Anicko

Everyone is free to choose this for themselves. I'd say having 'standards' is neither good nor bad, it's just the longer or tougher your list, the fewer opportunities you give yourself to learn about different kinds of people and grow yourself. So, you don't find certain things attractive. You can either explore your thoughts and beliefs around it or take it how it is. The only person that actually affects is you. What you do find attractive is likely to evolve as you do anyways. Don't put yourself, or anyone else, in some stupid little box.

Have you thought to simply ask? As hard as it can feel to ask someone a question like that, trying to figure out what's going on in someone else's mind is even more difficult.

You are still very young, and I think the best use of youth is to try everything you can that you think might interest you. Don't get hung up on what other people think you should be doing or what is "normal", and don't beat yourself up when you make mistakes. Enjoy discovering who you are, the rest will fall into place.

When you feel the urge to twirl your hair, watch your thoughts. Ask yourself why you do it. Most of the things that come up you will discover are ridiculous! It may take some time to figure it out, but when you find the triggering thoughts, you'll be able to stop the habit.

Okay. I love to write. I love to talk. And talk. And TALK. There has always been a part of me that can never know enough about anything, or anyone. And I love to share. And I truly want each and every person alive ever to live life with pure joy. I believe Leo said in a video that if you say you love to use your mind to learn, you are a fucking idiot (totally paraphrased!). And it is something someone said that while at the time I dismissed it, but later on I find it the topic of conversation in my head. And I really thought (and felt) my way into it. I've come up with this : I love to use my mind to memorize information, serious and trivial. I am (trying not to be such) a perfectionist. So I love knowing the answer to any question. I love being able to recall information that helps someone. I love remembering something funny or interesting for a friend who enjoys the story. It makes me excited/proud/embarrassed when I ace nearly any test I ever take. One of the unconscious pressures I put on myself was the belief that I needed to be perfect so I could get validation from everyone else. And that belief shut me down for most of my life. That belief impacts the people in my life in ways that don't make any sense to me unless magic is a real thing. I don't mean magic in any conventional sense. More like TV "magic". It's like I'm on a stage sometimes. I can actually see that I'm in a movie and everyone around me is acting, reading the script. And it's insane! Bizarre! And then things go back to normal for a while. And then I catch another glimpse. Have you ever experienced de-realization, in the "mental illness" (for lack of a better description) sense? I've had panic attacks, for example, where suddenly the world around me looks and seems weird, fake... Usually that ended with nearly or actually passing out. Yeah, you know. The thing I keep experiencing now is not like that. So I don't think I'm crazy. There actually seems to be something different underneath the normal layer of life I've always had until recently. This is perhaps the story of how it changes me forever. ×Cue dramatic music× P. S. It's almost my birthday. Last year I made a major life change decision right around this time. I think it should become a yearly tradition until such a time I am so free and happy that there is nothing else to change. ... A girl can dream, right?

@appleaurorae I hope to feel the same way eventually. It gets easier as I work on it.

Yesterday was a rough one. I can't say it was bad, it definitely wasn't good, but it was different for sure. I haven't been feeling totally well (I'm blaming the weather ), getting less sleep with the new job; fighting the mental battle is draining at times, it's easy to talk yourself out of doing the work. I won't go into too many details, but I definitely learned some things. Probably more than I realize at this moment. Watching my mind, I can see how the "bad" parts are being blown out of proportion. It's like one part of my mind wants to create it's own version of my experience as truth, but another part can see all of the lies. Best example is how my client went last night. She was late, and initially I was kind of hoping for a no show so I could work on a project I've got in mind. When she showed up, however, I was intrigued. (She said she was late because she has problems with her esophagus, and she choked on some chicken.) She was a little strange, did not stop talking pretty much ever, things went well until towards the end. For the first time, I ran out of time to finish service. There are a bunch of reasons why, and really, it's not a big deal, and nothing I could have done differently would have changed the situation. She was gracious about it, it was not a big deal, right? I could definitely feel her hiding how she really felt, but I was not letting her project that shit on me, and I was not going to be blamed for the situation either because there was no fault. From my perspective, I learned a lot and I did my absolute best. Things just were not as simple as it appeared at first. Anyways, I checked her out and left her to pay. While I was cleaning up, the instructor asked me a couple questions and had a mini rant where she blamed my client for the problems. I don't know, I don't really care. I still learned from it, and while I was frustrated and tired, I was done with that client in my mind. Well, the woman at the desk tells me she turned nasty after I left and blamed me. Unfortunately, upon hearing that, I allowed myself to consider her view as valid somehow, and now I was upset about it. I had trouble sleeping, and until now was ruminating about the situation. I think everyone falls into these traps! I'm pretty sure I'm not stuck though. I think I had a breakthrough in understanding projection from this. It's still do fresh, I haven't gotten to explore the idea much, but I feel pretty excited about it. I hope this helps me when I battle these false self attempts at recreating my reality. I really do prefer seeing life as it really is, I have been able to see through the lies I tell myself and it didn't kill me. It didn't turn me into a monster when I accept that I fucked something up or that I wasn't right about something. And those are just small things. When you start to see your memories as they really actually were, it will change the way you see yourself entirely. It's absolutely incredible.

