clouffy

Well technically it's not a dream, but several nights ago I was really sleepy, and while I was entering sleep, I was entering a tunnel of squares spiralling into darkness, and then i saw this burst of white light that had the shape of the galaxy/ cosmos. it was like the cosmos occuring inside my eye...then I went out of consciousness (sleep). WHAT WAS THIS EXPERIENCE?! the squared tunneled into darkness like this, and i was travelling through it

desperate for some answers...

@Nahm "transcendence", then?

@Nahm i see! i'd say this is more on the "survival" side of self-help, especially when working at lower stages, maybe stage orange businesses. to transcend this we may need calmer, inner-peace form of power. hmmmm

@Salvijus what kind of paranormal/ superpowers does sadhguru posesss? he said he could make air crackle

How does Sadhguru manage to integrate SPIRITUALITY to real life PRAGMATIC/ (i would even say) stage orange hyper productivity?? how does he do it? well you can say that he integrates spirituality and enlightenment with pragmatic aspects are NONDUAL, i think he puts in this way too and i think leo has a way to introducing us to spiritual concepts through an orange door too, you know he says he tricks us into enlightenment by appealing to the orange audicence first hahaha but seriously, how do you think he does it??? my schedule is jam-packed, i am a meticulous but really slow worker...

i wonder how this integrates with the ultimate power of spirituality? i like this book, too, but i think there is a more "conscious", not as blood-sucking form of power... @Nahm would like to have your two cents

Can someone actually accept that they are in a depression and don't actually eat well? Man, I used to be fit and attractive and healthy and enjoyed eating healthy. Now I binge eat and occasionally have something healthy. But I just can't wrap my head around this "acceptance" thing...the more I think i "should" accept myself, the more I question what parts should I accept... watching Leo's video on depression motivated me, but it seems to create more "resistance" towards my "self-inflicted" depression, and I seem to hate myself more and drop deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole...jeez

Is that the case?

@non_nothing What do you mean by Still one left ?

They always say the relapse rate is high, and it sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. some people have major relapses in depression every 2/3/5 years, and it only takes one successful attempt of suicide to actually remove your existence...

@Skanzi wow, I've never thought of it this way.... suicide as a form of survival would that mean suicidal desires = ego's way to call for help/ attention?

Yes I think so, it's like uncovering some dormant emotion within you that you've swept away for quite some time. Better to keep track of how you are feeling after each session. Sometimes the devil has to be called upon in order for you to actually look at it and slay the demon. Maybe the anger/ resent was deep inside you for quite some time, like a leech in your body for quite some time. But as you clear up your psyche you pick out the leech and all the underlying pain surfaces. So maybe it is a good thing. Good to notice your feelings throughout sessions.

@Leo Gura thanks! I used to "resist" agenda for achieving a goal and end up nowhere because i failed to realize that "you need to start from lower level/ perhaps extrinsic motivation" first before you can ultimately transcend the agenda...and sometimes the "agenda" hinders your development because you are too attached to the goal...and hence the ego backlash and all other things that hinder progress. maybe the answer is to be mindful of the agenda, and slowly moving towards that goal, and not let the weight of the goal consume you...

@Leo Gura Thank you, I'll make sure to bring love with me.

There is a lot of rejection and maybe demonisation of his ideas, and for some time i have been a huge follower of his youtube videos. And then I came back to Actualised.org and the whole spiral dynamics thing, and this kind of created a resistance for me against JBPs ideas, since many people here say he's a stage blue guy. I have depression and I find his words to be very true... his ideas are not completely false, and as Leo says there is a little kernel of truth in everything, even in the "wrongest" religions. So how do I listen to JBP again/ what should I do about listening to people I may have built a resistance against?

It seems like the only way to become ego-less/ enlightened is to use the "existing ego" to "hack" ourselves into pursuing enlightenment, just as Leo puts it in his video on "the benefit of enlightenment", Leo really has a thing in "luring" us unconscious people into personal development by appealing to our egos - with "enlightenment" we will stop caring about what people think, since we realise the nothing-ness of ourselves/ the vastness of the universe, etc. And for eckhart tolle, it seems from what he says, that the reason he became "egoless" was because his ego inflicted too much pain on himself, that he ultimately was able to break away from ego... but doesn't this go in the contrary of what Sadhguru says that "suffering will not seek"? I feel like, that unconsciously I may have the drive to become "egoless" by inflicting pain on myself, since I think I need to suffer like the normal person, and need intense suffering (to the point of suicide) before I "deserve" enlightenment... But isn't that also the life of "Buddha" as a prince? He saw "suffering" as a need to complete his hero's journey... And it seems like the catch-22 thing is, how I manage to "get out of depression" in the past/ have a fulfilling day was when there was some unconscious "triggers" that motivated to wake up/ get out of the house...then the depressed mood kind of goes away "naturally"...the counter-intuitive thign is, you can't think of "acceptance" in order to feel acceptance...goddammit

So anxious and depressed all the time. so many paradoxes, mind tangles, catch-22s. Sometimes i think that (or my ego thinks that) "if you fail at this area of life, you sure don't have space/ do not deserve space" to read books/ study outside of work.... i like to read books, but sometimes i get so anxious and depressed from dealing with that other area of life...but the anxiety and worry from that area of life is SO DAMN CANCEROUS now i cannot enjoy learning extra material/ do extra-curricula stuff. And this has lasted for sometime, and it just keeps snowballing, and now i really am debilitated (though i've seen leo's video on taking full responsibility for whatever happens to you)...I hate myself for being so unconscious. yet when i open a book, all i can see is dread and words and my lost "mental powers"...i used to be able to assimilate knowledge really fast and efficiently (maybe i was quite smart) but now i am like a piece of useless shit damn it.

@Leo Gura How do you know that suffering is not a part of the hero's journey...when slaying the dragon is a huge part? and what about the indian prince suffering a whole lot before he became the buddha? if that's the case then, oh damn, these self-inflicted sufferings have all been in vain!

@MsNobody i do not have eating disorders per se, but i tend to stuff myself full when i'm anxious/ depressed. it's like i know i should be meditating out of the anxious state and not use food, but it's hard to break this emotional reaction

Book recommendations? I want the spiritual "instructions" to weightloss/ changing oneself... since you usually get advice on "information" on how to lose weight, but not so much on the spiritual/ psychological explanations on that. Something along the lines of: detachment, homeostasis, ego, etc. would be great. Any books/ videos i can refer to? I've watched Leo's ones, and some by teal swan

@Mikael89 Thank you for sharing. Was it like recurrent thoughts of suicide in your case?

@MsNobody Thanks. Any books/ materials that helped you along the way?

@omTom not much , actually

what i mean is, if the ego wants you to survive, why would it drive to human suicide? my guess is that the ego values identity more than it does the "survive", in some sense we have evolved to a point where our ego learns to value symbolic things (identity, status, relationship) more than it does physically