Dan B

That's an interesting view for sure. Something else you may find interesting that I've come to realize about myself is that not only do my thoughts arise from my senses, but they are basically formed by every single belief and experience I've racked up since birth. It's somewhat disturbing to peek into the true nature of thoughts.

Hi everyone, I've been practicing meditation, self-inquiry, and personal development since November. And while I have seen remarkable improvements in my life something is still not quite right. Ever since I was younger I've noticed that my personality, energy, emotions, and verbal output changes depending on who I'm around. I've always just dismissed this strange occurrence but lately (I assume from meditation and self-inquiry) it is something I can no longer dismiss. It's basically uncontrollable how quick I change around certain people. In a way its like Instagram filters. When I meet someone or speak to them one on one my mind/body/emotions immediately groups that person in with a filter. Some filters result in me always being timid whenever that specific person is around, other filters result in me feeling confident and more intelligent whenever another specific person is around (I've noticed this is only when I feel that the person does not emotionally intimidate me). These automatic reactions are so deep in my mind that I do not know how to break it even if I attempt to pay attention to it throughout my day. However, there are very rare occurrences where I feel authentic and more at peace(I'm always at this state when I'm alone and no one is around). These rare occurrences usually happen when I'm in an environment where I know no one and where everyone is an equal. At this state there are no "filters" and the original picture remains. A quick example would be at a school meeting, retreat, or presentation which requires everyone present to step up. At such times I find myself no different than when I'm alone. It's so strange that I cannot keep this phase which offers love, calmness, and authenticity to myself and everyone around me. Usually this results in efficient output and natural leadership which is nothing like one of my usual personalities around others. I'm fed up with not being able to be myself around my closest family and closest friends and nearly everyone I come across. I'm aware that these are deep subconscious acts but I can no longer let inauthenticity control my life. Any advice, input, or even similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. Much Love, Dan