Anicko

You need to let go of blaming your parents. It's time to grow up. Your parents did the best they could with what they knew, understood, believed and had. There is ultimately no right or wrong in that. You can't move on and do better if you don't understand that.

Follow your instinct in regards to reporting it. As for the rest of what you've said here, you need to let go of whatever happened in the past. Otherwise it's going to bother you forever. Let go of the idea that you were wronged by this person. They are living out their illusion, you can decide to not be trapped in it with them. When I was first learning how to forgive and let go of things done to me, one of the most useful tools was to put myself in their shoes, think about why they might have done what they did. You don't condone their behavior, no matter their reason, but when you allow yourself to feel true compassion, it is easy to forgive. But it takes time and practice. When you forgive, it won't hurt you anymore. You can move on.

@Ayla It's just that there is a huge difference between ignoring and getting rid of something, and I think that gets lost in translation! Someone who is new to this work can so easily miss it.

That's not exactly what I meant. It's especially hard to explain in writing. I think perhaps even you don't mean "thoughts" the way someone who is newer to this is going to interpret it. But, this is an area where I think new age is wrong most of the time. Those people ignore their own thoughts and feelings, then project it out on others so they don't even have to realize their mistake. And I know what you mean about people getting lost in how and why. One should be careful about that. The goal is to find the core belief and be rid of it, not simply try to ignore your thoughts.

For me, one of the most helpful ways starting out dealing with social anxiety seriously was to put myself in other's shoes. What would I think of me if I were them? Most of the time you realize that you are making a huge deal out of stuff no one even notices. You need to stop thinking (worrying) so much and focus on what's actually happening. Just be. It's a small step, but it really helps.

It's one step to become aware of your feelings and thoughts. The next step is to follow them, find out what's causing it and fix your mind. It's simple, but not easy. You can be aware of your thoughts, but won't see permanent change in your life if you aren't using your feelings properly and letting go of beliefs. Once you learn how to do it, you won't have so many emotional issues. One of the biggest traps in the spiritual community is the idea that simply being aware will fix things! People get stuck there, and eventually they may just fall back asleep. Keep asking yourself why. Not just when you feel sad. When you feel happy or excited too! You'll find beliefs and expectations in your positive emotions that need to be dropped too!

Honesty (particularly with oneself) and integrity. I think everything else comes naturally after that.

I have had something like that happen a few times, during meditation is when I notice it mostly. One time there was a sensation of so much pressure I almost felt afraid. At the time it bothered me that there was no one I could talk to about it! I have no idea what it was or even if it was my mind playing tricks on me, and I don't care enough to speculate. But you're not alone in the experience.

Just because someone claims to have evidence does not make their statement true. A "real" scientist can make claims that are later proven false. It happens all the time! Evidence is hardly ever purely perfect. There are things that simply can not be known unless you experience it personally. Why do you care what anyone else believes? And if it's because they are trying to force it on you, you ignore it. You walk away. It has no power over you if it is truly false. You can't deny truth, ultimately, so, again, why do you care what others believe? Their experience is not yours to worry about.

@asgard94 What you could try to do, is figure out what it is exactly that's getting you all riled up. What are you projecting onto Teal Swan and others like her that you are then judging? I suspect there's some core belief that is trying to get your attention. Once you get rid of it, you'll be able to respond to these kinds of topics without being upset at all. Getting upset is always a signal to be mindful and follow your feelings. Use the mirror, don't break it, as they say.