As I spend more time "awake", I realize how unaware people are. It's not what I thought it would be. I can see how stuck people are, and sometimes I try to tell them how easy it is for them to get themselves unstuck. So rarely do they get it. I sometimes think about the way I perceive other people, how I imagine they perceive me... Am I trying to convince myself of something, or is it really just my mind playing tricks on me. I really do see so many things so differently now, even compared to just a few weeks or days ago. I've got a lot going on; there are some parts that could be seriously bad if I let them be that way. Life is different. Some of these old, old issues have got to go. It's scary as hell- it IS hell. But I'm going to get through it. I always do, and this time these old problems will be fixed forever.

There are a lot of little things too consider in your own mind when you want to stop being so judgmental. Put yourself in their shoes. Consider that what works for you doesn't work for everyone else. Remind yourself people are acting from their own unique perspective, and you don't have any idea what they are thinking. Remember, too, that everyone just wants to be happy. We all do the best we can with what we know and have learned. It doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it makes it easier to let go of your own judgments. It takes time. Keep an open mind!

Lisa A. Romano has some great videos to help give some emotional support. Her earlier ones are the best, her newest ones are going very much into spirituality and some new age type material, which is fine, but not as helpful to someone just beginning to realize codependency issues. I really liked 'The Everything Guide to Codependency'. There aren't many books on these topics at my local library, unfortunately, but that one was a quick and easy read, and it did really get me to think about things differently, which is always awesome. Don't forget, though, simply staying aware of your thoughts and of your behaviors is a huge step in the right direction. It's easy to discourage yourself, but even if you are still right doing stupid things you don't want to do, you are watching yourself do it, and you will learn how to stop it if you watch yourself enough times. Best of luck.

Anything can be real if you believe it.

Have you ever watched yourself do something "bad"? I'm still working on mastering my 'observer mode', but it's coming along. Recently I've been aware of some actions I've taken that aren't what what I necessarily want to see myself do, and I'm as of yet unaware of the motivation involved, but it is interesting. It has got me thinking of how often we do things, completely unaware or in total denial. It is easy to come up with excuses to give myself, or if I were caught, I could easily explain in a way to get myself out of any 'trouble'. It's hard to not get trapped in it, but I feel like there's something here I am supposed to figure out. It's hard, though! Your mind plays so many games, and it's so easy to forget your focus. I keep trying to figure out why, and all that's coming up at this point is some faceless fear. It makes me appreciate the mistakes of others though. Opens me up to even more compassion. I'm not a 'bad' person, but I'm not some perfect little angel either. I'm not sure what's going on, but I'll figure it out!

I would suggest trying to discover and get rid of whatever it is you believe it's making you feel dissatisfied. You can do this at any time, but dedicating some meditations to it might work really well. Ask yourself 'why am I dissatisfied?', 'why am I unhappy? '. Keep following those answers. Eventually you reach the core beliefs that need to be gotten rid of. As you work on it, you'll notice you're feeling better and better until eventually you have a whole new perspective on yourself and your life. Best wishes.

What does it mean to you to "be kind"? If you are behaving in a truly kind way with pure intentions and actual desire to do something, you can't be taken advantage of. It's when you think you are being kind, going out of your way, and probably didn't really truly want to do it in the first place that you find yourself in trouble. Watch your motivations for the "kind" things you do. What are you thinking and feeling? You'll find your answer there.

I read a couple incredible blogs a while back. Gateway to Gold, and No Labels No Lies. One of those things I stumbled upon that totally changed my life. Totally relates to this topic of beliefs.

