Zec

Is 1111 an actual thing that rings true for you guys?

I’ve been talking to my inner child. I’m searching for the child that had his mother and looked at her and laughed with her. I like a picture of my father holding me while I’m on a merrgo round looking and smiling at my mother while she is taking the picture. Idk if I’m seeing from his perspective tho I think he’s helping me to see from his. Idk

Why don’t you talk about Radical Honesty ? I notice the thought that in one of your videos you talked about confronting people on their bullshit. Why didn’t you talk more about confrontation in your earlier videos? I think Radical Honesty is the one thing that completely transformed my life so far.

And I will tell my therapist about the suicidal thoughts

I’ve watched Leo’s video on survival and I’ve noticed how mechanical I’ve been my entire life. My Mother died when I was a baby, and I’ve been raised by my father and older brother for some time. I think around 8 years old my father got married and I started living with my new stepmother, 4 stepdaughters and a step brother. I think I didn’t take that transition very well. And I felt lonely and felt I didn’t have much control over my life. I think being beveraved at such a young age and being thrown into an different family who I wanted to love tho didn’t really love me back was very traumatizing. That lack of control and mechanical way of trying to get love and approval still drives me to this day. I’ve been in suicidal ideation and asked my Dad and stepmother if my stepsisters knew i was in the hospital. I ask my stepsister Hillary if I can have a completion talk and express my resentments and appreciations and get over my attachment to her and she says no or doesn’t respond. I think of suicide and drive arond thinking of where to commit suicide, and how I should do it. I think that I should get into an accident on purpose in order to get attention from my stepsisters. Seems everything I’ve done in my life was to get attention from my stepsisters. Laying in bed pretending to be a sad miserable lonely person seems to be a way to get attention. I notice the thought that even writing this is mechanical. I’m a mess.

I’ve had a completion conversation with my Dad after taking the get over shit and be happy course. A Radical Honesty Course. I noticed shaking in my body and I think I’ve spent a couple hours of shaking just by sharing my anger and appreciations with my Dad. I’ve had these conversations of telling people about my anger and appreciations with my brother, my stepmom, my grandma, my two uncles, my roomate, and my stepsister Hillary. I screwed up getting complete with Hillary and I’ve been snap chatting her asking her to talk to me and she doesn’t respond anymore. The roomate blocked my on his phone and I haven’t talked to him in months.

If one is really screwed in life like myself most of my life. I imagine one goes to self help. I notice I think self help can get you into a lot of shit and one SHOULD?consider making fucking sure that they are not to shit out of luck and traumatized before spending a lot of time on self help. Go to psychotherapy and meditate. For fuck sake

Can someone explain the higher self. I notice I imagine the higher self to be some type of archetype for someone with lots of energy slaying away at life. I’m taking a radical honesty course by Brad Blanton. His instructor says how the higher self is kinda bullshit. I imagine according to rad honesty theory and application that it’s somewhat true. I see people in life in character structures according to Ryes Thomas. “Discover your life purpose” and I see how I’ve tried on exercises to reach some sort of higher self. I imagine I’m just stuck in some sort of self help theory masturbation of sorts.

Telling the truth is so imperative for mental health and mostly everything else. Trying to stay mindful or present during the day is not the cutting edge of what needs to be done for me. Trying to stay mindful of what I’m doing all the time leads to OCD. Need to be closer to my close ones and really put in the time to say what’s on my mind. Doing things away from my Dad or trying to not think about them tends to be a waste of time. I want to create meaning with my conventional close ones. If I don’t I will either be hyper vigilant, compulsive, trying to hard to do development by myself. Not deminishing my ocd.

Highly recommend somatic experiencing with a psychotherapis . I’m 22 and struggle with self esteem. If anything just make sure your getting body and cognitive work.

Things are coming together in ways I couldn’t even imagine a year ago when I started meditation. These days I’m noticing that I’m consciously giving myself more compassion as if I’m trancending into a team player that takes care of me. Think the team player characteristic In me is my divine self. The divine is the trans personal self that takes care of the ego. I’ve been criticized by my dysfunctional family for a long time and I’m noticing how the team player how is the divine that is treating me with compassion to stop the inner critic. Helping me to be closer with colleagues and not be so timid in everything that I do. If your out there not knowing how to get out of a dark place look out for your divine self to help.

Is there an way to ingest without it disrupting my gut?

My inner child is crying for help. My nervous system is in need of healing and the only way I can integrate my inner cry is through the nervous system. https://youtu.be/796U_T78ig0

It’s like I don’t know what independent means. Im 22 with a job thought my parents have had a very tight leash on my for years. I need to rip the leash.