Tiny Nietzsche

I'm 24 already, just started playing piano ~2 years ago. I had a teacher in first year for basic foundations of playing. (Now I'm self-taught, Great teacher requires some money.. But I've necessary priorities) I realised that starts playing piano was one of the best decision in my life, I love it. I love music (I started listening to music seriously at 12 (Trance), as the time goes by, I reached more genre; House, Techno, Old 70-90's Pop, Synth/Vaporwave and ofcours: Classics, Music is essential to me, I really listen to it).... I hardly feel 'tortured' or 'being forced' to practice, resistance to walk to piano and play/practice is very light (Sure, Sometimes I feel lazy).. But to start playing at twenties (To Those who wonder why I started this late: I always thought that It's too late to play for a decade (Glad I finally had a courage to do it)) , For me, It's much different from 5, Because starting at twenties, We absolutely can't go as a serious performance career.. So If It's not because of real love, I'dn't do it. As you guys know, Mid twenty is mature, We have job, Bills to pay, many responsibilities.. Yeh.. But I just can't resist my feeling towards piano :') Even I know I won't be where I might want to be.. . . So this is my problem -- I love piano, But I'm afraid to be poor, You know.. I'm still realistic, I don't want to be too fantasy without acknowledge reality.. I'm very old, All I might able to be is just a normal teacher, and It seems to me I don't like teaching. Moreover, I don't know whether I love it THAT MUCH or not, According to what I've read on reddit, When music comes to career that makes living, It somehow ruins our happiness of playing it (Practice a lot of piece that you don't even like it or in to it, etc.. You know.. people might enjoy it less than when It was kinda hobby).. idk.. (This also includes in music composition path) . . and If playing it will never take me any further, Then why play it at all??, I'm not a quitter, (I don't even want to quit tbh) Yet should I sacrifice where needed.. (Do I think too much?). Do I better spend hours to any other things???? (I also do programming, Python.. Which seems more promising & benefit to my life than piano.. (But There's more resistance from me to Python..(I like programming, but not love (btw, I may love playing video game most, It's hardest to me to choose music or game (given If I have to choose only one)) . . Sorry for long rant and bad alignment which might confuse you to know what I want to say.. There are so much in my mind.. Thank you

I mean: They have a good starter pack (Rich parents).. I know this existence is injustice, I know it.. but not literally or deep down feel it (If It's so, I wouldn't feel like this). After graduation they just went to UK for Master, only very very fews get there by scholarship, the rest put their own money. (I'm Asian, Studying abroad means you have great finance backup). Generally, This makes huge advantageous even in to start business, you know.. kinda these . . I'm not that desperate, I've my goal I'm working on (Investment in crypto, study coding Python, Playing piano) Yet those process takes years.. but someday, It kicks in to my thought. It hurts,.. I know I won't get any shit beating myself down like I'm feeling right now. But I'm just a human, I'm not a machine, Logic doesn't always legit.. I might get back to my track in hour later.. . . I'm sad right now. I admit it

I'm from Thailand sir

First, I really want to believe Leo.. But deep down, I still believe people & money are happiness >> So If I had 1trillion or unlimited money (In fact, $100m is more than enough): - So I don't want to do anythnig I don't want to, I quit my job instantly (I don't hate my job, yet do'nt love it) - I can eat expensive or top quality sushi whenever I want to - I can sleep most expensive hotel for month or year with zero care - I drive Aston Martin or Bentley, dress myself with top brands, Wear most expensive A. Lange or Audmars, Then I can fuck those top girls, taste their pussy, with brain & charisma along the way, I can fuck almost any girls I want to (Celebrity, Stars, whosoever) - Go to places, Beaches, from pole to pole with private jet or firrst business class seat - Buy grand concert Steinway & Sons model (I love playing piano) - I can play computer games with half milliion rig, 4-5K monitor 120FPS, and spend my whole month or year playing it without worry a single shit - I can buy bodybuilding supplements, build up more my muscle, hire IFBB Pro to coach - and so on . . Those would take decades until I get bored (maybe I'll never be).. You know, even typing alone I can test a fractal of that life.. with those things mix together, One can't get bored, It's better than heaven . So how those are not happiness? I can't imagine.. I just don't want to lie or to deceive myself that those are not happiness blah blah, When deep donw I want a billion,

