randomguy123

Of course, but it aids in treating the specific bodily issues that I have. So that's why I thought I'd share it here, so people are aware that this exists.

Update: Had a great shamanic breathing experience on armodafinil (150mg), which showed me clearly that this isn't working. It just lubricates the whole situation, making me feel less irritable, but does nothing whatsoever to move the giant rocks in the stream. Thanks Leo, your comment really helped. So now I'm looking at more bodily focused methods, like acupuncture, TRE, etc. I am also getting bloodwork done, check for lots of stuff, including auto-immune diseases (I have a light form of vitiligo). I'm also still on the fence about seeing a psychologist, my problem is so psycho-physical that I find it hard to imagine change through simply talking to someone. without addressing the bodily component. It's like going in with one hand tied behind your back. Also, the more research I do, the more I find my symptoms to be just the result of years of pent up stress and tension, that I need to release in one way or another. The options for doing so seem pretty limited to me, there are a couple of techniques that I've found, but if you know something, please do share. All suggestions are welcome. (P.S. longer update on my main thread)

Hey everyone, this is somewhat of a subthread to my other thread, which is way too elaborate and not really to the point. Here I am specifically looking for a substance that can help me in solve a mostly physical problem. Long story short: I have a long standing (going on 4 years) condition/blockage/cramp in my body as a result from years of negative thinking, fear of failure, waging wars against my body, etc. This has resulted in basically constant brain fog, shortness of breath, knots everywhere, etc. that are quite fluid, changing often, but always present. I'm sure there are some emotional aspects to it as well, but I experience it as mostly a physical problem. When I meditate and focus on it, the knots tend to slowly dissolve, but it regenerates pretty easily as almost everything sticks to it and gets me back to where I was. So I tried using combinations of modafinil and cbd to boost my awareness, which helps a little bit. I need something stronger however to get anywhere here, so I'm thinking of armodafinil right now. My guess is that I'm off by about an order in magnitude (of potency). So is there anything else that you could recommend to get a breakthrough. What about taking multiple pills? What is relatively safe (concerning liver, etc.)? Also what would you recommend that is stronger than armodafinil? Or is it straight psychedelics after that and if so, which one's would be suitable then?

Update: Had a great session of shamanic breathing on 1 pill (150mg) of armodafinil. It made it so clear to me how this sorta stuff is not working, increasing your awareness, doesn't do anything for the substrate having the awareness. At the peak of the experience all the blockages were just relatively less annoying and invisible, which actually made it harder for me to do work on them. The experience I had could also be related to my breathing being quite superficial (because of the knots in my body), but I doubt it. Maybe I could have some success with this method if I were to actively breath into the blockages, but it's pretty difficult to do that, whilst also keeping a decent volume of air going, to get yourself high. I am doing lots of research on this stuff and I will also go to a doctor sometime next week to get check ups on blood levels, auto-immune conditions (I have a light form of vitiligo), and ask for lots of blood tests. The more I read, the more I think that what I have is really just years of pent up stress, and anxiety, that is stuck in my body. The question is what can you do about that. Treatment wise it's basically back to square one. I might try a psychiatrist, but because of the psycho-physical nature of this thing, I'm not sure if that would be the most effective thing (could still work though).@ElvisN Massages might help, but I think that things like acupuncture would be much more effective. I've also been trying the TRE that @Timothy suggested. It's a great technique, it could really change things, if I can get the frequency high enough that is. I've also found some other things like the clinical somatics program, so I might give that a shot later. All suggestions are still welcome. Especially any methods that could help to relax body and muscle tension are greatly appreciated! @Timothy Could you tell me what TRE courses or books you have bought? Is there more depth to the technique than just the 7 steps and a bit of regulation? How far do you think you can take this technique? How long would it take to master?

Buy The immune system recovery plan by Susan Blum (on Leo's booklist, not sure if allowed to share). Talks about your problem from A to Z and everything you can do to help it, all other factors influencing your problem, very holistic. Can't recommend it enough.

@Apparition of Jack Totally agree, people like Peterson, just straw man chaos into meaning bad, unpredictable stuff, which should be contained by the patriarchy. This is just an absolutist reading of a very relative concept.

