experience. Let's just say that I was really nervous about the whole trip because of the tensions with the relationship, so I took the dose when I woke up and went for a quick walk before the effects came in (please don't do that if you are new to lsd, that was quite foolish of me). The feelings where something between body load and verbal thoughts melting, combined with a need to share the experience with other fellow humans. I understood why the hippies of the 60s where so peace and love, lsd can be really powerful to make you remember that you, a manifestation of reality in the form of a human being, at the core you just want to share love. At least that's how I perceived it at the moment.
The dose was light enough that I could go to the park and take a walk in the nature. Here in Argentina is hot right now, so the clima did allow for it. As I walked I saw all the people around me, suffering in some way. The stress they had in their bodies, the nervous look, I felt I could see through that. When I arrived to the park, I walked barefoot on grass. It was such a pleasure to feel all the love from all the live beings around me. I felt in love with who I am, this existence, reality itself. It is a really beautiful planet where we live in, and such a shame that we constantly destroy it to our own material desires. But anyway, as I kept walking, I saw the people that were at the park at 10am excercising. I don't know exactly why, but it impacted me how badly shaped some people are, or how damaged or tense some people are. Not to judge them, I haven't lived their lives, but it impacted me anyway. I'm not sure if it was because I was tripping, but I believed I could feel the stress people (and animals) where carrying with themselves. I say animals, because I'm sure a bird in the middle of the city with all the car noises will not exactly feel at much peace.
I understood that I didn't want to add myself up more unnecessary pain. What I had maintained with my ex was nice and beautiful, but I did cause her and myself a lot of damage breaking up and coming back to her multiple times, even though we both loved each other and understood each other so much.
So, after the trip, I texted her, I explained what I really felt, and after 1 hours we broke up. I just cannot give her what she wants from me. It tears me apart, it feels like something within myself dies, but I know it is the right move.
What I conclude from this trip report is that sometimes you do know what to do to improve your life. You know the (T)ruth, but refuse to look at it. I did know the break up was going to happen eventually, but I kept avoiding it. Now I realize the importance of trying to live with truth and integrity.
It also motivated me to try to eat the best I can. Invest into myself. Journal. Do more sport, do more yoga. Meditate. Learn how to develop healthy habits. I realized that in order to enjoy the best of my life, in order to channel the most love I can into the world, I must take care of the channel itself.
The more I go into the self actualizing journey, the more strange and deep it gets. There really is no coming back. It's going to take me some time to integrate all of this, but I'm glad I've finally done what I've done.
Lesson learned!