Agreed, thanks for your answer.. (Sure, I understand it, But It doesnt embed in my bones and subconcious.. how sad). Do you have any recommend books or stuffs or any Leo vids? (I've watched a lot which content are involved in this topic)

I got your point, I didn't do a research, but mostly I think they have a stigma like abuse in childhood (Linkin Park's Vocal).. or something that 'They didn't do it by themself') Shit.. IDK, But for me, That's heaven undoubtedly, no two ways about it (aint you?) ps. u guys please clarify me in way less 'ambiguous' or try not to answer with question pls

I can't answer.. IDK.. This one is deep though..

They got depression which is an illness, It doesnt count imo

Which to choose? Playing Piano or Bodybuilding - I started playing it just one year ago (I'm 24), It went quite well, for all 22-23 years before I always yearned to play it since 14-15, Temptation for piano was strong, But 'It's too late' feeling held me back not decided playing it until 23... I'm a real music listener, I don't just listen (EDM(Trance,DeepHouse,Techno), Classics, Old Pop),I feel like I really get into music... I always search more tracks, Turn on music always as possible as I can whether driving, working (sometimes), showering, or while just living in my home, I have specific genre I love, not whatever - I started lifting 3 years ago (~20), It went quite well, I always eager to go to gym, never feel lazy to do so, I hardly feel it for leg day, IDK, I really love it, Can't imagine If I quit (But Yeah... , I feel this to piano too, Piano sound is like an essence of my soul), I don't want to quit lifting those metal, I can't tolerate seeing my muscle gets weaken, IDK But Due to late start playing, my way for piano is so dark.. I need help..

agreed, bodybuilding really goes beyond healthiness, It's opposite actually

Yeh.. even If I want to... I cant both...But I talk about time usage of my only 24 per day, thank you anyway

Woah.. much appreciated for your honest comment about AAS, I'm currently planning to have a circle of Anavar & Test (for now, might step up to Tren later on).... I might think twice about it, Thanks again

- I don't agree, I'm logical, I hate fallacy, So I focus on the 'content' not a sayer (and leo's content is mostly legit, except about science(Math/Quantum/Physics)) - But I'm skeptical person, I don't take thing for only one side before fully get into it.... - https://www.quora.com/Is-Leo-Gura’s-Actualized-org-a-scam / https://www.reddit.com/r/awakened/comments/93yzuj/be_wary_of_actualizedorg/ - There's a lot (some still reasonal) negativity on Leo Thoughts?

It's like the terminus of all philosophy and things.. I've moderate knowledge about astronomy & physics, So I somehow have a glimpse of comprehension whether how vast/big/empty the universe is (there no proper world to describe this dread) I mean to all variation of Nihilism (only those keep the concept true) in general: Cosmic Nihilism or even Optimistic Nihilism What Nihilism informs is true unarguably.. (Deception series of Leo's even fits it too) But why then..

not sure leo already said it or not, but i can think of it myself yesterday.. it's about to know whether things u are doing for primarily for money or not.. (If yes, I think It likely be a wrong path..) -- If you had one billion $, would you still do it or not? -- ask yourself honestly, the answer will come out quite instantly.. no lie to yourself.. for me (I'm currently focusing on Forex trading) the answer from my soul is 'No' I must rethink about forex.. my soul doesn't love the process of trading but money, sad.