It's not nearly as rigid as it appears. I know the feeling of wanting a definite an easy interpretable answer/code to live by, but it is never that simple. It's not a should/shouldn't, it's not a morality, it is a relative truth that can be present in lots of ways, yet doesn't set any rigid boundaries. The interpretation is exactly what people like Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson and Sam Harris do all the time and it's not easy to see why it doesn't work. I fall into this kind of trap all the time myself (it's the core of stage blue thinking). Jordan Peterson for example is doing exactly the thing you are describing here: He really believes that the feminine is equated with chaos (this is a rigid line of thinking for him, an absolute): and so he is super scared of what will happen to society, if things like gender pronouns and all these feminine inventions are allowed to exist. This is a rigid, absolute conclusion for him. A more open-minded person would be able to recognize that this stuff is pretty relative, and that women indeed have been suppressed for the longest time and that the things they are asking are pretty reasonable. It's not that rigid. For example, to Jordan Peterson, the only way to contain the chaos of femininity is the patriarchy: the traditional family structure needs to be in place or otherwise all hell will break lose. Whereas a more modern person is more open-minded, without losing the importance of some of these truths. E.g. my girlfriend can earn way more than me and pull the household, yet I can still be the man in the relationship, be driven by purpose,etc. Relatively speaking a woman can be more emotional and chaotic, whereas the man is more rigid and grounded in purpose. When you honor this dynamic you will often see a lot of great relative improvement in your relationship, without their needing to be any rigid rules in place or absolute statements made about this tendency.

I guess it comes down to what you want to do and what resonates with you. If you want a nice practice and you feel a connection, sure go for it. But I wouldn't expect to make a lot of spiritual progress through it or get enlightened. There are so many spiritual practices out there, all of which work to some extent, few of which however are effective at going all the way. I mean take my local yoga school for example, these guys are pretty serious about yoga (so not your classic western yoga), they teach classic Ashtanga/Raja yoga, have done it for decades and have taken multiple trips to India. They talk about the absolute and vibrational energy all the time, but they have no insight or real understanding of it whatsoever. In fact they even discourage powerful kinds of yoga like Kundalini or Laya yoga, because they're dangerous (read: they could actually make a difference). But for these people yoga has been great in their life, they love it, it has made a huge relative difference to them, even if it will never make the absolute difference to them (i.e. becoming enlightened). I've also done Tai Chi, where the teaching is even more distorted. But again, for those people, who are undoubtedly less committed than my yoga school, it makes a serious difference as well. I guess what I'm saying is that you should figure out what you really, really want. If Truth is all you want, QiGong probably would not be the right choice for you. But if your deepest passions lie elsewhere, say you would love to be a businessman, a healer or anything else, QiGong could be a great addition to that path. It's up to you!

Not sure, how tics work. But I doubt it would be related to food deficiencies. I also have quite a history with ticks, I think it operates much more on a mental level. It always felt like a slippery slope to me, you take it serious, you give legitimacy to the claim that you have them, they get worse. You start seeing doctors, you try to fight them, you try to find the cure, you've already lost. I would suggest just be aware of them, let the emotions and uncomfortability that they bring come up and try to let that go. Again, I could be totally off here, this is just what comes to mind.

@ElvisN Idk about Lefkoe Method, but I've tried Sedona Method and Letting Go as described by David Hawkins. I feel like the latter really gets to the core mechanism of letting go and it is probably what I'm actively experiencing. It works up to a certain point, but letting go of really big stuff that is under hood is pretty damn difficult without heightened awareness I find (which also corresponds with Leo's video on letting go). Sedona method is much more roundabout, I mean you have to ask this whole series of questions, notice, then let go. I owned the book and the full 300$ audio course, but I returned it because it wasn't working, maybe it would be more successful now since I've learned a few things since back then, but idk. Thanks for commenting.