My brain is swirling this morning. It's been a crazy week. I've been feeling way exhausted, and those false self (ego) lies are a little tempting. Eventually I want to talk about R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Next to love and beliefs, I think respect is one of the most misunderstood things on the planet. But thinking about it, it really got me thinking about other things. People are so deeply ingrained with beliefs and unawareness that they just don't know what they are talking about most of the time. It's a really isolating thing to realize. You have to learn different ways of relating to others and to life, and it's stinking uncomfortable. And that's hard to admit to yourself! Your mind tells you there's something wrong with you, and if you believe it, you fall asleep again. "Spiritual people" try so hard to help others get on the same path with them, to the point they accidentally create another system of beliefs and dogma full of lies. Humans are so driven to find answers, we find it almost impossible to accept that there are things we can't ever know for sure and we get so angry when someone tells us that they can't explain something and we must experience it ourselves. And then when they say they can't even tell us how to gain the experience, we label them a liar and stay in our illusion. I would love for my friends and family to join me. It would be amazing! But I can't explain so many things in a way that doesn't sound ridiculous, it's hard to convince them. Maybe when I'm further. Oh, but those moments when you are 100% in the moment, fully aware of every thought and feeling- that is really living. Actual joy, real peace and love. It sounds so fucking sappy, but that's because unless you've actually been aware of the times you've felt it (and you have, no matter how hard your life has been), you don't *know* the feeling. No one wants to feel all the bad stuff. I can't blame anyone who doesn't want to go through this. Some people do live nice lives without ever having to fully wake up. You could say they are lucky. I don't know how the mechanics of it all works, but I definitely have not had that kind of life. Right now, I feel like I have no other choice. I'm going to sit in my bad feelings and figure out what they are telling me. Fight the urge to run away. It's a lonely thing to do, but it is so worth it. I wish I could explain it all precisely, but it's not possible! It's even harder in text. I can't even tell you if something you've experienced is exactly what I'm talking about. But, if you keep trying, eventually you get little cracks in your illusion, and if you're paying attention, you'll see what I mean. You'll feel different, and you will understand. But you won't be able to explain it. Ha!

They are likely one in the same. A person preaching lies and beliefs may simply be disbelieved, and probably laughed at, to be disempowered. When disempowered, they likely become angry. When angry, they can become threatening if you don't know how to disengage. Of course, I could pile on tons of scenarios here, but surely you see what I mean. There are more layers to it than you assume. It's better to double check your own logic and reasoning before you judge someone else.

When you do the inner work, outer "work" ceases to exist. You automatically do the things you want to do, and stop doing the things that you don't want to do. Life gets easier, better. You don't have to force yourself anymore! Stop being outer-focused. Go inside, that's where real change happens. There is tons of practical information on how to do it. Meditate and do shadow work. Dispose of your beliefs. Learn what your feelings are for and how to use them the right way.

Absolutely anyone can love unconditionally. The easiest example is the love parents experience for a newborn baby. Most of the time, something causes it to change, so it's no longer unconditional. As you move forward spiritually and become mindful, you get to experience it while actually paying attention to it directly. It's amazing to see the difference, and for a moment you understand what it is. I've not yet reached the point where I can "love it to death", as is stated by many "enlightened" people. I think the mood awake I become, the more I'll learn how to do it. It's the absolute basis for the forgiveness, which is something we all can do and need to do for our own health, seeking enlightenment or not. In a relationship, "unconditional love" is definitely not romantic love, parental love, friendly love, whatever. Unconditional love is what keeps you wanting that other person in your life, even when they screw up royally. You are able to understand what happened, be compassionate, forgive and not judge, leaving the other person still pure in your eyes. I look forward to having that love for everything in my life some day.

Hey, Admin! I think it would be nice to have a sub-forum for technical questions about the forum and website. I couldn't find a specific spot to even offer this request, and I figured, logically, this subforum makes slightly more sense than the 'general' self actualization one. I am sure others are wondering where to ask technical questions. Thanks for your time.

You always choose your reaction- including whether you are 'psychologically damaged' by something. The more mindful and "enlightened" you become, the more you realize you decide how you react, respond and feel about everything. Choosing the example of being spit on is rather extreme. Most adults don't have that risk in their daily lives, so it's difficult to speculate without additional information. Unless I'm in dire physical harm, I'm not going to kick any teeth in. And if you are a decent human being, no one's going to look down on you for taking the high road.

I'm probably not the sort of person you'd expect to think the law of attraction is truth, but I'm more convinced every day. It's absolutely crazy, and of course it could be easily construed as coincidence if I want to doubt it, but things have happened for me now that I'm paying more attention. And I don't really believe in coincidence. Haha.

But it's a hard belief to avoid taking on for most people. It exists everywhere in this world, especially where religions are prominent. So I don't judge those that make the choice. I've had my own issues. But I would caution them to keep an open mind, and it's better to believe it's a lie and discover truth than it is to believe everything because your own mind will then deceive you. And I'm definitely not jumping on that bandwagon with them, ha!