Hopefully not me personally, haha! But truly, we all get stuck sometimes. I just hope I wake up to the lie, sooner rather than later!!

My ultimate "mental goal" is to be a person free of permanent beliefs. I am starting to understand how and why temporary beliefs are necessary, but we must let them go once their purpose has been served. I'm starting to see major impact and changes everywhere in my reality as I dissolve more and more beliefs about anything and everything. There are so many to discover, and many will shock you completely. Some will have you laughing so hard at yourself, and you will like yourself more and more. You start to have a more open mind to new things and people. You will see how insane the illusion really is. There's truly no right or wrong anymore. You have a completely different perspective, and you will start to feel more peace and joy in your life. It won't be what you imagine, and that will probably throw you off for a minute. You might get stuck for a while, fall back into the illusion. Don't fall back asleep. Fight back those old thoughts, they aren't real, and they aren't you. Keep destroying you belief system.

I think the big trap is taking someone else's beliefs and making them your own. Eww.

This sounds nice, but it's totally false. It's just a bunch of religious dogma. "Contentment means no want"? That's just a way to trap people into believing they are doing it wrong, that the yogis and gurus know and have achieved something so profound, but really it's a big fat lie. There's no such thing as no want or desire. Each of us has unique talents and abilities. We are supposed to want to discover them and use them to make our own lives wonderful. And when each of us on our own are living what we are meant to, heaven on earth becomes our collective experience.

My response to the first question is... You must eventually cleanse it all, but it's not going to be what you expect. No, you don't have to go back and make amends to anyone unless it seems like it's absolutely the right thing to do. You have to learn to really forgive yourself and everyone else, learn what you needed to, and let it go. For the second part, yes and no. You don't have to make not being a liar ever again some lofty goal to achieve. Do the inner work, and your behavior will start to change without you having to work on it directly at all. Notice your lies, follow them to your core beliefs. Get rid of the beliefs. You'll stop lying so much.

Reflecting upon the path I've been walking is interesting. I sometimes feel pangs of pity for myself, but those get less and less over time. In a way, I feel like it's going too fast, but also I am impatient for all these huge changes to happen. It's strange to feel conflicted like that, it seems like a dream in ways. For me, since I initially "woke up", it's been just a few short months from one place to the next. I feel like it's not normal. It should take me years and years tearing apart my mind and belief system before life really starts to feel good, right? But then I think about that. I tried so many things to make life go right. Even as a child I did what others told me to do, whether I wanted to or not. Taking the advice of others (family, friends, experts, people online), meds, therapy... None of it worked for long, if at all. Why? Because I was doing it wrong. I had to turn my self inward and start thinking and doing for myself. All the things in between just eventually clicked for me. It literally is a path you are moving along, and if you stay in one spot too long you will get stuck. I don't want to get stuck anymore. So, while I rarely meditate like I did a few months ago because I don't believe it to mean the same thing anymore, I still needed that on my path. I don't believe at least half of what the gurus say anymore. Any and all of them. But they were, and still sometimes are, teachers to me, and as long as I'm careful to not pick up any beliefs from them, I can still try to learn from them in the future, or reflect back on things that were amazingly helpful to me earlier on to help keep my perspective right. I don't know. Just keep on keepin' on. Don't let the old false self/ego character mind take over. That's not easy to do yet all the time. But it's getting better.

Inner work is your key to solving all your problems. As you fix your mind, your actions will automatically change, with you needing less and less 'willpower', 'discipline' to get things done. You're going to have a lot of doubts, but if you keep going, your life will start to change.

As you move further along your path, you'll start to experience "pain" so differently. Early on, it's so hard to work your way through, but that's how you get free. It will change if you keep going, you'll know what I mean. And it's worth it.

I feel like an almost different person today. I've had all sorts of things happen in my life, and experienced a whole lot of struggle. Something has changed. Memories aren't the same anymore. The pain is gone. Sometimes the world feels like a movie. Surreal. Strange. Perhaps I'm actually suffering some mental disease. Occasionally I'm certain of it. But at the moment, everything just seems perfect in a way I've never known before. The problems don't feel like problems in the same way, and I know if I can stay mindful, every one of them are going to disappear from my life. It's pretty spectacular.

@OceanJjb Take it one day at a time. You're going to do the same old things by accident, but you'll realize what you're doing, and slowly you'll start reacting and behaving in a better way for yourself. It's okay. Don't try to rush the process.