Anicko

Everyone is free to choose this for themselves. I'd say having 'standards' is neither good nor bad, it's just the longer or tougher your list, the fewer opportunities you give yourself to learn about different kinds of people and grow yourself. So, you don't find certain things attractive. You can either explore your thoughts and beliefs around it or take it how it is. The only person that actually affects is you. What you do find attractive is likely to evolve as you do anyways. Don't put yourself, or anyone else, in some stupid little box.

Have you thought to simply ask? As hard as it can feel to ask someone a question like that, trying to figure out what's going on in someone else's mind is even more difficult.

You are still very young, and I think the best use of youth is to try everything you can that you think might interest you. Don't get hung up on what other people think you should be doing or what is "normal", and don't beat yourself up when you make mistakes. Enjoy discovering who you are, the rest will fall into place.

When you feel the urge to twirl your hair, watch your thoughts. Ask yourself why you do it. Most of the things that come up you will discover are ridiculous! It may take some time to figure it out, but when you find the triggering thoughts, you'll be able to stop the habit.

@appleaurorae I hope to feel the same way eventually. It gets easier as I work on it.

Yesterday was a rough one. I can't say it was bad, it definitely wasn't good, but it was different for sure. I haven't been feeling totally well (I'm blaming the weather ), getting less sleep with the new job; fighting the mental battle is draining at times, it's easy to talk yourself out of doing the work. I won't go into too many details, but I definitely learned some things. Probably more than I realize at this moment. Watching my mind, I can see how the "bad" parts are being blown out of proportion. It's like one part of my mind wants to create it's own version of my experience as truth, but another part can see all of the lies. Best example is how my client went last night. She was late, and initially I was kind of hoping for a no show so I could work on a project I've got in mind. When she showed up, however, I was intrigued. (She said she was late because she has problems with her esophagus, and she choked on some chicken.) She was a little strange, did not stop talking pretty much ever, things went well until towards the end. For the first time, I ran out of time to finish service. There are a bunch of reasons why, and really, it's not a big deal, and nothing I could have done differently would have changed the situation. She was gracious about it, it was not a big deal, right? I could definitely feel her hiding how she really felt, but I was not letting her project that shit on me, and I was not going to be blamed for the situation either because there was no fault. From my perspective, I learned a lot and I did my absolute best. Things just were not as simple as it appeared at first. Anyways, I checked her out and left her to pay. While I was cleaning up, the instructor asked me a couple questions and had a mini rant where she blamed my client for the problems. I don't know, I don't really care. I still learned from it, and while I was frustrated and tired, I was done with that client in my mind. Well, the woman at the desk tells me she turned nasty after I left and blamed me. Unfortunately, upon hearing that, I allowed myself to consider her view as valid somehow, and now I was upset about it. I had trouble sleeping, and until now was ruminating about the situation. I think everyone falls into these traps! I'm pretty sure I'm not stuck though. I think I had a breakthrough in understanding projection from this. It's still do fresh, I haven't gotten to explore the idea much, but I feel pretty excited about it. I hope this helps me when I battle these false self attempts at recreating my reality. I really do prefer seeing life as it really is, I have been able to see through the lies I tell myself and it didn't kill me. It didn't turn me into a monster when I accept that I fucked something up or that I wasn't right about something. And those are just small things. When you start to see your memories as they really actually were, it will change the way you see yourself entirely. It's absolutely incredible.

As I spend more time "awake", I realize how unaware people are. It's not what I thought it would be. I can see how stuck people are, and sometimes I try to tell them how easy it is for them to get themselves unstuck. So rarely do they get it. I sometimes think about the way I perceive other people, how I imagine they perceive me... Am I trying to convince myself of something, or is it really just my mind playing tricks on me. I really do see so many things so differently now, even compared to just a few weeks or days ago. I've got a lot going on; there are some parts that could be seriously bad if I let them be that way. Life is different. Some of these old, old issues have got to go. It's scary as hell- it IS hell. But I'm going to get through it. I always do, and this time these old problems will be fixed forever.

There are a lot of little things too consider in your own mind when you want to stop being so judgmental. Put yourself in their shoes. Consider that what works for you doesn't work for everyone else. Remind yourself people are acting from their own unique perspective, and you don't have any idea what they are thinking. Remember, too, that everyone just wants to be happy. We all do the best we can with what we know and have learned. It doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it makes it easier to let go of your own judgments. It takes time. Keep an open mind!

Lisa A. Romano has some great videos to help give some emotional support. Her earlier ones are the best, her newest ones are going very much into spirituality and some new age type material, which is fine, but not as helpful to someone just beginning to realize codependency issues. I really liked 'The Everything Guide to Codependency'. There aren't many books on these topics at my local library, unfortunately, but that one was a quick and easy read, and it did really get me to think about things differently, which is always awesome. Don't forget, though, simply staying aware of your thoughts and of your behaviors is a huge step in the right direction. It's easy to discourage yourself, but even if you are still right doing stupid things you don't want to do, you are watching yourself do it, and you will learn how to stop it if you watch yourself enough times. Best of luck.

Anything can be real if you believe it.

Have you ever watched yourself do something "bad"? I'm still working on mastering my 'observer mode', but it's coming along. Recently I've been aware of some actions I've taken that aren't what what I necessarily want to see myself do, and I'm as of yet unaware of the motivation involved, but it is interesting. It has got me thinking of how often we do things, completely unaware or in total denial. It is easy to come up with excuses to give myself, or if I were caught, I could easily explain in a way to get myself out of any 'trouble'. It's hard to not get trapped in it, but I feel like there's something here I am supposed to figure out. It's hard, though! Your mind plays so many games, and it's so easy to forget your focus. I keep trying to figure out why, and all that's coming up at this point is some faceless fear. It makes me appreciate the mistakes of others though. Opens me up to even more compassion. I'm not a 'bad' person, but I'm not some perfect little angel either. I'm not sure what's going on, but I'll figure it out!

I would suggest trying to discover and get rid of whatever it is you believe it's making you feel dissatisfied. You can do this at any time, but dedicating some meditations to it might work really well. Ask yourself 'why am I dissatisfied?', 'why am I unhappy? '. Keep following those answers. Eventually you reach the core beliefs that need to be gotten rid of. As you work on it, you'll notice you're feeling better and better until eventually you have a whole new perspective on yourself and your life. Best wishes.

What does it mean to you to "be kind"? If you are behaving in a truly kind way with pure intentions and actual desire to do something, you can't be taken advantage of. It's when you think you are being kind, going out of your way, and probably didn't really truly want to do it in the first place that you find yourself in trouble. Watch your motivations for the "kind" things you do. What are you thinking and feeling? You'll find your answer there.

I read a couple incredible blogs a while back. Gateway to Gold, and No Labels No Lies. One of those things I stumbled upon that totally changed my life. Totally relates to this topic of beliefs.

Hopefully not me personally, haha! But truly, we all get stuck sometimes. I just hope I wake up to the lie, sooner rather than later!!