Put my name aside, First of all, Thanks everyone reading this because this story is not about yours, Much appreciated for wasting your time reading somebody's life.. I'll write this carefully (yet in concise).. I'm not a Eng native speaker so I apologize If I wrote muddle or syntax & context is off) My problem is: I don't know which way I should go, I know I've a few direction.. but It all are blurry way, It's not clear.. I'm 25, currently working as a salesman (fine salary, so much time for self improvement & learning things per day) In the long term, I will change to a full time trader (get passive & VI in Cryptocurrency & Stocks, but mainly focus on Forex) ~10 years from now, I'm doing my work only to get amount of savings, while learning & trading at night or spare time, to keep an experience for that day but Though I like and have a interesting about economics, politics & kinda things -- I don't like it THAT much, I don't love it, TBH, main reason is I do it for money, Successful trader has advantages; Free Time, Able to work anywhere any time, Forex market is impossible to die. If I make it once, I can do it as a source of income until I die, plus It almost 100% relies on personal skills & experience, It's different from doing business (so many human problems many factors, but for a trader, all you have to deal with is YOU) I want to be a trader because It will offer many many things - Freedom, both time and money - It can makes me rich, my net worth ceiling is pretty high If I choose this way - It ensures I won't be bitter about poor life - and to play games happily, no bittersweet or anxiety about finance or stability behind yes.. I love playing game, It's part of my life, I grew up with it, It's my happiness, simply happiness (being a trader can gives my high performance rig over the years.. ) ..I know this is totally wrong, It's wrong to yearn about the outcome without care about the process . . and the last one, last element that makes this problems get harder . . I love piano, playing piano, music as much as playing game (maybe more but It depends.. my childhood contains a lot of good memories & happiness of playing games) I love it enough to start playing it, bought it (Kawai 800; $7000), and get a teacher myself at age 23 ! (That's very late, But I still had a courage to fulfill it) .. but.. I've strong background of music, I listen to it passionately; EDM (I'm a real listener I've my genre/subgenere preference, know many producers, even doing EDM myself (DAW) but I quit it last year for the same reason below) Classics, Pop. I can talk for days about music.. I also have a plan to take a exam grade (Trinity or ABSRM) soon.. I hardly force my self to practice piano, I enjoy it a lot, not less than playing games, my progression went very well.. . but It seems like I try to put too many thing in life.. and want to be good it all too.. . If I had a chance to get back to 5, I'd likely to start playing piano from then on. to be a pianist or composer. Actually, I also want to be a film score composer but.. I'm 25 already, I'm not far off from real world, I won't stand a chance If I go fully for music path.. . . . . . . . . So I've main 3 things in my life (9-5 job excluded) 1. Games 2. Trading 3. Piano *** Right now, I don't have a game to play, so to say, Recently I haven't played games at all, But I'm always ready for upcomings (ex: Cyberpunk 2077, Dragon Age 4, Red Alert 2 Remastered, Die Twice, ...) and when it arrives, I usually play it like hell, I never lose an excitement for games *** - I know Games should be deleted among those 3.. but.. It's part of my life, I'm not sure you all understand this but If I had a $trillion, I would surely still sit at my home and playing computer games.. - I also don't want to quit piano, I practice ~3 hours per day (morning, evening, and before bed), so many pieces I want to play, It's one of my life time goal.. - But in order to be a successful trader, I HAVE to sacrifice, go all in (I really know that believe me..), because It's a zero-sum market and extremely hard to be a survivor - So, right now, I don't know what should I really do.. my power is divided, It's not well-focused.. - I want to decide this in aspects for a long term scale - I hate to quit, because I quit once (EDM producer on DAW & DJing)) .. Should I quit playing piano? give it all to be a successful Forex trader .. Should I quit to be a trader? because I don't love it, I'm not gonna make it, and I will 1000% regret for chasing after money? .. Should I full focus on a musician career? (but i'm quite afraid to have a bitter life due to finance and such) .. or Should I ? (*** I don't want to be a career gamer or YouTuber ***) I contemplate about these a lot, I don't know what should I do.. I intended to figure it out before 2019 but still can't.. In fact, I already decided to choose Forex Trader way already.. but sometimes the call in my heart says 'No' (lol sure bc I need its money, soul never lies) One notion says: Sometimes you have to do what you don't like, or do what makes money and do what you love in spare time (IDK, George Soros said himself trading is boring sometimes for him) Another one: Do what you love, No matter what (Jobs, Elon, Mayweather, M. Jackson, ... all the successful ppl said in the same way)