@Nahm Yes, I try to be especially aware of this one. I mean, there are times that I forget the blockage. Just had one of those moments, an hour ago. Also, I tend to forget the blockage when I'm drunk or I'm out with friends. Which means that either I made stuff up, or my awareness gets low enough to the point that I don't experience it directly anymore. I'm heavily leaning towards the latter option though. In the case of the moment I just had: I was feeling pretty peaceful not actively experiencing anything, but when I put a bit of awareness in to how things feel, I realize pretty quickly that I'm not feeling normal at all, I'm feeling ok but, I don't have anywhere near the clarity of your average human being. The effect of positive thinking is also noteworthy, I think. I can just imagine that the next moment I would be free of this, that there was never such a thing as this blockage, that it was all a farce. This instantly starts attracting exactly that, but my thoughts aren't powerful enough to recover me completely. Maybe if I try this when I'm closer, it might have more impact.

@Nahm 1) Well If I saw the bottom of this, there probably would be an emotional release there, making it obvious as to why I was feeling like that. I can vaguely make out some emotional symptoms, but it's difficult to make out anything, when you're this clogged up. I'll try to focus more on the emotional component when I get high up there, just trying to be aware of my body, might not do the trick. I probably shouldn't see a physical release in tension as the aim in itself, just a way to get me to see and connect to those deep emotions, allowing me the awareness to let those go, which would solve the problem. (I would still have intrusive thoughts though, see below.) 2) Chain of events would be as described above: attaching to unwanted thoughts. I mean I started out basically normal, just had some of those destructive thoughts and had no way of dealing with them. So I took them very serious and got myself to this place. As to why I have those thoughts, that's a way deeper story probably. My parents have unconsciously rammed that stuff in me my whole childhood. 3) Well, I don't think I would get myself to the same place, because I can let go of them much easier. I mean when I got in to this, I basically had no awareness of anything related to consciousness, meditation, letting go, etc. It was just my thoughts, that was the only way to deal with this. In addition to that, having less blockages would help out a lot, the same ripple in a small pool has a very different effect when placed in a large pool. That being said, obtrusive thoughts would still appear, I'm pretty sure. How to figure that out is a way deeper story, I'm guessing.

@Buba Yh, might have to do that. Although I feel like I understand what got me in this specific situation (consistent fog), I might not see the larger picture. Maybe I should stress the fact that I was not always like this, I consistently engaged in the following behavior (which lead to things getting stuck only after a couple of years): A thought would pop in to my head, along the lines of: "What if I won't be able to ride my bike today", as in "I might crash", "I might not know how to steer". My hyperrational mind felt the need to address these thoughts. I simply had to come up with a rationalization as to why this would not happen or why things would not turn out like this. (hardcore Descartes-style: "I think therefore I am") This obviously leads to very neurotic behavior and my body got the back end of that. (because most of the scenarios actually concerned productivity issues and directly targeted my stomach and body). Now of course, I just let those thoughts go. Right now, I can easily picture such a situation and instantly notice my body's response to it as it starts to tighten up. If I were to accept the thought, shit would go off the rails. But of course I don't engage in it, I just let it go. So this sequence is pretty obviously driving this problem. That being said who knows why I engage in those thoughts, why they pop in to my head. I mean sure I got some of the picture, but there I feel like psychoanalysis could maybe help. @Nahm Sure, the stuff I experience varies pretty hard. One day my chest is blocked and my head is free, the next day my head is in zombie mode and my body is relatively ok. Tonight, for example I woke up with the top of my head hurting pretty bad. meditated a bit, got rid of that, etc. That being said, the deep core of this stuff never gets touched, I can't get close to it no matter what (it situates mainly around my sternum and the back of my head). What I'm outlining here is very different from the above, I feel like I'm not adding to the problem. The symptoms just tend to change and move around, which is common with these kind of problems (from what I've read so far). As for the regeneration, I mean it's not quite like what I wrote there. I can achieve some type of improvement, for example my chest is pretty good now, because I've been going hard the last couple of days. But it does regress, quite a bit. I might clear my head with a great release, but within an hour we're already part of the way back. Basically for three reasons, I think: Negative thoughts as above do happen and can get me struggling, but this is the lesser cause I think. I never touch the deepest layers of the problem, so stuff is able to get back to where it was(I mean never ever during a release have I experienced any emotional release, all of it is purely physical as deep as I've gone) Lastly, and most importantly, when your body is blocked up and your capacity to think/feel is reduced by 80/90%. You're like a little puddle, anything that happens is a major disturbance and by default ripples are going through are having an impact. I mean by default I'm sort of focusing/holding on to the fog. I can only detect a couple of areas that are fog free. If I were to break through, things would have much harder time to clog up again. If that makes sense.