Because some idiot (maybe even with the label of "expert") told them to stop for one of/or many reasons, and deep down inside everyone battles the core belief that sex is bad and they are going to hell, so they want to believe the idiot. Cue placebo effect, some people feel better, so, many people take that as evidence the idiot was right. It's a neverending cycle it seems. But even that will just be the reality (illusion) itself until everyone "wakes up". ... I totally realize you were likely being light-hearted, but that was a great comment.

I used to always get INFJ, but since making a ton of headway in personal development, I've changed to ENFP. Losing the 'introvert' and 'judging' labels, to me, is a pretty good thing.

Reality is simply the manifestation of the sum of your beliefs. Reality is not truth. I am not skeptical. I don't want to put any more lies in my mind. As contradictory ad it may seem, they do not mean the same thing. And just because I don't believe something doesn't mean I judge it. You are the one judging me- and I say that with kindness and respect, because if you are seeking what you said in your previous posts, you would appreciate having it brought to your attention that you are judging and making assumptions. If you must label me, I prefer "not gullible" to overly skeptical. It is a hard thing to put into words. It's hard to say it in a way that most people would understand. I only mentioned the one small piece about my husband and my situation as a personal anecdote. Ultimately, it doesn't mean anything because it's an illusion anyways. I am not concerned with existentialism at this point in my life. I don't care why I exist, all that actually matters is that I do. Should I discover something along those lines, fantastic. What I'm seeking is peace, joy, a life worth living. And I'd love everyone to have the same thing. So I'm that friend that's always got to tell you when you're thinking something silly or harmful. It doesn't always make me popular, but it might make me the truest friend you ever had.

You must be careful to not buy into the lies of your own mind just as carefully as the ones from other people. I prefer to err on the side of not believing pretty much anything. When you do this, you discover what the truth actually is because no matter an opinion the truth can not be changed. I have found that as I remove false beliefs from my mind, my life changes pretty amazingly. Depression and anxiety disappeared from my daily life. I'm not angry all the time. My imagination is returning. My sense of humor is back from a long vacation. People don't like to be told that their life sucks because of their own mind. It's a big ugly pill to swallow. But the people who do realize it, and take the journey through their own pain will find so much better on the other side of it. Not having an orgasm for 21 days might fix a problem for you if you believe it will, for a little while. Then you have to keep it up, like it's a drug. It's a trap. Get into your mind and find out why you don't feel creative or happy enough, fix the beliefs that are in your way and then you have actually fixed the problem for good. Then you can go back to your actually desired orgasming schedule.

If you only drink one cup of coffee chances are you've got nothing to worry about. If you follow that up with a bunch of caffeinated soda or something, maybe you should reconsider. Society likes to hate on caffeine. It's a safe substance and it makes you feel good (and makes you alert and more aware). If you are keeping in doses your body can handle, let the worry go. Your body will tell you to stop if you go overboard. Listen to your body, be wary what even an "expert" has to say.

@MaxWare1997 Just because you believe something is true does not make it so. The brain has the capability of being really convincing, but it's still a lie. In the science/medical community it's called the placebo or psychosomatic effect. I know this whole anti-masturbation, anti-sex thing is super popular (I love how trends cycle), but people aren't seeing the illusion being sold to them. My husband has bought into the whole no fap thing. For months now. From his perspective, he feels "amazing". He's not seeing reality. At all. In the least, it's made him behave really rather annoyingly to me. I've got other things to do besides fuck for an hour or more a day. And he doesn't take 'no thanks' for an answer at all. Sucks for me, a lot actually. I appreciate what he's going for, but he won't allow himself to see how he's being fooled.

I think it's a bunch of baloney. If you believe it's going to make a difference, you'll likely experience just that (placebo). It's how our minds work. Instead of sexuality being a ticket to hell, it's some sort of key to unlocking your mystical powers! I feel like humans feel such a need to put their biological functions on a pedestal so we can have more meaning in our lives. We've got to be better than our friend's dog that's always humping our leg, right? I've never *intentionally* gone really long periods of time without orgasm, but it's happened plenty of times over my life. It makes no difference either way. That said, there's no harm in you experimenting. That's how we all learn and grow. But be careful with the beliefs you allow into your mind. Don't shortchange yourself later by believing you can't be creative enough if you aren't controlling some random facet of yourself (especially something as silly as how many days between orgasms).