Yup, I remember a lot of dreams. They're always happy, enjoyable. I sleep pretty well. I'm doing more in depth research. I think I have something like somatic symptom disorder (SSD), if people are familiar with that. I remember vividly the thought patterns, imagery and beliefs that got me here. None of which I actively have trouble with or experience any more. That is why my condition is pretty stable. The phenomena change often, but that's the surface experience, I'm pretty confident that I'm not actively getting myself in trouble. When I release some of the blockages, bad thoughts start pouring in more and more, as a way to ego backlash myself back to my baseline state. I can deal with that. Most of the time stuff naturally tightens up again, which I'm ok with. When you have a couple of big rocks in the stream, they tend to collect rubble. To treat this problem, I'm basically trying to run up a slippery slope attached to a rubber band (ego bcklash) which is pulling me back. That is why I'm looking for ways to increase my awareness of the blockages, aka running speed or grip,

I agree, it's funny, who's getting me that new set of tires though?

Yh, well it's never that simple. CBD and drugs can be part of a solution, but it's never the whole thing. This thing manifests at all levels and just looking at one, won't do the trick. He's probably right that I should consider more options than just my experience. This thing has mental, bodily, emotional, environmental components. I don't know nearly enough about how modern science deals with this stuff. I think they would classify it as stress-related PTSD style, so I can look for that. The point remains that you need a way in, a way to understand what is going on. If 3 hours of meditation a day aint doing it, then idk.

@Timothy Yh, it has a mild effect on me, I'm not sure I am feeling the CBD much. I probably should be taking more, they send you this stuff in the smallest of bottles and tell you to take 3-4 drops, but that's like nothing. I'll play around with it. Trying TRE tomorrow, let's go.

@Leo Gura Well, I have, I've done over 50 pages of journaling on this, sentence completing exercises, contemplation, all of it. I mention some of this in my main thread. The precursors of this problem have been running for a while in my life, it manifested first when I was 18. I could probably tell you the exact moment I got in to this. This is a problem that I consciously formed, I was there every step of the way. Every day I would wake up, questioning my self and my body and now we're here, after 3/4 years of that, stuff caught up with me. I'm not in that place anymore, I don't have those thoughts nearly as often and I know how to handle it now. I genuinely experience very little emotions towards this problem, here's my experience: I sit down to meditate, I become aware of the present, I let go, my body frees itself by cracking my back and neck and releases energy, repeat. At no point do I experience any emotions here. Sure there are probably repressed emotions at deeper levels, but journaling or contemplating them just seems pointless to me at this point. I've been through every step of the way here(as I simultaneously in time discovered Actualized.org): self-esteem, honesty, meditation, sedona method, letting go (David Hawkins), shadow exercises, bodily awareness, mindfulness, binaural beats, mulling over every aspect of my life and now we're here. I'm not just dropping nukes, because it's easy and practical. What else could get me out of this?

Let your attachment to winning go. Being prepared to lose, gives you a better chance at winning. Also, you also can't control your anxiety or stress. You can just be aware of them, welcome them and when aware enough, the option is offered to let them go. This stuff can get really neurotic and ultimately put you in a ditch. Just be careful with what you're doing.

Update: Have been using modafinil and cbd oil for the past 3-4 days in varying dosages and combinations. It helps quite a bit with focusing and becoming aware of what works and what doesn't. It made me realize that the only tool I really have is my awareness, trying to be aware of whatever is going on, everything else is only contributing to the problem. It also made me aware that this stuff is quite deep, as it just keeps coming and changing forms. I feel like the deeper a problem lies, the more variety you experience at the surface level. For me, some days I'm barely aware of it, other days are terrible and the symptoms vary from problems in my head, to my back, to my chest. The surface layer of feeling is very fluid, but the core is so rigid I can't release any of it. However, I don't think I will be able to get anywhere using modafinil and cbd, stuff is just too deep. It's like trying to break through a brick wall with needles (maybe not as drastic as that). So I'm looking for higher dosages and different substances now, starting with armodafinil. Does anybody know how much of this stuff is relatively safe? Also, what other options are out there that would boost awareness quite substantially? I'm not sure what is available in between armodafinil and psychedelics? I am also looking at different stuff, Wim Hof method, TRE (@Timothy ), etc. But I'm not sure about the movement that these methods involve. With meditation I can just focus on the core as much as possible, that's kind of out the window when you start moving all over the place. I'll give it a shot anyway.

Idk, it's difficult, we can't make decisions for you. Remember that things are not that black and white, going or not going. Maybe you can conceive of scenario that would meet in the middle or one that consists of you not going, yet keeping the peace. Things are difficult when your parents try to emotionally manipulate you in to doing something. Maybe try to work out your feelings towards your parents. For example, when he calls you ungrateful. Do you believe that this on some level is true? If you feel like this is the case, you will try to please him and be a good son. If you have worked this out and recognized how grateful you are towards him, you can see right through this bullshit and calmly express your gratitude in another way. I feel like a lot of this depends on how grounded in reality you are, how much you can see what is really going on. So many parents have a back and forth relationship with their kids, just manipulating each other. It can be a huge mess. Getting honest with yourself on what is true in your relationship with your dad, what is overblown, what is manipulative, where you are coming up short is the key I think. it will help you cultivate a better relationship with your dad in the long run, but maybe not in the short run. This is never easy, best of luck!

Mb this belong on the Dating subforum, not sure. Why do you think only women can do these awful things? This seems to me like the most generic stage orange behavior. Men do it as well, if you would be aware of what happens in the boardrooms of the most successful companies on this planet, you'd think very differently. People care about money, and so they come up with perverse ways to get it. Men and women all the same. Also, please don't act like the femininity of a women is something of an asset to be used. Women are much more than that, things that can't be reduced to simple gain like that. Try reading "the way of the superior man" by David Deida, it will blow your mind and give you a perspective that is infinitely bigger than what you're conceiving of right now.

I don't know if that is the best idea. I guess a lot of people start out trying to become financially independent and then live their life. I mean, don't get me wrong, get a job while you're figuring out what it is you want to pursue, but straight up financial independence (not sure how you define that) seems a stretch. Most people only become financial independent after they mastered their craft and any quick ways to getting rich are probably facing heavy competition. Nobody is getting seriously paid, unless they're pretty good at what they do. I mean, aren't most people trying to do some version of this? Instead, what tends to pay off imo is committing seriously to your craft, which is rare. Most successful people have spent years trying to master something, before it payed off and wouldn't it be a shame to throw a few years away right now? Maybe I'm too idealistic, but this transition is always messy. You can however always start in the smallest of ways. It's not that the course will tell you to start a business tomorrow or whatever, you can always take your time and work things out.

I don't fully agree with this. Competition is always fiercest when more people are participating, making the pressure much, much larger. (Think about trying to become a professional basketball player vs going pro in some unkown sport that few people play.) I feel like a lot of people have this idea that they need to stick it out in the trenches, battling at the lowest level to finally succeed in their aim. That is true as you need to commit to what you're trying to do, but battling it out with all the people at the bottom often will not get you anywhere or it is a much harder road to getting anywhere. Besides that, competition in engineering jobs is so fierce. I mean when I graduated in engineering, I was competing with Asian people (no offense) that were willing to commit to 16 hours a day of work. They have a fundamentally different goals than people on this forum have, so I guess it's important to consider what you really want. Competition is always easier at the forefront of society. If you position yourself in a novel and innovating branch, natural expansion tends to happen and it becomes easier to ride the wave. Imagine getting in to the internet business in the early 2000s versus trying to make your way up in something like car sales. Leo also did this, he wasn't out there competing for scraps, he positioned himself at the forefront of self-help. In computer science, things like AI and Blockchain are the name of the game right now and focusing on them will provide you the most opportunity to be successful as these business will expand. Don't let that be a morality though, pursue what you want to do. There's plenty of innovating things going on, just remember to commit and see it through. Best of luck!

True, but we cant be keeping score like that. Root out corruption wherever you can.